I would never want to be with a man who had used a prostitute

[ATieLikeRichardGere]

I hope I haven’t unwittingly ever been. When I know some friends of friends who have on stag dos etc. I find it really hard to reconcile with the fact that they then have girlfriends, wives, children. I can forgive people a lot of things, and I sort of believe that everything should be forgivable, but for some reason my visceral reaction to this is very extreme. I feel like I can more easily find sympathy for a terrorist, which probably isn’t rational, but I just feel like this is something I can’t accept. It’s so upsetting.

@BrumBoo

Fair enough, I thought exchanging money for sex was still illegal in the UK.

Exchanging money for sex has never been illegal - as far as I'm aware, although quite willing to be corrected.

What generally has been illegal for the last 270 years is brothel keeping and, for the last 190 years, soliciting in a street or public place.

But the actual act of exchanging money for sex itself has never been illegal (at least in England - I don't know about Scotland).

You seem to be determined to argue for the protection of men in their perverse behaviour of using women for sex.

No, I'm simply pointing out where you are factually incorrect.

@Naunet
Why? Women cope, why can’t men? Because men aren't women. Obviously there are societal norms and majority of man don't go around raping women, but it's been proved through extensive research that male sexual desire is much stronger than female. There are many biological and psychological differences and negating this fact is simply stupid.

@EmeraldShamrock

I wouldn't like it and agree it is seedy. Many women use it as an independent job they pay their taxes enjoy their profession. It certainly needs cleaning up and legalised removing the criminality. Banning it will drive it further underground.

Unfortunately I think that is probably true. There's a reason why it's known as the 'oldest profession'. And it's not going away.

I have colleagues and students who openly admit to having done this to fund their education. Sadly that seems to be on the rise. Others might really like money and see it as the quickest way of generating a high, untaxed income. In both cases this is likely a conscious choice, although I've yet to find anyone who states they actively enjoyed earning a living in this way. Most despised their so-called clients.

There's an element of risk in all areas of this work, but the above are the ones more likely to be working within parlours, or for a 'massage' business with a proprietor, and are therefore at less risk than those who throw themselves on the mercy of the streets. These are usually desperate women who are drug dependent and whose addictions preclude them from working in more regulated surroundings. They are the worst-paid variety and the ones more likely to end up on the receiving end of violent assault or worse.

Women like the desperately vulnerable category above are the ones in most need of protection, and the ones least likely to get it. I find it tragic.

[quote supermoonrising]@BrumBoo
Your relative may or may not visit the Far East (China? Japan? S. Korea?) for that reason, but its a hell of a way to travel/language barrier to negotiate for something that can be found just as easily in any U.K. town/city. The implication meanwhile that “single men” would only visit those three incredibly interesting countries for sex is equal parts ridiculous and offensive.[/quote]
Dunno where you got those three from - I presumed Thailand, and in my experience, that poster's assumption is a fair one.

[quote GeorgiaMelissa]@Naunet
Why? Women cope, why can’t men? Because men aren't women. Obviously there are societal norms and majority of man don't go around raping women, but it's been proved through extensive research that male sexual desire is much stronger than female. There are many biological and psychological differences and negating this fact is simply stupid.[/quote]
Most men have two hands .. they can use them.

That's what most people have done for thousands of years if they had no access to sex.

There's also a hundred and one different sex aids in the market, flesh lights etc. they can use now.

A quick browse of UK punting reviews shows lots of little or no English speaking, "sullen", clock watching, disassociating young women constantly negotiating/trying not to do sex acts they don't want to do while still making money. Some reviews will mention obvious drug use, some reviews will mention their male pimps (ironically and generically referred to as Sergei) who are most likely gang members. All reviews discuss women like live sex dolls.

Unfortunately I think that is probably true. There's a reason why it's known as the 'oldest profession'. And it's not going away.

And why did it start? Because women couldn’t work, so their choice was prostitution or theft. Context is important. Men put women in an impossible situation and then claim it’s “the oldest profession” as if it’s something women had a choice in.

