AIBU to get annoyed by social events where meals are served at times that are not meal times?

[HerculesMulligann]

I’m really not as fussy as that title makes me sound! I eat most types of food and it’s not like I have set mealtimes and have to eat lunch at 1pm on the dot or something.

It’s more that on a typical day I will have breakfast sometime between 7-9, lunch between 12-2 and dinner between 6-8. And I’ve realised that social events where meals are served at ‘non-traditional’ times really annoy me! Wedding breakfasts at 4pm, or a barbecue that starts at 3 and involves grazing on food all afternoon, so it’s not quite lunch and it’s not quite dinner.

Yes I try and adjust so have a snack at lunchtime before a 4pm wedding breakfast for example, but I never seem to get it quite right. I either don’t eat enough beforehand and am really hungry, or eat too much and then can’t eat much of the food that is served.

I promise I’m not as grumpy as this makes me sound, and I am genuinely grateful when anyone cooks for me or invites me anywhere.

Also if there are any self-appointed covid rules police out there these are just general musings by the way. I’ve not been frequenting illicit wedding breakfasts or attending massive barbecues.

Oh and of course I recognise that everyone and every culture in different, and the times I’ve put above don’t apply to everyone. (Don’t get me started on going out for dinner at 10pm in Spain)

Yep, My in laws used to say come round for Sunday at 3pm, food served at 4pm..now, I love a good Sunday dinner so would never try to change them, but I hate missing a meal, so that would be ' Tea' for me , and I'd have a smallish lunch at about 12.00 ish.

BBQ's are hilarious for the poor timings aren't they? I've often filled up on crisps and various other snacks before a sausage has been cooked.

As for wedding breakfasts - never worked them out to be honest. The money venues must take in crisp and nut sales must be amazing. A 1.00pm wedding , meaning you have to arrive before 12, necessitates a stop off at a garage for some stodge before arrival. I was an usher at a wedding once where the WB was at a Micheline starred venue, but sadly at 4.00pm so guests who had enjoyed the champagne and bar before hand with no lunch were pretty hammered before the fussy portions of food arrived. The happy couple were well put out that no-one gave a shit about the quality, they just wanted to fill a hole.

@Justajot

I completely agree and don't really get why people don't arrange event meals to happen at sensible times. That's why our wedding had lunch at 1.30.

I've been to kids soft play parties with full on hot food at 10.30 (pizza, gougons, sausages, chips).

But a 1.30 wedding breakfast means probably 11am wedding to allow for a ceremony, general milling about, photos etc.

I'd find that way more inconvenient as I'd have too much to fit into an already busy morning. But I think canapés should be served when the meal is after lunchtime.

I'm fairly laid-back about when i eat, so it doesn't bother me, but the best wedding I ever went to had cocktails with canapes while the photos were being taken (fairly standard, but the canaries were delicious and plentiful), and then a cheese table and I don't mean a few chunks of cheese from Tesco, it was incredible like a feast of cheese with various crackers, chutney, grapes, apple etc. A very good way to stave off the hunger until the main meal.

YANBU OP - it doesn’t kill me but still annoying.
normally happens either due to people’s lack of planning (unforgivable or desire to save money by booking off-peak venues (forgivable).

If the food’s decent I actually want to enjoy it and not fill up on snacks before ...

I was going to say YWBU, but it is annoying when you’re invited to something that starts at 7 and the “food” is a crap buffet that doesn’t appear until 9. I always ask whether we should eat first and if anyone says “oh no, don’t worry, we’re doing a buffet”, we eat first.

But it’s also very annoying when you’re trying to arrange lunch with friends and their children and it turns out the only possible time you can start is 12 because otherwise the kids turn into gremlins.

This my annoyance with children birthdays parties, fine invite us to the party but adults stay as the kids are too young but make it over lunch time then I’m starving having to watching all the little children eat, they then get to play etc and it’s 2pm by the time we are finished. Not looking forward to these once the Covid rules allow.

