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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners ex photo stream AIBU?

145 replies

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:02

My partner and I have been together for almost three years, his ex (who they have one child with) has never liked me it started off with name calling and bullying etc, we do not talk at all after I sent her a message regarding rumours she was spreading and since then she has been blocked.
Their daughter stays with us every other weekend bringing along her things and an iPad that my partner bought her for Christmas last year - a few months back his daughter mentioned that she had ‘pictures of mummy’s bottom’ on her iPad and it has been mentioned by her on more than one occasion, she also talks about willies a lot, at first I thought as she’s only 4 maybe it was just a funny topic but she seems to focus on talking about willies, bums and boobies a lot more than I would say is ‘normal’ for a small child. One day I looked at the photos app on her iPad and all of her mums pictures are synced to the iPad (I’m not judging taking or receiving images of a sexual nature at all if you are a consenting adult) but am I being unreasonable to have then told my partner to speak with his ex about removing her photos from their child’s tablet (two weeks ago) she said she would do so and then this weekend when we had his daughter over I checked to see if they had been removed and they haven’t I’ve told him once again to inform his ex that if they are not removed their daughter can no longer bring that iPad into my home as it feels very disrespectful and also damaging to expose a young child to images like that even if they are of her mum.

OP posts:

user1473878824 · 18/04/2021 18:04

Why are you only worried about her seeing these things in your home?!

YellowTwinklyStar · 18/04/2021 18:05

Why are you having to tell your partner to sort it out? He should be wanting to sort it out without you telling him to!

Merryoldgoat · 18/04/2021 18:07

I wouldn’t give a hoot about it being ‘disrespectful’ - I’d be very concerned about a child being exposed to sexually explicit material.

Your partner needs to deal with it effectively and now.

If she talked about those pictures at school they could report to SS regarding safeguarding concerns which I would probably do myself anyway.

Original poster

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:08

I’m worried about it regardless because it can be damaging to expose children to those images but I also don’t have a lot of power over it other than to say if she does not remove them it cannot come into my house.

OP posts:

DeusEx · 18/04/2021 18:08

Sorry: he bought the 4 year old an iPad?

Why is the mum’s account synced to it anyway?

TheresNothingIWantMore · 18/04/2021 18:08

I'm wondering if she doesn't realise photos automatically sync across all your apple devices - probably be mortified when she finds out! Your OH probably just needs to mention the photos she's taking are syncing to the ipad too. I can see why you don't want to speak to her given the history

YellowTwinklyStar · 18/04/2021 18:09

Does your partner not care and want to sort it out? If he isn't bothered about it then I'd report the situation to her school/social services. Of course it's ok to say you don't want it in your home but if your partner isn't worried about it you have bigger problems!

RickiTarr · 18/04/2021 18:10

You’re saying that your young DSD has sexual photographs of her mother and men on her tablet and her parents aren’t all that bothered?

Tlollj · 18/04/2021 18:10

If she says anything about this at nursery or school all hell is gonna break loose. Quite rightly in my opinion. Your partner really needs to sort this ASAP.

chesteroo · 18/04/2021 18:11

This would constitute abuse - the child is knowingly in possession of inappropriate images. What else is the child exposed to?

Joinedjustforthispost · 18/04/2021 18:11

Id be reporting this as a safeguarding concern this is abuse .

TheMotherlode · 18/04/2021 18:11

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. I can see how she may not have realised that the photos had synced but surely you would delete them straight away once you found out your child had been looking at them.
It’s for your partner to deal with though, it shouldn’t have to be on you.

RickiTarr · 18/04/2021 18:12

we had his daughter over I checked to see if they had been removed and they haven’t I’ve told him once again to inform his ex that if they are not removed their daughter can no longer bring that iPad into my home as it feels very disrespectful and also damaging to expose a young child to images like that even if they are of her mum.

You mean you said you’d involve social services? You’re not really more concerned about “disrespect” to you than damage to a child?

RickiTarr · 18/04/2021 18:13

There’s something about the way you’re explaining this that just sounds off.

SpongeCakeAddict · 18/04/2021 18:13

If this was happening in my home, and circumstances were as you describe, I'd have called ss to have a word with the mother.

This is something we've had to be so careful of - one of mine has used an old iPhone which we had to set up connected to my partner's account and it meant we had to go through his photos and make sure there were none of an unsuitable nature (because we often send each other funny but adult memes and pics we've seen etc).

It's been more trouble than it's worth and it'll be replaced with something generic.

The fact that the mum has been told about this but hasn't done anything about it, screams loudly.

nimbuscloud · 18/04/2021 18:14

Goodness me.
This is all kinds of odd.

BornIn78 · 18/04/2021 18:15

So your partner and his ex are both aware that there are sexually explicit photos on their 4 year old daughters iPad, they've both known this for at least 2 weeks, and neither of them have done anything about it?

Report to social services and don't have children with this man.

nimbuscloud · 18/04/2021 18:16

The fact that the mum has been told about this but hasn't done anything about it, screams loudly.

Her father hasn’t done anything either to be fair.

Theunamedcat · 18/04/2021 18:21

You know you can stop it from syncing accross devices it is possible with a little common sense and Google why are her parents so ineffective

peboh · 18/04/2021 18:23

Oh it's totally disrespectful to you, and not at all damaging to the child.
Jesus. Priorities op. Call social services.

Original poster

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:25

Yeah which was initially set up by us with a few games and music for her, it went home with her and at some point (not sure why) her mum has obviously synced her phone to it but weirdly there’s no other apps synced to the iPad no contacts or messages or anything else standard on a phone literally just camera roll.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 18:25

What’s the pics of exactly op? Other than her backside that you mentioned . Is it her bare arse?

Original poster

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:27

Okay say I reversed the way I typed it, it’s not about me I’m the only one that does seem to think it’s a big issue I’ve repeatedly said it and it seems to be going nowhere and unresolved, we can’t remove the images it’s an entire camera roll that’s synced so only her mum can put a stop to it but she doesn’t seem to think it’s a big enough problem to do it.

OP posts:

Hadenough35 · 18/04/2021 18:29

Why dont you just remove them?

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 18:30

And again exactly what are they of and what, if anything is she wearing?

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