To ask how to feed everyone?

[SleepingStandingUp]

So I had twins Dec 2019, and have a nearly 6 yo. DH went off Pat leave mod Jan and then covid hot so he was WFH since March 2020. Looking to go back to the office after May Day.

I don't know how to get three kids fed and washed, DHs dinner (and in theory mine) cooked and all ready for bed at 7.

And I know it's pathetic. I don't even have a job so there's no excuse but I can't seem to make it work even with the help of DH being WFH.

We get in from school at 4. DH in at 6. By then it's too late for the kids to eat as they're starting to get tired.

So I need to feed the 3 kids between 4-6 whilst providing supervision because the twins climb everything, house is as safety proof as possible unless it were literally bare. And they fight over every toy. And no they're not obedient enough to stop when I tell them because I'm useless.

Then I get the mat and high chairs out, put them in and they immediately try to climb out whilst I get food / get them to eat / get them to not drop it all on the food. At least one of them will barely eat and scream to be free. Then go for his big brothers food.

Meanwhile I need to have DHs dinner pretty much ready to go for 6 and ideally mine. But I can't get back in the kitchen because I need to supervise dinner, wash them and dress them.

DH, once he's eaten, takes eldest up to bed at 7 and will obv help with anything downstairs beforehand if there's time.

But it just doesn't work. I'm currently waiting for dinner to cook for us, the twins barely ate and screamed a lot, eldest had his on the sofa so he's safe from the babies and I've cried.

I know it's not hard. O know people do it and work full time and with more kids but I feel like someone's going to fall out a chair and get hurt and they're not going to eat properly and they just scream because they're unhappy and hate m3

Ok, here's a completely different idea.
After so long being home, etc, could your husband change his hours to start an hour earlier and finish an hour earlier?

If he could, he'd be home at 5, and you all eat together? I expect a lot of people will want changes to their working pattern when they return, and it may be there is more flexibility now.

Not sure our plan helps as we both work FT and I don’t have twins. But we have a 15 month old and a 5 year old who get home at 6 pm.

Not sure where to begin the chicken and egg cycle (!!) but basically we cook adults dinner at 8 and eat at the table between 8-9 chatting after kids fast asleep. We then put away a portion of whatever has been cooked for the kids dinner the next day which occurs the next day at 6 pm.

6-7 pm is then just reheat last night leftover for 5 year old and 15 month old (who was weaned on to proper curry so eats what we eat) - with yogurt etc and chilling with them. No pressure for adults to cook or to eat.

When they are down we cook, gossip, eat and then watch telly. Rinse and repeat.

There’s NO way we’d introduce cooking and adults eating between 5-7 pm. No way would we cope.

To ensure adults aren’t starving at 6 pm we do make sure we have a satisfying lunch no earlier than 1 pm.

Slow cooker put together in the morning with double portions so you can reheat next day and put with pasta or rice. It does get easier - my twins are now 9 and eldest 13 and they are fab and even do some cooking!

I I feel for you OP. You posted after a rough teatime and you're probably feeling frazzled and can't see how to fix things.

You've had some really good ideas on here - read them again over a cuppa when you're feeling calmer and less resistant to a different approach. Your routine isn't working for you, so it's time to try some other ideas,

If it was me, I'd get everyone breakfast before you head off to school, get a decent lunch in your twins (and you) either before or after that nap, use nap time for a bit of dinner/lunch prep, give your DS a substantial snack after school and all try and eat at 6pm. Even if you have to push back what time the D.C. eat by 10 minutes every few days until you get there.

Slow cookers are great, soup can be really nutritious and quick to make, one pot tray bakes can be easy to prepare earlier in the day and can get chucked in the oven when needed. Have a search for quick and easy family meals on here. At the weekend think about having a decent lunch, give the kids an easy tea (beans on toast etc.) and cook nice food together once they're in bed and have a grown up dinner.

Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you. This will be a dim and distant memory for you before you know it, it just doesn't feel like that now!

Also, if the twins won't eat a lot at dinnertime, don't make a big effort to cook them a full hot meal. We have our main meal at lunchtime, so dinner for the children is something on toast (e.g. eggs) or something cold (sandwich, cheese and veg sticks and bits, cold pasta salad). They're funny about how much they'll eat in the evenings, so if it's cold then I don't have to weep over a full plate of congealed food that I slaved over going in the bin, but if they're especially hungry I can get more bits out of the fridge or cupboard for them.

@goldenchildsister

I'm confused. Did your last post mean the twins do not eat a full lunch??