@Sleepisoverrated150

This my annoyance with children birthdays parties, fine invite us to the party but adults stay as the kids are too young but make it over lunch time then I’m starving having to watching all the little children eat, they then get to play etc and it’s 2pm by the time we are finished. Not looking forward to these once the Covid rules allow.

Eat before you go and when you get home.

I don't mind- as long as I know in advance.

A 3pm BBQ means I have a decent or later breakfast, maybe an omelette or bacon butties at 10.30, so I am not hungry till later.

I do like to go to bed early however, so eating dinner at 8 or 9pm wouldn't be for me, but that's to do with sleep rather than food.

Sleepisoverrated150

But the timings of kids parties are predictable, and if you know it will run over lunch, then make yourself a decent brunch beforehand.

YANBU. It mildly annoys me too.

I don't mind being flexible with meal times, but do think there's a window for each meal. If someone invited me for lunch then I'd expect to eat between 12 and 2pm, if someone invited me for dinner then I would expect to eat between 6 and 7.30pm, 8 at a push.
I don't like going for meals at 5pm to get the early bird, I'd rather eat out less and enjoy my meal. BBQs should make it clear if the food is a lunch or a dinner. I don't mind arriving mid afternoon, socialising and then eating around 6ish on a nice evening, but inviting people round for 1ish and then having nothing but nibbles and drinks leaves me hungry and fed up. Brunch doesn't bother me because I treat it as an early lunch and wouldn't typically do brunch any earlier than 11.

Yes!!! It's fine if I know as I can eat in advance, but I would hate it if I turned up somewhere expecting to be fed at a normal time and it got later and later...I would get hangry! At our wedding I made a point of feeding people at sensible times as well as letting guests know what exactly to expect.

I just think guests should be comfortable. So tell them what you're doing and be a little flexible. Don't complain if you don't feed them for hours and hours and they buy food or bring out a snack.

We have stopped ever doing Christmasses with my inlaws because they basically don't feed you anything at all between breakfast (which is not a big one) and 6 or 7pm and it's just miserable. You do get cups of tea. But I can't wait that long and if I try to I feel past it by the time the food eventually appears.

Last time we went for lunch in the middle and they though we were really weird and kind of rude (it was mutual).

They are both fatties so I suspect they snack in the kitchen while they make the very complicated meal.

I'm not sure if I'm a bit dim or not (probably am!) but I really do fail to understand why those complaining of being hungry at 9pm after a 3pm BBQ can't just have a snack when they are hungry again?? A couple of slices of toast with marmite would suit me down to the ground, or soup, crackers and cheese etc etc etc!!

Ha ha yeah OP I think you are BU.

It's just food? Eat early before you arrive or go hungry for an hour or two before the event. Unless you have a condition where you need to eat regularly it shouldn't be a big deal.

Also some people do eat their main meals at 3pm. My grandparents have lunch at 11am and dinner at 4.

That said if we go out for a rare family meal we try and organise it for as early as possible (usually 5 when we can get away from work) and inevitably they will push their food around their plates because guess what... they've already ate their dinner at 4 and 'couldn't wait'. So annoying.

Also, you don't have to eat it? If it's that much of a problem just pass on the invitation.

@Twigletgirl27

I'm not sure if I'm a bit dim or not (probably am!) but I really do fail to understand why those complaining of being hungry at 9pm after a 3pm BBQ can't just have a snack when they are hungry again?? A couple of slices of toast with marmite would suit me down to the ground, or soup, crackers and cheese etc etc etc!!

Because it might be out of the mealtime window. Or something!

Weddings can be very awkward. Most have a service around lunchtime so leaving in the morning too early for lunch, then the service and photos, then travelling to the reception, drinks, more photos etc. then meal at 4 or 5pm. It's difficult especially if you have children.