Some reviews describe coercive sex acts, with other posters warning the "punter" they might get reported for it, while others express approval.

I've only seen one poster say he declined to use a prostitute because she was so visibly emaciated and out of it, asking how the should report it without getting into trouble himself.

I haven’t RTFT but I had one really good male friend at uni who was (is still) 5ft 5 and I found out a couple of years after we left that he had used escorts twice. He said that being short meant women were less interested sexually.

I do remember hearing female acquaintances that he had taken for dinner describing him as (unbeknownst to him) as “so cute you could put him in your pocket” etc and so he wasn’t seen as ‘sexy’. He knew that. He spoke to my boyfriend at the time about how he wasn’t fuckable because of his height and that he (now I know this) booked escorts for both an increase in sexual experience because a lot of women don’t want to have sex with short men - and also just for the release. He said that if he’s going to spend £50 to take a girl to dinner then he prefers not to be rejected at the end of the night.

I can say 20 years later that this man, who is happily married to a stunning 5 ‘10 woman who is funny, successful and a great mother, is not a misogynist. But he was a horny 20 something and teenager who wanted to recreate the date experience without being rejected. And an escort won’t reject a short man.

Because men aren't women. Obviously there are societal norms and majority of man don't go around raping women, but it's been proved through extensive research that male sexual desire is much stronger than female. There are many biological and psychological differences and negating this fact is simply stupid.

What a silly excuse. Even if true, men are capable of satisfying themselves, there’s no need to exploit women for their benefit.

I wouldn't either. Deal breaker for me.

My ex had a threesome with two prostitutes and I found out when it was in a newspaper. I stayed with him and had two more children. I was very mentally unwell. His whole family acted like he was the victim. He is an abusive misogynist.

@Porchie

I haven’t RTFT but I had one really good male friend at uni who was (is still) 5ft 5 and I found out a couple of years after we left that he had used escorts twice. He said that being short meant women were less interested sexually. I do remember hearing female acquaintances that he had taken for dinner describing him as (unbeknownst to him) as “so cute you could put him in your pocket” etc and so he wasn’t seen as ‘sexy’. He knew that. He spoke to my boyfriend at the time about how he wasn’t fuckable because of his height and that he (now I know this) booked escorts for both an increase in sexual experience because a lot of women don’t want to have sex with short men - and also just for the release. He said that if he’s going to spend £50 to take a girl to dinner then he prefers not to be rejected at the end of the night.

I can say 20 years later that this man, who is happily married to a stunning 5 ‘10 woman who is funny, successful and a great mother, is not a misogynist. But he was a horny 20 something and teenager who wanted to recreate the date experience without being rejected. And an escort won’t reject a short man.

So it's excusable he used women for sex, as he had a pathetic and ultimately irrelevant issue with his height? Oh, but it can be swept under the carpet and we'll pretend he's not a misogynist because he eventually married a rather tall woman. Righto. Stinks of Nice Guy Syndrome, these men use the most pathetic excuses for why they have to pay for sex and again it's all from the mentality that as soon as they reach adulthood they're 'owed' it.

@Porchie

I haven’t RTFT but I had one really good male friend at uni who was (is still) 5ft 5 and I found out a couple of years after we left that he had used escorts twice. He said that being short meant women were less interested sexually. I do remember hearing female acquaintances that he had taken for dinner describing him as (unbeknownst to him) as “so cute you could put him in your pocket” etc and so he wasn’t seen as ‘sexy’. He knew that. He spoke to my boyfriend at the time about how he wasn’t fuckable because of his height and that he (now I know this) booked escorts for both an increase in sexual experience because a lot of women don’t want to have sex with short men - and also just for the release. He said that if he’s going to spend £50 to take a girl to dinner then he prefers not to be rejected at the end of the night.

I can say 20 years later that this man, who is happily married to a stunning 5 ‘10 woman who is funny, successful and a great mother, is not a misogynist. But he was a horny 20 something and teenager who wanted to recreate the date experience without being rejected. And an escort won’t reject a short man.

