Am I selfish Brother’s Wedding

[HuxleyDog]

Not a day has gone by over the last couple of years when I haven’t thanked my lucky stars that things have worked out for us.
We got married just before the world span off its axis. Our jobs were secure and we decided to try for a baby and this is due at the end of July.
All this is in direct contrast to my brother. He has lost his job and his wedding has been cancelled twice. This wedding has now been rearranged for August, the same venue as previously but fu a weekday. My baby will be either a couple of weeks or a couple of days.
I could tell when I told him on Zoom there was an issue. He came into the garden a week ago and said that the baby wasn’t invited. I was devastated. He spoke about unfortunate timing. My mother told him and future SiL the reality of having a new born and how we can’t be separated and if there were issues the baby would be taken out. My brother apparently looked embarrassed but future SiL said baby would be a distraction from the wedding with aunts and cousins naturally wanting to see him.
Now if you’re with me so far I have come to terms with this. I feel sorry for them because of Covid etc that they’re not getting the wedding they want. I have told my brother that I will come alone to the ceremony all being well and DH will pop into reception to wish them well now here is my AIBU. DH is no longer invited. He was only invited as he is my husband and they don’t want him popping in and causing a distraction. I am so upset it is actually hurting.
There is no backstory. We have all always got on. There has never been any hint of either of them being anything other than down to earth.
Would you be upset? Would you say anything?

I can understand brother & SIL’s point of view. They have had a completely shitty year, and now their twice-delayed wedding is finally going ahead they want their big day to be about them, and not to revolve around you and your new baby. That’s not unreasonable.

The easiest & best solution is for you to not go. Good luck with your baby.

I would definitely go to the ceremony (if you can) to show them up. Make sure everyone knows what's gone down. Spend the whole time passing baby pictures around.

@Susie477

I can understand brother & SIL’s point of view. They have had a completely shitty year, and now their twice-delayed wedding is finally going ahead they want their big day to be about them, and not to revolve around you and your new baby. That’s not unreasonable.

The easiest & best solution is for you to not go. Good luck with your baby.

Not go, and make everyone think she's the cow who didn't go to her brothers wedding? When it's actually the bride who's been a total dick? No way.

I think it would be very big of you to go the ceremony. To be fair you may not want to depending on the birth. Don't feel bad if it doesn't suit you.

I’d go to the ceremony with my beautiful new baby in my arms. Fuck ‘em.

@Susie477

I can understand brother & SIL’s point of view. They have had a completely shitty year, and now their twice-delayed wedding is finally going ahead they want their big day to be about them, and not to revolve around you and your new baby. That’s not unreasonable.

The easiest & best solution is for you to not go. Good luck with your baby.

How would it revolve around OP and the new baby? Of course it wouldn't. That's just ridiculous.

Bottom line is the bride doesn’t want the risk of being upstaged by the baby.

They are being really silly. Don't go.

Result!

Don't go

I'm really sorry, @HuxleyDog, but I agree that your brother (probably forced by your future sister-in-law) is being really ridiculously petty about this and your future sister-in-law is afraid of being upstaged by your new baby, which is unbelievably petty in itself. And as for your husband being uninvited from the reception, even if you and your new baby aren't there to take the shine off sister-in-law's day - I've never heard anything so ridiculous! Can you not ask your brother what the hell he is playing at?

@Motnight

Don't go. Your mother understands, the rest of the family will too.

This^ Your SIL is a selfish diva and your brother is spineless. Stay home and rejoice in your DH and baby whatsit.

I just wouldn’t go.

Bottom line is the bride doesn't want your baby anywhere near her wedding as she want to be centre of attention, let her have her day. Send a RSVP declining the invite. Send a nice card to them on the day, forget the present.

Your SIL is an absolute tool. What kind of insecure twat is jealous and afraid of being upstaged by a newborn baby.

@Effitall

Bottom line is the bride doesn’t want the risk of being upstaged by the baby.

I can understand this though. She’s had to postpone twice so doesn’t want the third time to be anything other than her and fiancé. It’s the first time she’s been married, she’s not to know it won’t matter.

I don’t get her not inviting your DH later though, especially if you are super local. She’ll look batshit. I won’t go unless he can be part of it. Let the family photos be a remembrance of her poor attitude.

Congratulations.

Decline the invitation. Your newborn will need you, your bother clearly doesn’t. Once you become a parent you will put your kids first and poor family behaviour becomes less tolerable.

Not many mothers I have known have wanted to get dressed fancy and go to a proper event so soon after birth.

Brother not bother

They sound like a pair of arseholes.

Don't go, any reasonable person would understand why a new mother would not be attending a wedding, days after giving birth. If any guests judge you for not being there ,they're arseholes too.

Speaking as someone who has recently had a newborn, you won't want to be separated from your new baby even for a few hours. Weddings turn people mad! Just say we won't be attending! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don't let this stress you out x

Ohhh OP, that sucks and I can see why you're upset. You sound like a lovely sister.
I'm usually on the side of the bride & groom on these threads, but absolutely not in this situation. They have made it pretty much impossible for you to attend

Is your DH uninvited because he would to classed as a guest and charged for when he would only be "Popping in"?

I am a firm believer in child free weddings but would have made an exception for my sister and her newborn.

Your future SIL sounds like a jealous diva. When I was a newborn, my mum took me to her best friend’s wedding. They were in their early 20s. Apparently I got a lot of attention, but my mum’s best friend wasn’t insecure enough to feel that she was competing against a baby!

I would be too annoyed and decline. I don't think they have an issue with your husband per sa I think its the fact that the baby would be with him. If he was outside the church everyone would gravitate to peek at the baby. If he popped in to the reception, again same thing would happen. She just does not want a newborn upstaging her. Your brother is going to need all the luck you can give him.

I am another who would give the wedding a miss. If someone thinks that it will spoil their precious day, by something a little different than they had planned, they are not worth bothering with.

I'd turn up with the baby.Oops childcare cancelled last minute.