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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
Warmduscher · 22/04/2021 22:42

I thought sweets were not allowed due to Covid! Stupid assumption. Private school.

Clearly you’ve asked now, rather than assuming. Just a shame you didn’t think to ask in time for his actual birthday.

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 22/04/2021 22:45

I'm a bit on the fence with this... granted you wouldn't 'know' every child's birthday, but we have them all displayed on candles, by month, on the wall. I'm a TA but if I was a teacher I might accommodate this in my organisation & planning, knowing the difference it might make to the child and knowing how sad I'd feel if they'd felt overlooked. Especially this year; many children are feeling more fragile. Maybe not so much Y5/6 but certainly up to Y3/4. Every teacher gets a class diary; it wouldn't be a major hassle to put in the dates at the start of the year.

That said, it's often the case that we'll find out because we've been told by the children - whether that's via badge or others being desperate to pass on the news! Certainly all birthdays in a week will be told to the Head, for them to celebrate in assembly on Friday, with each child sung to. We have class cards though and it's not quite the same if you aren't sung to by your classmates on the actual day.

Osrie · 22/04/2021 22:46

Tbh I thought it was part of being a class/form teacher as I’ve never known a teacher to not know. I actually thought it was part of the register and that’s why they never missed anyone.

LastRoloIsMine · 22/04/2021 22:46

Christ, you sound like a right miserable bugger.

Not demanding everyone celebrate the birth of my child does not make me miserable. I have put 4 DC through school and frankly there is enough for teachers to do. I sent in sweets/cake as that was the done thing but I am not so ridiculous that I would message the teacher to demand my child gets a happy birthday.

What message does that send to the child? Oh nobody cares about you because you didn't get a happy birthday from the teacher/class? Why set them up for disappointment?

womaninatightspot · 22/04/2021 22:48

My school always has; normally some bit of the classroom has a birthday wall so pictures of hot air balloons with months of the year and pictures of the dc type stuff. They go outside to sing happy birthday in a socially distanced way nowadays or whisper it indoors if its raining.

I think it helps a child feel valued and important if a fuss is made on their birthday.

ceeveebeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 22/04/2021 22:49

What message does it send to a child when the adult that they spend 6 hours a day 5 times a week can’t be arsed to create a simply birthday wall or acknowledge their birthday? Particularly at the moment when children have had such a shit year and mostly missed our on celebrating their birthday due to restrictions?

SleepingStandingUp · 22/04/2021 22:50

Does he want to stand up whilst everyone sings happy birthday op?

snowballer · 22/04/2021 22:52

The responses on here are really surprising, and so joyless! All teachers whose classes my children have been through (8 so far, two different schools) have had a birthday wall with all of the children's birthdays on. Happy birthday is always sung and they have variously had things like a birthday hat/a special birthday cushion on the carpet/a tin of tat for the birthday child to choose something from. Birthdays are a big deal for most children in primary years. I am shocked at the posts (supposedly) from teachers who say they don't even have a clue when the birthdays are of the kids they teach. Glad you don't teach either of my kids. At the very least it's probably educationally important to know whether a child is a September baby or an August baby, even if you have no interest in saying happy birthday to them.

cansu · 22/04/2021 22:53

FFS. The teacher's job is to 'teach' your child. Remembering the birthdays of 30 different people is not part of the job.

Nogoodusername · 22/04/2021 22:53

Not a stupid assumption - we are not allowed to send sweets in anymore because of Covid, nor is the birthday child allowed to wear a badge (because it isn’t school uniform.) so it really is dependent on the child telling the teacher (we drop off to main doors not classroom so no way of quickly letting teacher know)

cabbageking · 22/04/2021 22:53

We do so in Reception class but not any other years. Not all children celebrate birthdays. Some parents don't want others to know.

Reception class would normally sing Happy Birthday but not during Covid whilst singing is still banned.

