AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

[LardiLaLardiLi]

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

I have a team of over 30. I take the time to write all their birthdates in my outlook calendar at the start of the year and go out of my way to wish them happy birthday. On a morning meeting we'd wish a colleague happy birthday...either in person or on Zoom. So yes, I think it's a fairly basic thing a teacher could go to make a child feel special...especially a shy one who won't go bursting in shouting about in. But nurturing children seems less and less important in a classroom...at my last parents evening they told me about his 'data sets', like he was a little automaton. I hate it. There's doing the job and theres just being human...personally I don't find it hard to manage both.

@C8H10N4O2

Definitely not being unreasonable, OP. It is all part of the socialising of the class, of belonging, of caring for and celebrating your classmates

Yes its an excellent way of teaching them also that some people are always left out for no fault of their own and that's just fine.

There are many activities in schools which can develop community spirit far better and more equably than focusing on a list of special activities for the lucky term time birthdays.

But even if children are off (holidays, illness) they are still acknowledged when they return or, if their birthday is during summer holidays, before the end of the summer term. No one is left out.

This is a bit 'precious' isn't it?🙄
Teachers are very busy people, but as others have mentioned, I'm sure your child's birthday would have been recognised if your DS was wearing a birthday badge in school.

At my school there is a birthday chart on the wall- for the children to look at, but if the children never said anything then the teacher would be unlikely to look at the chart and check each day as she has a hell of a lot of work to get through every day, a lot on her mind with marking, planning, intervention groups, assemblies, staff meetings, parents emails to answer, etc. etc. Birthdays would be WAY down the priority list. Most primary children will say "it's my birthday today"- in fact most tell you how many days to their birthday every day for about a month leading up to it! Quite a few will bring in sweets to share on their birthday. If we do know it's their birthday then we would wish them a happy birthday, ask about presents and celebrations and sing Happy Birthday.

@Hmmmm2018

I am so surprised everyone thinks teachers shouldn't possibly be expected to recognise their pupils birthdays. My children's state primary school have always remembered their birthdays, the teacher has a calendar with the 30 children's birthday on. I don't expect them to remember the date of my child's birthday but having a system of a simple calendar that tells them when it is I think is a sign of a school who nurture and care for our children in a rounded way. Even during lockdown they sang Happy birthday during the zoom session. These little things help children to feel welcome and special and this in turn supports their enthusiasm for learning.

Yes! @Hmmmm2018

I work in a nurturing school and its something we take very seriously. It certainly makes a huge difference when children know that at school they are loved, respected and cared for. They matter.

Send in sweets/a cake for the class and she'll remember. I hope you have her birthday noted in your diary to ensure your dc brings in a card and small gift on that day?

When I was a teacher though, I had a pretend birthday cake made out of an old tin with candles on the top.I filled it with small gifts. When it was a child's birthday we would light the candles and sing and then the child would get to choose a little present form the tin.

Both my daughters (now 26 and 12) had birthdays announced in class during primary school (different schools) . The 12 year old used to be mortified 😁
We live in Scotland.
It really doesn’t take much to keep a record of kids birthdays 🙄

Sadly, I think you may have a point @howmanyhats .

I'm a TA and most teachers I've worked with do know and celebrate each kids birthday (primary). But they do a song or something quick like that.

I’m a primary school teacher and we always celebrate birthdays in class. We have a months of the year display with birthdays on so I don’t forget. All we do is sing happy birthday and pre-Covid, the child would get to wear my special birthday hat. It doesn’t take long and I think it’s important to acknowledge birthdays at school.

What a ridiculous thread.
Everyone who doesn't make a fuss of birthdays in school is 'unhappy in their jobs'

Really couldn't care each to there own but the level of expectation round birthday i just find OTT .

I don’t have a birthday chart. I sing happy birthday if they want (some don’t). I don’t buy anything for them.
I have, however, spent around £150 this year on books for them to read. Bought stuff they can share. Snacks for break time, biscuits to have in test week. The parents don’t know this.
I clearly don’t care enough.
I love kids and I love teaching but I’m terrible with birthdays. I’m bloody brilliant at doing the voices when reading aloud though so I think they will forgive me

It certainly makes a huge difference when children know that at school they are loved, respected and cared for. They matter.

They matter at my school too. They definitely matter in my class. Or is everything else we do irrelevant and only bday charts and gifts count? Or maybe you're just so much better then we are.

