I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

I've had several bosses from hell in my time and I know what it feels like. As PPs have said I think they can smell a nice person a mile off and take full advantage. However, one thought that occurs to me which might provide a little cheer is, if it's her company and she started it, where is she going to be when all the staff desert her?! Picture her on universal credit!

Right @Pebbledashery, you seem very kind and I say the following with love:

• You have been far, far, far too accommodating with your manager/employer generally. You do not have to say yes to everything you are asked to do. You do not have to always think of others' needs first in the workplace. You do not have to regularly work longer hours to help out colleagues (sometimes, sure, but it shouldn't be your default). You do not have to always go above and beyond. It's often true that what you accept, you choose.

• Having said that, it sounds as though this woman is a right narcissist/sociopath and you cannot manage your way out of her bad behaviour. The only way to manage a narc's assholery is to leave - her shitty behaviour is not on you. It is not your fault that she is behaving like this.

• You can (and should) say "No" to unreasonable requests, and if you can't say 'No' you can say 'Yes' while still having good boundaries: 'Sure, I can do that/have that back to you tomorrow'/'Sure, and can we discuss your priority for this task and what tasks can wait'/'Sure, I can come to a meeting at 9.30am (or whenever your start time is - when asked to start early)".

• You need some counselling around boundaries. This will keep happening if you don't get it. How do I know? I was exactly like you. I burned out aged 39 and had to take a substantial amount of time off.

Now I decide how I want my life to look and my work fits in around that. I still work longish hours but feel far less put upon. My relationship with my husband is better too, and domestic chores are shared more equally. It only took 2 years of therapy :)

• Next time someone is rude to you for the first time, you need to nip that shit in the bud right away. I have used the following to great effect before, usually preceded by a hard stare and a long pause:

"I'll come back when you have recovered your composure", "Why was that comment necessary?", and of course the good old Mumsnet "Did you mean to be so rude?".

Good luck in the new role. And if you can, do some reading about how to set good workplace boundaries before you get there.

If you're reluctant to go sick I would only be working the hours you are contracted to do. You say your part time but working full time, are you being paid for this?

How was today Op?

Hi all.. Had a moment today but realised im out of it in 2 weeks so didn't get emotional. She asked me why I did something.. It's something she asked me to do so I phrased it as "I was asked to do xxx" then she snapped back at me saying "are you trying to say in a round about way that I asked you to do it but don't have the guts to tell me" i basically said "sorry, I'm not sure the point of that comment but yes you did ask me and i acted on your instructions, if there's a problem I'm happy to assist in rectify it" her jaw was probably on the floor as i usually stay silent and just say "ok" in my head i just wanted to say "fuck off you pig" 🤣

@Pebbledashery

Hi all.. Had a moment today but realised im out of it in 2 weeks so didn't get emotional. She asked me why I did something.. It's something she asked me to do so I phrased it as "I was asked to do xxx" then she snapped back at me saying "are you trying to say in a round about way that I asked you to do it but don't have the guts to tell me" i basically said "sorry, I'm not sure the point of that comment but yes you did ask me and i acted on your instructions, if there's a problem I'm happy to assist in rectify it" her jaw was probably on the floor as i usually stay silent and just say "ok" in my head i just wanted to say "fuck off you pig" 🤣

Well done @Pebbledashery! And it sounds like you said this to her calmly and politely too.

Standing up for yourself gets easier the more you practice - you'll find it helps in other parts of your life too, if you need it.

Here's to a brighter future for you. One day less now.. 🌹

Brilliant! Well done to you @Pebbledashery - that's the spirit! Keep it factual and completely impersonal and you'll get through the next few days.
Take it one day at a time now but don't lose this gumption that you've found. Channel it.

@Pebbledashery

Hi all.. Had a moment today but realised im out of it in 2 weeks so didn't get emotional. She asked me why I did something.. It's something she asked me to do so I phrased it as "I was asked to do xxx" then she snapped back at me saying "are you trying to say in a round about way that I asked you to do it but don't have the guts to tell me" i basically said "sorry, I'm not sure the point of that comment but yes you did ask me and i acted on your instructions, if there's a problem I'm happy to assist in rectify it" her jaw was probably on the floor as i usually stay silent and just say "ok" in my head i just wanted to say "fuck off you pig" 🤣

I'm genuinely wondering if she's an ex boss of mine. Her working method is exactly the same. Your descriptions of how she behaves were so vivid I Googled her today to see what she's up to.

You know what is the worst, this absolutely awful woman is going to be doing a presentation to say thank you to me at my leaving gathering, she's taken it upon herself to insist I have a gathering even though I said no I don't want a fuss.
Tell her to shove her thanks!

@Pebbledashery

You know what is the worst, this absolutely awful woman is going to be doing a presentation to say thank you to me at my leaving gathering, she's taken it upon herself to insist I have a gathering even though I said no I don't want a fuss. Tell her to shove her thanks!

Good lord this exact scenario is happening to me - I could have written your entire thread. My leaving do is over zoom and I'm tempted to kick my nightmare of a boss out of the call as soon as she starts speaking.

🤣🤣I might not admit her from the virtual waiting room.

