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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
WhateverHappenedToMe · 23/04/2021 10:40

Speaking as someone who was never in school on my birthday, I would be heartily sick of all the other children getting a big fuss made but not me.

LindaEllen · 23/04/2021 10:46

When I was a TA we had a birthday calendar on the wall and whenever it was someone's birthday the class teacher and myself got them a birthday card, and the children had the option of staying in at afternoon break time and having a little 'party' (juice, some biscuits and music) and that always went down well. We always made sure the kids felt special on their birthdays. It's not really that hard to do.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 23/04/2021 10:56

All the kids at the school i work in tell anyone who'll listen that it's their birthday that day

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 10:56

@EarringsandLipstick

Sionnach I totally get that it's not appropriate to spend time cutting up & serving a cake (wouldn't be allowed in my DC' school either). But the snippy question is just not nice, or laughing in their face.

You can just, politely, explain it. No other response needed.

I'd be mortified & upset of anyone, teacher or otherwise, spoke to me like that.

It has been explained. Every year. This is just the same ones who will repeatedly try it on with us, they're notorious for being chancers. For people who legitimately don't know it would be different but if those people haven't marked themselves as a Pain In The Arse
Demelza82 · 23/04/2021 10:57

Get a fucking grip.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 10:57

Whoops, posting too soon! If those people haven't marked themselves as a Pain In The Arse, they've nothing to fear. Which isn't hard to avoid.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 11:11

@AnnieKN

My children’s school do seem to remember birthdays - nothing major just saying happy birthday and singing it in the morning. The teachers have a list of class birthdays issued at the start or term.

Several close friends and family are teachers so I do understand they have so much on their plate that it wouldn’t be a priority.

One of my kids had a birthday during lockdown and he wanted his teacher to know (he’s 5) so he wore a party hat with ‘it’s my birthday’ on it during the morning video call Grin I didn’t expect the teacher to remember in the midst of covid madness.

I had a kid turn up to Zoom with the wall behind him decked out in birthday bunting Grin Great idea though! Apparently they'd bought the bunting months prior thinking they might be able to have an outdoor party. So at least it got the use.
Excitablemuch · 23/04/2021 11:16

@ddl1

I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.

Whether it sounds mean or not, I wish my school had had the same policy! I always HATED to be sung 'Happy Birthday' to in school assembly - partly because I hated everyone knowing my new age and partly because I just found it terribly embarrassing.

Exactly! We sing happy birthday in class of children want us to! I also think they might do it in the hall at lunchtime!

The time it takes out of an assembly to say ‘who had a birthday this week?’ loads of ks1 children would lie and then you’d end up with 20 children trying to come out to the front. When you already have 25 certificates and goodness knows what else to give out. (They also sung really out of tune which drove me mad!!) teachers couldn’t care less if that was part of assembly or not!!

All moot point as singing is now out of the question right? Covid Hmm

JudgeJ · 23/04/2021 11:16

@Prisonbreak

This isn’t real!
Sadly, in the world of many entitled MNers, it is!
Excitablemuch · 23/04/2021 11:18

@LindaEllen

When I was a TA we had a birthday calendar on the wall and whenever it was someone's birthday the class teacher and myself got them a birthday card, and the children had the option of staying in at afternoon break time and having a little 'party' (juice, some biscuits and music) and that always went down well. We always made sure the kids felt special on their birthdays. It's not really that hard to do.
Surely the job of the family to give the children a party?! Another example of schools doing the things that wider society or family should be responsible for. And people wonder why we’re so over run in education?!
JudgeJ · 23/04/2021 11:22

@FontyMcFontface

Surely the sweets you sent in for him to give the rest of the class were all the reminder she needs....

Our school doesn’t allow this. and not because of covid. Just because they’re killjoys.

OP, it’s unusual that your kid wasn’t telling everyone it was his birthday, I wouldn’t expect the teacher to just know!

Not necessarily killjoys, just repsonding to the sort of parent who would kick off because their precious had been given sweets, never having even been down the sugar aisle of Lidl since birth. There is also the more real problem that some children for religious reasons cannot eat certain types of sweets.
RancidOldHag · 23/04/2021 11:26

It's not really so special when everyone else gets a fuss on their birthday, or on the Friday just before. And you get a mention 6 weeks before yours, right when breaking up for summer is so much more exciting and immediate.

