Year 1 child had accident at school and they had no spare clothes - AIBU?

[ArtemisFlop]

I'd appreciate views about this as I'm turning it over in my mind and feel really uncomfortable (cross!)
DD in year 1 had an accident at school on Thursday, apparently not long before pick up time. This hasn't happened in year 1 before, pretty unusual for DD. In reception we took spare clothes to school but hadn't thought of it when we went back to school after the last lockdown ending in March. After-school nanny called me at work sounding quite worried and said she didn't know what to do as she has been due to take the kids to older child's activity but the TA had handed DD over to her in the playground at pick up time and DD was absolutely soaked. Nanny asked TA if they'd got some spare clothes so she could change her before coming home and TA said they don't have spare clothes and would usually just call a parent and ask them to come in with some but as it had happened so close to pick up they didn't think there'd be time. Nanny ended up bringing both kids straight home so DD could change but we live 30 minutes walk or a 15 minute bus ride from school so DD was wet through all that time plus however long it was before end of the school day that she wet herself. Nanny also told me the conversation about this took place in front of a bunch of DD's classmates and other parents. She said she felt like they just couldn't wait to hand over DD so it was someone else's problem.
I saw the TA in the playground the next day whilst handing over spare clothes for DD which I'll ask them to keep on her leg in case of any further incidents. I told her I was very surprised and disappointed they hadn't been able to offer a change of clothes. T A was apologetic but kept saying 'but I expected to see you shortly' as if the problem had been that nanny picked up and not me. I told her whether it was me or the nanny DD would have the same journey home. But the TA just said they don't have clothes for children and mumbled something about COViD. Have since received an email from the class teacher basically saying the same thing (ie sorry, not sorry).
For info this is a very large primary with a wide catchment and so there'll be many other families who don't live on the doorstep.
AIBU or should primary schools have a change of clothes for the occasional accidents and not leave children in wet clothes until parents arrive?

@Abraxan our school have told us not to bring anything additional into schools. I'm thinking if I donate a few sets of the school uniform for his year group this would help? He's never had a toilet accident at school but I can imagine him falling into a puddle 😂.

I work in a school and there has been occasions where we have had to call parents when we haven’t had spare clothes.

What tends to happen is, if parents don’t bring back spare clothes then we run out.

This is happening a lot in my current class. I end up searching nursery and reception and either the clothes are far too small or big, or we have run out, due to parents not returning. Or they haven’t brought their PE kit.

We will always call the parent if this happens, and get them to bring in spares. Along with spares if it happens again.

I’ve never been in a situation where the child has wet them self right at the end of the day.

Can I just ask, what would of been a good solution for you in this situation?

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

I do think the nanny should have just gotten a taxi home to avoid the child being any more embarrassed.

I'd be reluctant to take a child covered with wee on any form of public transport, bus or taxi. Ughh! Why should the unsuspecting public have to sit on wee-covered seats? Can't believe this is being suggested.

Sit on a plastic bag?

You'd rather the poor child walked thirty minutes? That's horrible.

And I am certain that any taxi or bus will have seen worse...

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Why are you saying lots that teachers believe they can do no wrong?

It's honestly not helpful or true.

Most teachers on here are saying it wouldn't generally happen but have explained reasons that might make it challenging, particularly at pick up time.

I still don't agree that it's acceptable that it happened.

I also find other people talking about the wages of slt and academy heads pointless. They aren't the ones dipping in their pockets for spare underwear. It's Class teachers and TA's. They don't earn those type of wages.

By the way, we would change the child regardless of time.though if at the end of the day it may need to wait until the other children were dismissed as that can be a really busy time, especially at the moment. But we would do our best to change them with any spare clothes we had. They might not be the right size depending in stock levels, etc.

Depending on time we would call the parent, but again this may depend on what time it is and whether we have anyone available to make the call. If it's 10 minutes before home time we wouldn't call as it would be pointless,

We wouldn't use lost property as those are left for parents to claim. I'd not want to change a child into lost property only for another parent to come and claim it that afternoon.
Items from lost property that aren't claimed after a certain length of time are sent to the spare clothes stock if suitable,

School is out of order. Even during covid my DCs school would not do that. Obviously they want to limit sharing things but the child’s comfort and wellbeing is their first priority. They’d also pull the parent/career to one side. They have a whole range of spare clothes at the school including underwear especially for the younger classes. My DCs school is reception & yr1 mixed so the same TAs & teacher and sane box of spare clothes. The school dosnt expect PE kits to be left in school, DCs wear their kits on PE days, uniform on other days. They would also still call even if it was close to the end of the day. Luckily I keep spare knickers and leggings in the car, even for my older DCs as you never know when they may be needed.

