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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed by social events where meals are served at times that are not meal times?

148 replies

HerculesMulligann · 22/04/2021 21:37

I’m really not as fussy as that title makes me sound! I eat most types of food and it’s not like I have set mealtimes and have to eat lunch at 1pm on the dot or something.

It’s more that on a typical day I will have breakfast sometime between 7-9, lunch between 12-2 and dinner between 6-8. And I’ve realised that social events where meals are served at ‘non-traditional’ times really annoy me! Wedding breakfasts at 4pm, or a barbecue that starts at 3 and involves grazing on food all afternoon, so it’s not quite lunch and it’s not quite dinner.

Yes I try and adjust so have a snack at lunchtime before a 4pm wedding breakfast for example, but I never seem to get it quite right. I either don’t eat enough beforehand and am really hungry, or eat too much and then can’t eat much of the food that is served.

I promise I’m not as grumpy as this makes me sound, and I am genuinely grateful when anyone cooks for me or invites me anywhere.

Also if there are any self-appointed covid rules police out there these are just general musings by the way. I’ve not been frequenting illicit wedding breakfasts or attending massive barbecues.

Oh and of course I recognise that everyone and every culture in different, and the times I’ve put above don’t apply to everyone. (Don’t get me started on going out for dinner at 10pm in Spain)

OP posts:

SorryPardonWhat · 22/04/2021 22:21

Oh don't be ridiculous! If you're having brunch at 11am, just have coffee and toast for breakfast. If Sunday (or Christmas) lunch is at 3pm then have a full English or bacon sandwiches etc for breakfast. As long as you know when food will be served you can plan around it.

Trivium4all · 22/04/2021 22:21

YABTotallyU! :-D To your stated dinner mealtime of 6-8pm, for example, I would say that 6pm is unreasonably early by the standards of many cultures (including mine), but if I received a dinner invitation for 6pm, I would perhaps eat a smaller or earlier lunch, and then enjoy the food, at whatever time it appeared. 3pm Xmas dinner? No problem, since breakfast was probably a bit late, and then just skip "normal" lunchtime in the knowledge that an avalanche of tasty things is headed my way just a bit later! Or perhaps I'm just greedy, because I can enjoy a meal at just about any time... (Barcelona, eating a multi-course meal at 12am or 1am? Sounds like a great idea to me!)

Sparklingbrook · 22/04/2021 22:21

If I got up at 6.30am and I was going for brunch I’d just have a cup of tea and a slice of toast about 7.30.

Oblomov21 · 22/04/2021 22:24

It's surprising how rigid and uncompromising some people are. In their mindset. None, none of this stuff would I even give a second thought to, let alone be 'bovvered' by.

Foolintherain · 22/04/2021 22:24

I don't really have fixed meal times in the day. I just fit food in around my work shifts and whatever else I'm doing.

Foolintherain · 22/04/2021 22:26

@Oblomov21

It's surprising how rigid and uncompromising some people are. In their mindset. None, none of this stuff would I even give a second thought to, let alone be 'bovvered' by.

I'm surprised how some people on here manage to get through life at all tbh.

Oblomov21 · 22/04/2021 22:26

Quite fool

Justajot · 22/04/2021 22:29

I completely agree and don't really get why people don't arrange event meals to happen at sensible times. That's why our wedding had lunch at 1.30.

I've been to kids soft play parties with full on hot food at 10.30 (pizza, gougons, sausages, chips).

milveycrohn · 22/04/2021 22:34

The only time I find this a problem is when we are on holiday, and we will often end up eating at 'odd' times.
Normally, I am OK, as I generally know when we are eating next, and will adjust what I eat to fit in.
Here I will add, that as I am trying to lose weight, eating Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, help me to control portion size, etc.
However, it also depends on whether you have children, and what ages they are.
Young children wake up very early, so breakfast lunch dinner are fine. Older teenagers, etc wake up later, so a late Sunday (or Christmas) breakfast/brunch is better followed by a later dinner.
Generally with Christmas, we have experimented by having it at different times, but have now settled on 2.00 ish. My brother though has his Christmas dinner in the evening. When we tried that we found ourselves grazing all day beforehand.

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 22/04/2021 22:35

This is so weird . I don’t care when I eat. If I’m going for brunch at 11, I just wait until 11 to eat. If I’m taking my kids, they just have a smaller breakfast than normal so they can eat again at 11.
If I bbq is at 3, I don’t have lunch. I’d maybe have breakfast later to accommodate. If I’m hungry again at 9pm, I’ll make a slice of toast or something.
I had no idea people were so rigid with their eating times!
Then again, I used to live in Spain and quite liked having dinner at 10pm .

GenuineViolet · 22/04/2021 22:41

If I'm not sure what's happening regarding mealtimes, what to expect and when to expect it, I carry an emergency banana along with a breakfast biscuit. I've rarely had to use it but it's there if I need it.
I start to feel a bit sick and shaky if I get too hungry so difficult to just ride it out.

strivingtosucceed · 22/04/2021 22:50

Surely everyone realises that "mealtimes" differ by family. I was horrified to find out that one of my colleagues eats breakfast at 7 am, meanwhile I would probably throw up if I tried to eat before 10.

I just eat when I'm hungry and try not to eat too late to stop indigestion. Dinner for me is anytime from 4-9pm.

