I would never want to be with a man who had used a prostitute

[ATieLikeRichardGere]

I hope I haven’t unwittingly ever been. When I know some friends of friends who have on stag dos etc. I find it really hard to reconcile with the fact that they then have girlfriends, wives, children. I can forgive people a lot of things, and I sort of believe that everything should be forgivable, but for some reason my visceral reaction to this is very extreme. I feel like I can more easily find sympathy for a terrorist, which probably isn’t rational, but I just feel like this is something I can’t accept. It’s so upsetting.

A few pps have commented that men might for some reason have a need for sex but be unable to or choose not to have a relationship.

On a previous thread on a similar subject a posted suggested that perhaps there should be a way for these men to be put in touch with each other so they can satisfy each other's needs. The general consensus of opinion was that this was out of order since these men would not necessarily fancy men, should be able choose to have sex with someone they are attracted to, could be traumatised later in life if they were not gay but felt compelled to have sexual activity with a man, might be vulnerable and so at risk of abuse from unknown men etc. However, the posters making these comments were also arguing that paying women for sex was OK- despite the fact that in all likelihood they would not be attracted to the men in question and all the concerns they had raised would also apply to these women. I think that says a lot about the attitude of a lot of people to the importance of men's 'right' to sex v women's rights.

@BrumBoo

So which is it?

First you said this:

I have a family member who goes on holidays to the Far East, and as a single, middle aged man we all know why.

Then when lots of people challenged you, you changed it to "he makes no secret of why he goes there".

That was convenient...

@BrumBoo I really doubt anyones first thought upon hearing someones gone on holiday to South East Asia would be that they've gone for sex tourism. These countries have culture, ancient architecture, UNESCO world heritage sites, delicious cuisine, beaches, deep sea diving. So so much to see and do. The term Far East is outdated

And why did it start? Because women couldn’t work, so their choice was prostitution or theft. Context is important. Men put women in an impossible situation and then claim it’s “the oldest profession” as if it’s something women had a choice in.

No argument with any of that, Naunet. Nor am I suggesting it's a choice, and certainly not in the case of women who are feeding their addiction (and often that of a partner too).

And it's still not going anywhere. What I want to see is better protection for women, not giving men a free pass.

On a previous thread on a similar subject a posted suggested that perhaps there should be a way for these men to be put in touch with each other so they can satisfy each other's needs. The general consensus of opinion was that this was out of order since these men would not necessarily fancy men, should be able choose to have sex with someone they are attracted to, could be traumatised later in life if they were not gay but felt compelled to have sexual activity with a man, might be vulnerable and so at risk of abuse from unknown men etc. However, the posters making these comments were also arguing that paying women for sex was OK- despite the fact that in all likelihood they would not be attracted to the men in question and all the concerns they had raised would also apply to these women. I think that says a lot about the attitude of a lot of people to the importance of men's 'right' to sex v women's rights

This just sums it up doesn’t it? Laws have been made around men’s sexuality, whilst women’s is minimised, exploited and dismissed, just as it has been for hundreds of years. We are simply support bots for men and their precious dicks.

YANBU OP. The problem is most men won't admit it to you so you might well be dating or end up dating one who has used prostitutes.

[quote SofiaMichelle]@BrumBoo

So which is it?

First you said this:

I have a family member who goes on holidays to the Far East, and as a single, middle aged man we all know why.

Then when lots of people challenged you, you changed it to "he makes no secret of why he goes there".

That was convenient...[/quote]
Oh sod off. I was trying not to have to fucking spell it out, but if you are determined to be so damn obtuse - yes single, older English male travelling alone/with an friend of same circumstances to Thailand is highly unlikely to be there for a bloody sightseeing trip . 'We all know why' was a point of even though they hardly hide it, most people can figure it out regardless.

@Springfern

Agree, 100percent. I would extend that to men who watch porn

Good luck finding a man then

@VestaTilley

YANBU. It’s paid rape and exploiting vulnerable women who have often been abused throughout their lives.

I could never respect a man who did it, much less sleep with one.

