AIBU to get annoyed by social events where meals are served at times that are not meal times?

[HerculesMulligann]

I’m really not as fussy as that title makes me sound! I eat most types of food and it’s not like I have set mealtimes and have to eat lunch at 1pm on the dot or something.

It’s more that on a typical day I will have breakfast sometime between 7-9, lunch between 12-2 and dinner between 6-8. And I’ve realised that social events where meals are served at ‘non-traditional’ times really annoy me! Wedding breakfasts at 4pm, or a barbecue that starts at 3 and involves grazing on food all afternoon, so it’s not quite lunch and it’s not quite dinner.

Yes I try and adjust so have a snack at lunchtime before a 4pm wedding breakfast for example, but I never seem to get it quite right. I either don’t eat enough beforehand and am really hungry, or eat too much and then can’t eat much of the food that is served.

I promise I’m not as grumpy as this makes me sound, and I am genuinely grateful when anyone cooks for me or invites me anywhere.

Also if there are any self-appointed covid rules police out there these are just general musings by the way. I’ve not been frequenting illicit wedding breakfasts or attending massive barbecues.

Oh and of course I recognise that everyone and every culture in different, and the times I’ve put above don’t apply to everyone. (Don’t get me started on going out for dinner at 10pm in Spain)

For the last four years or so I would eat nothing all day until I had dinner anytime between 9pm and midnight. I know a lot of people would struggle with that and it was very unhealthy for me, I lost a lot of weight. I recently started trying to have dinner earlier

• between 7pm and 10pm. Now I'm trying to have a lunch as well and that's usually 2pm onwards. Prior to this I used to eat more like the average person but I've always been able to go with the flow on mealtimes and never needed a set time.

I used to have a friend who had exact times for meals - like breakfast 8am, lunch 1pm, dinner 7pm. She seemed to think these were universal set meal times for everyone, which I found weird. She would definitely struggle with the sort of things mentioned in the op.

I find the rigidity of some posters' views really odd. It's like they can't conceive that other people might have different eating habits from their own, or that a special occasion might not follow the pattern of their normal working day! I also can't imagine (although I've been overweight myself) caring about some random person's opinions of my choosing to have a snack, or myself actually noticing (let alone caring) about someone else's snack. If experience has shown you that special occasions might involve an inter-meal timespan that you find unreasonable, then just come prepared with some snack bars or something. If you're then pleasantly surprised at the availability of food, you don't have to eat your snack.

I agree - we were once invited to a 'destination' wedding, and had nothing whatever to eat between breakfast and 10pm when they served the main meal.

Trivium4all
Whereas I'd say most people would probably have similar eating patterns given that breakfast, lunch, dinner is a fairly established routine. The times may vary a bit, but it's hardly surprising that people invited round for lunch might be expecting lunch at lunchtime, not at some point mid to late afternoon, or if they're staying for dinner/the host says not to eat first because they're providing food that it will be something resembling an evening meal, not some snacky food at almost 9pm.

I must be unique, breakfast at 5am and dinner at 5pm. No lunch.

I do find the "serve a meal way out of normal mealtime" thing a bit odd, but I don't mind as long as I know in advance when to expect food to hit my plate. I really do need to eat regularly or I get shivery and hangry. My DH can just not eat and power through on willpower alone but my body requires regular food intake. So if I know in advance, I can plan my eating that day and have a snack beforehand or a bigger/smaller/earlier/later lunch than usual or whatever. But if "come for a BBQ at 3pm!" turns out to mean "stand around in the garden with not even a crisp until we get going around 6pm", I will have capital P Problems. Likewise if "come for lunch!" means "half a cucumber sandwich". DH thinks I'm like a squirrel, storing secret cereal bars about my person, but I really need them!

My parents, on the other hand, eat at 9am, 1pm, 5pm and 8pm. When her mother visits, they move dinner to 7pm so she can get to bed earlier but then my mother makes the most almighty fuss about how absolutely barbaric it is to eat at 7pm, how can anyone possibly be hungry at that time, it's just uncivilised because everyone knows that dinner time is 8pm, how could anyone eat at any other time is just beyond her... It's been happening for decades and she still acts like moving dinner an hour earlier is equivalent to killing and eating the neighbours. We avoid inviting my parents round for meals for this, among many other, reasons, as we do not eat at "authorised" times due to toddler/baby timings. I mean, how anyone could ever serve lunch at 12pm, she should get on to the ECHR...

@cushioncovers

Yanbu op. Xmas lunch at 3pm annoys the hell out of me.

