Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheOneWithTheBigNose · 19/04/2021 16:08

@PlanterGents

Ahh, the perfect thread so posters can pile on and bang on about waiting until they traveled the seven seas, invested £££ before having kids, so under 30 couldn’t possibly be doable.

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

The OP can have children whenever she wants, she hasn’t mentioned that anyone is saying she has to have more children after 30, so why the AIBU, unless she’s being goady?
Jumpers268 · 19/04/2021 16:12

There's no AIBU and it's quite obviously a goady post. Lots of people choose to have children after 30. Lots choose to before 30. Many struggle with fertility issues and don't have a choice.

Lachimolala · 19/04/2021 16:19

I feel similar, not that I’m judging women who do have children over the age of 30. I’m just saying for me (and I’ve given it a lot of thought) even though I would love another child I won’t have one now I’m 30. I’ve mainly arrived at this decision because I’ve spent the last 10 years having and raising 3 children, I didn’t really have my 20’s so a little selfishly I’d like to enjoy my 30’s! I’m also very nearly done with the tantrum stage and the nappy stage and day by day everything’s becoming a little easier as the children get more independent, I couldn’t imagine starting again with a baby now!

Ldnmum7 · 19/04/2021 16:46

Such a weird thread. Personally wouldn't advise anyone under 30 to have kids. Enjoy yourselves, travel, earn as much as possible and get on the property ladder etc. So glad I worked hard and partied hard in my twenties, happy to be looking after kids in my thirties now.

LuckyAmy1986 · 19/04/2021 16:48

It's simple, make your own choice

Pros of having dc in your twenties
Enjoy child free life in your forties

Pros of having dc in your thirties/forties
Enjoy child free life in your twenties
Possibly more financially stable
Higher chance of more sensible partner choice

Make your own choice

That seems like a bit of a biased argument!

Crunchymum · 19/04/2021 16:54

[quote Pennyblossomx]@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.[/quote]
Well now you are being a tad goady aren't you?

user1498572889 · 19/04/2021 17:10

I didn’t want kids after the age of 30 because women in my family have a low life expectancy and my mum died when I was young. I had 3 children by the age of 25 and I’m now a happy grandma. Not for everyone but it suited me.

LST · 19/04/2021 17:18

@CherryCherries

When I turn 40, my (currently teenage) dd will turn 18. Knowing what I know now, I'd hate to have a baby/toddler/young dc now, it makes me want to take a long nap! But that's my life, others feel differently.
Same here! When I'm 40 my dc will be 19 nearly 20 and 17 nearly 18. I am extremely happy with my choice to have dc early 20s. A lot of our friends had dc around the same time as us but some have waited until their 30s and deep down I think, thank god I am done! They don't know I feel like that though.
BrumBoo · 19/04/2021 17:36

@Ldnmum7

Such a weird thread. Personally wouldn't advise anyone under 30 to have kids. Enjoy yourselves, travel, earn as much as possible and get on the property ladder etc. So glad I worked hard and partied hard in my twenties, happy to be looking after kids in my thirties now.
That simply isn't what every wants though. My options of doing all the 'typical 20s' stuff was pretty much not accessible to me due to many reasons. Travelling, as I said above, isn't something that appeals to me unless done very nicely, and most people don't have the income straight out of uni regardless. I also really wanted to avoid having children too late - one of my siblings was born much later than the rest, 12 years later our shared parent quickly became very ill with an age-related illness. Dead by 60, many MNers wouldn't see their children graduate Uni if the same circumstances happened to them.

I'm not saying that there is one right way of doing it, but I don't think there's a wrong way either. It's just personal likes and wants, having a 'mad one' in your 20s doesn't make anyone a better or more rounded person in the end, just one with different experiences.

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 18:17

* That simply isn't what every wants though. My options of doing all the 'typical 20s' stuff was pretty much not accessible to me due to many reasons. Travelling, as I said above, isn't something that appeals to me unless done very nicely, and most people don't have the income straight out of uni regardless*

What strange logic. You didn’t have enough money to travel so had kids instead. Confused

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 19/04/2021 18:17

Yeah, kids cost far more than travelling!

