AIBU to get annoyed by social events where meals are served at times that are not meal times?

[HerculesMulligann]

I’m really not as fussy as that title makes me sound! I eat most types of food and it’s not like I have set mealtimes and have to eat lunch at 1pm on the dot or something.

It’s more that on a typical day I will have breakfast sometime between 7-9, lunch between 12-2 and dinner between 6-8. And I’ve realised that social events where meals are served at ‘non-traditional’ times really annoy me! Wedding breakfasts at 4pm, or a barbecue that starts at 3 and involves grazing on food all afternoon, so it’s not quite lunch and it’s not quite dinner.

Yes I try and adjust so have a snack at lunchtime before a 4pm wedding breakfast for example, but I never seem to get it quite right. I either don’t eat enough beforehand and am really hungry, or eat too much and then can’t eat much of the food that is served.

I promise I’m not as grumpy as this makes me sound, and I am genuinely grateful when anyone cooks for me or invites me anywhere.

Also if there are any self-appointed covid rules police out there these are just general musings by the way. I’ve not been frequenting illicit wedding breakfasts or attending massive barbecues.

Oh and of course I recognise that everyone and every culture in different, and the times I’ve put above don’t apply to everyone. (Don’t get me started on going out for dinner at 10pm in Spain)

@MyNameIsH

I make an exception for weddings (generous, eh? ), but otherwise yes, it annoys me. Particularly when totally unnecessary. Eg 'let's go for a pub lunch, I'll book a table for 3pm'. And as for 'brunch', that can seriously fuck off. Does anyone really have kids (or themselves?!) that are happy not to eat until 11?

If I knew I was going out for brunch I would have a slice of toast when I got up.

I actively prefer a BBQ at 3pm, and I’m clearly not alone as it’s a popular time for one! I always thought the idea was for a nice relaxed social eating function enjoying the sun and mingling into the evening?

If we went out for brunch at 11ish anyone who couldn’t cope without breakfast would just... eat something? My kids have never had a problem troughing extra pancakes at 11.30 after a bowl of cereal at 7.30. And then you just don’t have ‘lunch’ and go straight to teatime - making it an early dinner if you need to.

Weddings are notorious for the timings of food being crazy anyway so you just work around it.

I also love an afternoon tea.

If you eat at a non-standard meal at a non-standard time you just have a larger/smaller snack earlier/later than you might otherwise.

Inviting people at ‘regular mealtimes’ and then NOT feeding them (because host hasn’t considered it) is well rude. It’s taken me ages to get my DH to understand that if he has someone round at 7pm he should offer to feed them, not just assume they’ll have already eaten.

Goodness, I thought this was a really elderly thing, like an old aunt of dh who had to have her meals on the dot, or she’d be ‘all out’. I swear her mother had told her that if you didn’t have absolutely regular meals, you’d sicken and die a horrible death.

It was a massive thing for her when she visited friends in France, where the time was an hour later - 😱.

Does anyone really have kids (or themselves?!) that are happy not to eat until 11?

Like others, if I was going for brunch at 11 I’d just have a coffee and a yoghurt at around 7ish. I’d give the kids a smaller breakfast than usual, then they’d be happy to eat again at 11!

I dont find it a bother at all. Weddings usually mean a bit of getting ready/travel to them so a late breakfast is best (10am), then I'm ready for a larger meal by 4pm. The 9pm buffet is just to soak up the booze.

Bbqs at 3pm - surely it takes a few hours to get through all the meats and sides, then someone opens a few share bags of crisps and dips a few hours later.

Dh and I dont eat our evening meal til 7.30pm at home, but our family has booked a pub dinner at 5pm next week. Instead of grumbling, I'll just swap my usual lunch for a mug shot or similar, then probably have a slice of toast at 9pm before bed.

It's not a bother.

Weddings and children's parties are a bit different because often you have several to fit in over a day, so you can't have them all with food at the perfect time.

Some people need rigid meals. My dgran was breakfast at 7:30, dinner at 12, tea at 4, and goodness, you should have heard the fuss if we were out at 3:45!
As a family we're much more relaxed, I don't like breakfast, so often won't have anything until an early lunch, then if I've had an early lunch, then I may have an early dinner-or a mid afternoon snack then a late dinner, so it really doesn't bother me.

@Oblomov21

I'm surprised so many people are narked by this. I find it easy. Why can't you get it right? You've practiced enough times already? It isn't that hard. Or if you make a mistake easy enough to cover? If you are starving you have something in your handbag, or buy something. If you've overdone it and then you go out to dinner and you only eat half, who cares? I tell the truth and say what I've eaten that day and why. No one cares.

I grew up from the age of 1 with a very specific dedicated mealtimes: as a diabetic I had to have breakfast at 7 am, lunch at 12 o'clock and evening meal 6pm. 2 snacks at 10am and 2pm. my diabetes was so rigid couldn't cope with anything else. 6.05pm was not ok. I was rolling around on the floor having a hypo. My poor mum.

But over time and in my teens I modified, adjusted, learnt, forced my diabetes to adapt. I learnt how to eat bits, learn how to have snacks, and adjust more and cope more, lead a more normal life and now if someone invites me to dinner it doesn't matter if I eat at 5 pm or 10 pm.

Christ on a bike! if I can learn/adjust, surely anyone/most can!

Exactly. My 79 year old dad is diabetic, diagnosed at 62, and has had to learn to adjust his eating and meal patterns as he moved from a very physically active job to retirement — he just carries snacks for when they’re needed if he’s in a situation where he can’t control mealtimes.

On the other hand, my 79 year old PILs have the most insanely rigid (and eccentrically-timed) meal pattern, and are endlessly baffled and grumpy if a wedding or weekend visit doesn’t have lunch at 11.30 exactly and dinner at 4.30, and some supper type thing they refer to as ‘a bun’, though it’s never a bun, at 9.

