Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 23/04/2021 07:53

In my 6yr old school they have there photos on a board highlighting birthdays. There is always a happy birthday and mentioned in the weekly news letter. However my older DC who went to a different school had zilch happen on there birthday. They weren’t damaged by that experience

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 23/04/2021 07:53

@namesnamesnamesnames

Actually, I am surprised so many say their schools don't do anything.

Our teachers have birthdays up in the classroom by month, then the teacher has a note of which days they are. They have a song when allowed (covid means they can't sing right now) and a card.

It's an important thing to a young child.

Once again, not knowing does not mean not doing anything.
FourOnTheHill · 23/04/2021 07:54

On my school online register there’s a button on the software for birthdays I always check in the morning during reg. It might be different with a class of 30/ different reg software. If I didn’t, I can’t imagine any child I know not telling me!

DIshedUp · 23/04/2021 07:55

I wouldn't expect a teacher to know the date off by heart but I would expect them to have a system of knowing when children's birthdays are. I cant believe that computer based registration systems don't tell you its a child in your classes birthdays?

I think its sad that teachers on this thread think this its a ridiculous concept. Birthdays are important to children, and wishing a child happy birthday is simple but can make a child happy.

A teacher should have a rough idea of when a child is born, because it will affect their development. How can you teach a child if you don't know if they are August or September? It would worry me what other basic knowledge they didn't know tbh

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 07:56

As it is I’ve just burst into tears in the car which is a sign that I need to step away because that’s completely ridiculous

I'm sorry Year5. You do need a break. It sounds like you are under terrible pressure. Talk to someone senior today.

(The whole birthday-remembering is nothing to do with this, and I think you are seeing for something it's not, due to your understandable exhaustion)

💐

ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 23/04/2021 07:57

I'm a TA in a High School. Myself and another TA used to support a youngster and when his 13th birthday came round we chipped in together gifted him a chocolate bar and some fancy pencils.

He was so delighted with his gifts that we were touched. It turned out that it was the only birthday gift he received.

Not all children are equal when they leave the school. It wouldn't be too much work for primary teachers to set a reminder for each child's special day, would it?

U2HasTheEdge · 23/04/2021 07:59

@SachaStark

Can I just say that on an evening where I’ve just gone to make a caffeinated drink so that I can stay reliably awake for a couple more hours to finish making preparations for a special Shakespeare event tomorrow, and on a week where every spare moment of my free time has been given over to painting and building sets for the school play alongside all my colleagues (in a year where we might not have even had a school play had it not been for our efforts)... that reading a thread where the implication is that I’m not “caring enough” for not knowing the kids’ birthdays by heart feels just awesome.
It isn't difficult. You have a birthday wall, or a list, or some other way of being prompted. No one expects teachers to know birthdays off by heart, of course they don't.

I have never known a class (and I've had 5 in school) that didn't recognise children's birthdays. It would take what, 10 minutes at the start of the school year to organise a way of being reminded of a birthday, and a couple of minutes to say or sing happy birthday. I know teachers are busy, most of us are, but this does not have to be time consuming.

YetGo · 23/04/2021 08:00

If other birthdays are routinely celebrated at school then YANBU.
If culture is low key/zilch then YABU.

However you are paying for the education so that puts a different perspective on expectations of school ability to treat children as individuals.

MsAwesomeDragon · 23/04/2021 08:01

My dd is very shy. Her birthday was in the first week they went back after lockdown. She warned me and all her friends that they had better NOT tell her teacher, because she HATES being the centre of attention. She was terrified that they would sing to her, as that sort of thing makes her want to hide under the table but she's too old for that to be socially acceptable.

It's entirely possible that your ds deliberately chose not to share his birthday with his teacher. There are plenty of kids around who are perfectly happy at school, have friends, etc but just don't like all the fuss that happens on birthdays. They are happier just getting on with things quietly. I was like that and both my dds were/are like that. It doesn't make us wrong or even mean there's something to worry about necessarily.

Do your ds's friends know it was his birthday? Have you arranged any sort of birthday "party" (I know it's not much of a party with only a very few kids, outside)? Are you making a fuss of him with the family? Those are the important things about birthdays surely. The teacher wishing you happy birthday is way down the list of things that make birthdays fun.

saraclara · 23/04/2021 08:01

I had a board with birthdays on in my classroom. But there was so much going on at the beginning of the day, so much in my head, that looking at it simply wasn't something I'd always remember to do. So I relied on being nudged in some way.

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 23/04/2021 08:03

In our school it was used as a learning opportunity. So, the months of the year were on the wall but each child had a pic in the month of their birthday. The kids all made birthday cards (they got allocated a child each) at start of term and it got put in a box for the year (writing skills). Then we'd norm bring in sweets on our child's birthday. Small school admittedly but not huge effort for teacher, learning opportunities and the chance to make a child enjoy school.

year5teacher · 23/04/2021 08:03

@EarringsandLipstick

As it is I’ve just burst into tears in the car which is a sign that I need to step away because that’s completely ridiculous

I'm sorry Year5. You do need a break. It sounds like you are under terrible pressure. Talk to someone senior today.

