Partners ex photo stream AIBU?

[Locationlocation55]

My partner and I have been together for almost three years, his ex (who they have one child with) has never liked me it started off with name calling and bullying etc, we do not talk at all after I sent her a message regarding rumours she was spreading and since then she has been blocked.
Their daughter stays with us every other weekend bringing along her things and an iPad that my partner bought her for Christmas last year - a few months back his daughter mentioned that she had ‘pictures of mummy’s bottom’ on her iPad and it has been mentioned by her on more than one occasion, she also talks about willies a lot, at first I thought as she’s only 4 maybe it was just a funny topic but she seems to focus on talking about willies, bums and boobies a lot more than I would say is ‘normal’ for a small child. One day I looked at the photos app on her iPad and all of her mums pictures are synced to the iPad (I’m not judging taking or receiving images of a sexual nature at all if you are a consenting adult) but am I being unreasonable to have then told my partner to speak with his ex about removing her photos from their child’s tablet (two weeks ago) she said she would do so and then this weekend when we had his daughter over I checked to see if they had been removed and they haven’t I’ve told him once again to inform his ex that if they are not removed their daughter can no longer bring that iPad into my home as it feels very disrespectful and also damaging to expose a young child to images like that even if they are of her mum.

Your partner is basically shrugging his shoulders and looking the other way! What on earth are you living with? Sinister beyond belief that he doesn't want to protect her!

Report to police and social services and take laptop to police. Then leave.

I cannot think of a single reason that social services are not involved at this point, it should have been done the second your partner realised she didn't take action the moment she was informed.

Like fuck could I stay with a man who would need to be pestered over this. This is child abuse, and quite possibly grooming. A 4 year old is being exposed to sexual images by her mum and with the support and cooperation of her dad.

Don't underplay just how bad this is,

I won’t go too much into my relationship because it’s the furthest thing from healthy but when I mentioned SS I was told I’d be a ‘snitchy c*nt’ and I said that if she mentions it at school that’s what they will do. I don’t want to get into the toxicity of my situation I am fully aware of how bad it is and making plans to not be, but to say this at the very least I don’t have a lot of opinions and cannot start conversations without being ‘crazy’ or ‘delusional’ or a ‘psycho’. So obviously whenever I bring this up it’s very hostile and I relent saying the words SS at all because of the reaction it causes.

Right so this is awful in so many ways but why don’t you just take the iPad away next time? You can “ move” or hide the photo app to start, so put it in a folder in a folder in folder where the child won’t see it - I’m only suggesting this if you want her to able to use the iPad whilst she’s with you during the day but I’d personally take it off her as soon as she’s in the house. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it, just take it when she’s distracted or eating dinner etc.
Then just don’t return it with her when she goes back to her mums. When her mum asks then say send me the password so I can unsync your account and reset to factory settings.
If she refuses then I’d create a password protected folder and hide the photo app and I wouldn’t let DSD take the iPad home. It can live at your house and she can use is supervised - as she should be at 4 anyway.
Then I’d be seriously thinking about my next steps. This is very very dodgy territory

Two weeks? You've been telling him to do something about it for two whole weeks? Would you nag him that the house was burning down for a fortnight or would you call the fire brigade yourself if he didn't think it was that serious?

Why aren't you - and more importantly he - more angry about this? If it's sexually explicit images something needs doing right now. Immediately. Take the iPad for a start. What's stopping you from protecting a four year old from abuse, can you not be bothered or something? Do you need advice on which number to call? Do you not think it's that serious?

@Locationlocation55

I won’t go too much into my relationship because it’s the furthest thing from healthy but when I mentioned SS I was told I’d be a ‘snitchy c*nt’ and I said that if she mentions it at school that’s what they will do. I don’t want to get into the toxicity of my situation I am fully aware of how bad it is and making plans to not be, but to say this at the very least I don’t have a lot of opinions and cannot start conversations without being ‘crazy’ or ‘delusional’ or a ‘psycho’. So obviously whenever I bring this up it’s very hostile and I relent saying the words SS at all because of the reaction it causes.

