Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
JustLyra · 23/04/2021 03:55

It’s only remotely an issue if the teacher made a huge fuss of every other child on their birthday and not one.

Every school I’ve ever worked in had a “one or none” policy and birthdays were either marked or not

Have the other children had a fuss created by the teacher?

Workingfromhomeishell · 23/04/2021 03:58

Its your responsibility to mention it on the morning at drop off if you want them to say happy birthday.

Highly unreasonable to expect the teacher to memorise 30 birthdays

scochran · 23/04/2021 05:10

Yes, where I work we have the months of the year displayed and birthday names on it. Quick song and clap fun and easy.
Older years someone probably needs to say it's their birthday and every teacher I've ever met would be happy to sing happy birthday and sing. Some keep special birthday hat ready for person to wear for the day.
Staff and childrens birthdays in assembly too.
Some children don't get much birthday fun at home so i like this.

SmednotaSmoo · 23/04/2021 05:27

My kid’s schools have a generic birthday card (there’s a competition each year to design it) and so every child gets a birthday card from the school on their birthday or on the last term day before their birthday.

I know teaching is a shit job, but at primary level I’d be a bit disappointed that the “valuing children as individuals” mantra we get told about wasn’t reflected in “their special day” thing, and all records are computerised enough now, I can’t believe it’s so difficult for the school admin team to make this really easy for teachers. (I can run a report off for work for my staff’s birthdays, I’d they’ve consented to share that info).

It goes both ways. My children usually know their teacher’s birthday is coming up so they get sung happy birthday to too as well.

Notcrackersyet · 23/04/2021 05:30

@letsghostdance

As a teacher, there is no way I would know when all of the birthdays in my class are. Nor would I bother to make the time to do it. I would expect the child or the child's friends to tell me and then I would make a fuss. You are being massively precious.
I find this (and may other posts laughing at the OP) depressing. There’ll always be a quiet little kid who sadly doesn’t get a little fuss made of them if they gave no mates to do it for them. In primary school how hard can it be to have a mechanism to know who’s birthday it is when? And so ensure that all kids are treated equally. In my DSD’s school they make a cake in class every month for the birthday kids of that month. And there’s acknowledgment on the day. It’s basic learning about being a member of a community. Not just a frivolous add on.
Suzi888 · 23/04/2021 05:55

Our school does! Card and a virtual happy birthday on the school app.

nancywhitehead · 23/04/2021 06:05

I actually don't think you are being all that unreasonable. As some have said teachers are extremely busy and of course the teacher can't remember 30 birthdays... but that's why they should have something like a birthday chart with all the children's names on to remind them. Then all it takes is a quick glance to see if any birthdays are coming up that month.

Especially if there are only 12 children in the class, I think it's a bit sad that they don't make an effort to note when the birthdays are.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/04/2021 06:13

@LardiLaLardiLi

Thank you all for telling me that other schools do celebrate birthdays and some in great style! I think a Birthday Walk would be a lot of fun. Maybe once a month for all birthdays 😂 I think for kids, especially in primary, it's really important to acknowledge their BDs. As an adult I never expect anyone except for the closest family to remember. I don't celebrate my birthdays.
Important? Why?

My DD1 has enough people remembering it’s her birthday without her school making a fuss too. A simple Happy Birthday! when told that it’s her birthday is more than enough.

I’m a teacher and I definitely do not remember all of the children’s birthdays. I have 30 of them and they change each year! If I’m made aware, I just say HBD and, in non-covid times, we sing to them.

Making too much of a fuss could make the children with birthdays in the holidays feel bad (or relieved...)

Doghead · 23/04/2021 06:15

I'm sorry, but although your world might revolve around your child, not everyone else's does.

Anycrispsleft · 23/04/2021 06:18

I don't think anyone is suggesting the teacher memorise 30 dobs but they could just write it on a calendar and check it while they do the register? Our school does it, and tbh if they didn't, the kids would loudly remind the teacher. The kids are also allowed to bring in sweets for their colleagues on the day so that tends to give it away. It's important that the teacher knows because you get a small present feon school including a homework excuse voucher and nobody wants to miss out on that!

IggyAce · 23/04/2021 06:19

You do realise that there are 29 other kids in the class and not just your precious snowflake. I suggest you work on building your child’s self esteem, because most kids in our school would be telling me it was there birthday, some countdown the week before.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/04/2021 06:22

@IggyAce

You do realise that there are 29 other kids in the class and not just your precious snowflake. I suggest you work on building your child’s self esteem, because most kids in our school would be telling me it was there birthday, some countdown the week before.
I had a month countdown from one child. I had countdowns throughout the days. “It’s 14 1/2 days left!”