If they stayed with us, even if we ate as early as was humanly possible — we didn’t get in from work till 6, so 6.30 — they would complain, but refuse to help themselves earlier.

The timings originated from the fact that they both had early starting/early finishing jobs, but they’ve both been retired for 15 years.

I have the infuriating situation whereby my kids are able to be much more flexible about their mealtimes than my parents, who insist that everything is 'fine' but then start grumping around if they haven't had dinner within 5 minutes of their usual time!

I would hate to be so constrained, both for myself and my kids, but I appreciate that some people thrive on routine, so I do try to be accommodating when hosting guests, but I do expect adults to be able to manage to feed themselves around any arrangements they have with me, so if I invite them for a barbecue at 3 and they can''t cope with eating that late, I'd say the onus is on them to plan accordingly and not make that my problem.

I do intermittent fasting - I love brunch!

I actually quite like odd meal times!! I think it's a personality type thing. My other half is the opposite. I feel like it's an interesting change - he sees it as a hassle. We usually eat a big lunch though with different elements to it so I find it easy to,say, have half of what we would normally have as early in the "lunch window" as possible, then our 3pm BBQ, then a small portion dinner as late in the "dinner window" as possible. Normal mid afternoon snack would be missed.
HOWEVER I totally get that other people would be annoyed by this and thanks to Op for highlighting the issue in case it helps me be more aware and accomodating next time I ask someone of brunch!!

Meh, I don't really care tbh. I'm pretty flexible with regard to when I eat. My DH hates it though, his meal times are much more rigid.

@Cloisters
oh my goodness that sounds so frustrating!! I can totally see them in my mind

@NoSquirrels
Yup, agree all the way!
I'm enjoying this light-hearted Mumsnet thread Vs the usual ... may I just like thinking about food

I like my set mealtimes... But I never seem to have a problem eating at other times AS WELL. This is possibly why I'm overweight...

I hate missing meals. You are invited to a church wedding at 2pm. They are often far away so you have to start travelling at 12pm, too early for lunch. Then after the church there are a few hours of drinking and tit bits of food until dinner at 7pm. The invitations always say dinner at e.g 5pm but it is always late. I would love to order a sandwich from the bar at 4pm as I am hungry then, but that would be considered rude. Everyone else had loads of drinks and don't feel a bit hungry or sick. When I drive it is not awful as I pack a lunch in the car, sit in the car and eat that. I only drink 3 glasses of wine for an evening, so if i start drinking at 4pm then I can't manage a drink later.

It is trickier if someone offers us a lift to the wedding, thinking they are doing a great thing. They would think it greedy to have a sandwich at 4 pm after having travelled and not eaten since 11am. However it is not greedy at all to have about 7 drinks between 4 and 6pm!!!

Another thing I dislike is when you are askef to a party at 7pm. You have eaten dinner. Then they provide a buffet of rice and a 'dinner'. As you have eaten then you arw trying to eat a second dinner out of politeness. If this was mentioned at the invite stage then you could just have a light 'tea' at 6pm.

I remember going to a bbq starting at 1 and thinking we'd have lunch. Luckily I took food for 1 year old dd, but we were just given crisps until 7pm. We'd wanted to leave then and put dd to bed but stayed on to eat. We were starting. Another time we got invited to a 1st birthday party from 3-5. No party tea for the kids. Just biscuits, so had to get home and rustle something up for dd aged 1. They were always stingy bastards though

For a one off celebratory occasion or get together, I wouldn’t give it head space tbh.

Starving not starting

Don't ever get a job working shifts then OP! Dinner at 3 am, breakfast at lunchtime, lunch at 10pm. I couldn't care less what time it is when I eat these days!

Another thing I dislike is when you are askef to a party at 7pm. You have eaten dinner. Then they provide a buffet of rice and a 'dinner'. As you have eaten then you arw trying to eat a second dinner out of politeness. If this was mentioned at the invite stage then you could just have a light 'tea' at 6pm.

I’m surprised anyone would think a 7pm party didn’t include food.

What a miserable lot ,( unless you've got a health condition that means meals out of routine are not ok ). Entertain yourself if you want to dictate everything. Are you out so often this really has a massive impact. Just be pleased you have friends who can be bothered to invite you around or say no thank you . I feel unreasonably cross about this.

My ex boyfriend’s parents were the slowest cooks known to man. I remember going to their house at 7pm and we literally didn’t start eating the dinner (which the dad had been slowly preparing all evening and was just a simple lasagne) at 10:30pm. I’m normally asleep at that time! My parents are the opposite and eat far too early. My mum will be serving up at 5:30pm and then I’m hungry again before I go to bed.

@MyNameIsH

I make an exception for weddings (generous, eh? ), but otherwise yes, it annoys me. Particularly when totally unnecessary. Eg 'let's go for a pub lunch, I'll book a table for 3pm'. And as for 'brunch', that can seriously fuck off. Does anyone really have kids (or themselves?!) that are happy not to eat until 11?

I consider bricnh to be second breakfawst, so might have apiece of toast and a coffee at 7/8 to tide me over.

And then big brunch.

Snack again around 3/4 to get through to dinner.

dinner at usual time 7-8.

As I said in my OP I’m really not as inflexible as some of these posts make out. I don’t have to eat meals at a certain time on the dot. It’s more that my body has a natural ‘window’ for mealtimes and changing this makes me feel all out of kilter! Maybe as a previous poster says I’m just rubbish at coping when I’m hungry.

And I would never think of grumbling or getting annoyed at my hosts. I’ve very grateful to be invited somewhere and to be fed.

I do recognise I must be in a minority though, as like someone above said BBQs often start around 3pm so that must suit a lot of people.