@Gaaaahhhhhhhh keep focusing on the things that are important. Children love a good story session!

I hope you know when all the teachers birthdays in the school are, especially previous teachers, (cetainly not just the class teacher as that would only involve remembering one date), and make a huge fuss of them as you expect them to do for your child.
I'm a teacher, and I remember when they come in and tell me, or their friend reminds me or they remind me the day before. We have children's names on their birth month in the classroom, but I'm sorry that in between planning and teaching and marking and assessing and leading my subject and dealing with children's mental health and special needs and so many other things, a child's birthday is not anywhere near my radar. I didn't even get to celebrate my own significant birthday this year as I was so busy with work.

@singsingbluesilver

Yes, sometimes in my fifty plus years of living and with two dc I have on occasion had to go the doctor or dentist on one of our birthdays. And not none of us were wished happy birthday. I dd not feel the need to email the surgeries to raise it as an issue. They are professionals and do the job they are paid to do. Just like teachers.

It's nice if a teacher says happy birthday - but not essential. It is not part of their professional duties. And just look at some of the responses on here - birthday walls, small gifts, cakes being sent in. I remember a poster on here a couple of years ago complaining that her dd was in floods of tears because the school was being unreasonable about accepting a distributing a pizza delivery they had arranged to school for her class for her birthday. What starts as a lovely gesture can escalate into competitive gifting and demonstrations - and some teachers are guilty of this too. Just because Mrs Teachers buys gifts from her own pocket for the 32 kids in her class every year does not mean every other teacher should do this.

My point is this. It is nice if a teacher acknowledges your child's birthday. They don't have to do it. It is unreasonable to raise it as an issue if they don't. Teachers who don't do it are not being unprofessional, uncaring or bad at their job. They are human beings with many, many other things to do that they have to do.

Whilst I acknowledge that bringing pizza or a cake in to class is unusual, it does not have to be so extreme; the whole class acknowledging your special day and singing happy birthday by itself brings a small glow of camaraderie/sense of belonging to the child and classmates.

For that whole year the class is like a family, singing happy birthday is one of the things a family does.

Of course a teacher does not have to do it and I would agree that it would not be appropriate for a parent to raise the matter officially if they don't.

I feel that some of the comments on this thread display an underlying dislike of children as people with feelings. There is a sense of anger and bitterness from some posters about the simple act of acknowledging a child's birthday. It is very sad for all concerned.

As a secondary teacher who teaches on average 13 classes per year, each with a minimum of 28 students in, ill hold my hands up and say it is difficult to keep track of birthdays.

Having said that, I try to develop such a good relationship with my students that I'd expect them to share that it's their birthday, or have their friend tell me and I usually have a stash of chocolate/sweet treats and will happily wish them a happy birthday either taking the register or during the lesson. Depending on the child I'll sometimes do this privately as they don't want a fuss made.

For my form group I always make an effort with birthdays and will usually have a poster on their display board with monthly birthdays and will always have cakes for the class when it is.

I'm happy to do things like this, and it is time consuming so I understand why lots of teachers don't. I'm just a bit extra lol

Most schools I know don’t allow birthday displays due to GDPR. We also haven’t been able to sing in class due to Covid guidance this year so that has made singing happy Birthday tricky! If a child tells me it’s their birthday I would always make a fuss but the only way I could know birthdays would be to go into SIMS which takes ages. It’s not that I don’t care but I barely have time to eat and got to the toilet in a normal day so I just don’t have time to check. I really don’t think people always realise how stretched things are, as key stage one teacher, in a one form entry school with no teaching assistant I don’t have time to do all the things that I am supposed to as it is.

Most classes will have something on the wall as a reminder in Key Stage one but birthday celebrations tend to peter out by the end of KS2. If you child is ks1 and the teacher didn’t say anything, it’s quite likely they were trying to remember 50 other important things that day.
If you want a fuss to be made you can help them and stick a birthday badge on your child.

No wonder kids can't cope when they leave school with precious parents like this haven't teachers got enough on their plate

Oh ffs! Really?!

@MerryMarigold

They take treats in for the class to basically inform the teacher it is their birthday. Did you send him in empty handed? Poor little thing.

Nasty comment @MerryMarigold

@GabsAlot

No wonder kids can't cope when they leave school with precious parents like this haven't teachers got enough on their plate

It's really not prescious is it. In fact it's not prescious at all to be bothered about your own child's birthday.