Silversun83 · 22/04/2021 22:53

YADNBU... I hate it too for all the reasons you list. My in-laws are the worst for this and seem to think 3pm is the perfect time for a BBQ. DH used to call it 'middle-mealing'

Sunhoop · 22/04/2021 22:55

It's surprising how rigid and uncompromising some people are. In their mindset. None, none of this stuff would I even give a second thought to

Yes me too. My mum is really rigid about stuff like this and it's so irritating! I'm a eat whatever whenever type, so absolutely couldn't care less and would be just thrilled not to have to cook for a change. So many people seem to get irritated by non-issues, I often think it must be a miserable way to live and they're often quite controlling. I'm guessing there's something underlying like anxiety going on in most cases as it's not normal to be wound so tight IMO.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 22/04/2021 23:00

I couldn’t live that rigidly. If you’re invited for a barbecue at 3pm, have breakfast a bit later and a snack-type tea. I find the whole ‘But I have my lunch at 1! ’ thing a bit depressing.

However, I do agree with the poster who said hours on end with no food being served is a pain. My mother is a great one for thinking that a big lunch means you don’t need to eat again for the rest of the day. Granted, I won’t want an evening banquet if I’ve had a big lunch, but the idea that I’d eat at 12.30 (as we did for her birthday lunch last year) and then wouldn’t want so much as a sandwich until the next day because I’d had ‘that huge meal’ seems bizarre to me.

ivfbabymomma1 · 22/04/2021 23:03

When I was child free I was happy to go with the flow and eat whenever.

Now I need strict mealtimes or all hell breaks lose.

And brunch is a no go for reasons you've all said around kids

minddeter · 22/04/2021 23:33

I get sick and shaky when I don't eat, but I plan around it. I carry snacks with me if I am not sure when I'll eat.

Especially if alcohol is involved-I usually can't go without substantial food before/during even one or two drinks.

I dont have set meal times at all really though and often eat quite late-but once I need to eat, I MUST or I feel so ill. I usually take a rough guess at when I'll be eating and plan around it, eating something light/low calorie a couple of hours beforehand so I am able to eat my food but not starving to the point it won't touch the sides even when I do eat!

duvets · 22/04/2021 23:40

Is it bad that I see brunch as an additional meal and still have a small breakfast beforehand?! I definitely have to if going out of the house for brunch, to save others from dealing with me when hungry as it's not pretty.

BackforGood · 22/04/2021 23:44

I agree with you that it is a whole shade of wrong, but I am willing to forgive if I am warned / given a bit of a timetable in advance and can do the adjusting thing with other meals / snacks.

Ponoka7 · 23/04/2021 08:43

That level of inflexibility is just insane. A person needs x amount of calories a day, so you just fit them in whenever. Also there's actually no such thing as breakfast/lunch/dinner foods. Food is food, so if a child comes home from a party at 6, is hungry at 7 and you're the type who makes a fuss over food, then toast/cereal/sausages are fine as a filler. As long as 75% of your diet is good, there aren't health implications to going with the flow occasionally. That's why full breakfasts were traditional Christmas morning, so you'd last. As well as being over controlling, it's a luxury. You couldn't do most lower paid jobs and insist on sticking to that timetable.

Ponoka7 · 23/04/2021 08:46

As for not having time to eat after work, before a buffet do, steak and kidney pie was my go to. Soaks up alcohol nicely. Takes a minute to eat.

Hm2020 · 23/04/2021 08:51

To me the worst is going to a bbq with a not enough food what the hell is the point of having a bbq if you really mean drinks in the garden. I’d happily go to a bbq where the food is served continuously through out the day and night I actually thought that was the point

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 23/04/2021 08:55

Is the issue that some people really struggle with feeling hungry?
Hunger doesn’t bother me too much, as long as I know that I’ll be able to access food at some point. So waiting until 11 for breakfast or 4 for lunch isn’t really an issue. It’s more of a problem for my kids but they’re fine waiting for a meal as long as I have a banana or something on hand or something. I have a friend though who really struggles with feeling hungry, it genuinely affects her mood, so she has to be far more rigid with her mealtimes. If we’re out and about for the day she plans her next meal as soon as one is finished!

KFleming · 23/04/2021 09:05

Also there's actually no such thing as breakfast/lunch/dinner foods.

This is madness, of course there is! Spaghetti bolognese is not a breakfast food, for example.

KFleming · 23/04/2021 09:09

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

Is the issue that some people really struggle with feeling hungry? Hunger doesn’t bother me too much, as long as I know that I’ll be able to access food at some point. So waiting until 11 for breakfast or 4 for lunch isn’t really an issue. It’s more of a problem for my kids but they’re fine waiting for a meal as long as I have a banana or something on hand or something. I have a friend though who really struggles with feeling hungry, it genuinely affects her mood, so she has to be far more rigid with her mealtimes. If we’re out and about for the day she plans her next meal as soon as one is finished!

I’m like that, I get very affected by hunger. I go from fine to physically shaking, vision blurring, basically passing out in about 5 mins. I’ve spoken to the dr and had blood tests and the only advice was to just eat often and at regular times, and maybe try and put on weight (I have always been quite significantly underweight).

If I know I’ll be eating at an unusual time I will plan and carry food with me, but I pretty much cannot handle lunch mid-afternoon. I have to just eat a regular lunch earlier and then eat less at the late lunch.

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