(The whole birthday-remembering is nothing to do with this, and I think you are seeing for something it's not, due to your understandable exhaustion)

💐

Thank you Flowers going to talk to my head of year! I think I’m just taking it overly personally like you say.
singsingbluesilver · 23/04/2021 08:04

My favourite comment is that birthdays congrats should take priority over teaching time spent on grammar. I think I will kick off next time I visit the dr and dentist that they have not ever wished me or any member of my family happy birthday.

I am so glad to be out of teaching. As if we don't have enough to do without the fear of upsetting a parent over this.

sasbiscuit · 23/04/2021 08:05

As a teacher we are very very very busy.........!

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:05

Good luck @year5teacher

I hope you get some support. It sounds like you are absolutely drained & have been going over & beyond for your students.

I hope after school today, you could put it all out of your mind for the weekend & try to get a break.

I've been in a similar position before.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 08:07

My favourite comment is that birthdays congrats should take priority over teaching time spent on grammar.

I always say something similar to parents who send in entire cakes with the expectation of them being cut and served (again, very against our school rules).

"What lesson do you expect this time to come out of?"

I did have one who said she'd expect me to cut it in my break time. Laughed in her face - couldn't help it - but at the same time I admired the ballsiness to come out and say what others kept trying to imply.

sashh · 23/04/2021 08:08

I'm waiting for the OP to say her child is 15.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 23/04/2021 08:09

i thought it would be in the register

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:09

@sashh

I'm waiting for the OP to say her child is 15.
Well given that the thread title mentions primary I think we can assume he's not 15. 🙄
year5teacher · 23/04/2021 08:10

@EarringsandLipstick Thank you for being so lovely! You have made me feel a lot better. Pulled myself together now after a cup of tea and ordering fish and chips from the canteen for lunch 😂 I hope you have a lovely day!

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 23/04/2021 08:11

@EarringsandLipstick

I'm far from angry my dear

I would be delighted to receive an email from op about the matter, I'd then definitely be in the running for the funniest/worst email of the week!

Your condescending tone is awful.

I definitely don't think OP should email the teacher.

But if she did, I hope the teacher would realise it was done in a spirit of enquiry & wouldn't see it as a chance to mock or belittle the parent, behind their back.

I'm so glad the teachers I know are not like this.

If I sounded condescending it was intentional. I'm so fed up of teacher bashing, it's tiresome. If your friends are teachers, you should know very little about their work life. I'm too professional to share any of the nonsense I deal with from parents, with my non teaching friends - I vent at work and on here!
EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:11

Sionnach I totally get that it's not appropriate to spend time cutting up & serving a cake (wouldn't be allowed in my DC' school either). But the snippy question is just not nice, or laughing in their face.

You can just, politely, explain it. No other response needed.

I'd be mortified & upset of anyone, teacher or otherwise, spoke to me like that.

MarchXX · 23/04/2021 08:13

@LardiLaLardiLi

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it. WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?
Definitely not being unreasonable, OP. It is all part of the socialising of the class, of belonging, of caring for and celebrating your classmates.

I work in a primary school and in all classes there is a small display featuring every month of the year with names of each child in 'their' birthday month.

If they have their birthday during lockdown or holidays we sing happy birthday to them all when we're back at school. Teachers also have a birthday box with small, simple gifts (stationery, little toys, notepads etc) and they can select one.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:13

[quote year5teacher]@EarringsandLipstick Thank you for being so lovely! You have made me feel a lot better. Pulled myself together now after a cup of tea and ordering fish and chips from the canteen for lunch 😂 I hope you have a lovely day![/quote]
Ah good year5! I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I have known that kind of stress too. It's awful & I feel so sorry that you're there.

I hope the day goes well (as much as it can) & you get proper support. ❤️

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 08:18

If * I sounded condescending it was intentional. I'm so fed up of teacher bashing, it's tiresome.*

I think that's ridiculous. Why choose to be condescending as as response?

This thread, broadly was not teacher-bashing. Some of the responses from supposed teachers are horrible tho.

I'm in Ireland. My own role is a teaching one (tho in 3rd level). It's not perfect at all, but I think teachers are better supported in schools than in the UK (possibly others would disagree with this!) there is unfortunately, also teacher bashing, especially recently.

I support you entirely to be annoyed at teacher bashing.
But this thread wasn't it. And teachers on this thread (not meaning you specifically) who were snide, sarcastic & condescending, instead of taking the points being made, paint their profession in a bad light. There's no need.