I would never want to be with a man who had used a prostitute

[ATieLikeRichardGere]

I hope I haven’t unwittingly ever been. When I know some friends of friends who have on stag dos etc. I find it really hard to reconcile with the fact that they then have girlfriends, wives, children. I can forgive people a lot of things, and I sort of believe that everything should be forgivable, but for some reason my visceral reaction to this is very extreme. I feel like I can more easily find sympathy for a terrorist, which probably isn’t rational, but I just feel like this is something I can’t accept. It’s so upsetting.

@ATieLikeRichardGere

I suppose I think everything should be forgivable because of Christian beliefs that get drummed into you, even though I’m not religious.

You dont have to forgive everyone for everything as a christian xD. At least not unless they ask for forgiveness and are genuinely repentant.

And even if you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you have to continue to keep them in your life.

I agree with you, but how will you know if they've been with one before meeting you or not? They're not likely to tell you the truth about this.

I agree but I’m another that thinks none of us will know as they are hardly going to be honest about it? I’m sure some will but most wont

@Pheebs2021

I'm not sure about this. Using during a relationship in the past would be a red flag I couldn't get passed. Using one at 18/19 lads holiday in Amsterdam I'm not sure it would bother me. I do see that there is an appropriate time for using of sex workers and when its done properly I have no issues with it.

So you think that in some circumstances, it's ok for a man to USE (your words) a woman?

What if that woman was your sister, daughter etc? These are real women, who should never be USED by a man

Okay, so don’t

I agree with you OP. Prostituted women need the ability to disassociate from the act, and sadly women who can do this have usually learned it as a response to cope with physical abuse in the past.

I was with you until the terrorist comment

Weird and unnecessary considering how many people have been murdered/maimed by them.

If a man pays the market rate for a sexual encounter with a prostitute (who has chosen to be a sex worker and has not been forced to be a sex worker) and sticks to the terms of her agreement with him, is that perhaps more decent than a man who pretends to have feelings for a woman to get her into bed, only to sleep with her and move on immediately afterwards?

There are lots of ways to use a woman. Is paying her for sex the most abhorrent? Maybe not.

I wouldn't knowingly want to enter into a relationship with a man who has used prostitutes in the past, but using that as a benchmark for basic decency doesn't really work.

Sometimes, I really wish I was a lesbian.

Drives me nuts when people say it's easier for women to get laid. That's really not my experience at all!

I couldn’t ever have a relationship with a man who thought that treating women in that way was ok.

@Springfern

Agree, 100percent. I would extend that to men who watch porn

You say that like you're 100% sure you'd ever know if he was watching it. Truth is you'd never know.

The point wasn’t about terrorists but to say that for some reason prostitution gives me an incredibly strong reaction even in comparison to other awful things such as terrorism.

@BrumBoo

I do see that there is an appropriate time for using of sex workers and when its done properly I have no issues with it.

I genuinely cannot think of one good reason sex work should exist.

I can think of many reasons why they exist, and they exist due to the poppycock posts on here from folk saying "I've gone off sex completely would be happy never to have it again, would rather have a cup of tea and a whole box of Kiplings and watch a box set"

Then when asked do their DHs feel the same "oh yeah absolutely they're not into sex either they happily go without and if they did try and come near me they'd soon find out".

Yep.. marketplace meet buyers

@katiedidnt agree that there are others ways for men, and people in general, to be awful, but that doesn’t seem to make using prostitutes ok.

@BrumBoo

I've told my husband that if he ever starts doing similar if we split up, I'd have a very difficult time allowing contact with the children.

What?! If you split up and your husband went on holiday to the Far East you'd stop him seeing his children?

WTAF.

@Ginuwine that’s such a grim vision of men, women and relationships.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I do know quite a bit about terrorism and as an industry it has a lot on common with prostitution, as you’ve described, and in fact some overlap. I’m very sorry to have upset you especially if you have been personally affected. I was essentially saying that prostitution and terrorism are both awful which is why I made the comparison but I’m sorry if this has come across as saying that I think terrorism is excusable because it wasn’t the point I was trying to make.

Obviously, this is all dependent on two people being in agreement of the transaction, if they are not then its a total complete no go

With respect, this is absolute bollocks. Victims of trafficking don’t advertise the fact that their ‘clients’ are actually paying to rape them. Nor do any other of the dozens of categories of women who either have, or feel they have, no other choice. Nobody has a right to sex. Nobody.

[quote ATieLikeRichardGere]@Ginuwine that’s such a grim vision of men, women and relationships.[/quote]

It's a realist's vision. It is stated due to the complete cognitive disconnect on here between everyone's "my DH wouldn't do that"..

..and a marketplace for sex services that never ever seems to disappear.

The reality is this. How many posts on a AIBU say "my DH has fucking left me for another woman after all we built together" etc. How many people are single mothers? Are any of these intersecting in the Venn diagram of thousands of posts on here boasting competitively about no interest in sex?

I am not basic. I don't think men want sex all the time. But there's thousands of posters on here claiming "never ever again". Is that also the shared view of every single DP or DH of those posters? Wow - is everyone automatically in sync when this issue comes up? Someone share the software for this because it sounds magical.

I do know a man who used a sex worker in Amsterdam. He was 19 and on a lads holiday. They all did it, he wasn’t proud of it at all, said she was stunningly beautiful but it felt very wrong as he kept thinking she’s only doing this because I’m paying her. It was very clinical to him. Some men get turned on by the seediness.

[quote SofiaMichelle]@BrumBoo

I've told my husband that if he ever starts doing similar if we split up, I'd have a very difficult time allowing contact with the children.

What?! If you split up and your husband went on holiday to the Far East you'd stop him seeing his children?

WTAF.[/quote]
No, if I had any inclination that he was using prostitutes I'd absolutely question leaving my children with him. Yes, that may be a huge line for some but I see it as nothing but a sick perversion.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I am very sorry for any offence caused my crass comparison and to anyone affected by the Manchester bombing or any other such event.