To get married before my wedding

[FizzyFranticMe]

Panicked bride to be here! I’ve just looked at the availability of the local registrars for the date that we have our wedding booked and they’re only available in the vending. Would it be a reasonable idea to get married at the registry office a week before the wedding and then have our real wedding a week later with a celebrant instead? I really don’t want to have to change the date and an evening wedding isn’t what we really want

@MiddleParking

I agree with you, I think the couple should have been totally upfront from the start. We would have almost certainly still gone to the celebration. I think it my DP felt almost lied to and so that caused him to be very angry for the journey home!

In hindsight, I actually think it's quite cringe to have a second wedding complete with vows, bells and whistles while your guests are under the illusion of this being your ceremony, and I would reiterate that this would be something I'd never do. I've mentioned this thread to my best friend who has said * "not a chance, if I had to get married in a registry office because of my failure to secure a minister/humanist/celebrant, you better believe I'd have a party afterwards but no way would I redo the vows and pretend to everyone that was our wedding ceremony hahaha what a brass neck"

• not my words

@Snapbacktonormality

To many people, witnessing the actual legal union is important

I’ve never met a single one of these people. People want to see the dress, dress up themselves, see family and friends, eat nice food, drink champagne and dance.

Nor me. I wasn’t interested in seeing the couple signing the register. I was much more invested in seeing them make their vows at the religious ceremony which was meaningful to them. The registry office bit was as relevant as watching them sign their wills.

@Marvelina

Is that you Meghan?

Beat me to it!!!

The registry office bit was as relevant as watching them sign their wills.

Imagine people refusing to attend a funeral because the legal part was already done, and feeling cheated.

Mumsnet are fucking mad about this and I never know why. You don’t even see the legal bit of a wedding unless you are a witness anyway so fuck knows why people like @PerveenMistry get all fucking snooty about it. It’s completely dopey.

It’s perfectly fine to get the boring but very important legal bit out of the way and then have the party you want. After all, no one insists on watching you sign your mortgage agreement, but they’re all perfectly happy to come to the housewarming! Mumsnet madness at its neurotic finest.

I posted here last year when I was a ‘covid bride’ stressing about postponing and re-planning my wedding and I got SO many replies saying ‘just do the legal bit now and have the proper wedding when Covid is over, what’s the big deal’ and yet here people are saying that it’s some kind of heinous crime to separate the two. Mumsnet is weird.

@FirewomanSam

I posted here last year when I was a ‘covid bride’ stressing about postponing and re-planning my wedding and I got SO many replies saying ‘just do the legal bit now and have the proper wedding when Covid is over, what’s the big deal’ and yet here people are saying that it’s some kind of heinous crime to separate the two. Mumsnet is weird.

It's not a heinous crime if you're honest with your invitees.

Tell them truthfully that the legal union has taken place but they are welcome to attend a follow-up party.

It's a brilliant idea in that you can remind your husband every year its x amount of years since we were legally married.....in other words you have a week to plan an anniversary gift.

Update:
We’ve decided to have a celebrant blessing in the afternoon, have our meals and inbetween the meals and the party we will have the registrar come to the venue and sign our marriage certificate so everything shall be happening in the same day

Great solution Fizzy! So pleased you found something that works!

My cousin did this... she had a quick legal wedding followed by a big party ceremonial wedding months later. Everyone knew & was delighted for her. One funny part is the person doing the big party wedding fell suddenly very ill day before, so another fellow stepped in to do the ceremonial role. Jolly good thing the legal wedding had already happened.

Well done fizzy!

@lljkk

My cousin did this... she had a quick legal wedding followed by a big party ceremonial wedding months later. Everyone knew & was delighted for her. One funny part is the person doing the big party wedding fell suddenly very ill day before, so another fellow stepped in to do the ceremonial role. Jolly good thing the legal wedding had already happened.

Everyone knew being the key statement.

@FizzyFranticMe

Update: We’ve decided to have a celebrant blessing in the afternoon, have our meals and inbetween the meals and the party we will have the registrar come to the venue and sign our marriage certificate so everything shall be happening in the same day

Great solution. Just word of advice (as I’ve also been to a wedding like this) you have to do vows etc again when you sign the register. When my mate did this, her, her husband, me and another witness snuck off after the ceremony and they did vows and signing really quickly so it was all legal. I don’t think anyone else really knew it was happening.

When I say snuck off - it was a little room in the grounds of the place they had the main ceremony. We didn’t catch the bus into town and come back 2 hours later.