To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

Buy two harnesses (the sort that come with reins, john lewis) , to strap them in and attach harness to the highchairs this is frigging genius. Twins can escape EVERYTHING. And they're fat things so it kills my arms fighting him

When you take them for a bath, get you the babies their nappies and pyjams in the bathroom and lock the door so they can't escape. Turn on taps, while the bath fills undress one baby and put it in the water, Undress other baby, put in water. Swab down baby i, lift out and dry and dress; ditto second baby. I tend to do it in the day and wipe them down at bed cos o haven't cracked this yet. I'm so bloody useless, you make it sound so easy and I'm so useless.

@JellyTeapot Your twins need a proper lunch, this will help with the evenings as they won't be ravenous and grumpy they just don't last until 12.30 for a nap without being hysterical. T1 sometimes will but T2, 11.45 is pushing it.

He eats better so I could try feeding them at that sleepy point but I need them up, changed and in the buggy ready to roll by 2.45 and it's that age where they won't stand OR lie for a nappy change.

@HermioneKipper thanksm. Yes, Def can't eat alone and T1 throws so much on the floor it really flares my anxiety about them not eating enough and them getting sick or ending up an awful eater with sensory issues (like eldest who is part tube fed) which just makes it worse

@Whtitjd tbf he does. Currently I cook, he kid watches, and tidies. O do kid watch and he washes up. He does big one, I do smalls and then helps me finish tidying

@aliloandabanana I can't change their nap time when I need to be out the door at 2.45 and they currently sleep til that or later ATM (but I leave them with DH)

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion any recommendations? I'm currently liking the harness with straps as double layer protection

@imalmostthere were in the house between 9-2.30. they go down for a nap at 11.30, sometimes 12. Sometimes they'll sleep to 2.30-2.45. if they go to bed later (looking at you T1) they get up even later. That's fine whilst DH is here, but once I'm on my own, they have to get up and come with me. I need to be out for 2.45 at the latest. If I keep them up to 12.30 so I can give them a big lunch, they'll be too tired and miserable to eat it, then they'll get a short nap and be too tired in the afternoon. I take on board the comments about slow cookers, us eating late, prepping at lunch but I cannot leave the house any later than I do

@Luckystar1 I think I'm gonna have to aim for their nap, if o leave them on their own at 9 ish, they'll wreck my house (yes you, savlon boy)

@Palaya 😂 no. They go down 8ish and will sleep solid, but then wake up 12.30/1 for water. Sometimes also at 4. Sometimes one at each time. Sometimes they wake each other up. Then big one is awake at 6. I struggle to sleep before their 12.30 wake up as I'm anticipating it. And they both shout in their sleep which disturbs me. DH currently lets me sleep late when he can in the week but once all 5 of us need to be out for 8.15 that won't happen.

@Ohdofuckofdear this is what I mean, people do it on far harder circs - more kids, more complex needs, alone etc. so why can't I just figure it out

I'm exhausted just thinking about it - go a bit easy on yourself but there are some good suggestions here. I'd try breakfast before school - something easy like toast and fruit/weetabix, one twin eats while you dress the other one in the kitchen, then swap them round.

If they've had breakfast early you can get them to eat lunch (cold stuff or otherwise easy - reheated from last night's tea/jacket potato etc) at 11 before their nap. Then prep tea during nap time - but make it as easy as poss, not to spend the whole nap time cooking.

If this is poss, getting tea ready should be easier - you'll have stuff ready to go in oven or just warm up in the microwave. When ours were small, me and DP went through quite a long period of eating after they were in bed and mainly stuff you could stick in the oven (piece of fish/chicken/veggie alternative) during bedtime to eat with new potatoes or salad so minimum prep (yes we did get bored with it).

Ours are 10 and 8 and I still cook ahead and portion up various pasta things, cottage pie, chilli, curry etc so there's something to defrost and microwave without much effort.

This won't be for ever - eventually they'll be able to eat a bit later, you'll be able to eat while they're still up, then you'll meet in the middle. It won't be perfect but at least feeding everyone won't take as long!

You have to change the nap schedule.

11:30-2 is bang in the middle of lunchtime. Try feeding them at 11:30 and see how long they go before getting sleepy.

They are probably feeling the effects of low blood sugar if they essentially skip lunch every day.

Yes because they nap over lunch.

DS2 (15m) also wants to nap over lunch. It's very annoying.

I would give them breakfast with their morning milk before the school run...DS2 either has rice krispies or milk in a sippy cup with toast
Then either early lunch around 11.15 or after he wakes up around 1 or 2 - just easy things like scrambled eggs or cheese sandwiches with fruit.

