I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

@Pebbledashery

Ahh I logged off bang on time :) i can see she's sent me a load of stuff to do and wanted it back this afternoon.. She sent it at 3.45pm knowing I finish at 4pm. I haven't replied.

Well done @Pebbledashery!

More of the same but always be polite, if a bit vague about seeing the late demands. Remember to count the remaining days down in your head and take a deep, cleaning breath before you connect with her in any way. Remember - you are doing the best you can in your contracted, working hours and she unlikely to actually sack you in these circumstances... 🌹

She’s a bitch! Stop doing all the hours. Make sure people know you finish on the Wednesday.

The remark about flowers was a little cutting your nose off to spite your face.

The remark about the flowers was to my friend, they'll still order them anyway and I'll just give them to my elderly neighbour or put them in the garden :) I don't want a single reminder of my employer.
Since seen an email pop up on my phone that she wants me to rearrange everything in her diary first thing tomorrow :( it's just embarrassing to have to cancel people multiple times because she can't be bothered with it!

Switch off the emails coming to your phone!

I never get my work emails to my personal phone. Hard line in the sand. You just do the same.

And look - if she pisses off her clients and contacts by cancelling things last minute it’s no skin off your nose, is it? You’re not going down on this sinking ship. And you can genuinely apologise for the inconvenience it causes the other party without being at all insincere or disloyal.

Dear X, I’m so sorry to have to do this, but BatshitBoss cannot make today’s x o’clock meeting. Would you like me to try to reschedule? Apologies for the inconvenience.

You've really got to her. Narcissists cannot cope with other people walking out on them. I'd just take great delight that every minute she has to deal with you is killing her. She just having a rage like a toddler. Detach. Work to rule. She might implode.

If she starts screaming at you, hang up.
Keep doing it.
If she queries it just say my phone is on the blink. Just keep hanging up on her.

Work during the hours and don't finish stuff.
If she has a problem tell her to re allocate the work as you are not doing any more hours.
You are winding down.

You have nothing to lose.

I can't imagine your replacement will last a week.

She sounds utterly batshit.

Can you fxxk up her system and delete important stuff?
Put passwords on stuff to make her life more difficult?

Rearranging her diary shouldn't be embarrassing for you, if she pisses off her clients through messing them about that's her problem. I would be making it clear that it's her issue not yours ie no "I'm sorry but...." you just say " X cannot make Y appointment, when would you like to rearrange for?"

Well done for logging off. No more thinking about tomorrow. Enjoy some time with your daughter and forget about it until the morning.

Hope tomorrow’s better. But if not I hope you get many ways for small revenge. And in the meantime work to rule. Not a minute or responsibility more than you should. And take your time doing everything too.

She's summoned me to an 8.30am meeting tomorrow to go through my handover.. I might pretend I haven't seen her email 😭😂

@pebbledashery I'm watching with great interest as I have just left a similar situation (2 weeks ago) with a boss who is scarily similar to yours.

What time do you 'officially' start work i.e. are you working at 8:30am? If not I would completely ignore her email until the time you actually start work.

She is losing control of you and she knows it. Stay strong! We are all with you.

Nope im contracted to do 9.30am to 4.00pm but as I was wfh i logged on at 8.30am and finished between 5 and 5.30pm.. She just expects it now. Today I started at my normal time and I logged off at my normal time. She sent me a load of stuff at 3.45pm as "priority actions" if they were such priorities then why would she send them so late 🙄.. Tomorrow I'm going to be spending the morning rearranging her diary as I'm over scheduling her apparently. The batshit woman purposely makes me leave the first and last hour of the day completing free of meetings and calls so she can have "down time" as she starts work at 6am.
Do you know what I feel like doing, on my last day sending her a letter copied to the HR colleague detailing every single inappropriate thing she's said to me and how she's made me feel.

Completely*

They do have to be factual in a reference, but can ask the question "Would you recommend this applicant"?

@pebbledashery in which case start at 9:30am tomorrow. When you do remind her of your hours and offer to meet her at another time to discuss your handover. Do not apologise for not starting early either.

