Page 15 | AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

LardiLaLardiLi · 2021-04-22T20:19:53+00:00

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it. WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:19

Something weird happened with my bolding there. First paragraph was quoting Littlefluffyclouds

MarchXX · 23/04/2021 08:20

I've just read the thread and am shocked that teachers are not expected to take a moment to find out the birthdays of the young people who they will be spending the entire year teaching and nurturing! Celebrating a child's birthday only take a few minutes out of the day, I mean, how long does it take to sing "Happy Birthday" for heavens sake?

@LardiLaLardiLi, I bet you're sorry you started this thread now. What a shame there are so many negative, uncaring comments .

EnoughnowIthink · 23/04/2021 08:21

It would take what, 10 minutes at the start of the school year to organise a way of being reminded

Do you know how many things we have to do at the beginning of a school year that just take 10 minutes?!

Teachers also have a birthday box with small, simple gifts (stationery, little toys, notepads etc) and they can select one

Just so I understand correctly, your expectation is that teachers should be buying gifts for children's birthdays?

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:21

@MarchXX

I've just read the thread and am shocked that teachers are not expected to take a moment to find out the birthdays of the young people who they will be spending the entire year teaching and nurturing! Celebrating a child's birthday only take a few minutes out of the day, I mean, how long does it take to sing "Happy Birthday" for heavens sake?

@LardiLaLardiLi, I bet you're sorry you started this thread now. What a shame there are so many negative, uncaring comments .

To be fair, there are also lots of supportive ones, and lots of useful comments from teachers who do mark birthdays.

grapewine · 23/04/2021 08:23

Teachers are there to teach. They have enough to worry about beyond children's birthdays. What's sad is that it's expected that they put energy into that as well.

saraclara · 23/04/2021 08:34

It really doesn't take "just ten minutes at the beginning of the year" to collate and create a system for remembering 30 birthdays.

How do you think birthday walls (for instance) appear? They resources have to be found to make it, the display made, 30 name labels printed, and then going through the register to put dates in and the labels in the right place. That is very far from a ten minute job.

Many/most primary teachers will do it, but a parent thinking this takes ten minutes shows how they don't have a clue about the time things take and the priorities in a teacher's job.

user1471505494 · 23/04/2021 08:41

I think you need to grow up and to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around your child

Cookiecrisps · 23/04/2021 08:43

@saraclara that is very true. Also many schools dictate exactly what displays should be in each classroom. In my school we have learning walks to check the displays and there is a set list of things that are ‘allowed’ up on the walls. We have been told off for having the ‘wrong colour of paper’ on the working wall.

In terms of GDPR pre covid we were told to use only initials up on the walls in the room as parents were invited into the classrooms regularly for events.

Although this seems really petty, it is the reality of some primary schools at the moment.

worriedatthemoment · 23/04/2021 08:46

Both my ds have school hold birthdays do missed out on any of this anyway, but ds1 would of been mortified if anyone sang happy birthday to him, maybe your son doesn't like the fuss and thats why he didn't say anything?

DIshedUp · 23/04/2021 08:56

@singsingbluesilver have you ever been to the dentist on your birthday? Most people don't chose that as a birthday activity. I wish all my patients happy birthday if it is their birthday. My system tells me when their birthday is and shows a little cake, so I cant really miss it - every operating system I've ever worked with has a system like this do I don't understand why teaching systems dont. If its a child and their birthday is soon I will ask them about it.

I really think having the childs birthday on the register is not difficult. It literally takes 30 seconds to say happy birthday

DIshedUp · 23/04/2021 08:56

@saraclara that very much sounds like 10 minutes?

Maggiesfarm · 23/04/2021 08:57

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

Do you really expect a teacher to know the birthdays of every child in the class? Did you not send him wearing a badge?

I am sorry but you are being wholly unreasonable.

I agree.

DIshedUp · 23/04/2021 08:58

Its also not teacher bashing. People are allowed to criticise something without it being teacher bashing.

ToffeePennie · 23/04/2021 09:01

I always send mine in with a birthday tshirt and a huge badge, a pile of cupcakes, a box of sweets and some biscuits. Admittedly he is the last birthday of the year and the youngest though.

IbrahimaRedTwo · 23/04/2021 09:03

Do you really expect a teacher to know the birthdays of every child in the class?

I've never come across a primary teacher that didn't/ You have a list of them in your desk, or on the all, its hardly a big ask!

MollyButton · 23/04/2021 09:05

At my DC's Primary school they tended to have all of the birthdays displayed on the wall and celebrated. And usually the birthday child went in wearing a birthday badge.

