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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 09:29

I’d take a cake in on someone’s birthday

That's so lovely Arse.

Cacacoisfarraige · 23/04/2021 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 09:30

I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.

You're correct. It absolutely sounds mean 😢

Babyboomtastic · 23/04/2021 09:30

I'm actually a little baffled that some teachers think they'd need to remember the birthdays of 30 children, rather than spending 15 mins once a year inputting them into Google calender (or similar). Or a list pinned to their desk with them in order.

Frankly is expect a better level of problem solving from a teacher than assuming they needed to memorise it. It's a bizarre suggestion.

I think YANBU to expect the teacher at primary school level to say happy birthday. YWBU to complain about it though.

Cacacoisfarraige · 23/04/2021 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigWoollyJumpers · 23/04/2021 09:35

Gosh - There was me thinking surely this is the norm! Primary school for DD's had a list on the wall of everyones birthday, and at registration each got sung "Happy Birthday". I am actually quite sad that most schools don't bother, how impersonal.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/04/2021 09:37

I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.

Yes it does sound really mean. It takes all of 5 minutes to sing Happy Birthday. I bet the staff were majorly pissed of with it being dropped.

Hmmmm2018 · 23/04/2021 09:40

@Alittlenonsensenowandthen

In our school it was used as a learning opportunity. So, the months of the year were on the wall but each child had a pic in the month of their birthday. The kids all made birthday cards (they got allocated a child each) at start of term and it got put in a box for the year (writing skills). Then we'd norm bring in sweets on our child's birthday. Small school admittedly but not huge effort for teacher, learning opportunities and the chance to make a child enjoy school.
This is what good teaching is and is so great to hear. My children's school did similar. And it is a two way thing, as our teachers are kind and respectful to our children our children want to reciprocate, my children on their own initiative have made cards or used their pocket money to buy a gift for their teacher on their birthday at times. Learning kindness and care are important parts of a childs development
MrsWombat · 23/04/2021 09:40

I would be disappointed too, OP.

The best thing to do is give them a badge. My little one doesn't like a badge so I wrote a label to stick on his jumper and polo shirt.

I don't know how it works with GDPR and Covid now but when my oldest was in the younger years at school they always had a birthday list displayed on the wall, which I guess helps with learning the days and months of the year with a real life and exciting context. I know they definitely still acknowledge birthdays with my younger child. The birthday child is always at the front of the going home queue and gets to pick the dance music or cbeebies show as a treat.

AnnieKN · 23/04/2021 09:43

My children’s school do seem to remember birthdays - nothing major just saying happy birthday and singing it in the morning. The teachers have a list of class birthdays issued at the start or term.

Several close friends and family are teachers so I do understand they have so much on their plate that it wouldn’t be a priority.

One of my kids had a birthday during lockdown and he wanted his teacher to know (he’s 5) so he wore a party hat with ‘it’s my birthday’ on it during the morning video call Grin I didn’t expect the teacher to remember in the midst of covid madness.

Oblomov21 · 23/04/2021 09:45

I don't expect school to remember.

saraclara · 23/04/2021 09:47

[quote DIshedUp]@saraclara that very much sounds like 10 minutes?[/quote]
Then you've just proved my point.

ddl1 · 23/04/2021 09:48

I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.

Whether it sounds mean or not, I wish my school had had the same policy! I always HATED to be sung 'Happy Birthday' to in school assembly - partly because I hated everyone knowing my new age and partly because I just found it terribly embarrassing.

kittycat863 · 23/04/2021 09:51

It's nice to celebrate birthdays and all, but please consider the mental load of teachers. Teachers have 100 things to get done at any given moment, with other things thrown in. They can't do it all, especially with 30 kids and big cuts to support staff. I quit investment banking (100+ hour weeks) and moved into teaching primary, and let me tell you, teaching was soooo much more stressful and all the little things to remember kept me awake at night! So please, if you want your child to be acknowledged on their birthday, have them wear a badge.

feathersandferns · 23/04/2021 09:52

Former primary teacher here - in Reception or Year 1, we would often have the kids' birthdays up on display somewhere in the classroom. However, in older years - I mostly taught Year 4 and Year 5 - the child normally comes in wearing a badge or with cakes to hand out to everyone after school, so it's blindingly obvious it's their birthday. They would also probably have mentioned it to me for several days in the run up to their birthday! There is no way I would have been able to magically remember thirty children's individual birthdays on top of all the other stuff I was juggling as a class teacher. YABU :)

RightOnTheEdge · 23/04/2021 09:52

I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.
You are right. That sounds really mean.

On my ds's birthday he came home with a card made in class for him. I think they all the draw a picture and make a birthday card then one gets handed out on birthdays it was really nice.

Kids used to bring in cake to share or Haribos to give out but that got banned a couple of years ago.

Crappyfridays7 · 23/04/2021 09:57

It was my sons birthday last month just after they went back to school and he didn’t want a fuss or singing. No badge but obs we celebrate at home. The teacher of my younger son has a list on the wall of who has a birthday in each month so they do extra nice jobs on their birthday and they make the kids feel a bit special. Different in every school and they should take into account what the child would prefer.

derxa · 23/04/2021 10:09

In the good old days we did celebration assemblies when we did birthdays of the week. People sent in sweets or cakes when it was their child's birthday. Happy days.

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/04/2021 10:12

Nursery and the first few years of infants used to have birthdays by month on a wall when mine were little. Children used to bring weeks in but I think that stopped a few years ago.

I would never have expected a teacher to make a fuss.

TurquoiseDress · 23/04/2021 10:12

Ha ha are you for real?

I can't keep up with birthdays for friends & extended family!

Can imagine teachers have lots more pressing things to deal with than knowing every pupil's birthday

WutheringTights · 23/04/2021 10:12

At my kids' school (primary) each class has a chart on the wall with everyone's birthdays. They make it as a class at the start of the year and a big fuss is made on each child's birthday. I thought that was pretty standard for primary, given how important birthdays are to children. Can understand nothing specific being done in secondary, although I'm sure I remember my form teacher in secondary always noticing my birthday. It's just kind, no?

TurquoiseDress · 23/04/2021 10:14

I LOVE Mumsnet

Always some completely bonkers thread to make me laugh despite whatever is going on in life!

Grin
trixies · 23/04/2021 10:19

It doesn't sound like your DS wants a fuss made. He didn't mention it to anyone and he hid his badge. I don't think there's anything wrong with this - as a kid we didn't do birthday celebrations in primary and I think I'd have been mortified by them if we had. But I'd suggest taking your cue from your DS, rather than by a sense of what you think teacher should've done.

LuaDipa · 23/04/2021 10:23

When mine were small, most teachers were very proactive with celebrating birthdays. Some even had a wall chart so everyone could see. And I always sent mine in with massive badge, cake or buns and sweets on the day.

SixDegrees · 23/04/2021 10:35

My DC’s primary school had birthday charts on the classroom walls the last time we were allowed in for parents evening. So I don’t suppose it’s unreasonable to expect the teacher to be aware of when the pupil’s birthdays are.

However, if there’s a massive fuss made of birthdays, it is a bit shit for those kids who’ve always got their birthdays in the school holidays. It’s (understandably) very easy for those children’s birthdays to be overlooked entirely.