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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed by social events where meals are served at times that are not meal times?

148 replies

HerculesMulligann · 22/04/2021 21:37

I’m really not as fussy as that title makes me sound! I eat most types of food and it’s not like I have set mealtimes and have to eat lunch at 1pm on the dot or something.

It’s more that on a typical day I will have breakfast sometime between 7-9, lunch between 12-2 and dinner between 6-8. And I’ve realised that social events where meals are served at ‘non-traditional’ times really annoy me! Wedding breakfasts at 4pm, or a barbecue that starts at 3 and involves grazing on food all afternoon, so it’s not quite lunch and it’s not quite dinner.

Yes I try and adjust so have a snack at lunchtime before a 4pm wedding breakfast for example, but I never seem to get it quite right. I either don’t eat enough beforehand and am really hungry, or eat too much and then can’t eat much of the food that is served.

I promise I’m not as grumpy as this makes me sound, and I am genuinely grateful when anyone cooks for me or invites me anywhere.

Also if there are any self-appointed covid rules police out there these are just general musings by the way. I’ve not been frequenting illicit wedding breakfasts or attending massive barbecues.

Oh and of course I recognise that everyone and every culture in different, and the times I’ve put above don’t apply to everyone. (Don’t get me started on going out for dinner at 10pm in Spain)

OP posts:

cushioncovers · 22/04/2021 21:41

Yanbu op. Xmas lunch at 3pm annoys the hell out of me.

StringyPotatoes · 22/04/2021 21:43

I totally agree!

If I'm invited to a BBQ I'd like the food to be served at a "proper" mealtime. If you want my company for the afternoon then say and I'll come round and help set up etc. If the food is an excuse to have me round, don't bother. I'd happily back on some biscuits or crisps or something.

It's even more irritating for kids birthday parties where the party is something like 2pm-4pm and food is served at 3:30. They're going to be hungry again before bed but what on earth am I meant to give them?!

FizzyPink · 22/04/2021 21:47

I don’t mind this but hate when a meal gets missed. For example if we stay at my parents house (a few years ago now) they will do a BBQ at 3pm and there is never sufficient food anyway and then won’t offer anything else all evening. By 7/8pm I’m absolutely starving but they don’t seem to get hungry.

They’re both normal size and actually quite a bit larger than DP and I so I just don’t understand why there’s not more food on offer. The alcohol on the other hand never seems to run out!

bonfireheart · 22/04/2021 21:50

Oh and if you invite someone for a meal that is at meal time then serve a meal not silly grazing food or a weird assortment of snacks/finger food.

MyNameIsH · 22/04/2021 21:53

I make an exception for weddings (generous, eh? ), but otherwise yes, it annoys me. Particularly when totally unnecessary. Eg 'let's go for a pub lunch, I'll book a table for 3pm'. And as for 'brunch', that can seriously fuck off. Does anyone really have kids (or themselves?!) that are happy not to eat until 11?

Original poster

HerculesMulligann · 22/04/2021 21:54

@FizzyPink that reminds me of my in laws. They’re pretty heavy drinkers and will sometimes not be bothered to miss a meal - I assume as they’re getting the calories in the alcohol. On the other hand I don’t really drink more than 1 glass of wine so am sitting there starving and wanting some food!

OP posts:

IHateWinter88 · 22/04/2021 21:57

Totally hear you!! On the other hand, my in laws have this thing where they serve NOTHING between meal times whatsoever. So the first two times I went there we arrived around 1 (which is lunch time for me but for them lunch time is 12 on the dot) but they didn't serve anything until dinner at around 7:30. Bear in mind we had driven for 3 hours! I was starving!!! And there was absolutely nothing to graze on, not even nuts, and they live in the middle of nowhere.

When I go round now I've learned my lesson and I pack muffins in my handbag and sneak upstairs or to the car to eat them. DP is no help because he likes to starve himself properly for dinner so he can enjoy a big meal. So lack of lunch doesn't bother him!

floofycroissant · 22/04/2021 21:58

I'm afraid YABU. My ILs live their lives by strict meal times, god forbid you deviate or the restaurant is busy. Then they are STARVING and start to flap and fuss like a pair of hens, when they're clearly not emaciated... they're just not in control and moderately out of their comfort zone.

However, being invited for a solely food focused event/gathering and then having to wait ages to eat IS very unreasonable.

Fespital · 22/04/2021 22:00

@cushioncovers

Yanbu op. Xmas lunch at 3pm annoys the hell out of me.

Agree! MIL only wants one big meal between 12pm and bedtime so wants it at 3pm. We've then either got kids climbing the walls with hunger or pushing around a meal into which DH has put a lot of effort. She even tried sabotaging it this year by bringing an essential item (not turkey) and arriving 1 hour later than agreed. We had everything on the table ready to eat and we just had her essential item as a part of a second helping (needed 30 minutes cooking). She will be bringing no items this year and we'll eat when we want (she doesn't do anything and just gets in the way criticising everything. We may as well make 3 people happy as 4 people miserable!)