LST · 19/04/2021 18:19

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

Yeah, kids cost far more than travelling!
They really don't. Not in the younger years anyway.
LST · 19/04/2021 18:20

@GrumpyHoonMain

* That simply isn't what every wants though. My options of doing all the 'typical 20s' stuff was pretty much not accessible to me due to many reasons. Travelling, as I said above, isn't something that appeals to me unless done very nicely, and most people don't have the income straight out of uni regardless*

What strange logic. You didn’t have enough money to travel so had kids instead. Confused

That is not what the pp said at all. I totally agree with her.
Candyfloss99 · 19/04/2021 18:35

@GrumpyHoonMain

* That simply isn't what every wants though. My options of doing all the 'typical 20s' stuff was pretty much not accessible to me due to many reasons. Travelling, as I said above, isn't something that appeals to me unless done very nicely, and most people don't have the income straight out of uni regardless*

What strange logic. You didn’t have enough money to travel so had kids instead. Confused

Indeed!! If you don't have enough money to travel then you sure don't have enough money to securely bring up children.
Wellarentyoujustapeach · 19/04/2021 18:38

I find it strange when people are so specific with ages.

Personally I didn't want children until I was:

In a stable committed relationship
In a good job I could return to part time
Had stable housing
Had travelled/ enjoyed my freedom.

That all fell into place around 30.

Saying that I cannot imagine having children any older than I am now, because 2 non sleeping children have squashed any desire for more children.

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 18:46

* They really don't. Not in the younger years anyway.*

What planet are you on. I have travelled and even 3 of my most luxourious trips put together haven’t cost as much as DS did in 6 mths. I think this notion that it’s ‘cheap’ to raise kids is doing all women a disservice. It’s only ‘cheap’ if you go without all the nice things & scrimp every penny & who really wants to do that as a parent?

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 19/04/2021 18:48

They really don't. Not in the younger years anyway

I worked my way through travelling. Left with just enough cash for a couple of weeks accommodation.
Came home and started my career. Built it up and got some savings behind me so that I could afford maternity leave etc.
I definitely couldn’t have afforded children in my 20’s.

LST · 19/04/2021 18:48

@GrumpyHoonMain

* They really don't. Not in the younger years anyway.*

What planet are you on. I have travelled and even 3 of my most luxourious trips put together haven’t cost as much as DS did in 6 mths. I think this notion that it’s ‘cheap’ to raise kids is doing all women a disservice. It’s only ‘cheap’ if you go without all the nice things & scrimp every penny & who really wants to do that as a parent?

A planet where travelling costed more than rasing dc in the younger years. I didnt scrimp. My dc never went without. I just didn't buy needless stuff. HTH.
TheOneWithTheBigNose · 19/04/2021 18:53

Having both travelled and had children, I can categorically say that having children cost me far more, even in the early years. Lost earnings and childcare being the biggest expenses.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/04/2021 18:53

@Ldnmum7

Such a weird thread. Personally wouldn't advise anyone under 30 to have kids. Enjoy yourselves, travel, earn as much as possible and get on the property ladder etc. So glad I worked hard and partied hard in my twenties, happy to be looking after kids in my thirties now.
Not everyone wants to do those things. People always bring up "travel" on these threads, not everyone wants to travel and party. I had DS at age 22 and that was perfect for me.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/04/2021 18:55

As for affording children, well not everyone will be able to have a career where they earn a lot. Somebody has to do those minimum wage jobs and those people are allowed to have children too.

ElderMillennial · 19/04/2021 18:56

You can do whatever you want OP... Hmm

LST · 19/04/2021 18:56

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

Having both travelled and had children, I can categorically say that having children cost me far more, even in the early years. Lost earnings and childcare being the biggest expenses.
I only had loss of earning during mat leave and I was only on around 15k when I had dc was it wasn't much and I have never needed to pay for childcare due to the shifts me and dp worked. It would have cost me more to travel.
alaiahagsv · 19/04/2021 18:57

Such a weird and pointless post.

AlrightTreacle · 19/04/2021 18:58

Each to their own OP, I couldn't imagine having a 10 year old at 30 myself. I loved my 20s and enjoyed them childfree. At 26 I was saving for a house and getting settled into my career, having kids at 21 wouldn't have financially been an option for me.