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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want kids after 30?

387 replies

Pennyblossomx · 19/04/2021 08:54

I suspect I'll get flamed for this. But I just don't want anymore kids after I turn 30. I'm 26 got an almost 3 month old and a 5 year old and I just can't see myself wanting a baby after 30. AIBU?

OP posts:
CervixHaver · 19/04/2021 13:24

@JellyNellie

I don't want more children after 30 either,I always wanted 4 children and that's what I have had my children at 18,20,22,23 and I don't want no more,we have been lucky we have a mortgage free house 🏠 and have been together since being 16&17,I couldn't imagine having children any older but that's me,my mum is 50 this year with a 10year old and she love it and says she wishes she had her older three children when she was in her 30s.
It's a good thing that you're happy with how you've done it. Whereas I personally couldn't have spent my late teens & early twenties raising kids instead of traveling and having fun whilst I had nobody else to consider; but that's the beauty of choice. We can make our own choices to suit ourselves. Something the OP seems to have forgotten!
SpiderinaWingMirror · 19/04/2021 13:25

Who cares?
I was done at 29. Changed my mind and had another at 39.
People have all sorts of reasons.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 19/04/2021 13:28

Some people have a strange idea of what 40 and 50 years old can or can't do do. I'm 51 and go to the gym regularly ( when it's open ) and do 5k runs in between.

Someone upthread mentioned not wanting to chase around after teenagers in their 50's. Why would you need to? My 15 year old is practically a sloth and the only time I need to chase my 12 year old is when we decide to go for a 5k run together.

Despite DH and I being older, our own parents are still fit and active and have always helped out lots with the kids.

Saying all that I always wanted to have kids before I was 30 but I spent half my 20s and 30s going through cycles of unsuccessful IVF and then the adoption process so sadly can't be at all smug about being a party animal in my 20s.

AcrobaticCardigan · 19/04/2021 13:29

You’ve had two kids quite young, so completely understandable that you don’t want more in later life! But I certainly don’t think that 30 is a cut off point.

MarshaBradyo · 19/04/2021 13:32

@AngelsWithSilverWings

Some people have a strange idea of what 40 and 50 years old can or can't do do. I'm 51 and go to the gym regularly ( when it's open ) and do 5k runs in between.

Someone upthread mentioned not wanting to chase around after teenagers in their 50's. Why would you need to? My 15 year old is practically a sloth and the only time I need to chase my 12 year old is when we decide to go for a 5k run together.

Despite DH and I being older, our own parents are still fit and active and have always helped out lots with the kids.

Saying all that I always wanted to have kids before I was 30 but I spent half my 20s and 30s going through cycles of unsuccessful IVF and then the adoption process so sadly can't be at all smug about being a party animal in my 20s.

Chasing teenagers around is a strange concept I agree plus there’s no reason people can’t stay fit as you say. I agree people should just have dc when and if they want but some sound low on fitness and energy levels.
Haenow · 19/04/2021 13:37

I always am surprised when people join MN/name changing and start threads like this. But it’s fine, clearly no motive or anything.

As it happens, my cut off for having children is 32 years, 10 months, 3 weeks and 5 days.

Sceptre86 · 19/04/2021 13:39

I don't really understand the point of your post. You don't want anymore kids, you had them at an age where you wanted them, good for you. Why would anyone flame you for that?

I personally wouldn't have wanted kids as young as you so didn't, my choice didn't affect anyone else.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/04/2021 13:40

I don't understand what your unreasonable is? Has someone told you it is compulsory?

PurpleBiro21 · 19/04/2021 13:48

I’m the child of young parents.

It’s part of the reason why I’m an older mum.

cookiecreampie · 19/04/2021 13:50

I didn't want any after 30 and had all my kids by 29 then got sterilised. Maybe if I had had fertility problems I would have had one after 30 but I definitely wouldn't have had four.

LST · 19/04/2021 13:54

@PurpleBiro21

I’m the child of young parents.

It’s part of the reason why I’m an older mum.

Wow. No need for that comment at all!
GappyValley · 19/04/2021 14:01

@LST

What’s wrong with that comment?
Lots of us are shaped by our experiences growing up and don’t want to replicate things we found negatively impact on us.

I’m one of 4 siblings. That why I’m done at 2, I didn’t enjoy it.

My parents had us straight after getting married, and while young.
Listening to years of them moaning on about what they missed out on was a big reason I had mine later after living a little.

It’s not a judgement on anyone else, it’s lived experience shaping our own lives

Not really any different from posters who say they were smacked as children and therefore wouldn’t ever smack their own, or had parents who banned them from eating sweets so they are more relaxed with their own kids.

Stop projecting your own insecurities!