It’s not hard to ask ‘are we having lunch together when we arrive or should we eat en route’ when visiting friends / family surely? That’s what I do and rarely have issues - also always have an emergency cereal bar in a handbag.

If people are that bothered about not getting fed at the ‘right@ time at a wedding, it’s probably best to just decline the invitation.

I don't mind if timings are off, but foreseen and predictable.
A children's party 2-4 will normally serve food in the second hour so an early lunch should work for most.

The year before we got married, we went to a dreadful wedding. Church plus swanky hotel in the arse end of nowhere. So, brunch just before 10:30, leave at 11, service at 12 (full mass) sandwiches in the car, hour's drive to hotel then stuck there absolutely ravenous with only biscuits provided until 8pm when the wedding breakfast was finally served. Food finally finished past 10pm cake cut, first dance then bugger off on the hour's drive home because there was nowhere affordable to stay in the area. Hungry with loads of tedious, uncomfortable standing and waiting, waiting waiting. (We'd even flown over for the weekend for the privilage)

When it came to ours, we had the 2pm ceremony allowing time for guests to travel. There was travel from the church to the reception (but not nearly as remote) and wedding breakfast at 6. We shared the expected timings in the invitation and on the map put places where people travelling could have an earlier lunch. We also paid more for a more generous serving of canapes.

I've known a light afternoon tea take place soon after church which wasn't logistically viable for us but worked well.

As for DM and Christmas dinner, she's so predictably late, you know to add two hours to the time she says

Twigletgirl27
I would have something light if I was hungry after an afternoon BBQ but I don't like eating close to going to bed.

As other posters have said, if it's something predictable such as the children's party then I can plan and adjust, but social afternoons that start at lunch, but lunch isn't actually lunch, it's just a selection of nibbles until the more substantial food is ready some time later in the day that is neither lunch nor dinner is a little annoying.

If friends invite me for afternoon tea at 2pm then I know what an afternoon tea will consist of and plan my meals accordingly.

It is fine if you are at a barbeque or kids party. They don't last that long and you can eat a sandwich before you go. You won't be out surrounded by people for 7 or 8 hours and no food.

As Fairystory said, weddings are very awkward, as you are travelling by car, from early in the morning, are surrounded by people and can't eat. They are having LOTS of drinks and don't want a snack. Even if i eat a sandwich at 11am before travel, this is not enough to last til 7pm dinner.

A 3pm BBQ is the perfect fit with brunch (10:30/11) and supper (8:30/9+).... Have a banana and a coffee when you get up if you can't wait for brunch. There's always a way to make it work

@bourbonic - no, we got married at 12, it was max 30 mins then 1 hrs drinks and canapes. Lunch 1.30. We didn't spend long on photos, I didn't see the point in having a load of guests then buggering off with only a few for photos. We were done by about 4 as I didn't want to make my guests fork out for a hotel, though some stayed for a takeaway at about 6.

@StringyPotatoes

I totally agree!

If I'm invited to a BBQ I'd like the food to be served at a "proper" mealtime. If you want my company for the afternoon then say and I'll come round and help set up etc. If the food is an excuse to have me round, don't bother. I'd happily back on some biscuits or crisps or something.

It's even more irritating for kids birthday parties where the party is something like 2pm-4pm and food is served at 3:30. They're going to be hungry again before bed but what on earth am I meant to give them?!

Exactly! When my DC were v little and had horrendous birthday parties, I tried to have them at times when the food was served at 'normal' times

I understand where you're coming from. I don't mind odd meal times if I know in advance. It's the unexpectedly odd that are a problem. If I miss a meal or it gets very delayed then nine times out of ten I'll send up with a migraine. And now I have a toddler who will get grumpy. I'm also overweight so feel like people will judge me for snacking. DH won't have any of it though and has made me learn to prioritise my health and the avoidance of migraines. Snacks go everywhere and he is the master of the quick detour to a drive through if needed.