Every year I have this discussion with family....why eat Xmas Dinner late? (Because it's Xmas isn't a good reason!)

I can see how it might be annoying but it doesn't bother me at all. Lunch at 3pm, no problem, i will have a late breakfast or a mid morning snack. Dinner/bbq at 4, same, if i am hungry later i will have a sandwich or something. If they have form for under catering i will bring something or get a chippy on the way home. No big deal.

The trouble with weddings that don’t serve food until late ... they usually ply you with booze which isn’t great on an empty stomach. I remember one memorable wedding (first time out since DDs were born), we were staggering upstairs to bed when the evening guests started to arrive

Xmas lunch at 3pm annoys the hell out of me.

Don't come to Spain. You normally start arriving around 8pm, food starts arriving on the table at 9.30-10pm. We have it on Christmas Eve but you may as well call it Christmas Day because at midnight you're still eating your main

I agree completely, OP. Christmas "dinner" at MIL's is at 3pm, which means I am starving until we eat, and then I can't sleep because I'm hungry at 10pm. It sucks.

Every year I have this discussion with family....why eat Xmas Dinner late? (Because it's Xmas isn't a good reason!)

3pm isn’t a late dinner, it’s an early one! We don’t usually have dinner until around 8pm.

Should mention we have Christmas dinner at around 6pm... earlier than normal dinner as it takes longer than a standard meal!

My IL used to do this all the time. Have a meal about 4pm that was neither lunch or evening meal.
Or say they were serving a meal at 6, but actually it wouldnt be ready til 8, which was fine pre-kids but they would get really irate if DC didnt eat the meal "because they had stuffed themselves with bread and crisps" ignoring the fact that the meal being served was past their bedtime. In the end I just used to go in the kitchen and either tried to speed things up (I've literally no idea what they were doing in there half the time) or just cook separately for DC until they were old enough to wait til later to eat.

I hate that too dinner at 3pm wtf no thanks

I find the rigidity of some posters' views really odd. It's like they can't conceive that other people might have different eating habits from their own, or that a special occasion might not follow the pattern of their normal working day!

Well said!

I’m some ways at Christmas I am lucky as I have an autistic family member who really needs the routine of set meal times so we always have a brilliant meal about 12.30pm - perfecto. Then by evening you’re hungry enough again for leftover sandwiches, the best bit!

I don't mind it tbh. I'll just eat something later if I'm hungry (like a bagel or some eggs) or I won't if I'm still stuffed.

I never really eat in a pattern though. I work shifts so breakfast could be 8am or 10.30am. Lunch may be 12pm or 3pm and dinner is anytime between 6pm and 9pm.

I don't see a problem with a 3 pm dinner. Nobody will starve.

@LolaSmiles

Trivium4all Whereas I'd say most people would probably have similar eating patterns given that breakfast, lunch, dinner is a fairly established routine. The times may vary a bit, but it's hardly surprising that people invited round for lunch might be expecting lunch at lunchtime, not at some point mid to late afternoon, or if they're staying for dinner/the host says not to eat first because they're providing food that it will be something resembling an evening meal, not some snacky food at almost 9pm.

My point (which I think you missed) is twofold:

First, that the assumption that "most people [...] have similar eating patterns" is likely to be false, as this thread demonstrates. What time is "lunchtime"? Per the posts on this thread, it sounds as though anywhere from 11:30am to about 3pm is "normal" for various people. And I would find 9pm for an evening meal to be quite normal. I find eating the main evening meal at 6pm to be rather weird, but if I'm invited for that time, I'll enjoy the meal, and if I get hungry again before bed, then I'll just make myself something else when I get home. No need for all this drama!

Second is the lack of flexibility that some posters show, when it comes to unusual circumstances such as weddings. Weddings are well known for not running to schedule, so I would say that the guest that comes with any particular expectations as to specific times they will get fed, is being unreasonable. If you can't survive without eating food at specific times, just bring something to tide you over. I can understand my cat yelling at me if his dinner isn't served at precisely 7pm, but surely an adult person can imagine that their personal conventions aren't going to dictate the timetable of the day!

YABU

Just eat a bigger breakfast or brunch.

You'd love me then - Sunday 'lunch' is at 3pm every week too😁

Sunday - leisurely bacon and eggs, no need for anything earlier than 3pm and if youre hungry later, there is always cheeses and crackers or left over pud.

I love eating at 'off times', i certainly eat less and enjoy it more, than having a fixed and rigid eating schedule.