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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
littlepieces · 23/04/2021 07:27

Congratulate them on their birthday? What for?

Cookiecrisps · 23/04/2021 07:28

We always clap to celebrate a child’s birthday in class and make a fuss of them but I would often rely on the child saying it is their birthday today or wearing a birthday badge to remind me of this fact. This is because from the moment children come in in the morning it is 100% full on all day.

I would think carefully before sending an email to the child’s teacher.

OverTheRainbow88 · 23/04/2021 07:28

Put a bday badge on him

WhySoSensitive · 23/04/2021 07:30

Wow.

MsTSwift · 23/04/2021 07:33

Absolutely Floweree. The system is truly broken if primary school teachers are ignoring birthdays of small children (hugely important to every kid I have met) in favour of grammar. Very sad.

Daisydad · 23/04/2021 07:33

Kids in our school have their own non uniform day on their birthday. That way everyone knows, and says ‘happy birthday’

namesnamesnamesnames · 23/04/2021 07:34

Actually, I am surprised so many say their schools don't do anything.

Our teachers have birthdays up in the classroom by month, then the teacher has a note of which days they are. They have a song when allowed (covid means they can't sing right now) and a card.

It's an important thing to a young child.

Roomba · 23/04/2021 07:35

Our school does have a display of what month everyone's boirthday is in on the wall during YR/Y1/YR (helps kids learn the months) and would usually sin happy birthday and hand out cake/sweets if you send your child in with them. But the onus is on the parent to do this, it's ridiculous to expect the teacher to know and put extra work into remembering this! And it's more for the youngest kids, not Y6.

However, at the moment bringing any cakes or sweets in is banned (Covid) and singing in the tiny classroom is also banned (Covid). So a quick happy birthday from the teacher at hometime and a clap may be the best they can do.

Both my kids have birthdays during usual school holidays and they've managed fine without school making a fuss over them. There are several children in their classes who do not celebrate birthdays and make a point of not partaking in others' celebrations due to religion, so it makes even more work for teachers having to recall who can't join in too.

MsTSwift · 23/04/2021 07:35

My primary school was really crap (tiny village primary 3 elderly teachers all coasting to retirement wouldn’t get away with it now!) but every child’s birthday was marked.

Namechange2790 · 23/04/2021 07:37

When I was at primary school, there were 3 kids in my class who were Jehovah witnesses so didn’t celebrate birthdays. Therefore it would be extremely poor practise to automatically celebrate a child’s birthday if they had not mentioned it or implied in anyway that it was celebrated.
Just an alternative view there

year5teacher · 23/04/2021 07:38

@MsTSwift

Absolutely Floweree. The system is truly broken if primary school teachers are ignoring birthdays of small children (hugely important to every kid I have met) in favour of grammar. Very sad.
If this is aimed at me, you are so out of line I can’t even begin to explain.
LesserBother · 23/04/2021 07:38

You don't go into work announcing your birthday.

It's fairly normal for people to announce their birthday (and bring cakes) at every place I've ever worked. If you didn't announce your own people would presume you didn't want a fuss and it wouldn't be mentioned.

I wonder if that has happened here, teachers expect a child to mention it if they want it acknowledged and the fact that it hasn't been mentioned has been interpreted as the child not wanting a fuss. I hated having happy birthday sung to me as a child.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 07:39

@IggyAce

You do realise that there are 29 other kids in the class and not just your precious snowflake. I suggest you work on building your child’s self esteem, because most kids in our school would be telling me it was there birthday, some countdown the week before.
Is there any need for your singularly nasty expression? 'Precious snowflake'? Really?

I'm taking that you are a teacher by the rest of your post. It's so disappointing to know a teacher will happily talk about a child this way. At least no teacher I know, personally or that teaches my DC would.

namesnamesnamesnames · 23/04/2021 07:40

@megletthesecond

My primary school celebrated birthdays in the early 80s. They had a plastic cake and lit a real candle on it.
We did the same, in main assembly too! Was a HUGE deal.
SpamIAm · 23/04/2021 07:40

Haven't RTFT but I don't even know my nieces and nephews birthdays...

