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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners ex photo stream AIBU?

145 replies

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:02

My partner and I have been together for almost three years, his ex (who they have one child with) has never liked me it started off with name calling and bullying etc, we do not talk at all after I sent her a message regarding rumours she was spreading and since then she has been blocked.
Their daughter stays with us every other weekend bringing along her things and an iPad that my partner bought her for Christmas last year - a few months back his daughter mentioned that she had ‘pictures of mummy’s bottom’ on her iPad and it has been mentioned by her on more than one occasion, she also talks about willies a lot, at first I thought as she’s only 4 maybe it was just a funny topic but she seems to focus on talking about willies, bums and boobies a lot more than I would say is ‘normal’ for a small child. One day I looked at the photos app on her iPad and all of her mums pictures are synced to the iPad (I’m not judging taking or receiving images of a sexual nature at all if you are a consenting adult) but am I being unreasonable to have then told my partner to speak with his ex about removing her photos from their child’s tablet (two weeks ago) she said she would do so and then this weekend when we had his daughter over I checked to see if they had been removed and they haven’t I’ve told him once again to inform his ex that if they are not removed their daughter can no longer bring that iPad into my home as it feels very disrespectful and also damaging to expose a young child to images like that even if they are of her mum.

OP posts:
CantBeAssed · 18/04/2021 18:46

Can only assume that mum is so blinded with the desire to have her ex see photos of her arse, that the fact it is totally inappropriate material for a four year old seems to have slipped her mindHmm

RickiTarr · 18/04/2021 18:47

Okay say I reversed the way I typed it

What do you mean?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:47

Has your OH actually said to his ex "you need to un-sync your pictures so DD doesn't look at your nudes"?

mooonstone · 18/04/2021 18:47

Um let’s be honest here

Your partner isn’t in a rush to sort this out because he likes keeping tabs on her, he liked having access to her nudes and seeing who she’s dating/if she’s having sex with anyone else. He doesn’t want to poke the bear because he’ll lose access to intimately stalking his ex. He doesn’t care that the child has access because in his mind, she’s too young to know what it’s about and she’ll get over it

MiddleClassProblem · 18/04/2021 18:48

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
Call SS. This is not about you being disrespected.
GettingItOutThere · 18/04/2021 18:49

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
your partner needs to deal with this shit now, or report to social services.

i couldnt live with a man so relaxed about his 4 year old seeing those images, especially the naked guy whos clearly not related to her (i.e dad)

abeanbaked · 18/04/2021 18:52

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
Jesus, why do none of them care? I'd report and seriously question what kind of a person you are in a relationship with. If you've noticed the little one mentioning nudity then it is already affecting her!
LolaSmiles · 18/04/2021 18:53

A child being knowingly subjected to secually explicit material is a safeguarding concern and one that implicates both of her parents.

This is not about your feelings or disrespect. It's about a child who has two parents who are failing to safeguard her.

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2021 18:55

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
And yet her dad doesn't give a shit??

Why are you the only one bothered?

This is weird and creepy.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 18/04/2021 18:56

Christ op. I would have called social services when they were immediately removed. Why is your partner not concerned? Id be absolutely furious if this was my child and their other parent thought this was okay. It's horrific! What else is going on!

Gazelda · 18/04/2021 18:56

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
You must report this urgently. Both her parents are failing her horrifically. You must take responsibility, because neither of them are. And if you don't do so today or first thing tomorrow, then you are as much at fault as they are.
Sensateria · 18/04/2021 18:58

@Locationlocation55

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.
This is so creepy that your partner isn't concerned enough to actually do something about it.

Do you have your own children? I hope you don't ever leave them alone with him. Hmm

Bettysnow · 18/04/2021 18:59

Why on earth has nobody deleted this filth? Your partner knows that his tiny daughter has access to photos of naked men/porn and has to be asked not once but twice to act?
Why isn't he furious? Do you not find the fact that he doesn't appear to be doing anything about it very disturbing?

Misshapencha0s · 18/04/2021 19:02

i feel ick even reading this. Like the Jeremy Kyle show. What a disgrace. I can't believe you even have to ask how to handle this.The only one being disrespectful to you here is your partner. He is the one who has made a commitment to you and he is the one letting down his daughter.

Original poster
Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 19:03

Of course I do and for two solid weeks it’s been a constant me bringing it up telling him about my own experiences at a young age when an older female friend exposed me to images and how disturbing it is and his rebuttals are always that he’s told her to remove it, he’s told her it’s wrong etc etc but nothings happening and I feel like I’m losing my mind.

OP posts:
slashlover · 18/04/2021 19:06

You have to report it OP. I'd be removing the iPad from SDD and reconsidering my relationship.

MiddleClassProblem · 18/04/2021 19:06

Do you not think it’s even more of a point to express how bad it is that there are pictures of a man on there?

GrumpyTerrier · 18/04/2021 19:06

Who owns the ipad? You said you set it up for her and she took it home (you arent sure why). Take it back off her, firstly. Then you act on it and tell the proper authorities about what this poor kid is getting exposed to. If you don't act responsbily to protect the bairn then sadly you are complicit.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 19:10

Then if it really is sexually explicit pics and both your partner and his ex are ok with their child seeing this then they are both guilty of sexual assault on a minor, becayse that’s what it’s classed as when you expose a child to sexually explicit images.

And by not reporting it you’re complicit op. They are a pair of fucking perverts and weirdos. And they need reporting.

Misshapencha0s · 18/04/2021 19:11

Phone the police. Indecent images on a child's ipad. Sick sick sick. That will sort out the incompetent fuckwit of a father. And you still want to be in a relationship with this loser?

bunburyscucumbersandwich · 18/04/2021 19:11

If they haven't been immediately removed then I'd be reporting to SS. No child should be exposed to this.

Misshapencha0s · 18/04/2021 19:12

Reminds me of Fred and Rose West

Misshapencha0s · 18/04/2021 19:13

Hit send too soon. Do the right thing OP and escalate this yourself. I think you are the only responsible adult this child has. Don't procrastinate or be weak any longer.

YellowTwinklyStar · 18/04/2021 19:16

Call social services. Leave your partner. If you have children of your own do not leave them with him. If he cared he would have escalated it himself by now.

Aprilshowersandhail · 18/04/2021 19:20

Do nothing op

And when the police /ss come knocking you can explain why you are with him still and have taken zero action to report both of them.
A man who allows his child to view porn is a real fucking catch op

Raise your bar and get rid of him.
Or you are as guilty
.

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