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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I work for a complete narcissist..

561 replies

Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 12:52

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

OP posts:

CargoShortsAndSlippers · 04/05/2021 18:16

Gosh, this thread definitely echoes my own work situation. Wow.

I got rid of all the narcs in my life and then suddenly realised my boss was one, too. (Startup, working way over contracted hours, all the classic signs of narcissism)

Her ego is massive and as fragile as an eggshell. It's infuriating to be around. Thankfully I am leaving in a few weeks weeks will never allow my life to get entangled with a job in such a way ever again. Boundaries are a good thing.

CargoShortsAndSlippers · 04/05/2021 18:17

Good luck, op. You are on to bigger and better things I'm sure!

StopTryingToSellMeYourBollocks · 04/05/2021 18:18

I think my last hour of this job would go like this:

Smile nicely, and thank her for the "interesting, character building experience". Go to your car and drive under her window and shout the c word three times while beeping your horn half way through the word. As in cu(beep), cu(beep), cu(beep). Although I'm pretty sure many of the women on here would tell you not to bother with the beeping bit.

Laquila · 04/05/2021 18:27

As soon as I saw the title of this thread I just knew you'd be an EA!

I had some great bosses but also some absolutely stone-cold lunatics - nature of the beast, I think, that a high proportion of people who operate at that level have psychopathic tendencies. When I look back on the crap I used to put up with...honestly, I don't know how some people can sleep at night. Best of luck in your new role OP.

Orgasmagorical · 04/05/2021 18:43

She's nobody

And therein lies the problem with each and every one of these people.

Sagaris · 04/05/2021 18:51

3 days to go - I'm looking forward to the post on your last day, where you tell her to fuck off to Fucksville, and when she gets there, to fuck off some more! Good on you for sticking it out - you must be feeling better, knowing your new found strength must be torturing her?

billy1966 · 04/05/2021 19:06

She's the type that could be contacting you after you have left, such is her entitlement.

Make sure you have her blocked on everything the minute you leave.

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 04/05/2021 19:47

@orgasmagorical exactly.. You know, one of the first jobs I ever had fresh out of University was in one of the top 4 banks.. I was part of an administration team that worked with the C suite. I worked with a proper CEO and not a pound shop one like this woman, I had nothing but respect for that man after I left for treating the Admin with respect. It says so much about a person in that position how they treat support staff. I never have respect for they bully I work with.

OP posts:

PanamaPattie · 04/05/2021 19:49

Change as many passwords as possible or password protect as much as possible before you leave - and then block her everywhere.

Cowbells · 04/05/2021 21:07

@Orgasmagorical

She's nobody

And therein lies the problem with each and every one of these people.

I don't know. The boss I had who was so exactly like this I thought OP must be working for her was awarded an MBE for her marvellous work. I thought maybe I misjudged her until I ran into an ex colleague who said she was lazy and useless and gave no shit at all about the charity she purportedly led. But she got treated like a goddess for doing eff all.

jay55 · 04/05/2021 21:09

Another day done, must be counting the hours now.

Maybe you should have a bet with yourself over the number of emails and calls she does for your last week.

DustCentral · 04/05/2021 21:56

Sirius Black/JK Rowling: “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

"The way you treat people says a lot about who you are. Be careful. Your actions are screaming over your words." -Thema Davis.

KatherineJaneway · 05/05/2021 05:59

As soon as you leave, block all her numbers and emails. She'll be contacting you for sure.

Honeybee2021 · 05/05/2021 06:43

Not helpful but NHS is full of people like this especially if you are clinical.

Orgasmagorical · 05/05/2021 08:05

Cowbells that's very frustrating . My ex used to say he might get an honour from the Queen. He was a civil servant. I think he thought he'd be singled out from all the other civil servants but what he didn't realise was that he would need to be nominated. Strangely he hasn't been

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 05/05/2021 08:31

Morning everyone.. I had a text from lunaticCEO last night.. Saying how much she's going to miss me and what she's going to do without me and my job is always there if I want to come back..