Personally I would advise not sending a letter on your last day. Walk away, head high. She wants to feel as though she's upset you. Do not give her that satisfaction. A letter will change nothing, not for you and not for her. HR will do nothing, they are not on your side nor will they ever be (spoken from experience). You can do more for yourself by sticking to your contracted hours so they can't complain but not giving her any extra.

Like I say I've been here very very recently and its easy to say these things when it's not you in the crosshair. But you will soon be free of her and she knows it.

Do not attend the meeting at 08.30.

Do not.

Log on at 08.45. Reply to email.

Dear BatshitBoss, I’ve just logged on to see your handover request meeting. My hours are 9.30 to 4pm so I will schedule a slot in your diary for Thursday or Friday to discuss handover. I’m rearranging your morning meetings now and will then work on the ‘priority actions’ as per yesterday afternoon’s email.

She can’t bully you if you just won’t let her. You’re leaving soon. Stick to your hours, stick to the facts, stay calm as a cucumber.

No letters telling her how you feel. Write it if you want - longhand on paper - but do not be tempted to send it. You’re the professional, remember, just doing a job. She’s nothing to you once you walk away, and you’re walking away in just a few more days now.

Write that letter, but don’t send it to her! She will use it against you in some way.

Channel your cool professional self and stick to your contracted hours. The more you stick to your contracted hours, the better you will feel about it.

The meeting with her to discuss your handover will be an opportunity for her to belittle and criticise you more. You want it in on your terms as much as possible so push it back to later in the week. She will of course try and add lots of unnecessary tasks for you to do before you leave.

When I left my job because of a batshit boss, I wrote down everything that was bothering me and all the reasons I left. It felt so much better to get it on paper and stop it spinning round my head. I came across it the other day (8 years later) and I realised I had never looked it at it since the day I wrote it. The simple act of putting it all on paper helped clear my brain. Write the letter OP, but don't send it

@NoSquirrels

Do not attend the meeting at 08.30.

Do not.

Log on at 08.45. Reply to email.

Dear BatshitBoss, I’ve just logged on to see your handover request meeting. My hours are 9.30 to 4pm so I will schedule a slot in your diary for Thursday or Friday to discuss handover. I’m rearranging your morning meetings now and will then work on the ‘priority actions’ as per yesterday afternoon’s email.

She can’t bully you if you just won’t let her. You’re leaving soon. Stick to your hours, stick to the facts, stay calm as a cucumber.

No letters telling her how you feel. Write it if you want - longhand on paper - but do not be tempted to send it. You’re the professional, remember, just doing a job. She’s nothing to you once you walk away, and you’re walking away in just a few more days now.

This is GOOD advice.

Do not log on earlier than your contracted hours.
Do not stay logged on longer than your contracted hours.

Definitely reply as per the suggestion by @NoSquirrels

Don't let the bastards get you down!!!

@Pebbledashery she sounds like the devil wears Prada!!

Hope your day went ok @Pebbledashery

Urgh I remember dragging myself through my notice period with a narcissistic bullying manager - she made me thoroughly miserable & ruined every Sunday as I didn't want Monday to come.

Hang on in there!

Hi all... The irony of today... I was going to cancel her whole day but ended up having to take emergency leave as I had an emergency personal situation to deal with.. I bet she was fuming 😂.. She's very kindly filled my inbox up with patronising emails so no doubt she'll be doubly worse than normal tomorrow 😭

I couldn't read and run, I've been in the same position. You are not bad at you job, this is how narcissistic bosses operate, they make you feel you are the problem, too weak, too emotional, not talented enough, not driven enough, it's a way to grind you down so you don't want to leave, I'm betting she wasn't always a bitch to you, at the start she was nice if a little demanding and it escalated over time. When I finally left it was like leaving an abusive relationship, and it took an age to build my confidence back up and realise I was actually good at my job.

Do not be stressed tomorrow.

Work at a steady pace.

If it doesn't get done, not your problem.

Divert her calls and emails.

If she has a problem, turn off your wifi and claim wifi issues.

Who cares.

Hang up if she starts shouting.

This is who she is.