Yes because they nap over lunch. They have milk, breakfast, snack, milk, sleep, snack in pram, dinner, milk. Yes I know that wrong but I don't know how to fix it as they need their nap and o have school run

I'd use their nap time between 11.30-2 to do the food prep. For Bolognese, curries, stews, pasta sauces, pop them in a slow cooker so you just have to boil rice, potatoes or pasta at 5pm. If you are doing a roast or tray bake, put it all prepped into a roasting tin so you just have to roast before. It is possible.

@Babysharkdododont

Prepare their dinner in advance, do finger foods. Let them eat on a mat on the floor, high chairs aren't essential. Even better have a picnic in the garden if you have one.

Yes for you and DH can be as easy or as hard as you make it.

Can you make a big something (pasta bake / cottage pie / curry etc) and feed the dc a portion and you and DH have what's left?

This is a game changer! If you can just cook one meal it makes everything easier especially if you can do some of the preparation during the day or use the slow cooker. even now I'll cook a batch of bolognaise which we can have with spaghetti one day and then turn it into lasagne or cottage pie another day. I had 3 under 5 and it was always a juggling act. I used to dread the end of the day when everyone is tired and hungry and grumpy. But only cooking once makes a big difference. I'm also pretty sure you're not useless.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

At 4.30 serve the kids food. Omelettes/quesedillas/beans and toast all served with veggie sticks, cheese cubes, apple slices etc. Easy and healthy.

At 6pm when dh comes home, go to the kitchen and prep yours and his dinner. Make it something that can be warmed when ready to each. He can play with DC, get them into pjs.

7pm - One of you put the eldest to bed, then come down, warm up the food and lay the table/pour the wine. The other puts the twins to bed (assuming this takes a little longer).

Both of you could be sat tucking into dinner by 7.30.

I'm pinning this onto a wall somewhere. It likely closer to 8, we'vee just sat down from bed, bed, waking up and crying, waking up twins, resettling twins in amongst tidying

Slow cooker jacket potatoes! With different toppings. Cheese, tuna, beans. Just get some carrot batons or cucumber to go as a veggie side for the kids. Honestly slow cookers are where it's at, and tbh DH could put it all in before he goes to work and the load is shared a bit better.

Twins in highchairs in the kitchen at somepoint during the day whilst.you food prep. Using dining table if they won't fit in the kitchen perhaps. Prep.food for everyone, - for 2 meals if you can? set oven timer dish up when ready.

That way kids get to join in cooking, tasting etc too. Worked with mine - one at a time admittedly!

How about each night you cook a big portion of food at six ish enough for all 5 of you and then take out three small portions for the children. Reheat these in the microwave the following day at to be ready minutes at whatever time you want the children to eat. So the children always have what you had yesterday.That way they are getting a good proper meal and you only cook once.

You have toddler twins. Do anything you need to to get yourself through!

There are meal prep services now that do honestly lovely meals that you just whack in the microwave that you/DP/probably DC1 will be very pleased to eat, then you just get anything down the other two that you can.

You just need to get through it until the twins are old enough for you to take a breath. It's not forever.

Batch cook at the weekend if you don't like the idea of ready meals - we have a meal plan that means that 50% of the meals require almost no effort from me - burger monday (air fryer means. this is no effort, or macdonalds if I'm struggling that day!), Meatball Thursday (me and the 7 year old make a massive batch once every two months and freeze it in portions), Steak Friday (as easy as burger monday, but steak - no takeaway option!), Pizza Saturday (home made/frozen/takeaway depending on what else is going on), Curry Sunday (normally whatever I cooked Tuesday/Wednesday recycled into a curry with rice)

Don't know if anyone has said this already, but this stage won't last forever, so I would suggest making your life easier by not scratch cooking every day. Get a pre-made pie or quiche, or even a ready-meal for you and DH three nights a week. All that needs doing then is some 5 min veg prep when the twins are napping.

Even though it's not the nicest, it will free up half an hour or so each evening.

@Didicat I was thinking am I the only one that eats at the same time as my toddler too! I would hate to have to start cooking/washing up after she's gone to bed!
@SleepingStandingUp you are doing amazingly even if you don't think so. I don't know how you do it! Anyway, I seem to be in the minority, but around 4/4.30pm Hey Duggee comes on and I start dinner. Me and 18m old eat together at 5/5.30 (early I know but I'm used to it now and so much easier just cooking one meal for us at the same time). If my husband is off he eats with us too, if he is working he eats at work or I might save him some but he does late shifts etc so a bit different.

My toddler also eats the same as your twins but also lunch on top. Could you try tweaking it for quick breakfast (reheated porridge/Weetabix etc) when they wake, then lunch 11.30 and nap 12.15 after lunch? Works really well here. Then the pram snack and then dinner 5 ish? We then have bed at 7.

