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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
LastRoloIsMine · 22/04/2021 23:04

To share happiness for someone else other than themselves

So share happiness when a child gets 10/10 on the spelling test or goes on to the next grade up reading book. Share happiness when a child is chosen to be a class mentor or anti bullying rep. Teach children to be happy for others achievements not for being born that is not an achievement.

user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 23:05

@EarringsandLipstick

Yes Disney I recognise teachers are busy.

But the brilliant teachers my kids have had were also busy & able to remember. Generally due to charts on walls, or some other alert. Something simple.

You don't have to be so long-suffering about it. It's really not that difficult to find a way to mark children's birthdays.

Sometimes teachers didn't remember. The child or their pals would say it then. Sweets / cake aren't allowed ribbed brought in, so it was just happy birthday being sung, some homework off.

It's just a small, kind thing to do.

Completely agree with this. Small bit of time at the start of the year, then your set up for the year! My children have always loved when their teachers acknowledge their birthday. It's a big deal at that age.
kaleishorrid · 22/04/2021 23:05

I would expect a teacher to know if it was someone's birthday. I don't expect them to know off by heart but in primary school you would think a teacher could have a list of birthdays and just scan it at the beginning of the week to see what birthdays there were.

I know teachers have a lot on their plate but it's important to a primary school child.

I wouldn't say anything but I do feel sad for your little one.

snowballer · 22/04/2021 23:05

@LastRoloIsMine

To share happiness for someone else other than themselves

So share happiness when a child gets 10/10 on the spelling test or goes on to the next grade up reading book. Share happiness when a child is chosen to be a class mentor or anti bullying rep. Teach children to be happy for others achievements not for being born that is not an achievement.

This is getting hilarious. So you don't ever celebrate anyone else's birthday because it's not an achievement to have been born? 😂
user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 23:06

@Thatisnotwhatisaid

This is actually bonkers Grin. They have 30 children in their class so no, they don’t memorise their birthdays. If you really need it acknowledging send them in wearing a badge or something, ffs...
Crazy inventions like charts, calendars, reminders etc! No one is expecting them to memorise them! Hmm
user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 23:08

@LastRoloIsMine

Don't call me dear mouse it's patronising and misogynistic.
GrinHmm
LastRoloIsMine · 22/04/2021 23:08

This is getting hilarious. So you don't ever celebrate anyone else's birthday because it's not an achievement to have been born?

Did I say that?

CSIblonde · 22/04/2021 23:09

Children's birthdays were only on the radar when I taught, because every child would bring in fairy cakes on the day, bought or made. That was the case when I was at school in the 80's too. I assume the birthday wall etc is due to schools more modern approach, like writing feelings journals & displaying rules on 'how we treat each other' etc etc.

cabbageking · 22/04/2021 23:10

Many Muslims don't celebrate birthdays and in some classes they would be the majority.

Would vary from school to school.

needadvice54321 · 22/04/2021 23:10

Our primary school had a birthday board in every classroom, with the months on. Children were always sung to - unless the teacher knew they wouldn't like the attention (my DS2 didn't!), in which case they'd just get a quick happy birthday

RandomDent · 22/04/2021 23:10

@RosieLemonade

We have an icon next to their names on the register on their birthdays so I always know for my class Grin
We used to have this, then they upgraded the software and got rid of it. It was very handy!
user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 23:11

[quote lemonsyellow]@m0therofdragons
How do you know your team’s birthdays? I imagine you might have access to such info, but isn’t it a breach of privacy to use it for non-work purposes?[/quote]
We have specific birthday remember for this!

Cherrysoup · 22/04/2021 23:13

Too precious! This is hilarious!

I’m in secondary and have the birthdays displayed for every child, but it’s not something I remember to look at every day. I’m way too busy giving out notices, giving out appointments for counselling, reminding them about uniform, doing equipment checks, showing the online assembly and following the pastoral programme for the day having just come off Teams for the three briefings we have weekly plus the one face to face meeting. Bonkers.

freddiethegreat · 22/04/2021 23:14

Gosh. I have never NOT acknowledged primary birthdays. Chart on the wall, very easy. Parents send in cake if they wish, class draws a quick picture/card in the younger years. Not hard.

