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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners ex photo stream AIBU?

145 replies

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:02

My partner and I have been together for almost three years, his ex (who they have one child with) has never liked me it started off with name calling and bullying etc, we do not talk at all after I sent her a message regarding rumours she was spreading and since then she has been blocked.
Their daughter stays with us every other weekend bringing along her things and an iPad that my partner bought her for Christmas last year - a few months back his daughter mentioned that she had ‘pictures of mummy’s bottom’ on her iPad and it has been mentioned by her on more than one occasion, she also talks about willies a lot, at first I thought as she’s only 4 maybe it was just a funny topic but she seems to focus on talking about willies, bums and boobies a lot more than I would say is ‘normal’ for a small child. One day I looked at the photos app on her iPad and all of her mums pictures are synced to the iPad (I’m not judging taking or receiving images of a sexual nature at all if you are a consenting adult) but am I being unreasonable to have then told my partner to speak with his ex about removing her photos from their child’s tablet (two weeks ago) she said she would do so and then this weekend when we had his daughter over I checked to see if they had been removed and they haven’t I’ve told him once again to inform his ex that if they are not removed their daughter can no longer bring that iPad into my home as it feels very disrespectful and also damaging to expose a young child to images like that even if they are of her mum.

OP posts:

Scrubadub · 18/04/2021 18:31

This child is being exposed to sexually explicit material and the adults in her life do not appear to be acting protectively.

Monr0e · 18/04/2021 18:33

Exposing children to sexually explicit content is a safeguarding issue. I can't believe non of the adults in her life have done anything to protect her from seeing this.

If this is raised at nursery or school they would be duty bound to quite rightly contact social services. Maybe that would put a rocket up someone's arse to protect this young girl.

BornIn78 · 18/04/2021 18:34

I'm not sure what you want from this thread.

Your partner isn't arsed enough to do anything about it.

The child's mum knows there are explicit pictures of her on her 4 year olds iPad and hasn't been arsed enough to do anything about it.

Report it to social services or the child's school/nursery safeguarding officer. Maybe then one of the parents might do some actual parenting.

And if I were you I'd be seriously reviewing my relationship because your partner sounds like a useless fuckwit.

Checkingout811 · 18/04/2021 18:34

You can delete them. Easily. Report to SS immediately. This is child abuse. I would also leave this man. The fact he doesn’t care that his 4yo daughter has access to sexually explicit material is highly concerning.

MiddleClassProblem · 18/04/2021 18:35

What Apple ID account was it set up on?

Are they sexual or just pictures you deem revealing or pictures of nudity in a non sexual way (eg tan line bum pic)?

Are there dick pics?

You’re not being clear op and with out that info it’s hard to say if it’s a really damaging situation or something you are being over sensitive about. If it’s the former you’re looking at doing what you can to safeguard the child abs a call to ss.

AngusThermopyle · 18/04/2021 18:35

If this is real, surely you can just un sync the camera in the settings, and switch it to off, my ipad can. Then sign out of her account if it's signed in with that and sign in with the account you set it up with.
Also this is a serious safe guarding issue and you need to report it to something like child welfare social services, wherever you are.

VettiyaIruken · 18/04/2021 18:36

Orally inappropriate to expose a child to that.
Unsync it.
It's not hard.
Restore to factory settings even.
I'm sure your partner doesn't want to look at sexual pictures of his ex either and I'm sure his ex didn't sync it so he'd see so once removed, there'd be no reason for it to appear again.

covetingthepreciousthings · 18/04/2021 18:36

Was the iPad not removed from the child when you first saw the explicit pictures? I wouldn't have sent her back to her mums house with it.

I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure you can delete all the pictures on it, you just have to do it one by one. Then obviously make sure her mum hasn't got her phone synced to it.

I also wouldn't let the child have access to it unsupervised.

VettiyaIruken · 18/04/2021 18:37

Orally = totally.
Bloody autocorrect

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:38

OP what are the pictures actually of? You haven't been clear.