[quote sherrystrull]@TrustTheGeneGenie

Why are you saying lots that teachers believe they can do no wrong?

It's honestly not helpful or true.

Most teachers on here are saying it wouldn't generally happen but have explained reasons that might make it challenging, particularly at pick up time.

I still don't agree that it's acceptable that it happened.

I also find other people talking about the wages of slt and academy heads pointless. They aren't the ones dipping in their pockets for spare underwear. It's Class teachers and TA's. They don't earn those type of wages.[/quote]
I'm not. I'm saying @Lweji thinks they can do no wrong.
I don't believe most teachers think that. All the teachers at our school are incredibly good at heir jobs, and this would never, ever happen at our school. I'm certain of it.

pretty sure the school wouldn't keep a lost property supply of young children's pants?

Have you ever been in an infant or primary school? Kids have accidents all the time! And with most parents working, they aren’t available to come racing in with a change of clothes, so Yes, schools usually DO have spares. This was the case even when I was at infant school 35 years ago, and is why OP and many posters in this thread are surprised her daughter’s school didn’t change her.

Unsuspecting public sit on wee covered seats? Haha. You should avoid buses. I'd have got him to sit on my bag or on my lap. Or put my jacket on him.

I do send spare clothes with my child just in case but I can't send infinite sets just in case some freak occurence happens.

And schools can't provide infinite sets for multiple dc. You don't need to send infinite amounts though - one pair of pants, socks and joggers at the bottom of their bag is fine - replace if used! Imagine how quickly stocks go down if 3-4 dc need changed per day. This is a depressing read tbh of how much parents think school is actually responsible for including now paying for multiple clothing out of their own pockets so parents don't need to send a spare set

If at the very end of the day do bare in mind that a call may not be possible. Staffing will likely make it impossible as that very busy time, especially under our covid restrictions.

Whilst staff would do everything possible the reality is we can't always spare someone to go to the office, find the contact number, ring the number, often not have it answered due to the time and parent on way to school, or having to then ring the second or third contacts. It's not like we can just pick a phone up in the classroom and phone a parent whilst we are dismissing the other 29 children at the same time.

@Sbk28. Seriously, it is not ok to let a urine-soaked child sit on seats that are going to be used by other people without being deep-cleaned. So at the very least, you'd need to alert the taxi driver or the bus driver so they could arrange for their vehicle to be cleaned after you've been in it.

This made me feel so sad for your DD. Having an accident & being left in wet clothes isn’t only physically uncomfortable but it would mean all her peers would notice too & it could of lead to her being picked on. This should have been dealt with discreetly & it could have been avoided by getting her changed into someone else from lost & found or just phoning home & having her picked up early if it was so close to home time anyway. I would be livid if my son was left in wet clothes from an accident in front of the rest of the class!

@midnightstar66

I do send spare clothes with my child just in case but I can't send infinite sets just in case some freak occurence happens.

And schools can't provide infinite sets for multiple dc. You don't need to send infinite amounts though - one pair of pants, socks and joggers at the bottom of their bag is fine - replace if used! Imagine how quickly stocks go down if 3-4 dc need changed per day. This is a depressing read tbh of how much parents think school is actually responsible for including now paying for multiple clothing out of their own pockets so parents don't need to send a spare set

But the chances of multiple children all having a huge amount of accidents in one day are tiny.

I've already said, I do send a spare set, but of course the school should have spares.

Why are we absolving schools of all responsibility.

I'm lucky, I can afford multiple sets of school uniform, spares, donations for school and everything else. But I can guarantee you that not every parent in my childs class can.

Do I think that children should be made to wear wet clothes because their parents are not as privileged as me?

No. I bloody well don't and anyone who does ought to be ashamed of themselves. All schools will have children like this.

I wish some of the posters commenting how “inhumane” it is not to have spare clothes in the right sizes available at all times for such occurrences would focus on the practicalities and make suggestions about what to do when there are literally no spare pants to hand out because parents have not given them back.

I the school I worked on the office staff would write the schools name in permanent marker on the waistband of spare pants but they still didn’t come back.

