I'm jealous of mums with more than 1 child

[greendress789]

I'm jealous of mums with more than 1 child because it's what I want but just can't seem to have.

I have a DC through IVF and have spent the last 4 and a half years trying to conceive a sibling. Multiple IVF failures. Miscarriages. Tens of thousands of pounds spent.

My son cries for a brother to play with. It breaks my heart!

Today at the park a school mum was there with the 3rd child she accidentally conceived during lockdown. Lockdown for me meant my IVF was cancelled and then a failed cycle at the end of 2020.

Not sure why I'm posting here. Just to get it out I think. I can't talk to my husband as it's upsetting for him too.

Ideally I would've loved 3 children but that's never going to happen. 😢

Would you consider adoption or surrogacy?

I relaxed and my Fallopian tube magically regrew itself. Not a true story.

@CornishLover

When I see mums with three or more I feel like eugh I don't envy you, your poor vagina! your poor body! ugh, haemorraging money and no quality one on one time with each one. It absolutely is no guarantee that siblings will like or appreciate one another. What I do envy is having a set of twins of a boy and a girl, though with no health issues and bags of confidence AND get on well. Perfect little family.

What the fuck is this car crash.

This thread is utter shite and should probably get deleted tbh

@ManCubsMama

Would you consider adoption or surrogacy?

Bingo!!! Full house!

@CornishLover pretty sure carrying twins would be harder on the body than 3 singleton babies

I'm so sorry greendress,
Agree with christmasArmadillo that the 'relax and it will happens' is bollocks not to mention infuriating!
Also those implying you should be more grateful what what you have obviously have no experience of infertility whether its primary or secondary. I had IVF for my children and there was nothing quite so painful. It felt like I was having my dreams for the future destroyed . Even after I had my daughter, I remember being so jealous of people with bigger families especially those with a big bump and toddler beside them.
All I can say is its awful and Im so sorry you are going through this.

My mum tried for many years to have another child ... she only had one ovary and was told I was her miracle baby m... actually felt quite special to be called her miracle baby... I'm an only child and it was lovely 😊 I also used to ask my mum for a sibling all the time... not because I wanted one because everyone else seemed to have one. So don't see it as bad just tell him he's special and wanted etc I honestly have not missed out on anything at all . I know how it feels to want more I'm too old now, doesn't stop the feeling though?

@bitheby

You might not have another son anyway. I think lockdown has made everything more difficult -hopefully soon he can have play dates with friends again.

I'm desperate to be a mum. I had a call about IVF today and my test results aren't looking great so it might not even be worth trying for one. I understand the grief. You are very lucky to have the child you have. I wish you good luck.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I have seen you on the donor boards. I really hope you get the chance to be a mum. 🙏

Secondary infertility or failing to produce a sibling is a real sadness often not spoken about because your are supposed to count your blessings ... sorry for your losses and pain

@Maggiesfarm - why don’t you try reading the full thread.

In it, the OP has outlined why ‘relaxing’ is not going to help her. Spoiler: she has secondary infertility.

Reading the full thread helps by giving you the full picture, and means you don’t have to post insulting, insensitive nonsense to people who are struggling.

@ArmsClary l thought we would have got full house before now but we got there in the end

@BashfulClam

You have one and I would swap with you as I can’t have any.

I'm so very sorry to read this. 😢

I have an only. We can't have anymore. I know that pain. I felt guilty for not being able to give her a sibling. She asked me for one once and I was very honest with her that I wished I could but I couldn't.

She's 8 now, and we are content as a triangle. Time is a good healer, it's easy to say but it does get easier with time. And as hard as it is to give up on the dream, it is important to appreciate what you have.

Plus having more than one isn't all it's cracked up to be ... my brother and I bickered constantly! Drove my parents to distraction. We still aren't close.

Sending gently hugs. Be kind to yourself and to your DC.

What replies. Has mumsnet had a collective empathy bypass?

OP

I’m very sorry you’re in this position OP, it must be really hard. Have you considered adoption?

Have you considered adoption?

Have you considered RTFT?

Well OP, there are a lot of shitbags on here but thanks for making me pause to think about your situation, I hope I'll be less insensitive or unthinking about it in future.

I hope you get the baby you long for, or if not then that you find a way to make peace with it.

@mumofblueeyes

I was in a similar position. One boy, desperate for a sibling. Every Xmas he put on his Xmas list just one thing 'a brother'. It broke my heart. We couldn't conceive. In the end we adopted another boy and now foster another one. So we now have three boys. Irony is the original boy isn't interested in the younger two, much prefers his own space

Thank you for sharing your story. Did it work out well adopting and fostering? I am considering it but I read a lot of horror stories.

OP, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for you and I'm sending you a virtual hug. Your feelings are valid and important.
Also sounds like you're an amazing mum.

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom

I hear you, *@greendress789*. It's shit. Utter shit.

It's way too late for me to have another child. I would have loved more, but I just have to keep telling myself I am blessed to have had the one, which is of course, true. But when I was still of child-bearing age, I would look at pregnant women smoking over their toddlers in pushchairs or babies in prams and be so furious with them and jealous of them for not taking care of their precious pregnancies and their living babies. I went through a rather difficult phase (after a miscarriage) when I cried whenever I saw another pregnant woman and found it so difficult to be pleased for my friends who went on to have more than one child. I am very lucky to have the one I had, but I do so wish there had been more than one.

❤️

@Maggiesfarm - people with infertility do not get pregnant by "relaxing". No doubt it would save a lot of money, grief and pain if they only could.

I’m sorry for all the heartbreak you been through op

I don’t have any advice or information relating to infertility.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a 7 year old who feels safe enough to express his emotions to his mother. Maybe people don’t like the idea of a crying boy. Boys do cry and feel emotions. As long as it is not excessive, boys crying for things they want but can’t have is normal. It is certainly much healthier/ better than throwing a tantrum.

Geez and the shitty comments keep on coming!

I just want to tell you @greendress789 my heart breaks for you, if I knew you in real life I’d be straight round with chocolate and wine to listen to how you feel.

Please ignore the bullshit brigade. The most hugely insensitive and cruel bollocks I’ve ever seen on here has been on this thread. Your feelings are valid, your pain is real, and you deserve to be heard, not made to feel guilty or like you’re not relaxed enough!! FGS

Big big big hugs - I have no answers or thoughts but I send you so much love