AIBU for having the one drink?

[AIBU6006]

Name changed for this post.

I was asked by the DM of my sons best friend if I could pick up her DD and watch her for 30 minutes after school as she had been offered an appointment for her first covid vaccination and she didn't want to cancel and rebook the appointment as she'd have to wait 5 weeks for the next available appointment. I told her no problem. (DS and his best friend are 10yo)

The DM is a single parent and pretty much doesn't have any support so I decided to offer for her DD to stay over for longer and have dinner with us and I'd take her back home at around 6.30pm so the DM could have a break. The DM said yes please so that was the plan.

I have another DS who's 8 and the 3 of them were playing video games in the living room so I decided to go and read in the garden so I wasn't hovering around them. I could see and hear them from where I was sitting in the garden.

We all had pizza in the garden together and played a board game and then they went back in to continue playing.

I had 1 bottle of kopparberg in the fridge left over from the weekend so decided to treat myself and have it while sat out reading in the sun after they went back indoors.

My Dsis came into the garden to pick up couple of my deck chairs I said I would lend to her for the coming weekend and she noticed I was having a drink and began chastising me and was shocked that I was consuming alcohol while I was looking after someone else's child and said if she was the mother of the best friend she would have been appalled that I was under the influence of alcohol while caring for her child.

I don't drink often and only have a couple here and there and was only planning on having that one cider. I had only had a third of the drink at this point and I ended up pouring the rest down the sink because she'd made me feel absolutely guilty and ashamed. I honestly didn't see the problem with it to start with but now I'm wondering if I'd been completely irresponsible and I feel terrible! Was it something stupid to do?

It was appropriate op it was 1 drink with a meal and you were not driving! Don’t beAt yourself up your dsis has a stick up her bum @AIBU6006

Bloody hell, it was a Koppaberg not a martini! Even a teenager who has never drunk alcohol before wouldnt get drunk on that!

Would people judge blokes for having one cider or beer whilst looking after the kids? Or is it just women who aren't allowed?

I was thinking exactly this. I'm sure that would be seen as 'normal', but a woman, having a relax is odd or irresponsible.

I hope you told her to acquire deck chairs from somewhere else!
It was only 1 drink not like you was necking a bottle of vodka, I had a few beers today while the sun was out. Thoroughly enjoyed them too 😉

A 330ml bottle of Kopparberg is 1.3 units
It's only 4%

It's absolutely fine to have drink whilst looking after a child.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. 18 years on the wagon. I have three kids and no, I don't think you were being unreasonable. I would have been happy for any of my friends to have a drink while looking after my children in the situation you described..

@Cam2020

Would people judge blokes for having one cider or beer whilst looking after the kids? Or is it just women who aren't allowed?

I was thinking exactly this. I'm sure that would be seen as 'normal', but a woman, having a relax is odd or irresponsible.

I’m not sure I agree. I think a bloke would he judged for having a beer while looking after a friend’s child. I can well imagine thread posted by the annoyed partner of the man whose friend had an afternoon booze while babysitting being supported in her anger.

I guess we’ll never know.

@ThorosBeta

If the playdate involved operating heavy machinery then you were being very unreasonable.

Well, I chuckled.

I don’t drink, but wouldn’t have an issue with this. You were intending only the one and you weren’t driving. You shouldn’t feel you did anything wrong, You didn’t.

you are too easily bullied by her.

First post nailed it.

oh Jesus - of course YANBU! I've had more on a playdate for the kids with the parents of the child!!

@Suzi888

Unsure.... what if there was an accident and you had to drive to hospital or explain the incident to a doctor?

I don't drive.... what do I do?! Shit! If only there was a number to call in case of emergencies

one small bottle of cider with a pizza with a 1 min walk to get child , 10 , home, no of course not unreasonable.

Unless this is code for you gave all the DCs mini bottles of champagne with straws to keep them quiet.

For what it is worth under those circumstances - I would not feel at all guilty, nor would I as the mother you did a favour for spend a second thinking about it.

@LST so you would call an ambulance for a bad cut requiring stitches? I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, not really practical is it! You would be waiting hours, I’d rather accidents happen with me being sober than admitting I’ve been drinking and facing blame from the other parent.

[quote Suzi888]@LST so you would call an ambulance for a bad cut requiring stitches? I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, not really practical is it! You would be waiting hours, I’d rather accidents happen with me being sober than admitting I’ve been drinking and facing blame from the other parent.[/quote]
Well I dont drive so I'd have to get there by other means regardless. Having one cider does not get you pissed.

[quote Suzi888]@LST so you would call an ambulance for a bad cut requiring stitches? I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that, not really practical is it! You would be waiting hours, I’d rather accidents happen with me being sober than admitting I’ve been drinking and facing blame from the other parent.[/quote]
Taxi.

You know millions of people don't drive or have 2r hour access to a car right?

Nothing wrong with what the OP did at all. Not even close to being an issue

@ConstantlyChanging

I’d find it a bit odd if someone looking after my young child was drinking before 6pm.

HUGE difference between "drinking before 6pm" which implies getting passed, and having a single bottle of weak cider with a meal while relaxing in your own garden

I guess no Europeans ever have wine with lunch in case their kids all spontaneously combust later in the day?

Your sister sounds hard work. As a parent, this wouldn't bother me at all. It all sounded lovely until your sister turned up.

@ButtonMoony "I guess no Europeans ever have wine with lunch in case their kids all spontaneously combust later in the day? "

Excellent point - will just add that to my list of things to not worry about ever ha ha ( I am agreeing with you here )

Your sister seems very uptight
I don’t think you did anything wrong

I wouldn't like it. If you have some responsibility for a child you never know if you might have to drive for a trip to hospital. However if your husband was going to be around that would be different.

Wouldn't bother me. How do people think those of us that don't drive manage in an emergency

Speaking as someone who had a serious problem, binge-drank my way to hospital on more than one occasion and is now completely sober...

I think you were totally, completely reasonable. Normal people can have one drink. Its our problem, not theirs. Maybe your sister is the one who needs to consider her relationship with drink.

So I personally wouldn’t drink anything when in charge of someone else’s child. Not just because I’m currently heavily pregnant but because I have never drank in my life and therefore figure my tolerance is really really low and I’m more easily effected than others. Same reason I would have ‘have one’ and drive. Even under the limit I’m just not used to it.

You did nothing wrong though and even as a conservative tea totaller I wouldn’t have had an issue with you watching my DS. One drink in the sun when you’re not having to drive anywhere is not irresponsible.

Also the po faced “drive to the hospital” crowd you don’t know her set up. We live literally 5 mins walk from a large hospital both in this house and our previous house too funnily enough.