I just thought..

🤮🤮🤮🤮

OP posts:

Clutterbugsmum · 05/05/2021 08:33

She must have been on the wine .

Or she been told she will no longer a have PA and will be in charge of her own diary.

LookItsMeAgain · 05/05/2021 08:34

I'd have to reply to her comments about you potentially failing in the new job and then offering you your old job back with something like this:
"I find it absolutely baffling AngryWomanBossLady that you're thinking I'd fail in one job and you'd be more than willing, actually you're coming across as desperate, to hire back someone who fails on another job. If it were up to me, I'd be considering only hiring someone successful and capable. It's a puzzler so it is. I think I'll take my chances on the new job and see how it pans out but it's reassuring to know that you would take back someone, anyone who would fail in one role to do this job. It's such a demanding role that you'd only want the best of the best to take it on (you are bigging yourself up by that comment) and to be able to manage your demanding calendar. Quite the puzzler. Any way, I'm off now to get myself a well earned cup of tea."

I'd also agree with the idea of password protecting files and leave the passwords with a colleague but I wouldn't actually say which passwords work which files.
You've left them with the information but just not joined the dots so to speak.

Keep going. You're doing great!!!!!

6Helen7 · 05/05/2021 08:54

Don't respond. You can't win with a narcissist and you're just giving them the attention they crave. They will never see themselves as in the wrong and if you respond in the way some people suggest she'll see herself as the victim.

Just move on and don't look back.

I'm in the unfortunate position where I can't completely cut a narcissist out of my life, but I just engage as little as possible, smile sweetly and tell myself in my head that she's a fucking poisonous lunatic.

billy1966 · 05/05/2021 09:22

She may be completely batshit but she knows that she is going to be on her own next week.
Privately she's probably very annoyed and a bit nervous that she is going to be majorly inconvenienced.

Whoever replaces the OP could leave very quickly.

She's actually very conflicted.
She hates needing the OP.
Hates depending on her.
Can't help but be nasty because that is who she is.
But conversely she knows bloody well the OP is actually very good at what she does and is going to be a huge loss to her.

In moments of weakness she can't help but go against her arrogance and ask that she returns if she wants.

Batshit.

Newestname001 · 05/05/2021 09:58

@Pebbledashery

Morning everyone.. I had a text from lunaticCEO last night.. Saying how much she's going to miss me and what she's going to do without me and my job is always there if I want to come back..

I just thought..

🤮🤮🤮🤮

I would actually ignore all such communications from her - especially if they fall outside your contacted working hours. Then grey rock her if she mentions it during working hours. That way you are polite, professional and deflecting anything which isn't actually to do with your job.

Not only will that drive her nuts but will be great for your own boundary management skills both with her and other people elsewhere who try to manipulate you. One day less...🌹

SailingBuddy · 05/05/2021 10:05

She is unhinged! And you are doing great. Nearly there, you’re almost free!

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 05/05/2021 10:48

Lol, she's panicking knowing what she is about to lose and that she'll likely have to do it herself as not many people will be as loyal as you.

All the comments about how you are going to hate your new job, or struggle, or that she will keep a job open for you to return; she is projecting because she is likely going to start hating her job and will be too incompetent to pick up your work and is hoping that you fail so that you can come back and pick up the shit that's about to blow around her.

Chin up, OP, you're so close to your new chapter and you've maintained your dignity better than a lot of people would have.

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 05/05/2021 12:57

She goes from being utterly vile to being sickly sweet.. Its quite hilarious.
Interestingly. I've just spoken to my colleague in another office who told me that last week she made one of the Senior Directors cry! I'm disgusted by her to be honest.

OP posts:

NotSorry · 05/05/2021 13:12

@Pebbledashery

She goes from being utterly vile to being sickly sweet.. Its quite hilarious. Interestingly. I've just spoken to my colleague in another office who told me that last week she made one of the Senior Directors cry! I'm disgusted by her to be honest.

It’s because she’s lost control - she’s floundering

Agree - she’s disgusting

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