Mil claiming to be a orphan at 54.

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Sorry, I’m really annoyed and upset.

I’m 30 and my mum died when I was 19. My dad had a life changing stroke when I was 16, which caused him to lose his voice, leg, arm and gave him slight brain damage. He lives in assisted living now.

My husbands grandad died before Xmas, I completely understand it’s her dad and she would be devastated but she’s been wishing him dead for years.

Aibu to think that 1, you are lucky to have many years with your parents and 2, you aren’t a fucking orphan.

Argh.

you could easily say that losing parents later in life is more difficult utterly ignorant!

I’m pushing 54 and my DF died a month ago. In the face of the loss I feel like a small child
Beautifully put.

Babygotblueeyes no you really couldn’t argue that it is more difficult to lose your parents later in life than as a child! I’ve heard it all now 🙄🙄

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

you could easily say that losing parents later in life is more difficult utterly ignorant!

I've already said I lost my father when I was 13 and it was bad, nearly 40 years later I lost my mother and it was so much worse.

The competitive grieving on this thread seems as if it may be as a result of lacking empathy- not being able to comprehend/accept how painful a life event might be for someone else.

We all perceive things differently, feel things to different degrees. Why can’t we just support each other through the hard times rather than being judgemental about who should feel what? This is why death/grief becomes taboo, we shame each other into hiding our true feelings. Such a sad state of affairs when we can’t be honest with our feelings for fear of judgement.

@SamW98

I can't believe how many on here think they can judge how others are allowed to grieve and what language they're allowed to use

I wasn't aware there were rules or that grief is a competition

Well put.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30

Sorry should have added, she really didn’t like her dad. As I said she wished him dead for years.

Well, that might be partly why she feels so bad now.

I'm sorry for your family tragedies.

@Thedarksideofthemoon30
I completely get where your coming from. I lost my lovely mum when I was 19, I wouldn't say anything to her though.

Just silently seethe every time I heard it.

ancientgran I still think it’s a ridiculous comment sorry I do. To lose a parent as a child, maybe more so a mother isn’t just about the loss (which will be hard at all ages) but the profound impact on all the Years to come, so many missed moments, fucks you up for life in many ways.

@canary1

I’m surprised at the number of posters minimizing the difference between losing parents as a child and losing them when one is into late middle age🙄

I’m surprised at the number of posters who seem to think grief is a competitive sport. 🙄

She is being insensitive to your situation. I would hope in her shoes I would remember that it isn't the same as losing a parent young. That's not to say it isn't hard for her too but I would say it isn't comparable. But she is grieving however clumsily she is describing how she feels. and unless there is a back story I would let it slide.

I get the feeling there may be a back story between OP and the MIL.

Everyone grieves in different ways - may be she is doing it for attention may be not but its not really anyone else's place to judge. I'm sorry to hear about your own loss OP.

I think when lose both parents no matter your age you can feel orphaned .I lost both my parents before I was 50 and as an only child it was devastating. Because there I was with no one of shared childhood history and the eldest of my blood line I was actually very scared and upset ..I clung to my children probably was a right pain in the arse because I was terrified of dying and leaving them devastated as I was
So if she wants to call her self an orphan so what .you obviously dont like her that's probably more the problem than her grief

It sounds a bit like you're annoyed she's upstaging u in the grief stakes op tbh. I really don't see why , especially with your understanding of loss, you seem to have no empathy for her.

But it isn’t a competitive sport- there is no competition. Losing a parent at a life stage when you actually need to be parented is not comparable to losing a parent in late middle age.

My response was to ‘alsohuman’

One loss is far more recent though and therefore raw, an open wound if you like.

Not that you get over a loss as such, but it can become easier to bear

[quote JosephineBaker]**@JediGnot* despite being nearly into old age*

Fuck that!!! How bloody rude. She’s in her fifties, not 70s.[/quote]
Just googled and it would seem that mid-50s is the middle of middle aged, and 10 years off old age.

"Nearly into old age" was laying it on a bit thick but not that accurate.

On the other hand, by that definition I was young a year or two back, which is patently nonsense!

It doesn't matter if she didn't like her Dad, death stirs up all sorts of feelings and can be extremely tough if you had a rocky relationship with them. Orphaned is the wrong term but it probably just expresses how she feels.

I understand how you feel, I lost my Dad very young and I do find it hard to watch others who are lucky enough to have elderly parents. However, that does not make my loss worse than someone who loses their parents older. Grief is not a competition and not related to the age of the person who died.

Unless she's trying to get someone to adopt her, I think you're being unreasonable.

I have as a joke called myself an orphan, but rarely and definitely not as a serious thing. My father died when I was nineteen and my mother seven years ago.
I think the MIL is being a bit dramatic if she's serious.

I haven't seen any evidence the OP is telling anyone how to grieve, or what age you should be.

I am a lurker and I swear there was a thread a while ago about someone at school saying they are an orphan and the op feeling offended about it. Op have you posted this before?

It isn't a competition. She feels how she feels and you should respect that.

Being upset, unhappy, bereft, any other sadness when you lose your last parent is normal, indeed if you don't miss them in any way it is sad that your relationship with them ended that way.

An orphan is a child without parents, not an adult. YANBU OP to be annoyed.