Admittedly at the Juniors they had a rolling display screen which used to mention the birthday children on the rolling news - except one of my DDs was missed - and it was a year before they stopped the birthday message for everyone.

ddl1 · 23/04/2021 09:06

I wouldn't expect that of a teacher, no. It's unfair to the teacher to expect them to carry that sort of 'mental load' in addition to everything else they have to keep in mind. Also, not every child will want that sort of attention. I have always hated, even as a child, to be publicly reminded of my new age, and am doubtless unusual in that way; but even without that, a shy child might not like to have their teacher draw that sort of attention to them. If a child wants their teacher to wish them a happy birthday, they will, and often do, mention their birthday to the teacher; - the teacher should not be expected to remember it spontaneously.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/04/2021 09:09

Definitely not being unreasonable, OP. It is all part of the socialising of the class, of belonging, of caring for and celebrating your classmates

Yes its an excellent way of teaching them also that some people are always left out for no fault of their own and that's just fine.

There are many activities in schools which can develop community spirit far better and more equably than focusing on a list of special activities for the lucky term time birthdays.

Hmmmm2018 · 23/04/2021 09:09

I am so surprised everyone thinks teachers shouldn't possibly be expected to recognise their pupils birthdays. My children's state primary school have always remembered their birthdays, the teacher has a calendar with the 30 children's birthday on. I don't expect them to remember the date of my child's birthday but having a system of a simple calendar that tells them when it is I think is a sign of a school who nurture and care for our children in a rounded way. Even during lockdown they sang Happy birthday during the zoom session. These little things help children to feel welcome and special and this in turn supports their enthusiasm for learning.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/04/2021 09:10

I’m a teacher.

I had a list above my desk of birthdays in my form group and in my exam classes. I’d take a cake in on someone’s birthday.

Birthdays also came up every day on the computerised registration system. It’s not a big deal to remember birthdays

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 23/04/2021 09:16

Aww I think that’s thoughtless of the teacher. I’ve been a primary school teacher and we had the months of the year stuck up round the class with each child’s name and date next to their birthday month. I’d feel awful for not mentioning a primary age child’s birthday.
In my children’s school they get to choose a music track and a game at the end of the day and they all sing Happy Birthday. I thought this was standard tbh!

Excitablemuch · 23/04/2021 09:20

The job of a teacher is to make sure children are safe and teach them stuff. Increase knowledge, build resilience. Not remember birthdays. I actually stopped my school spending every Friday assembly singing happy birthday to children.... sounds mean but school should be celebrating learning and achievement not another year around the sun.
That said, I always wish the children in my class happy birthday- I have a birthday hat (very embarrassing with candles in the top) that they can wear if they wish BUT I rely on them to tell me it is their birthday. We will even sing as a class but, take time out of my busy schedule to make sure I know whose birthday it is? No way. I am a professional, an educator and expectations like this that are on schools and teachers are the problem. School is for educating NOT everything else in society!

howmanyhats · 23/04/2021 09:25

@Hmmmm2018

I am so surprised everyone thinks teachers shouldn't possibly be expected to recognise their pupils birthdays. My children's state primary school have always remembered their birthdays, the teacher has a calendar with the 30 children's birthday on. I don't expect them to remember the date of my child's birthday but having a system of a simple calendar that tells them when it is I think is a sign of a school who nurture and care for our children in a rounded way. Even during lockdown they sang Happy birthday during the zoom session. These little things help children to feel welcome and special and this in turn supports their enthusiasm for learning.

I don't even think they actually think that tbh.

There are a lot of people here who just love a chance to berate an OP & tell them they're unreasonable.

If she said she was a teacher and thinks they shouldn't remember birthdays, the same mob would be berating her and saying it's sooo easy to remember and she's unreasonable not to.

fruitbrewhaha · 23/04/2021 09:25

I can see I hold an unpopular opinion. I think the school should wish a child happy birthday. They dont need to remember each child's birthday, it's written down.

In KS1 their names were written up on a month chart so everyone could see whose birthdays is when. The teacher gives a chocolate coin or similar and at lunch the head gets everyone to sing happy birthday, which the older ones find a bit embarrassing.

I'm really glad my DC's school makes an effort.

Incidentally, I run a small business and we are able to mark our staff birthdays with a card and cupcakes. It doesn't take much effort.

singsingbluesilver · 23/04/2021 09:26

Yes, sometimes in my fifty plus years of living and with two dc I have on occasion had to go the doctor or dentist on one of our birthdays. And not none of us were wished happy birthday. I dd not feel the need to email the surgeries to raise it as an issue. They are professionals and do the job they are paid to do. Just like teachers.

It's nice if a teacher says happy birthday - but not essential. It is not part of their professional duties. And just look at some of the responses on here - birthday walls, small gifts, cakes being sent in. I remember a poster on here a couple of years ago complaining that her dd was in floods of tears because the school was being unreasonable about accepting a distributing a pizza delivery they had arranged to school for her class for her birthday. What starts as a lovely gesture can escalate into competitive gifting and demonstrations - and some teachers are guilty of this too. Just because Mrs Teachers buys gifts from her own pocket for the 32 kids in her class every year does not mean every other teacher should do this.

My point is this. It is nice if a teacher acknowledges your child's birthday. They don't have to do it. It is unreasonable to raise it as an issue if they don't. Teachers who don't do it are not being unprofessional, uncaring or bad at their job. They are human beings with many, many other things to do that they have to do.