What? And you’re staying with this man? Take the iPad, call social services and dump this absolute piece of human trash.

Jesus I hope this isn’t real

What Ohpulltheotherone said.

I have an old iPad that I have told her to use this weekend at my house, hers went uncharged other than me checking to see if they had been removed which they hadn’t.

@Merryoldgoat

I wouldn’t give a hoot about it being ‘disrespectful’ - I’d be very concerned about a child being exposed to sexually explicit material.

Your partner needs to deal with it effectively and now.

If she talked about those pictures at school they could report to SS regarding safeguarding concerns which I would probably do myself anyway.

This. “Disrespect” should be the least of your worries.

It’s a lot more complicated than me just choosing to stay because I’m so happy, I’m making plans to leave in a safe way and that’s all I want to say on that.

Locationlocation55
Ok so from your latest update it seems you are aware your relationship is abusive?

Please contact the police when it is safe to do so. They can help you and the 4 year old.

Cross post. I'm glad you have plans.

Stay safe. But please contact social services anonymously somehow if you can. This child is in danger.

Just delete them, I wouldn’t even hesitate.

If anyone ever wonders about the awful news stories of child abuse, and says, why didn't someone do/say something, its because all the adults behaved like this, and didn't want to rock the boat, and because their sex lives were more important than a child's welfare.

All three adults in this situation are behaving disgracefully. OP, stop TELLING your creepy nonce of a boyfriend that you're going to ring SS, and just do it.

@Locationlocation55

It’s a lot more complicated than me just choosing to stay because I’m so happy, I’m making plans to leave in a safe way and that’s all I want to say on that.

I agree with PP that this is an awful situation for the child and should be reported.

However I also just wanted to say that I hope you are ok and I'm sorry to hear of your situation, I hope you can safely get away from the situation you are in. I understand people will be angry about the situation with your dsd but you need to focus on keeping yourself safe as well as the child

It’s been two weeks since I saw it I have continuously brought it up in a manner that is also Inkeeping to my safety if SS get involved or police get involved he will know it is me so in order to protect myself and his daughter I am trying to approach it in a way that means the images are removed but I am not paying the price for retaliation of going to authorities.

It's not about you anymore. It's about protecting a child. Do not delete the photos, the police may need them. Take the laptop to the police, they will phone SS. Then make plans to leave.

So now it turns out you have been planning to leave him and it’s a toxic relationship...

@Locationlocation55

I have an old iPad that I have told her to use this weekend at my house, hers went uncharged other than me checking to see if they had been removed which they hadn’t.

Reset the iPad to default factory settings and keep it at yours

@deliciouschilli

It's not about you anymore. It's about protecting a child. Do not delete the photos, the police may need them. Take the laptop to the police, they will phone SS. Then make plans to leave.

I think it's easy to say this but we don't know the OPs situation. What if her life would be in danger from reporting this. Surely it is better to get herself safely away from the situation first and then report for the child. Not meaning this comment to be argumentative at all just looking at it from a different perspective

Do not delete them!!!! They are evidence for social services. There are so many alarm bells ringing loudly in this thread.

1. A four year has been bought an iPad with clearly no parental controls and checks on it.

1. Why does a four year old need an iPad? And why is it set up to an adult account?

1. Mother was told and she didn't immediately take action.

1. It was found by the child and she still has access to the iPad, with the images still on it.

1. The reaction of your partner is shocking. Why has he not removed the item as he bought it. Clearly his ex cannot manage it safely, but he let it go back home to her.

1. That you have not called SS.

I thought something very similar nimbuscloud

Sorry what the actual fuck am I reading? Your partner isn’t doing anything to protect his 4 year old daughter from seeing IMAGES OF A NAKED MAN and you aren’t actually doing anything about it either?? Because you’re not! You’re just telling him and you know he’s not going to do anything! If you can’t report it, which you need to, then at least TAKE THE IPAD OFF HER.