Apps probably aren't synced because you can easily remove that function. I still don't know how to un-sync my photo stream from my phone/iPad!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:38

This is why my kid's iPads stay here and they have iPads at exH's BTW!

Modestandatinybitsexy · 18/04/2021 18:38

You can unsync the phone.

You should also report to school or SS. She'd been made aware and continued, that is awful behaviour.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 18:39

@Scrubadub

This child is being exposed to sexually explicit material and the adults in her life do not appear to be acting protectively.

I’m not sure it is sexually explicit. For all we know it could be her in a bikini or underwear and the ops throwing a wobbler. And why no one else has an issue with it,

Iyland · 18/04/2021 18:39

Either your husband is a really shit neglectful Dad or you are grossly over exaggerating the images on the tablet. Something is just off about this situation.

Winterwoollies · 18/04/2021 18:39

To those focusing on the OP not having removed them herself, it’s not always that easy if it’s synced with the iCloud account of the mother’s phone. They just update and are there, accessible, but stored on the cloud.

What the father needs to do if the mother refuses to for some frightening reason, is going into ‘settings’ and sign out of the iCloud account (which will be the mother’s) and it will ‘unsync’ and remove the photos. Or do that and then do a ‘reset and restore’.

I’d do it as a matter of urgency I’d say of the child is freely looking at naked pics of her mother and the dick pics she’s receiving...

GoWalkabout · 18/04/2021 18:39

Talk to the school and social services as a responsible adult who cares about this child. That is abuse.

Measureformeasure · 18/04/2021 18:42

Set up Screen Time on the iPad with a password as a fix for now and hide the camera and photo apps.

Next have a serious discussion with your DP about what she may be witnessing at home with her mother. If he won't do anything you may need to take it further.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/04/2021 18:43

Poor kid has two parents who don't give a shit and a step parent who is more concerned about herself.

Maybe you should call SS and all of you can pull your socks up with regard to this little girl who seems to be in the middle of a massive point scoring mission between the adults in her life.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:43

@Modestandatinybitsexy

You can unsync the phone.

You should also report to school or SS. She'd been made aware and continued, that is awful behaviour.

But the OP can't do this when she doesn't have access to the ex's iTunes account

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 18/04/2021 18:43

There's a lot wrong with this, but the main issue is that if the 4 year old is being exposed to sexually explicit material, it's a form of abuse. It needs reporting, and she needs protecting. If your partner is aware and still isn't doing anything to protect his child, I'd be rethinking the relationship too.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:44

I’m not sure it is sexually explicit. For all we know it could be her in a bikini or underwear and the ops throwing a wobbler. And why no one else has an issue with it,

This is why I asked what the pictures are of.

I'm losing weight at the moment and have selfies in my underwear to track my progress, not explicit but I'd hate anyone else to see them and assume the wrong thing!

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 18:44

@Iyland

Either your husband is a really shit neglectful Dad or you are grossly over exaggerating the images on the tablet. Something is just off about this situation.

Exactly, if there were sexually explicit pics rhen social services would be involved. It’s illegal to expose a child to pornography and it’s highly unlikely both parents are totally ok with it

Which makes me think it’s the mother in revealing clothing and the op being jealous.

Original poster

Locationlocation55 · 18/04/2021 18:44

I’m not throwing a wobbler at all I didn’t see all of them but what I did see was full naked pictures, in different positions, lingerie pictures bent over to the camera and one full naked picture of a man.

OP posts:

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 18:45

@GoWalkabout

Talk to the school and social services as a responsible adult who cares about this child. That is abuse.

FGS, you can't say it's abuse when the OP hasn't even been clear about what the images are of!

8bitgame · 18/04/2021 18:45

I am pretty sure it is illegal to expose a child to sexual imagery - even if this is not deliberate in this case it’s appalling parenting and IMO a safe guarding issue. I would be calling social service if it was me no worrying about it being “disrespectful”

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