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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
Zancah · 19/04/2021 14:31

I had my last at 30. Not a hope in hell I'm having any more.
My kids are all at an age of decent independence and I'm still young enough to look forward to my youngish enjoyment of life when they've flown the nest. Can't wait, frankly.

YoniAndGuy · 19/04/2021 14:32

How can it be unreasonable? Personal choice.

For me it's the opposite: having had shit parenting from mid-20s parents, and having had mine older, I'm pretty convinced that within reason, people into their 30s when they start having kids are more likely overall to do a better job - to be that bit older and more mature, more likely to have had wider pre-kid life experiences, and be less likely to be with partners that they got together with when both were v young/inexperienced at relationships.

But that's me and someone else will have exactly the opposite view!

OhToBeASeahorse · 19/04/2021 14:32

Why would anyone flame you? How weird.

Maddy456 · 19/04/2021 14:34

Original poster just trying to shame women over 30 that have babies. And isn’t she so amazing for having her kids before 30. So pathetic.

PurpleBiro21 · 19/04/2021 14:37

Yep. My siblings are a lot younger than me and have had a better childhood due to my parents being older when they had them.

I hope I don’t seem defensive over being an older mum because 1. I couldn’t give a shit what people think, and 2. Women have always had children in their 40s it’s not a new thing. Having a first child in your 40s is.

And let’s face it, life is easier and we are healthier in many ways now than how it would have been for my grandmothers (as an example).

Generally I think it’s a personal choice, neither pre or post 30 is perfect and people have different priorities at different stages.

ivfbeenbusy · 19/04/2021 14:41

Attention seeking much 🤷‍♀️

Honestly no one cares. As they say these days "you do you"

GreenLeafTurnip · 19/04/2021 14:42

I wanted 2 kids before 30. As it was I ended up with one just before I turned 31 and I've got no intention of having more due to a number of reasons, one being I don't want to be an older mum.

FoxgloveBee · 19/04/2021 14:42

🤨 hmmm.

YANBU to feel like you don't want anymore kids (you already have two after all) but YABU to post on here about it in the bizarre form of an AIBU.

I wouldn't rule out for myself or judge others having kids at any legal age, however I had my daughter at 30 and I know in my 20s I would not be the parent I am now. Equally if I'd waited until now, 6 years later, I think I'd have been an even better parent. In fact, I'd love to have another but I don't know if it can happen for us now.

That is just me though and I wouldn't create a post asking people if IABU.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 19/04/2021 14:45

I'm sure it'll come to me, but there's a TV comedy in which a fairly unsympathetic female character says, "Word of advice. Get kids out of the way now, cos there's nothing worse than an old mum."

Argh, what is this from? I think she had a lot of makeup and big fake nails...

AwFeebs · 19/04/2021 14:46

Why would you be unreasonable for making a personal decision? Confused

Honestly I think people think others care a lot about what they do. They don't tbh. Everyone's just living their own life.

minniemomo · 19/04/2021 14:49

It's a personal thing but never say never. I thought like you but I'm now late 40's and broody as hell (probably not even possible and not trying!)

PlanterGents · 19/04/2021 14:56

Ahh, the perfect thread so posters can pile on and bang on about waiting until they traveled the seven seas, invested £££ before having kids, so under 30 couldn’t possibly be doable.

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

cinammonbuns · 19/04/2021 15:00

@PlanterGents no it was clear OP was trying to have a dig at people who have children over 30. Why would we care at all about when she had here children. She was being goady so people are rightfully giving it back to her.

dotdashdashdash · 19/04/2021 15:00

Its so personal. I couldn't imagine having more than 2 kids full stop. Or having had mine before I was 30!

GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 15:01

[quote cinammonbuns]@PlanterGents no it was clear OP was trying to have a dig at people who have children over 30. Why would we care at all about when she had here children. She was being goady so people are rightfully giving it back to her.[/quote]
Yes this. Ppl called her out so she tried to back track

MarshaBradyo · 19/04/2021 15:02

@PlanterGents

Ahh, the perfect thread so posters can pile on and bang on about waiting until they traveled the seven seas, invested £££ before having kids, so under 30 couldn’t possibly be doable.

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

No pretty much everyone has said it’s a personal choice and for them 30s was better for a few reasons
TheKeatingFive · 19/04/2021 15:02

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

Yes, but why post a thread about this? How could that be unreasonable?

Floweree · 19/04/2021 15:03

@PlanterGents

Ahh, the perfect thread so posters can pile on and bang on about waiting until they traveled the seven seas, invested £££ before having kids, so under 30 couldn’t possibly be doable.

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

No one has said it was not doable, but that they didn't want to. Just as the OP doesn't want children after 30, it's reasonable some didn't want them before 30.
GrumpyHoonMain · 19/04/2021 15:05

@PlanterGents

Ahh, the perfect thread so posters can pile on and bang on about waiting until they traveled the seven seas, invested £££ before having kids, so under 30 couldn’t possibly be doable.

I think it’s obvious the OP means AIBU to not want any more children after 30, as in a few years time from her current age, since she probably wants to be out of the baby stages

Under 30 is when high earning professionals build their careers in terms of skills, knowledge and experience. As MN tends to skew towards high earners it would be understandably for them to share their experiences as a counterpoint to OP’s. And yes many of us do travel extensively and invest in our 20s.
Cowssaymoo · 19/04/2021 15:23

I definitely feel that you’re trying to imply that women over 30 are lesser or shouldn’t have them after that age. Why would you be being unreasonable? It’s your life, do as you choose. I personally got pregnant at 39 after 9 very difficult years of infertility, losses and Ivf, everyone has a different story.
Even if it wasn’t for infertility, there’s no way I personally would’ve been as good or as patient a mum at 25 as I am at 42, I was out living my life, travelling the world, working, having fun, studying...and experiencing so much, which I can now pass on to my Dd,

Bouledeneige · 19/04/2021 15:25

That's nice for you.

I had my two at 36 and 38 and loved it. I'd lived a lot, travelled and enjoyed my relationship and had a stable and well remunerated job, lovely house etc. I definitely wasn't ready at 21 and hadn't met my husband by then and I'm glad I didn't end up with anyone who I was mad about at 21.

But I suspect you wouldn't want my life and I wouldn't want yours and really the best laid plans and rules don't quite work out like that. Life is far messier.

HoppingPavlova · 19/04/2021 15:29

It’s a bit like saying, AIBU to not want more than 2/3/4 children as I don’t think I’d feel like anymore after my desired number. Okay. That’s fine. Whatever works for you. How is it even a discussion. That’s exactly what the OP has done. Don’t want kids past a certain age then that’s fine, no one is going to make you. It’s then a personal choice as to what contraceptive you use. How is it a discussion?

DilemmaADay · 19/04/2021 15:34

@Elbels
Massive round of applause for you that in your early 20s you found the partner you wanted to be with for the rest of your life, were financially stable enough and had secure accomodation that meant you felt it was the right time to have children.

This!! Not everyone is as lucky as you OP to meet their lifelong partner and manage to have children before 30! Would you like a medal Confused

CherryCherries · 19/04/2021 15:48

When I turn 40, my (currently teenage) dd will turn 18. Knowing what I know now, I'd hate to have a baby/toddler/young dc now, it makes me want to take a long nap! But that's my life, others feel differently.

SamW98 · 19/04/2021 15:50

I might be wrong but as soon as I see someone on social media say 'I know I'll get flamed for this' I immediately think that means 'right lets start some shit that gets a reaction and then walk away'

But as I said I could be wrong