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 07:42

@year5teacher

It’s so hilarious that I can spend literal hours of my evenings thinking about ways to support children who haven’t been able to write a sentence until they’ve got to my class, lie in bed worrying about certain other children, spend my own money on books I know they’ll like, and frankly at the moment out my relationship on the rocks because I am massively prioritising my job due to all the time they’ve missed... and because I chose to allocate the limited display space I have to a grammar display rather than a birthday one then I “can’t be arsed”. It’s actually really belittling.
Who said any of that?

It's not exclusive. You sound like you are working really hard. Having a system to mark a child's birthday is possible without adding to that work.

namesnamesnamesnames · 23/04/2021 07:42

What the hell is wrong with wanting to give a young child a boost, to let them know they're special on that day and celebrate it with an acknowledgement that takes just a few minutes?

Some of you are really miserable.

Before anyone says it, yes I know all children are special and it doesn't take a birthday but you know what I mean.

Abraxan · 23/04/2021 07:43

We sing happy birthday if the child tells us it is their birthday.
We don't often remember birthdays unless reminded by the child.

In reception birthdays are often on the display boards, but even so you might not look at the board every day.

Our parents tend to upload a photograph of birthday child on to their remote learning account so it's a good reminder - not doing remote learning now but still using the software.

Ours aren't allowed to take in cakes/sweets etc at the moment.

singsingbluesilver · 23/04/2021 07:43

Oh for goodness sakes. Don't you think teachers have enough to do - especially at the moment. I assume your child got plenty of Happy Birthdays from their friends and family. If you email about this what will you be doing if there is an actual issue in the future?

year5teacher · 23/04/2021 07:44

This thread is definitely getting to me an unreasonable amount 😂 I’ve had three hours of sleep and a mountain of marking to take home tonight. I literally give so much to my job (as so many people in lots of jobs do) to the detriment of my personal life. People insinuating that it’s “sad” and that teachers like me don’t care wouldn’t normally bother me that much. As it is I’ve just burst into tears in the car which is a sign that I need to step away because that’s completely ridiculous 😂 I would never ignore a child’s birthday but rightly or wrongly, in my school I wouldn’t get away with dedicating a display board to a birthday display. Maybe next year I’ll get a calendar (and probably forget to check it!!)

namesnamesnamesnames · 23/04/2021 07:44

I remember always getting and giving the bumps too in school in the 80s!

TeachesOfPeaches · 23/04/2021 07:45

I definitely thought this was a troll thread when I opened it last night, it appears not!

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 07:45

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin

This is by far my favourite ever teacher bashing thread of all time!
Utter bollocks. There's no teacher bashing here. FGS.

A parent asked a question. Some people through she was reasonable, some thought she was unreasonable. Mixed views on if a teacher should remember a birthday or not.

Interspersed with useful views from teachers, we have had some nonsensical and sometimes nasty comments from some teachers.

No-one has been teacher-bashing.

(Unless you were writing that tongue-in-cheek?)

year5teacher · 23/04/2021 07:47

@EarringsandLipstick there was a shitty comment from a PP saying that it’s sad teachers can’t be arsed to bother remembering birthdays etc. I’m pointing out that it’s depressing to put so much into a job and then still be told that, especially to be accused of not caring.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/04/2021 07:52

I'm far from angry my dear

I would be delighted to receive an email from op about the matter, I'd then definitely be in the running for the funniest/worst email of the week!

Your condescending tone is awful.

I definitely don't think OP should email the teacher.

But if she did, I hope the teacher would realise it was done in a spirit of enquiry & wouldn't see it as a chance to mock or belittle the parent, behind their back.

I'm so glad the teachers I know are not like this.