And if schools are expected simply to keep buying replacements every time spare clothes are used, which school budget do people think they should use for this?

We don’t keep spare clothes at school and it is due to them not coming back. When the last set didn’t arrive back that was it. Parents were asked and asked and asked to return them; they didn’t. I have bought sets of PE kit and pants with my own money many times only to never see them again. It’s a very simple solution; send in your own spares.

@Jamboree01

Stash of clothes should be there waiting. Shouldn’t require any staff running around the school.

We don't have room in every classroom to store spare clothes that would fit all children. Our spares are in a central location. They are nearest reception as they use them most. But for some classes they are a good walk away and down stairs, a couple of classes it's across the playground. Obviously if in the last few minutes of the day logistics makes this harder.

As said, we'd change them but if at the end of the day, when pick up is starting (i]because of covid our pick up is now spread over a much longer time) they may have to wait until most children have left. Their parent mayhave arrived by the time, if that's the case we'd still take them and get them changed, but there'd possibly be a delay.

Maybe not ideal but when you're dealing with 30 children at the same time some things can't happen immediately.

I'm not sure how covid is an excuse,my child has severe autism and learning disabilities,and goes to a special school,obviously school expect accidents from all age groups so have an abundance of spare clothing ,but they don't use the covid excuse ,and if a child needs changing they change them .

Are the spares not signed out as such? At my son's school, we get given a copy of the sign out sheet as such with what has been given and the date it needs to be returned with my son's name on it. I've never not returned it but I'd assume there's a log of who has the spares that haven't been returned? No idea if that makes sense or not haha.

I work in a school. There is no way we would leave a child soaking wet like that. I’d be fuming if it happened to my own child. We do have spare clothes though. I’d expect there to be some lost property or something somewhere for kids even if they don’t have their pe kit. I can’t believe a school has no other clothes at all. Yanbu.

All schools I’ve ever worked in have spare clothes for children of all ages. For goodness sake, your poor dd. I’d be furious and would write an email to the head (and I’ve never suggested or even done that myself!)

But the chances of multiple children all having a huge amount of accidents in one day are tiny.

It's not tiny - I work in primary 1 and have toilet trained several dc this year who started off in nappies. Accidents are common. Less common in p2 but they still happen and nearly daily staff from p2 will come to me looking for a change of clothing which I can't provide as we have none left. I even collected clothing from my own DC's school mums by posting an appeal in our parents what's app, I have girls and it's mostly boys having accidents I might case so my personal donations don't help. they've all been used now too. Parents don't have to provide school clothing, an old pair of joggers a size to small with a hole will do for a bag spare.

Covid is not an excuse. However it is a reason why things are more challenging for schools

1- I cannot borrow another member of staff from a different bubble to support me.
2- I have to dismiss at a certain time in a certain place to ensure the whole school system works correctly. This is non negotiable.
3- I cannot dismiss 30 children and supervise a child in the toilet at the same time
4 - I cannot invite a parent in to help their child while I dismiss.
5- I cannot pull aside a parent for a quick private chat while dismissing 30
Children
6- children don't have P.E kits in school that they can change into.

It is unacceptable and as a teacher I would never have done it.

@midnightstar66

But the chances of multiple children all having a huge amount of accidents in one day are tiny.

It's not tiny - I work in primary 1 and have toilet trained several dc this year who started off in nappies. Accidents are common. Less common in p2 but they still happen and nearly daily staff from p2 will come to me looking for a change of clothing which I can't provide as we have none left. I even collected clothing from my own DC's school mums by posting an appeal in our parents what's app, I have girls and it's mostly boys having accidents I might case so my personal donations don't help. they've all been used now too. Parents don't have to provide school clothing, an old pair of joggers a size to small with a hole will do for a bag spare.

Yeah I'm sure accidents are common in reception which is all the more reason to have spares isn't it. Yes in an ideal world every parent would provide spares, but they don't, but I don't think children should suffer because of that.

Are the spares not signed out as such? At my son's school, we get given a copy of the sign out sheet as such with what has been given and the date it needs to be returned with my son's name on it. I've never not returned it but I'd assume there's a log of who has the spares that haven't been returned? No idea if that makes sense or not haha.

We fill out a form every time we change a child with a section for whether we've used their own clothing or school - we know who has them but that doesn't make them bring them back. I've never yet had clothing returned