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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a teacher (primary) to know my DC DOB and congratulate on the day?

665 replies

LardiLaLardiLi · 22/04/2021 21:19

My DS had a birthday today and his teacher hasn't said anything. I'm not sure if it's a done thing to congratulate kids in class on their birthday, though. It was when I was in school (different country). He said the school didn't know it was his BD today (he was there since nursery) and he said it didn't bother him, but he's quite shy and difficult to read, so I think he was hurt but wouldn't admit it.
WIBU to expect a teacher to say "Happy Birthday"? And would you drop a line to the teacher to remind them?

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 22/04/2021 23:43

@OppsUpsSide

I have remote access to mine. Noone else?

Yup me too, doubt there is a school in the UK without remote access.

I cannot access Sims from home. I did sing Happy birthday to a girl in one of my classes on Monday as her friend told me. She smiled but I think she wasn't chuffed about it.
m0therofdragons · 22/04/2021 23:44

@lemonsyellow I speak to my team 1:1 regularly so I ask them. It’s not hard and no sneaking around required. It gives them an opportunity to say “actually I don’t celebrate my birthday” (although no one ever has). We’re in an open plan office and about a year ago the CEO’s PA came and asked us when our birthdays are and how old as we mark big birthdays with balloons and gifts as a whole office. It’s a great place to work but basically, in answer to your question, we speak to each other. I also know my team members partners’ names and who lives with their mums (couple do), their dc names and rough ages (I’m a bit rubbish at that I’ll admit).

tinytemper66 · 22/04/2021 23:44

I am an August born and the best bit about it is never working on your birthday!

LastRoloIsMine · 22/04/2021 23:46

tinytemper66

I am very jealous. My birthday is 3rd September so pretty much the first day back at school on many occasions...yay me 🤣

fingersdoublecrossed · 22/04/2021 23:50

There's a really big difference between a chart on the wall which celebrates birthdays and a chart on the wall which shows dates/months of birth.
Please don't assume that every teacher works in a primary class that consists of 30 white, British, affluent, Christian children. I certainly don't.
Some families do not celebrate birthdays because of their faith. Some avoid or ignore birthdays because they can't afford presents. Some children don't want to be the centre of attention and don't want their birthday to be celebrated publicly.
It's a minefield. As always, educators are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

HalzTangz · 22/04/2021 23:51

@LardiLaLardiLi

I will bring the sweets tomorrow - the school allows them, thankfully. To posters saying it's unusual he didn't say anything - it is. And it worries me that in a small class setting he's been in for the last few years he's not comfortable doing so. Sad he did take badge to school but wore it under jumper Confused I wonder if he was uncomfortable wearing it without dishing out sweets??
If your child his his badge and didn't tell anyone it was his birthday, maybe it's because he doesn't like the fuss, being sung to etc. Why would you want that fuss making when it's clearly uncomfortable for your child
OnTheSeaShore · 23/04/2021 00:04

It costs very little energy to make a note of each child's birthday on the wall-chart or in your planner. Of course I would remember. I buy them all a card and make a fuss. How could you not?

Happytobejabbed · 23/04/2021 00:08

I was fortunate as a teacher that my own birthday was almost always in the holidays.

Otherwise I’d not have had time to notice it let alone others.

On older type registers, going back 30 years, the dob was fairly easy to see by turning back a page. All but invisible on computer based ones unless you start searching.

Please tell me this is a tongue in cheek posting.

Happytobejabbed · 23/04/2021 00:11

I’ve taught a few JWs who didn’t celebrate their birthdays.

Also one Y8 who when we were talking about birthdays as a group didn’t know when his was. ‘I used to know but I don’t know it now’

(I could look it up)

JockTamsonsBairns · 23/04/2021 00:12

@Blindstupid
Also, 12 children i his class for years? Where the heck are you?
It's normal for small village schools. Not relevant to OP, as she's said that her DC is at private, but small class sizes are normal around here (Yorkshire)

caringcarer · 23/04/2021 00:18

Teachers are there to teach the kids. Not there responsibility to learn all kids birthday in class, often 28 children.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 00:19

Oh feck off, OP. Buy a giant badge next year if it bothers you so.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 00:22

@girasol

It’s funny, in the time that the indignant teachers have spent expressing their outrage on here, they probably could have diarised their pupils birthdays. But a rant on mumsnet is a much better use of your efforts isn’t it?!
Ah yeah, at 11:20 at night the teacher of COURSE has their planner to hand to note down birthdays. Because as we all know, teachers live at school.

You're too funny.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 00:25

@Cacacoisfarraige

In my children school the school app flashes up the birthdays for the teachers benefit.

When my Ds was in JI (just Turning 5) and he said it was his Birthday and the teacher said it wasn’t. There was a bit of a disagreement.
Turns out they had the wrong dob in the system 😂

Oh yeah, that's a huge problem with Aladdin (system most Irish schools use for roll)! Every year it seems to reverse a couple of dates of birth. No idea why. Infuriating and surely not hard to fix.
priccey · 23/04/2021 00:32

My DC school celebrate with cake but I presume the office staff check a data base and organise rather than teacher knowing it. I wouldn't expect them to know it, I don't know all my family members exact DOB.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2021 00:37

At ur school it has become tradition to take in a bag of Moam or Haribo mini bags for a birthday. I am convinced that the teachers encouraged this as its the only way they knew. However it became an issue when certain kids couldnt take them in (usually for financial or neglectful reasons) so the secretary who is awesome, took it upon herself to check the next weeks birthdays and make sure that there was a bag of sweets for the birthday child to give out.