Yes because they nap over lunch. They have milk, breakfast, snack, milk, sleep, snack in pram, dinner, milk. Yes I know that wrong but I don't know how to fix it as they need their nap and o have school run

Hmm. I'm sure there's another way to do this to get them a bit more of a meal in the middle of the day. I mean, I don't know what you're giving them as a snack, but they seem to be having breakfast very late and not much sit-down food during the day. Mine both eat better during the morning than the evening.

Could you manage to give them a banana with their morning milk? No prep required, just peel and eat!

If you want to make a big change, and this probably sounds scary, I'd lop an hour off that nap and put them to bed an hour earlier. Give them lunch when they wake up from their nap and if it's a proper meal they should be less cranky at dinnertime and able to eat a little bit later too. You get more evening with your DH as they're not up as late. Imagine an extra hour of evening!

I haven't really got any other bright ideas, but no doubt other posters will. I'm not sure what you're doing with them during the day, but we have a 3yo and a 1yo and never go very far afield.

Also, I have food intolerances that mean almost all prepared foods are out for me, but buy what you can ready to eat. Quiche, falafel, er... It's been so long I can't think of any more!

If the twins nap over a ‘normal’ lunchtime then surely you just give them early or late lunch, they can’t skip lunch altogether at their ages. I feel for you as you have your hands very full but I would take the opportunity to think about overhauling the whole days routine to make sure everyone gets three good meals in between nap and school runs. I agree with PPs that it’s bonkers to try and cook twice in the early evening - I would aim to get the kids in bed for 7pm then eat with your husband in the evening. Slow cookers are great, batch cooking...all the good suggestions have been made but the main issue I think is the overall structure of the day. Can you say what times you have to be out for school run and how long the twins nap for and maybe we could try and help design a routine that allows for them to have a decent lunch? Otherwise I’m not surprised they’re hard work by the evening!

It sounds to me like the twins diet is too much about milk and not enough about meals, at 17 months. Might be throwing things out for you?

I cook once. Kids eat at 5/5.30 and we eat when they're in bed.

I also think that at that age you have to choose the hill you want to die on, and it can only be one hill. I chose sleep. My children WILL be in bed when they are supposed to be if I have to move heaven and earth. I will decline invitations if they clash with naptime. 3yo is about to move into a bed and over my dead body will he be getting out of it in the mornings before his clock turns yellow, and over my dead body will he leave his room during nap/quiet time unless he's hurt himself. The corollary is that our house is grubby and our meals hardly cordon bleu cuisine and some days DS chooses to eat mostly rice and bananas.

You can pick food OR housework OR sleep as your hill to die on, not all of them.

I prepare food whilst the baby naps like a lasagna I can pop in the oven, husband then reheats his plate when he wants to eat

You and DH can batch cook on the weekend.

Twins can watch tv and eat. Get reins for the high chairs.

You and DH put them all to bed together.

You and DH take some batch cooked frozen dinner and bing it into the microwave after the kids are in bed.

Yes because they nap over lunch. They have milk, breakfast, snack, milk, sleep, snack in pram, dinner, milk. Yes I know that wrong but I don't know how to fix it as they need their nap and o have school run

@SleepingStandingUp

What if you gave them breakfast at the same time as the 5 year old, and they had their milk in the buggy on school run? That might help you flip the routine?

Just trying to understand your routine a bit better @SleepingStandingUp - You’ve said the morning school run you leave at 8.15 and are home for 9am. But later on you go out for 2.30 and don’t get home until 3.45-4pm? Is there a reason why it’s so much longer in the afternoon? 😊

I can only imagine what having twins is like 😳 I have one 5month old and I feel like I don’t have enough hours in the day or enough hands so I really do think you’re like superwoman 🤣 I don’t mean this to sound judgey but do the twins get much chance to burn off energy? From your routine it looks like they’re home from the school run at 9am, get breakfast (I’m assuming in the high chair) have milk and a snack, nap 11.30-2pm, awake and “nappy change and stretch legs” for half an hour then out with a buggy snack from 2.30-3.45/4? Then they’re in the high chair while you try and battle through getting everyone’s dinner etc sorted.

If it were me, I would aim for having everyone fed breakfast before the school run - twins included! There’s are lots of fab recipes for overnight oats, sheet pan pancakes, breakfast muffins etc that can all be prepped in advance and kept in the fridge of freezer to make things quicker in the morning. Then when you get home they can play and burn off some energy. I’d then aim to give them a proper lunch at 11ish before they go down for their nap.

Loads of other fab ideas on here too! Love the idea of giving them the veg as a starter to keep them occupied. Also, cooking one meal for the whole family would save you a lot of time I think! Cook it fresh for the kids then reheat it for you and DH a bit later on at a time that suits you to eat. What Mummy Makes is a great instagram page for loads of family friendly recipes 😊