Just don't turn up! What are they going to do, sack you?

Luckily my narc boss was too chicken to organise a leaving thing for me when I left two weeks ago. I had to wait in the car park for gifts delivered to me by my line manager (she was his line manager).

Ditch the bitch ..she'll use the farewell meet to rubbish you somehow and warn off others...just leave , pm the colleagues you like and wish them well and good luck ..and then go and dont look back .You owe her nothing .

I absolutely would not allow her to do any presentation.

Don't say a word, just don't allow her the opportunity.

It will send her and your colleagues a clear message.

What an awful person.

Keep standing up to her.

It would be so good for you and it would a be tremendously powerful exercise for you in getting closure from this job before you move on to the next job and it could really help you realise you are not the same woman that your husband abused.

You have it in you.
I know you do.

How is the gathering being done? If it’s online then don’t log in. You’ll keep in touch with the people who are genuinely your friends and the others it doesn’t really make a difference.

She will somehow make your leaving do about her...how will she possibly manage without you...she’s so busy she won’t have time to train your replacement...well at least she might now have a diary that is scheduled properly...etc etc etc. I wouldn’t let her play the nice boss after the way she’s treated you. Just say you don’t think it’s appropriate or whatever so you won’t be attending then don’t go. Also, how on EARTH can she spend time away from her overly busy day to host a leaving do for you?! Will she start at 5am and finish at 11pm to make up for the lost time?! Will the party be during your working hours?

My ex manager is at the other end of the Shit Boss Scale...she didn’t even acknowledge that I was leaving 😬

Take back some control and don’t let her take over. You’re so close to freedooommmmm!

So good to hear how you stood up for yourself, Pebble, well done

I had an absolute bitch of a boss - she used the fact my child had died as a stick to beat me with. I was absolutely terrified of what she would do for her last time to bully me but she made herself unavailable (poor her - far too many meetings!) for my leaving 'do' (ten minutes in the staff room). I was as high as a kite walking down that road for the last time and who should I bump into but bitch boss, carrying her sandwich and can of coke (meeting was in the sandwich shop was it?? ). She was being all serious, apologising for being unable too important to come to the do, trying to wish me best of luck for the future and I could tell she was hating having to say it so I just beamed "Yeah yeah, whatever" and left her standing there. I would loved to have wiped the street with her but didn't want to risk any negative references. She could probably see that I was quite pleased to be going though

@orgasmagorical what a horrible cow :( I'm so sorry that happened to you and hope you're in a better place now xx

Urgh so this morning I get a lecture about how when people are about to leave the standards start slipping and that the diary is a complete mess and that she hopes I don't have to deal with a diary as bad as hers in my next job.. I couldn't help myself and said, actually I think the diaries will be worse than yours to be fair as these people are responsible for the general UK public and their hospitals.... She did a stupid posh laugh and told me how busy I'm going to be right up to when I leave.
It's definitely ramping up.

Ach...she can pop her posh laugh where you can’t hear it! Doesn’t matter how much work she gives you, you work from 9.30am - 4.30pm and that’s it. You know how hard you work. I can guarantee that you work at full power for the hours you’re there so if you can’t finish the work she’s gives you then that’s her problem for being an ineffective manager. Managing employee workloads is very important for the business and if she can’t do that then she isn’t a good business owner.

She really is obsessed with her diary!

WORK YOUR HOURS!

I would send out a company wide message saying you are “too emotional “ about leaving so will not be attending any leaving ceremony etc but that you would like to thank the people who have wished you well and who were helpful and supportive during your time there, and best of luck to everyone still working there.
Ie - you are delighted to ditch the bitch who has been a cow about the whole thing and good luck to the poor buggers left behind to deal with the evil witch.

Thank you, Pebble, I'm fine. I just wonder why she was so bothered, it/I obviously triggered something weak inside her.

I'm not surprised at your latest post, she hates that you're moving on up! Keep strong, not long to go now

@Hoppinggreen - that sounds like perfect advice!! @Pebbledashery's manager would need ALL the aloe vera for that burn!

@Pebbledashery in response to you’re going to be so busy until you leave, say great! It will may the time fly by then.

@Hoppinggreen

I would send out a company wide message saying you are “too emotional “ about leaving so will not be attending any leaving ceremony etc but that you would like to thank the people who have wished you well and who were helpful and supportive during your time there, and best of luck to everyone still working there. Ie - you are delighted to ditch the bitch who has been a cow about the whole thing and good luck to the poor buggers left behind to deal with the evil witch.

I love this 😁. I feel over it today.. I feel like no matter how she treats me or talks to me, she will never change and that's quite sad to me.. I feel sorry for her. She will always be recognised as a bully.. At least I can walk away knowing I tried my very hardest not to let her break me.. That's what she wanted, she wanted me to not work my notice and go off sick with stress. She will go through a string of EAs because she's never worked with an externally recruited EA before, I've known her 10 years and every EA she's had she's known within the company.. So, I hope whoever is recruited is ultra resilient.. But I'll be long gone to care by then!

Glad to be of assistance
If she still pisses you off just imagine how she would fare here amongst the proper vipers - she would be eaten alive if she tried any of her crap