Boph · 22/04/2021 22:00

I wouldn't eat if it wasn't a meal time. I wouldn't be hungry and would be thinking if I eat now it will spoil my lunch/ dinner.

Bluntness100 · 22/04/2021 22:02

@IHateWinter88

We have friends who do this. So we stop at a petrol station and get lunch and eat it before we arrive, even if it’s eleven am.

mistermagpie · 22/04/2021 22:03

I hate being invited to a birthday party in the evening (say) at 7pm on a Friday night. If I'm working til 5 then there's not time to eat or anything before the party but it's ok because there's going to be a buffet...

But the buffet doesn't appear until 9:30pm! By that time I'm ravenous and probably drunk to boot.

I don't generally eat between meals so totally agree that a 3pm BBQ is a weird one, you don't need dinner after but by 9pm you're hungry.

Like you OP, I'm not actually the joyless fun-hoover that this makes me sound, but you did ask!

HeronLanyon · 22/04/2021 22:04

I’ve never been bothered by this at all. I have been extremely lucky not to have a wedding breakfast at 4pm (wtf is that ?!) though.
I’m very flexible about whether I have breakfast at all so can pretty easily time things to accommodate something like dinner at 6pm (!?).

nocoolnamesleft · 22/04/2021 22:06

Depends. What is your standing on afternoon tea? I love a good afternoon tea.

OverByYer · 22/04/2021 22:09

I’m with you OP. I had friends over to the garden last weekend. I asked them to come at 5 and served food at 6, very civilised. Was a proper hot meal too, and dessert!

Twoforthree · 22/04/2021 22:09

Brunch is great. I'm not a breakfast eater so an early lunch is perfect. On that basis op, yabu.

FinallyHere · 22/04/2021 22:13

And as for 'brunch', that can seriously fuck off. Does anyone really have kids (or themselves?!) that are happy not to eat until 11?

Maybe brunch is aimed at people with no kids or other responsibilities which means they are out late partying, wake up late and have to rush to get there for 11am.

Bliss

arrived around 1 (which is lunch time

I would avoid arriving at lunch time. If you know you have missed their lunch time, would a stop en-route or even picnic work better?

mistermagpie · 22/04/2021 22:13

@OverByYer I'd come to your house anytime! Well, as long as it was a proper mealtime, obviously.

Sparklingbrook · 22/04/2021 22:15

I never minded what time birthday party food appeared at children’s parties. I didn’t class it as a proper meal and would always assume they’d need a meal later on at dinner time.
I am pretty easy going with meal times, I love brunch at 11am and afternoon tea at 3pm. DH, DS and I just eat whenever and never at set times.

Foolintherain · 22/04/2021 22:17

I think I can cope with the odd outing here and there eating at an odd time.

Original poster

HerculesMulligann · 22/04/2021 22:17

I quite like brunch type foods but I think I’m more to simply have them at lunchtime, maybe after having a smaller breakfast than normal.

OP posts:

Thewinterofdiscontent · 22/04/2021 22:17

I get annoyed that my other half always suggests meal times at traditional times rather than when he knows we eat.
He’ll always book a pub lunch for 1pm despite the fact that’s the busiest time and we don’t eat breakfast. If we book for12 we get a prompt, fresh meal. At 1pm we’ll be waiting 45 mins and at least one item is off the menu.
Drives me nuts

Foolintherain · 22/04/2021 22:18

I don't expect every wedding to revolve around my meal times. I just eat as and when.

Oblomov21 · 22/04/2021 22:19

I'm surprised so many people are narked by this. I find it easy.
Why can't you get it right? You've practiced enough times already? It isn't that hard. Or if you make a mistake easy enough to cover? If you are starving you have something in your handbag, or buy something. If you've overdone it and then you go out to dinner and you only eat half, who cares? I tell the truth and say what I've eaten that day and why. No one cares.

I grew up from the age of 1 with a very specific dedicated mealtimes: as a diabetic I had to have breakfast at 7 am, lunch at 12 o'clock and evening meal 6pm. 2 snacks at 10am and 2pm. my diabetes was so rigid couldn't cope with anything else. 6.05pm was not ok. I was rolling around on the floor having a hypo. My poor mum.

But over time and in my teens I modified, adjusted, learnt, forced my diabetes to adapt. I learnt how to eat bits, learn how to have snacks, and adjust more and cope more, lead a more normal life and now if someone invites me to dinner it doesn't matter if I eat at 5 pm or 10 pm.

Christ on a bike! if I can learn/adjust, surely anyone/most can!

MyNameIsH · 22/04/2021 22:19

Yeah, but I don't get brunch for me either. I never wake up after about 8 or very latest 9, even after a heavy night (never did pre kids, either). And I'm always starving when I wake up! Anyway, I know lots of families who go out for brunch with quite young kids. Maybe theirs aren't up at 6.30, unlike mine .

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