When I was a kid if it was your birthday then sometimes your friends said happy birthday, but often not. And if (as I did) you had a holiday birthday every year, nothing got mentioned. I think it would be better if it was like that, but then we weren't so precious then.

Ridgere · 23/04/2021 00:40

@LastRoloIsMine

I would be really disappointed in a teacher who didn't wish my kids happy birthday and have the class sing for them. I'm not in the UK though. Teachers here seem to manage it quite easily

You honestly would think less of a teacher because they didn't wish your little precious happy birthday?

No wonder this generation a growing up as self involved spoiled brats Hmm

Is it? Hmm
CorvusPurpureus · 23/04/2021 00:40

Our electronic register (registration, & also every class) has a little cake icon next to the kid's name in their birthday.

So it's easy - if the child is in my tutor group, I see it at registration. If I teach someone during the day, I see it then.

& of course I then say happy birthday to them as I spot the cake!

If the school doesn't have a similar system, then it's unlikely to be on anyone's radar.

SionnachRua · 23/04/2021 00:50

However it became an issue when certain kids couldnt take them in (usually for financial or neglectful reasons) so the secretary who is awesome, took it upon herself to check the next weeks birthdays and make sure that there was a bag of sweets for the birthday child to give out.

Yes and this is also a problem when sweets are sent in that not all can eat - like gelatin for a Muslim child for example. Or some sending in entire cakes (expecting teacher to cut and serve) when they've been explicitly told not to. People think they're above the rules.

Yellownotblue · 23/04/2021 00:51

@Jumpers268

And this is why I get mine a birthday badge! I hope he had a good birthday otherwise 😊.
I had literally never heard of a birthday badge until reading this post. My kids are now (a) nearing end of primary and (b) in high school!

I’ve never seen or been told about kids wearing birthday badges to be fussed about at school. Is this a regional thing?

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2021 01:14

@SionnachRua

However it became an issue when certain kids couldnt take them in (usually for financial or neglectful reasons) so the secretary who is awesome, took it upon herself to check the next weeks birthdays and make sure that there was a bag of sweets for the birthday child to give out.

Yes and this is also a problem when sweets are sent in that not all can eat - like gelatin for a Muslim child for example. Or some sending in entire cakes (expecting teacher to cut and serve) when they've been explicitly told not to. People think they're above the rules.

Where I live was very much a white middle class area (I was born here) until about 5 years ago and there has been a big change in the demographic at school. It is still a small village school but there are a lot of children attending from non christian faiths and from countries that have different traditions. The (awesome) secretary keeps on top of this because for even those who dont celebrate birthdays, they still want to give out a little gift like their friends do. She is an old mate from 20+ years ago so I know her secrets, like the bag of vegan haribo that just happens to be in the right bag for the right kid.

I think the old school (70's) way of ignoring birthdays was easier on all concerned, including the children who didnt get taught that they were the centre of the universe!

anxietyanonymous · 23/04/2021 01:53

Depends on the age? My DD is yr 2 and they still have a wall chart and acknowledge and sing. I expect it to taper off from
Next year onwards though.

sorryforswearing · 23/04/2021 02:30

I make a list of birthdays at the beginning of the school year so I know in advance when it’s a child’s birthday. The class sing to them, they get a sweet lolly and ‘Happy Birthday’ certificate (downloaded free from the internet also at beginning of the school year so they are ready and require no work on the day. It takes half an hour to organise for the whole class for a year. When it is a small child’s birthday that’s all that’s important to them on that day and it should be acknowledged, particularly as for some unfortunate children it’s the only recognition their birthday gets.

Notnowjo · 23/04/2021 02:33

I have unresolved childhood trauma from this Wink since there is no tongue in cheek emoji

when i was at primary the whole class used to sing happy birthday to the birthday child, mine was always in the holidays and they never thought to sing happy birthday to holiday birthdays. Always if it was the weekend never the holidays Sad

Now I’m a grownup I always give myself the best present a day off work (broke that rule once because my boss promised me all sorts but he was just a bullying abuser so no chance of me doing THAT again)

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/04/2021 03:22

@LardiLaLardiLi

I will bring the sweets tomorrow - the school allows them, thankfully. To posters saying it's unusual he didn't say anything - it is. And it worries me that in a small class setting he's been in for the last few years he's not comfortable doing so. Sad he did take badge to school but wore it under jumper Confused I wonder if he was uncomfortable wearing it without dishing out sweets??
At my dd’s primary they celebrated birthdays and some teachers did the months / dates on the wall.

From your comment, you cocked up really. If he wants more friends, lots of positive encouragement and ensuring you do things like sweets and parties - Covid permitting. Maybe something in the summer? You can influence your ds far more at this age than at secondary.