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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for having the one drink?

199 replies

AIBU6006 · 22/04/2021 20:11

Name changed for this post.

I was asked by the DM of my sons best friend if I could pick up her DD and watch her for 30 minutes after school as she had been offered an appointment for her first covid vaccination and she didn't want to cancel and rebook the appointment as she'd have to wait 5 weeks for the next available appointment. I told her no problem. (DS and his best friend are 10yo)

The DM is a single parent and pretty much doesn't have any support so I decided to offer for her DD to stay over for longer and have dinner with us and I'd take her back home at around 6.30pm so the DM could have a break. The DM said yes please so that was the plan.

I have another DS who's 8 and the 3 of them were playing video games in the living room so I decided to go and read in the garden so I wasn't hovering around them. I could see and hear them from where I was sitting in the garden.

We all had pizza in the garden together and played a board game and then they went back in to continue playing.

I had 1 bottle of kopparberg in the fridge left over from the weekend so decided to treat myself and have it while sat out reading in the sun after they went back indoors.

My Dsis came into the garden to pick up couple of my deck chairs I said I would lend to her for the coming weekend and she noticed I was having a drink and began chastising me and was shocked that I was consuming alcohol while I was looking after someone else's child and said if she was the mother of the best friend she would have been appalled that I was under the influence of alcohol while caring for her child.

I don't drink often and only have a couple here and there and was only planning on having that one cider. I had only had a third of the drink at this point and I ended up pouring the rest down the sink because she'd made me feel absolutely guilty and ashamed. I honestly didn't see the problem with it to start with but now I'm wondering if I'd been completely irresponsible and I feel terrible! Was it something stupid to do?

OP posts:
IbrahimaRedTwo · 23/04/2021 16:04

I would not do it while minding someone else's child and I would expect the same. Do it with your own child If you wish but if you are in doubt then rather not

Most of us aren't in doubt. OP was doing someone a favour, and in that scenario the person getting the favour is not in a position to tell the person giving the favour what to do or not do.

My position is this: you either trust your kid with me or you don't. And if you do, you accept my judgement on what I do when they are here. If you don't, leave your kid with somone else.

LolaSmiles · 23/04/2021 16:04

Would people be so happy if this was a childminder?
That's totally different. A childminder is offering a professional childcare service, usually to several families, and is bound by the relevant bodies to uphold professional standards.

A play date is not professional childcare.

Do some parents on Mumnet ensure all their parenting choices are in line with Ofsted requirements for childminders? I doubt it.

IbrahimaRedTwo · 23/04/2021 16:05

Would people be so happy if this was a childminder?

What has that got to do with it?

RedcurrantPuff · 23/04/2021 16:06

As long as you weren’t driving, which you weren’t, fine.

rachelgreensroom · 23/04/2021 16:07

I don't think it's helpful to go on about 'anything could happen, what if you had to drive to hospital etc'. The OP feels bad enough already! There's no need to make up scenarios that didn't and wouldn't happen in this particular instance. If people choose not to drink at all around kids then fair enough, but let's not blow this out of proportion and flame the OP when there's no need.

Conkergame · 23/04/2021 16:12

In my friendship circle people only seem to look after kids when drinking! Blush they always invite the other parents in for one or two at the beginning/ end of a play date

Tumbleweed101 · 23/04/2021 16:18

No, you weren't being unreasonable.

sylv165 · 23/04/2021 16:19

I'm so surprised at the number of posters who would have an issue with this. It is something I would do, and would be happy for someone else to do while looking after my kids. Getting absolutely plastered - no. But having one or two drinks would be no problem at all.

katiedidnt · 23/04/2021 16:33

How impaired would you have been after the one drink? Would it have slowed your reaction time when walking the child home and looking out for traffic, that sort of thing?

I would say most people in this country could have one drink and it not be noticeable. I'm an utter lightweight though, so I wouldn't have a drop of alcohol if looking after a child. The answer to whether you were being unreasonable or not really depends on your normal reaction to alcohol. Most people would have been fine. Not all people.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 23/04/2021 16:39

Thinking through my circle of friends, I know some people who would be absolutely fine with this, and some who absolutely wouldn’t. On those grounds I wouldn’t do it unless I was completely certain which camp this particular friend fell into.

midnightstar66 · 23/04/2021 16:46

I’ve had many a glass of wine or two while in charge of other people’s kids. I find it helps

This! Even our school serves beer, wine and cider to parents at school fairs, cinema nights, quiz nights etc so the general consensus must be that having a drink or 2 while in charge of dc is not a crime

Bibidy · 23/04/2021 16:52

How strange, no not an issue at all.

JackieTheFart · 23/04/2021 16:56

I’d offer a cider to someone looking after my kid tbh Confused

And I’m going to have one now, I’m not in sole charge of my kids but I am the only driver.

Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 16:59

@Babysharkdododont

It wasn't stupid, but if you're an infrequent drinker and had a cider in the sun you could well end up quite pissed... I've made that mistake before. Providing you weren't planning on driving its really not an issue.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:00

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

Thinking through my circle of friends, I know some people who would be absolutely fine with this, and some who absolutely wouldn’t. On those grounds I wouldn’t do it unless I was completely certain which camp this particular friend fell into.
She can pay for a fecking babysitter then
Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:03

@ConstantlyChanging

I’d find it a bit odd if someone looking after my young child was drinking before 6pm.
And?
Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:04

@Suzi888

Unsure.... what if there was an accident and you had to drive to hospital or explain the incident to a doctor? Hmm
Oh fffss 🤣🤣
Love51 · 23/04/2021 17:05

@ConstantlyChanging

I’d find it a bit odd if someone looking after my young child was drinking before 6pm.
As would I. But this wasn't a young child, it was a 10 year old. They don't really require much looking after, you just need to feed them if they have a friend to play with.
Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:05

Our local soft play (3rd circle of cell) actually sells wine, I propose your sister burns it to the ground in a Presbyterian fit

Pomped · 23/04/2021 17:07

It’s ONE drink. All saying OP is unreasonable are quite frankly..... Bonkers.

iklboo · 23/04/2021 17:08

There's always the 'what if you needed to drive to the hospital' brigade.

What about - and I know these people can't conceive of this - OP DOESN'T HAVE A CAR?!

What would I do? I can't drive for medical reasons. Do you think I'd leave DS with an injury? You'd call a taxi for a minor injury requiring medical intervention or an ambulance for an emergency.

Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:08

[quote Suzi888]@LST so you would call an ambulance for a bad cut requiring stitches? I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, not really practical is it! You would be waiting hours, I’d rather accidents happen with me being sober than admitting I’ve been drinking and facing blame from the other parent.[/quote]
You are ridiculous

MintyMabel · 23/04/2021 17:09

What has that got to do with it?

It’s either safe, or it isn’t.

A childminder is offering a professional childcare service

So it’s safe to have alcohol whilst looking after children as long as you aren’t being paid for it?

Love51 · 23/04/2021 17:09

I once went babysitting aged 15 for a family I didn't know, I had been recommended by a family I sat for regularly. They asked if I wanted red or white wine! I was a bit flummoxed, I did drink, but this was work. And I was by myself, I usually drank at parties or in the pub or down stoner alley with my mates . I ended up asking if they had any teabags.

Fembot123 · 23/04/2021 17:10

OP it was kind of you to offer to help and even kinder to extend the playdate you have done nothing wrong, ignore your nutty sister and the even nuttier whatifer’s on here