So I had twins and a 5 year old and was a single parent. Things that helped were:
Strict routine (3:30-4 snack, drink, sort school bag, uniform, 4-4:30 play time, 4:30-5 any homework, reading, TV time, 5-5:30 tea time, 5:30-6 wash pots, all that can help tidy toys away etc, 6:6-30 bath, pj's etc, 6:30-7 milk, stories, teeth and bed. It was the only way I could keep my sanity.
Meal plan and online food delivery,
batch cook,
Slower cooked most things,
Prepared tea while twins had morning nap - on my working days it would be whatever has been batch cooked,
Twins had highchairs up to kitchen table and harnesses on, they sat opposite dc1,
All had tea together, they soon learn what's expected of them,
Baths every other night,
Before tea everything organised for next day,
Storytime all together then all went to bed at same time.
Its organisation - in fact a friend used to come once a week to help and although it was lovely it was harder work because the dc got excited and out of routine slightly.

I have had many years of this and now that dcs are all older it’s still a pain as I get in late from work.
Meal plan and prep, food prep, slow cookers are the only way, on a Sunday cook a bolognaise, a curry and a stew, that’s 3 days sorted, then one day have jacket potatoes or a salad type meal and maybe pizzas another day. Maybe at the weekend DH can take a turn or you can get a takeaway. We all eat the same meal or a variation on it but at different times and at the weekend we make an effort to eat together.
Don’t get too het up worrying about the “perfect family sat around the table”. I grew up with us all eating together at 6pm and used to beat myself up regularly over not achieving this for my own family, but my dcs are all grown up, can eat out in public, are not faddy eaters, no eating disorders and we all get along fine. It’s taken me 20 years to work this out!

Sorry cross-posted - I wouldn't even try to mess with their nap time. 11am lunch is fine for toddlers. For an early breakfast with your DH before you're up, they could just have bread, cheese, fruit on a mat so he doesn't have to wrestle them into highchairs.

Suggestion I've been using through lockdown (just me and two kids here, and no school meant they NEVER LEFT ME ALONE).

Sunday dinner, always a joint. Doesn't matter what it is, but buy bigger than you need. Masses of veg, impossible amounts of mashed potato, gallons of gravy.

End of the meal, all leftover meat and veg gets chucked straight in the slow cooker with leftover gravy pour over. Add anything else that strikes your fancy -- bit of herbs, tin of beans, lentils, an onion, one of those wine stock thingys, whatever. Let it stew a bit while you clear up, then straight in a big pie dish with the mashed potato on top. That's meal 1. Any filling leftover goes in the freezer - labelled. On a bad week you'll defrost it and throw a premade puff pastry crust over it.

Then pasta. Stick a big pan on with a whole 500g of pasta in it. Find a couple of easy pasta dishes you like. I did mac, cheese and bacon (with penne pasta) and tomato, mozzarella and ham but we got bored of the tomato one so I do a cream based one with chicken thighs now. There are loads of easy ones with meatballs or sausages or whatever. Whatever works. Dad can play with twins while you do this, 6 year old can help - my five year old happily chops mozzarella and tears up ham and cooked bacon and helps sprinkle them on. Both dishes should be done and cooling inside an hour - stick each in its own big casserole dish - I like a shallow square or rectangular one. Or if adults are eating separately you can split into two dishes with one to go in later.

Dad can do the literal mountain of washing up. Dishes cool, clingfilm on, straight in the fridge. In the week all you need is to take the clingfilm in and stick in the oven I recommend about 40 mins on low to heat them through properly with maybe a supermarket loaf of garlic bread to go with the pasta.

Please note, this is not EXCITING cooking. It may not even be very HEALTHY cooking unless you are better at hiding veg than I. But it's better than ready meals and gets us through the week.

I haven't read everything yet but will go back for some of these great suggestions. We both work full time and 1 DC, 14 months. 3 at that age must be tricky and I'm a twin! Over the last couple of weeks we've just had to lower our standards as we do more office days. She has 3 days in nursery, 2 with my parents and weekends together. I'd like to eat together more but DC can't quite wait the extra 20 mins or so we need. Nursery days she has hummus, fish paté or a freezer batch cook. With my parents she sometimes has Ella's kitchen, leftovers or a freezer batch cook. We try to eat together at the weekend but sometimes need to feed her meal first then let her pick at ours. In the week we eat after bedtime. Tonight it's bought fishcakes and green beans. Not perfect but everyone's fed!

We always ate as a family at 6pm as soon as DH got home. Even when I had 3 aged 4 and under. Then we all did bath/bed/clean up time

Tips - if they still have nap time then prepare some of dinner then eg make the lasagne or chip the veg and potatoes and put into pots etc then it can be popped in the oven or turned on as needed.