Hankunamatata · 22/04/2021 22:55

OP I get where you are coming from. My kids primary school is so nurturing and having a birthday acknowledged is important, even if it's just a birthday class cheers or teaching wishing happy birthday. Makes me realise there are some special schools and teachers out there.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/04/2021 22:57

@Nogoodusername

Not a stupid assumption - we are not allowed to send sweets in anymore because of Covid, nor is the birthday child allowed to wear a badge (because it isn’t school uniform.) so it really is dependent on the child telling the teacher (we drop off to main doors not classroom so no way of quickly letting teacher know)
We ask for individually wrapped and quarantine them for 48 hours.Grin
user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 22:57

@Hankunamatata

Each class in our school has birthday wall. Each month of the year on the wall, then in september childrens pictures stuck on their month with their birthday day. When its your birthday you get to stand on your table and everyone claps and sings happy birthday. It's really nice.
Our school does this too. The kids love it. Some teachers give little gifts too
SleepingStandingUp · 22/04/2021 22:58

nor is the birthday child allowed to wear a badge (because it isn’t school uniform.) Now that's mean

StayingHere · 22/04/2021 22:58

Well I don't think you should expect it, but my DC have been to a couple of primary schools and every single teacher had little birthday chart on the wall! But also, never met a primary kid who doesnt let you know on the big day anyway!

snowballer · 22/04/2021 23:00

@LastRoloIsMine

I am not joyless.

I go all out to celebrate my children's birthdays. I just don't expect busy teachers to centre my child because they were born and I would definitely not be disappointed or think less of them because they didn't. I have more respect for teachers than that.

Its pathetic that parents are demanding their child be treated as special simply because its their birthday. The message this sends is what makes me eyeroll.

The thing is, celebrating a child's birthday isn't just about a sole aim of making one child feel special (but, by the way, WTF is actually wrong with doing that?) but also about teaching the class to celebrate someone else. To share happiness for someone else other than themselves. Learning how to behave in communities of peers is a big part of early education and this is one of those learning opportunities.
snowballer · 22/04/2021 23:01

@cansu

FFS. The teacher's job is to 'teach' your child. Remembering the birthdays of 30 different people is not part of the job.
Utterly joyless
SachaStark · 22/04/2021 23:01

Can I just say that on an evening where I’ve just gone to make a caffeinated drink so that I can stay reliably awake for a couple more hours to finish making preparations for a special Shakespeare event tomorrow, and on a week where every spare moment of my free time has been given over to painting and building sets for the school play alongside all my colleagues (in a year where we might not have even had a school play had it not been for our efforts)... that reading a thread where the implication is that I’m not “caring enough” for not knowing the kids’ birthdays by heart feels just awesome.

Walkaround · 22/04/2021 23:01

@snowballer - do the kids with the August birthdays ever get something from the tin of tat? Grin And does the teacher remember to post them a card? Or do they just learn that you only celebrate people’s birthdays if you have to, because they’re there in front of you on the day?

balloonsintrees · 22/04/2021 23:02

As of 3 years ago we were told we could no longer do birthday walls due to GDPR...
mind you I am in secondary and normally the giant helium balloon bobbing along the corridor tends to give it away...
I am torn though, I teach over 400 students per week so no chance of me knowing, but in primary they see the same 30 kids for hours at a time for the whole year. I can give you chapter and verse of my student's SEN, PP, target grades, predicted grades etc without resorting to SIMS, I do think that key things like birthdays should be thought of by the primary teacher. But, don't be 'that' parent, let it go and just celebrate your child yourself.

Ellie56 · 22/04/2021 23:02
Hmm
CoffeeRunner · 22/04/2021 23:03

@cabbageking

We do so in Reception class but not any other years. Not all children celebrate birthdays. Some parents don't want others to know.

Reception class would normally sing Happy Birthday but not during Covid whilst singing is still banned.

Isn't it the exception rather than the rule that children don't celebrate birthdays?

We don't know where OP lives. Here 100% of DD's primary class celebrate. I'm basing that on her being in Year 5 & with the same cohort since Nursery class.

snowballer · 22/04/2021 23:03

@SachaStark

Can I just say that on an evening where I’ve just gone to make a caffeinated drink so that I can stay reliably awake for a couple more hours to finish making preparations for a special Shakespeare event tomorrow, and on a week where every spare moment of my free time has been given over to painting and building sets for the school play alongside all my colleagues (in a year where we might not have even had a school play had it not been for our efforts)... that reading a thread where the implication is that I’m not “caring enough” for not knowing the kids’ birthdays by heart feels just awesome.
You don't need to know them by heart. Five minutes is enough to write them on a list. Don't be ridiculous
user1496146479 · 22/04/2021 23:03

@Disneyblue

I'm a primary teacher. Please put large badges on your child, get them to bring sweets or cake, and then I'll know. I wouldn't have a clue when they are otherwise. I've got enough to do.
Martyr much? Hmm