LST · 19/04/2021 14:02

[quote GappyValley]@LST

What’s wrong with that comment?
Lots of us are shaped by our experiences growing up and don’t want to replicate things we found negatively impact on us.

I’m one of 4 siblings. That why I’m done at 2, I didn’t enjoy it.

My parents had us straight after getting married, and while young.
Listening to years of them moaning on about what they missed out on was a big reason I had mine later after living a little.

It’s not a judgement on anyone else, it’s lived experience shaping our own lives

Not really any different from posters who say they were smacked as children and therefore wouldn’t ever smack their own, or had parents who banned them from eating sweets so they are more relaxed with their own kids.

Stop projecting your own insecurities![/quote]
It just sounded so judgemental. Not all young parents are shit which is what I got the pp was getting at commenting that in the first place

Cocomarine · 19/04/2021 14:07

[quote Pennyblossomx]@Ginuwine I guess i then think about having say a 10 year old when I would be 40 and for some reason that puts me right off, I'm not sure why it just does.[/quote]
I can tell you why it puts you off.
It’s because you’re really young.
At 26, 40 seems ancient. Even 30, just 4 years away, you think is old.

You have kids whenever you like (personally, I’d never have wanted one at 21 like you, and I actually have been 21, 30 and 40 so feel I’ve got a bit more experience of myself at those ages to comment!).

If you got pregnant by accident at 30, I suspect you’d be up in arms if I told you that you should get rid, because having a 10yo at 40 was so bad 🤣

Each to their own... but you just sound really young posting this 🤣

ColourMeExhausted · 19/04/2021 14:10

Had mine at 35 and 38 OP. Judge away! Tbh most of the friends I know with professional jobs have had them at 35 plus. Got three friends expecting at 42, don't faint with shock now!

Personally I can't think of anything worse than wasting my best partying years and youth to parenthood but we're all different Grin

Sorry for the narky tone but I agree with other PPs that you started this thread to be goady, because why else would you post about it?

PurpleBiro21 · 19/04/2021 14:11

@LST I probably should have put more detail, I didn’t think that comment would seem like judgement.
Of course lots of young parents are great (my parents weren’t the best but that’s not age related).

I saw then and now that parenting/life was harder for them than it was for me due to career, social life, finances. They missed out on a lot.

Hence why I waited.

Excited101 · 19/04/2021 14:12

Is this some sort of gloat? I’ve loved to have had children with my ex, and would have been pre 30, but he left me. Now at nearly 35 I’ve got everything crossed that this relationship might work out so I still get a chance.

Pipe down, you do you.

Cocomarine · 19/04/2021 14:14

I did actually start trying in my 20s.
But you know: miscarriages, fertility problems... it was my 30s before I knew it.
Still, gave me extra time to save the thousands needed for IVF 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also think it’s a pointless AIBU, but not sure if OP is goading or just a bit dim.

gnushoes · 19/04/2021 14:18

I didn't want children at all. After 30 I was more interested. Each to their own. Nobody gives a stuff.

PurpleBiro21 · 19/04/2021 14:21

@GappyValley thank you for explaining my perspective, you are spot on.

I had DC later than expected due to IVF and MC (I always would have been infertile, it’s not age related with me).

While I wouldn’t wish the horror we experienced on anyone let alone myself, now we have a family I’m actually glad that they came later than at 30 when we first started trying.

Our life now isn’t what we would have had if we had a child at 30, we are closer as a couple, settled and got to have share even more amazing experiences.

Bul21ia · 19/04/2021 14:23

I think that’s fair enough you have 2 and that’s a lovely number. Although a lot of people wouldn’t start wanting another baby when there youngest is only 3 months. So you never know OP.

zigaziga · 19/04/2021 14:25

So so confused by this and your posts aren’t making anything clearer.

People have their kids when they have them - when they are in the right relationship, have the finances, are “ready”. You did that fairly but not extremely early and now you’re finished. Non story.

Aren’t the majority of women done after 2 kids?

Is someone asking you to have more?

Shouldn’t the thread be “I only want two children” not “I don’t want children after 30”??

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2021 14:27

It's simple, make your own choice.

Pros of having dc in your twenties;
Enjoy child free life in your forties

Pros of having dc in your thirties/forties;
Enjoy child free life in your twenties.
Possibly more financially stable.
Higher chance of more sensible partner choice

Make your own choice.

Vanillaradio · 19/04/2021 14:28

It's your life and you have two kids already. Understandable you don't want any more.
On the other hand 30 would have been way too early for me to have kids and when I was 40 I had a 3 year old. Each to their own.

Bul21ia · 19/04/2021 14:29

@PurpleBiro21

I’m the child of young parents.

It’s part of the reason why I’m an older mum.

Sorry but that was probably your actual parents rather than their age. I’m also a parent of a young mum too! Other than career wise it’s not a big issue as such well not one that effected me.