Not trying to be a killjoy, just wanting to point out that thus is something that is simply not going to work for all DC, so low key better (wear a badge, give out sweets/cake that meet ideally all but certainly most dietary needs via parent/career at the end of the day)

JudgeJ · 23/04/2021 11:29

@LastRoloIsMine

It’s funny, in the time that the indignant teachers have spent expressing their outrage on here, they probably could have diarised their pupils birthdays. But a rant on mumsnet is a much better use of your efforts isn’t it?!

Teachers are not allowed time to themselves at all in a day then?
Every waking moment should be dedicated to children?

Christ have a word with yourself.

Perish the thought that a teacher is not 24/7 engaged in thinking about You Child and finds time to repsond to all these hyper-busy parents who also post here. Maybe they're all SAHMs so have plenty of free time until Costa opens again.
EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 11:32

@WhateverHappenedToMe

Speaking as someone who was never in school on my birthday, I would be heartily sick of all the other children getting a big fuss made but not me.
It's not a 'big fuss'. It's singing Happy Birthday.

One of my DC is never in school for his birthday, doesn't bother him. Another DC birthday is at Easter often, so might miss it in school, equally fine.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 11:33

For people who legitimately don't know it would be different but if those people haven't marked themselves as a Pain In The Arse

That's fair enough 😂

trixies · 23/04/2021 11:39

@WhateverHappenedToMe

Speaking as someone who was never in school on my birthday, I would be heartily sick of all the other children getting a big fuss made but not me.
The trade off is never having to be at school on your birthday. Grin
VestaTilley · 23/04/2021 13:12

Totally unreasonable of you to expect this. They’ve got 25-30 children to look after and more than enough to be dealing with. If you wanted it raised at school you should’ve asked the teacher if you could send in a cake for the class to share.

DIshedUp · 23/04/2021 13:40

@saraclara you've listed out everything that would be involved in a birthday wall, which sounds about 10 minutes of work. Whether it takes you 10 minutes is another story but it really doesn't look like the massive amount of work your phrasing suggests. You don't need a walk you just need a list

I dont see how looking up children's birthdays is such a massive task, tbh Id assume you'd do at the start of the year anyway so you know whether they are August, September etc, whether they have learning disabilities. And how that might affect their work. This school only has 12 pupils in a class
A list of birthdays would literally take 5 minutes.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/04/2021 15:22

Perish the thought that a teacher is not 24/7 engaged in thinking about You Child.
I can't see the task taking more than 10 minutes, spending 5 hours 5 days a week with someone it would be nice knowing their Birthday considering primary school DC are strongly influenced by teachers.

nitsandwormsdodger · 23/04/2021 16:28

Always stick a badge on ours and they get big fuss all day , fudge not say himself ?

MsTSwift · 23/04/2021 16:49

God some of the teachers responses are properly arsey! Chill out.

A birthday is a big deal to little kids not hard to have a month chart and all say happy birthday or something t ok the birthday child. I wouldn’t complain or say anything or think the world revolves around my child 🙄 but every primary school I’ve been to or my kids have attended have done this as a matter of course.

ilovechocolate07 · 23/04/2021 17:20

At my work it pops up on our register system. Teachers don't usually learn 30 birthdays although some do have birthday charts in the lower years. Generally children will wear a badge or bring sweets, mention it to friends in the day. Hope your child wasn't too sad about it.

Nohomemadecandles · 23/04/2021 17:22

Our primary has always done birthdays. Over subscribed and under funded as it is. From reception to Y6. Not a big deal but a happy birthday and three cheers type of thing.

EnoughnowIthink · 23/04/2021 17:26

I run a small business and we are able to mark our staff birthdays with a card and cupcakes

If you're happy to do that, that's fine. Do you think all teachers should do this at their own cost and potentially to the detriment of their own families?

Harls1969 · 23/04/2021 17:28

I get my students a card and usually a cake to share. However...I work in SEND so only have 8 students