On the day of his birthday, I pretended to have no idea what he was talking about. Grin (Before anyone jumps on me, I teach 9-10yos and he thought it was funny)

Whatalottachocca · 23/04/2021 06:28

In our school, each class has a small display on the wall with the birthdays on it, month by month. The teacher's and TA's birthday is on it too. We never.miss a birthday.

year5teacher · 23/04/2021 06:31

@ceeveebeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

What message does it send to a child when the adult that they spend 6 hours a day 5 times a week can’t be arsed to create a simply birthday wall or acknowledge their birthday? Particularly at the moment when children have had such a shit year and mostly missed our on celebrating their birthday due to restrictions?
Honestly, get a grip.
year5teacher · 23/04/2021 06:34

It’s so hilarious that I can spend literal hours of my evenings thinking about ways to support children who haven’t been able to write a sentence until they’ve got to my class, lie in bed worrying about certain other children, spend my own money on books I know they’ll like, and frankly at the moment out my relationship on the rocks because I am massively prioritising my job due to all the time they’ve missed... and because I chose to allocate the limited display space I have to a grammar display rather than a birthday one then I “can’t be arsed”.
It’s actually really belittling.

Ohtheplacesyougo · 23/04/2021 06:35

Our school remembers birthdays and sends them home with a card the teacher has made!

SuperSange · 23/04/2021 06:35

@year5teacher

It’s so hilarious that I can spend literal hours of my evenings thinking about ways to support children who haven’t been able to write a sentence until they’ve got to my class, lie in bed worrying about certain other children, spend my own money on books I know they’ll like, and frankly at the moment out my relationship on the rocks because I am massively prioritising my job due to all the time they’ve missed... and because I chose to allocate the limited display space I have to a grammar display rather than a birthday one then I “can’t be arsed”. It’s actually really belittling.
💐💐💐💐
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 23/04/2021 06:38

@year5teacher

It’s so hilarious that I can spend literal hours of my evenings thinking about ways to support children who haven’t been able to write a sentence until they’ve got to my class, lie in bed worrying about certain other children, spend my own money on books I know they’ll like, and frankly at the moment out my relationship on the rocks because I am massively prioritising my job due to all the time they’ve missed... and because I chose to allocate the limited display space I have to a grammar display rather than a birthday one then I “can’t be arsed”. It’s actually really belittling.
Shush @year5teacher! People want to judge teachers unfairly right now. As we both know, teachers shouldn’t be exempt from ‘constructive’ criticism.
Timeisavirtue · 23/04/2021 06:38

You are defo being unreasonable. Up until year 2 dd and DS teachers have the kids birthdays written on the wall. Now in the years above the kids will bring sweets or cakes in to share with friends (not at the moment due to COVID) dd school has a no uniform on your birthday option. Most kids just tell the teacher it’s their birthday.

AuntieStella · 23/04/2021 06:38

so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it

Don't go there. Do not project your (unreasonable) hurt onto a child who is telling you they're fine. He'll stay shy and awkward if you do that, or even simply ask too much, and come across as intrusive.

He'll already know what happens/doesn't happen in his school for birthdays, and it won't even have occurred to him to expect different.

RoseMalone · 23/04/2021 06:39

Thanks for all you do year5teacher

newnortherner111 · 23/04/2021 06:40

OP, when you were at school wherever it was, probably parents did not waste teachers time challenging every time their child misbehaved like some petulant footballer arguing with a referee, had a class of children whose parents had ensured they could tie shoelaces and use a toilet before they started school, and were not overweight because of being fed junk food and never walking any distance. So teachers had time to keep a note of every child's birthday and remember.

shiningcuckoo · 23/04/2021 06:42

I'm a teacher. I try really hard to check but sometimes forget and so rely on children reminding me. I have a special cardboard cake with a real candle and we sing happy birthday. Sometimes parents send intreats which are shared. But a couple of years ago I had a number of Jehovah's Witness children in my class so had to skip the whole birthday thing.

AuntieStella · 23/04/2021 06:42

think a Birthday Walk would be a lot of fun. Maybe once a month for all birthdays

Are your DC in school every month?

Because on the English term pattern, there are DC whose birthday never falls in termtime, and for some neither does their birth month.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 23/04/2021 06:45

@year5teacher

How on earth am I meant to memorise the birthdays of 30 children?

We don’t tend to do the “birthday display” thing - some of my colleagues in ks1 might but I don’t think anyone in my key stage does. I’ve had a child’s tell me it was their mate’s birthday, and their friend was upset because they don’t like to draw attention to their birthday.

I cannot believe you are thinking of emailing the teacher to remind them of your child’s birthday. Give your head a fucking wobble.

You teach y5 but have never heard of a calendar? It'll remember things for you, surprisingly handy things.