Another tip is to make double portions eg when making bolagnaise make double the amount (no more work) and then freeze the other half so on a crazy day it just needs defrosting and heating up

Slow cooker is also good for days when everyone needs to eat at different times - keeps it all hot and people can just take out portions when they want them

Sounds tough!
I tended to batch cook at nap time at that age so then i didn't have to do it every day. Use the frozen chopped veg. Asda even have frozen chopped veg that makes the base of any sauce! It has carrot, onion and celery in. Also one meal can be snacky, houmous and falafel, peanut butter on toast, beans, cheese on toast, tortellini, quiche, pizza, pasta with cheese/pesto/chopped tomatoes, omelette fingers. Personally I fed mine after the nap so they were hungry for a full meal and weren't as tired as in the evening and less likely to eat. Some people dontje main meal before nap but mine weren't hungry enough and were getting grumpy. We would all eat together but the little ones have something snackier.
I wouldn't do baths everyday and if I hadn't been able to cook over nap time then one would cook and the other supervise the kids. Something easy like stir fry so it's ready for your husband.
This will pass and it will get easier. Maybe look for faster meals/minimal prep and snacky can still be healthy. Have a list of got to meals or a weekly plan so you can plan it in. It's ok to have an easier day sometimes too and tv is your friend

I'm sorry you've got yourself in such a state. Try not to be so hard on yourself. It's very very hard when twins are little: pure survival mode. I didn't have an older one, which means we didn't have the school run, so my timings would be different. My life was calculating what I could feed them if a bus came in the next 3 mins vs what they could eat after a 20 minute walk and no bus, but I feel as if I could never have got them out early in the mornings. It's amazing that you achieve that every school day: kudos to you!

I also found the littlepod towers very useful. We also had an (extra large 2 hexagon) play pen full of toys, where they could fight safely.

My husband came home from work and rescued me every evening. He did most of the cooking. I think there was a lot of batch-cooking and slow-cooker use, but I remember so little from those first 3 years that I've no idea what we ate. I just remember wiping it off the floor 3 times a day, otherwise they crawled through it.

You'll get through. Try to do less of something, whether tidying or studying or 'doing things properly'. [hugs]

Either you cook once and everyone eats the same thing, you with DC, your DH when he gets in, or, you and DH eat once the DCs are in bed.

Ha, my 3 years old also shouts a lot in her sleep! But both of mine are good sleepers and so different scenario for me. Also due 3rd one in a couple of weeks.
Can you cut down the milk and also will they hold and eat a banana/other fruits whilst doing the school run? Breakfast seems to be quite late.
Cut down on the milk in the afternoon and they might be more hungry for dinner.
I will do wake up, milk, banana during school run, breakfast, 11 am quick lunch, something very simple, water, nap, snack in buggy, water, small snack of fruits/veggies/whatever with your son when you all get home but none for the babies yet, simple dinner for the 3 of them about 5. It might be that the milk is filling their tummies and they aren’t hungry for food. I had that with my eldest.

Also try and prep dinner during nap time. So when you get back from school run, you can spend that time with your eldest chatting and just being together.

Don't stress. As long as there's a protein source, a carb and some veg in front of them, they will be fine.
They don't need big fancy dinners.
Finger food will do.
I often just put out a picky tea, maybe some ham, cheese, crackers or bread, peas pudding, sometimes crisps, boiled eggs, salad bits, fruit, hummus, quark, bread sticks, cold sausage or leftovers of yesterdays roast, anything I've baked over the weekend etc. Anything going really.
Same goes for DH.
If I do make a dinner though I always make too much on purpose. Does baits or next day's tea or goes in the freezer or whatever.

I like to make stews in the winter so slow cooker is a godsend for that and for slow cooking a joint.
I love to cook but I can't be bothered stressing. We usually either have meals that take less than half an hour and can be reheated, or we eat cold food.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
I would be focusing on trying to get them napping concurrently believe me I try. They both get sent up together. I then try regularly if T1 is being awkward but if he's in bed and doesn't want to be he'll just make noise and keep T2 awake. I've been leaving them a bit longer to yell it out but it isn't always possible. Esp if T1 has a poo in bed before he drifts off. And T2 can't go down until he's done his morning poo. 🙄😂

@Bahhhhhumbug because if it was as easy as telling my 16 mo that they had to eat at the time they wanted to sleep, sleep for less time than they want, stay in their chairs and go to bed earlier I wouldn't be asking for help.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland well they wake (seperately) anything around 7.30, DS is up by then. He dresses but he hates school uniform so that's like a whole "thing" then he's expected to eat but he has issues with food so again it's like a constant thing. They'll normally have some of his (🙄) or something little as well as their milk then I do Weetabix when I have mine at 9 when I get back. School run is 8.20-9. then scrubbed of Weetabix (T1 wears more than he eats) and we play cos it's the only time they get free reign. Nap about 11.30. lunch if they're down early / snack in buggy and I start leaving at 2.30 so that I'm actually off the drive by 2.45 and then we're home by 4 Inc a stop at the shop for bits, a wee etc or a bit earlier of not.