👏👏👏

I agree - it is paid rape.
Therefore those who do use prostitutes are rapists.

I had no money to support my kids and I came out a tough relationship I had a breakdown, I was a mess. I hooked up with a man who was divorced and explained my predicament and he said try a certain site, I went on it, it was horrific men asking if I do this or that or if I do full girlfriend experience, or push for unprotected sex. When your heads a mess you don't think, you just going through motions to survive. Some men on there wanted to become my pimp in exchange for sex, what I noticed was there was no help or links to put women off, just men leaving reviews about us. Cheek huh men slating us.

@1Micem0use it would be my first thought if a man over 40 was going to Thailand though.

It's a complicated issue, but it would definitely put me off if I knew a guy had seen a prostitute / had lap dances. I find it hard to understand what's sexy about someone doing something with you for money! Surely the turn on is that someone wants to do it with you - for free!!?

My BIL lost his wife of 10 years 3 months ago, and he said his workmates had suggested a prostitute to get some relief. BIL told me he was horrified and wouldn't even think that as an option. I was shocked anyone would suggest this, but maybe it's not that unusual a thing for men?

I had no money to support my kids and I came out a tough relationship I had a breakdown, I was a mess. I hooked up with a man who was divorced and explained my predicament and he said try a certain site, I went on it, it was horrific men asking if I do this or that or if I do full girlfriend experience, or push for unprotected sex. When your heads a mess you don't think, you just going through motions to survive. Some men on there wanted to become my pimp in exchange for sex, what I noticed was there was no help or links to put women off, just men leaving reviews about us. Cheek huh men slating us

I’ve often wondered if we solved the issues with child maintenance in this country (4 billion is owed currently) and raised it to a sensible amount, that would already save some women from prostitution.
I’m so sorry you were exploited like that, and you feel that it’s a chain you’ll wear around your neck now, it’s fucking unfair. Those men are absolute scum.

What about men that wine and dine a first date in the expectation of sex? Are these unwitting women prostitutes too?

@Annoymoususer

I had no money to support my kids and I came out a tough relationship I had a breakdown, I was a mess. I hooked up with a man who was divorced and explained my predicament and he said try a certain site, I went on it, it was horrific men asking if I do this or that or if I do full girlfriend experience, or push for unprotected sex. When your heads a mess you don't think, you just going through motions to survive. Some men on there wanted to become my pimp in exchange for sex, what I noticed was there was no help or links to put women off, just men leaving reviews about us. Cheek huh men slating us.

That is so, so sad, Annoymoususer. I know when you are in a fix, financially, you will think of anything to make ends meet. I really hope things have improved for you. ..........

peak2021
.... it would be my first thought if a man over 40 was going to Thailand though.
..

That would smack of him being a sleazeball, so many exploited, underage girls in prostitution there.

@Awalkintime

I agree - it is paid rape. Therefore those who do use prostitutes are rapists.

And yet, every single jury where this has been raised in this country disagrees with you.

There has never been a conviction of a man for rape simply for having sex with a prostitute who is an adult.

By the way, I'm not talking here about cases where prostitutes are actually raped or sexually abused which does happen and is prosecuted - although nowhere near as much as it should be.

It has, I work a good job now and earn money the legal and proper way. Makes me proud of myself.

@Naunet
I’ve often wondered if we solved the issues with child maintenance in this country (4 billion is owed currently)

Do you have a source for this claim?

As I understand it, the amount outstanding under arrangements that the CMS are responsible for is less than 10% of the figure that you have mentioned.

@Annoymoususer

It has, I work a good job now and earn money the legal and proper way. Makes me proud of myself.

Wouldn't bother me , and having been to Amsterdam the ladies and men in the red light area seem to love their jobs !!

@Awalkintime

I agree - it is paid rape. Therefore those who do use prostitutes are rapists.

Are you joking??!!

And again, 99.9% of men will look at porn, or have done ....

Do you always get worked up about things that - quite possibly - haven't happened?
I would never want to be with a man who was a terrorist. Or a bank robber. Or who mugged old ladies. But as far as I know I've steered clear and it doesn't worry me unduly.