Nightclubs are full of guys in their twenties, many of whom are short, getting off with and going home with women. Ditto short guys at uni.

I have no idea why he would rell you this, particularly since it mifht get back to his (typically stunning, 5 feet 10) wife.

Sounds rather implausible.

I agree neither would I and for that reason was because I used to be a prostitute, which is why I have changed my username. I didn't have a pimp though some men offered to protect me in exchange for sex which I declined. I met different sorts of men, some married, some with fiancé's and some single men. I didnt do drugs or have a drink problem, I did it because I was in a state with money and hated every minute of it and sometimes some men didn't even pay, I was to scared in case they done something to me, they took advantage of my vulnerable situation and if I felt empty before, I definetly felt empty afterwards. I never told anyone because I'm ashamed, this is probably the first time I've confessed to anyone. If I could go back in time I wouldn't have done it and it lasted 3 months of having every dirty filthy man that seeked sex workers paw me. You can turn your life around but the mucky feeling inside is still there. I don't blame any woman who hates sex workers, because what they feel towards us, is nothing on what we feel about ourselves.

@Annoymoususer I’m so sorry you went through that. The shame is not yours though, you just did what you had to do at the time. X

@Annoymoususer

I agree neither would I and for that reason was because I used to be a prostitute, which is why I have changed my username. I didn't have a pimp though some men offered to protect me in exchange for sex which I declined. I met different sorts of men, some married, some with fiancé's and some single men. I didnt do drugs or have a drink problem, I did it because I was in a state with money and hated every minute of it and sometimes some men didn't even pay, I was to scared in case they done something to me, they took advantage of my vulnerable situation and if I felt empty before, I definetly felt empty afterwards. I never told anyone because I'm ashamed, this is probably the first time I've confessed to anyone. If I could go back in time I wouldn't have done it and it lasted 3 months of having every dirty filthy man that seeked sex workers paw me. You can turn your life around but the mucky feeling inside is still there. I don't blame any woman who hates sex workers, because what they feel towards us, is nothing on what we feel about ourselves.

Please don't for a second think a poster like myself 'hates sex workers'. I hate the people who used you, a woman, a human being in a desperate situation, for their own awful wants. You have nothing to be ashamed about, only the lowlifes that used you should feel that.

Mutual consent, really how can anyone actually pretend it's a thing in sex work.

The Pearl clutchers on here
The majority of men (and many women) look at porn

I'm honestly of the opinion that all men will look at porn given half the chance. I have a really low opinion of them. I'd actually rather be single than put up with their shit.

I read recently about sex therapy in Israel where people with sex issues (many war veterans) have a therapy session with someone paid by the state. The idea is that they are able to explore with a degree of detachment the mechanics of sex.

The Pearl clutchers on here
The majority of men (and many women) look at porn

Ahh, so women are pearl clutchers if they don’t happily accept things men do?!! And there I was thinking women were allowed to have their own opinions...

@Naunet

The majority of men (and many women) look at porn

I think this statement really needs to be thought through a bit more.

@Annoymoususer I’m very sorry for what you went through. Agree with PP the shame is not yours. Appreciate you sharing your story.

It's still frowned upon, and the fear of people finding out you sold your body for money. It does make me angry these men using me but I put myself in that position. They won't feel shame or even remember me though, I remember every single one of their stupid ugly faces though which will haunt me to the day I die. I'm glad I got out, I feel sorry for the ones forced into it and can't ever get out

It's still frowned upon, and the fear of people finding out you sold your body for money. It does make me angry these men using me but I put myself in that position. They won't feel shame or even remember me though, I remember every single one of their stupid ugly faces though which will haunt me to the day I die. I'm glad I got out, I feel sorry for the ones forced into it and can't ever get out

We hear a lot of lip service about keeping women safe in prostitution, but surely the best way to do that, is to provide other options so that they never need to enter into prostitution in the first place. Can I ask what might have helped you? What was your situation? Please feel free to ignore me if that’s too personal, but I think it’s so important that we listen to women who have actually been there - your voice should be the most important in this conversation.