@tigerbread20 veg starter is our go to on days when I'm struggling but it is worth a try regularly if it means T1 doing anything but throwing it.

@BeetyAxe

Feed them a big lunch and serve porridge and toast for dinner for the twins at 4.30/5pm and then make something easy for 6pm for the six year old and parents. Get a slow cooker and just use it every day-meat, flavouring, rice, done. Stop being so hard on yourself, twins and another one is difficult! Your new motto needs to be “everyone fed, nobody dead”. You can worry about the variety of food they’re eating when they get older.

I agree with this.

We all eat together early say 5:30. I couldn't hack not eating until the kids are in bed! Or cooking twice. I also hate batch cooking, it just doesn't work well for me.

Good advice on here, my sister has newborn twins and a 3yo, I'm sure she'll need some of this advice!

I've read my way backwards and I think in your shoes I would make dinner when the twins are having their nap. Re-heat at tea time. Or have it in the slow cooker.

I never had twins so I'm not going to try and preach to you what's the right way or wrong way! I am going to tell you to stop calling yourself useless. You're doing a great job, you must be exhausted and all your children are fed, healthy and somehow in a great routine. It must be so tough. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and looking at how others manage. It's never easy for anyone. When my children were younger we never ate together as a family in the week, just at weekends. I would have them fed between 5 and 6 ish and then whilst one of us did the bedtime routine , the other did our tea. It's not ideal eating later but our bodies seemed to get used to it and now I struggle to eat earlier and end up snacking and eating more in the evening if I eat earlier. Now my kids are older we all eat together but it's usually not until 7 ish as neither of us finish work until half five. Children are adaptable. So long as they eat at some point it's all fine! Maybe your lunch time nap needs to just be half hour later and squeeze a light lunch in so they last longer. I don't know though, I think you're doing great. Hang on in there, it does get easier soon I'm sure.

@Chamomileteaplease I wouldn't know where to start looking tbh and it's such a funny time. The bog one tries but gets sidetracked. He's very entertaining but then they try to eat his Lego and gahhh!!!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland thank you m. T1 did feed me the cheese on toast I made him 😌♥️

@Didicat no room for a dining table so DS "eats" at his little table, me on chair, DH on sofa. I have twins facing me in high chairs. T2 steals t1s food and T1 tries to steal my tray and my food then escape Houdini style. We currently eat together to model good day eating etc but I just end up wolfing it down to get it done so I can catch the escapee

@waitingpatientlyforspring his tried and tested method for entertainment is to run back and forth screaming. They LOVE it. Lasts 5 minutes and he's knackered 😂

I always ate with the children at 5 when they were small and kept my husbands dinner warm or he microwaved it . We ate quite child friendly food for a few years and husband put on a bit of weight ... but it worked . If anything it’s harder now as while we all eat together about 6.30/7 there are now 4 slightly different versions of the same meal !

@PerspicaciousGreen well I'm alone with two 16 month olds but yes they in theory nap midday ish until school run. 2.5 hours on a good day but I'm just so tired I find it hard to work those hours cooking and cleaning. It's the only meal I eat alone too but I do take the message that I need to be less lazy

Hi OP,

Sorry I’ve not read all the replies so sorry if I duplicate anything.

First of all - having twins IS hard. Please please be kinder to yourself you are doing amazing. I have twins and at 16 months they were so so challenging, and you have another child so to me you are superwoman!

I totally understand the milk/convenience thing but at 16 months I think you need to start cutting it back so they are hungrier in the day. Do yours need milk to get to sleep out of interest? Mine did that’s why they had it for so long. I think if they were hungrier come dinner time, they would be happier in their high chairs eating while you could cook dinner for yourself, DH and 5 year old. Maybe you could do lunch at 11.30 and nap straight after that (mine used to fall asleep mid eating sometimes!) and try cut down on the afternoon milk so they’re hungrier at dinner time. You can give them pasta, cucumber, ham, cheese, things they can easily pick at while you’re cooking. And then whatever you cook for yourselves eg spag Bol, you could save for them for the following eve. So they are eating left overs from the night before, so theirs is always ready first. That would hopefully kill half hour in their high chairs along with some yoghurts etc so hopefully would give you enough time to get it done. I really think it’s the milk filling them up - if they were hungrier they’d sit in the high chair eating a lot happier I think. Good luck!

Feed twins their main meal when they wake from nap at 2 (last nights meal/veg can be microwaved). Then just give them a snack while in high chairs and you make dinner for dc, yourself and dh.