Hollybollybingbong · 22/04/2021 23:14

I'm also surprised at some of the responses on here from supposed teachers. I was a TA in a state primary school, dates of birth were in the registers, (my limited understanding is the register is a legal document and has to contain this information) and there were birthday displays in every class. Celebrating a child's birthday is a very simple way of showing them that you appreciate and recognise them as the unique individual they are.
As a reception class working to the EYFS the children's development was monitored against their age in months, but throughout the school the performance of summer born children was monitored to identify requirements for additional support so ages and birthdays weren't and shouldn't be a mystery.

DoomscroIIer · 22/04/2021 23:15

Well, I am clearly a soft touch then cos when I used to have a form (secondary) the first thing I did in my brand new big gleaming planner each September was to write the kids' birthdays on the correct day, which took all of ten minutes.
In lockdown, when I had a bubble to look after and knew one of the kids had a birthday, we played Steve Wonder, had a singsong, signed a card and they all got wrapped mini rolls (collected directly from the pre-wiped packet at an acceptable distance apart. Oh and a Kahut quiz of the kid's choosing.
In primary, I send my two in with cake and now, prewrapped sweets that can be put onto a precleaned table so the class can just take one. So the teacher says happy birthday anyway but it's still really nice for a class to say many happy returns.

girasol · 22/04/2021 23:16

Blimey, there are some really chippy teachers on here Hmm At my kids school (state primary) all the birthdays are either on the classroom wall or suspended from the ceiling on home made bunting . On a child’s birthday the class sings happy birthday and they get to choose a book (PTA funded) as a present. In addition since September they have held a monthly party in each class on a Friday afternoon for all the kids who’ve had a birthday that month, in recognition of the fact that no one has been able to have normal parties. And do you know what (the teachers on here are never going to believe this) my kids teachers actually manage to teach them too!!!! Incredible, I know.

Oh, and we’re not allowed to send cakes or treats in due to allergies /some parents not wanting their kids to be given Haribo but that’s fine because the teachers use their super human powers to spend 20 seconds reading the birthday list each day. And the world doesn’t actually end.

LastRoloIsMine · 22/04/2021 23:16

Erm their birthday does not make them a unique individual...they probably share it with 20 million other people 🤣

Proudboomer · 22/04/2021 23:17

What about children born in the holidays?
One of mine spent his whole school career without anyone in class singing him happy birthday. Bad mother that I am failed to take in to account term dates whilst TTC. Oh well he seems to have reached adulthood without the need for therapy over it so I will take that as a win.

girasol · 22/04/2021 23:17

@CoffeeRunner

As an aside, I find the primary teachers saying they have absolutely no knowledge of or concern for when their pupils' birthdays are wrong.

DD is an August birthday. She is almost a year younger than her classmates (some of them). This is highly relevant in primary. It's concerning some teachers wouldn't even register that.

Good point!!
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/04/2021 23:18

@freddiethegreat

Gosh. I have never NOT acknowledged primary birthdays. Chart on the wall, very easy. Parents send in cake if they wish, class draws a quick picture/card in the younger years. Not hard.
No wall displays allowed anymore. GDPR. I don't make the rules.
ConstantlyChanging · 22/04/2021 23:18

Children's birthdays are really special to them.

My children's schools have always had a big wall chart with the names in the months and the date next to them and generally the kids remind the teacher, 'Oh it's Alfie's birthday next week!' type thing. They watch it like hawks.

I'd be sad for your child, OP, but I'd probably not remind the teacher. I would send them in with a badge and sweets next time as a lesson learned.

I do think adults who get upset about their birthday are weirdos but kids are kids.

girasol · 22/04/2021 23:20

It’s funny, in the time that the indignant teachers have spent expressing their outrage on here, they probably could have diarised their pupils birthdays. But a rant on mumsnet is a much better use of your efforts isn’t it?!

Walkoflife · 22/04/2021 23:21

I’m surprised by most of the replies on here!
We must be in the minority but both my boys during their school years( 9 and 13 now) have always had teachers that know and acknowledge their birthday on the day.
They’ve always gone to different schools too.
I though this was the norm!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/04/2021 23:21

@girasol

It’s funny, in the time that the indignant teachers have spent expressing their outrage on here, they probably could have diarised their pupils birthdays. But a rant on mumsnet is a much better use of your efforts isn’t it?!
You know teachers don't sleep at school right? The data is in the school computer. Grin
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