AIBU?
Pregnant at uni
Josiemac93 · 17/04/2021 20:20
Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.
YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it
Josiemac93 · 17/04/2021 20:28
Yes! I know what you mean. I think I'll be writing my dissertation in March time, but I see what you mean. Dissertation and a newborn would be difficult and I feel like I wouldn't really be getting to enjoy having a newborn? I think in my head I just want a baby so much and want life to stop getting in the way.
Josiemac93 · 17/04/2021 20:31
Yeah waiting is obviously the right thing isn't it. I was meant to graduate this year but I changed courses a year into uni so I think I always had it in my head this was the year, but obviously its probably not and I just need to crack on and wait a bit. I wish it wasn't this hard!
therocinante · 17/04/2021 20:33
I think that's a very bad idea - people do it, but generally not intentionally. You're going to end up neglecting your uni work one way or the other - either heavily pregnant, with a newborn, or potentially obsessing over conceiving if you haven't by then.
Also, practical note - can you afford maternity 'leave' without going straight into a job?
I'd wait until you graduate. Why make your life harder?
Elletine · 17/04/2021 20:33
Awful idea OP sorry. Wait til your uni course finishes!! Until you have a newborn you have absolutely NO idea how all consuming it is - you won’t have the time or the inclination for finishing uni. Even if you get pregnant while at uni and time the baby for after you finish your course - you’ll be exhausted, sore, unable to focus - its just not a good idea.
Oprah said “you CAN have it all, you just can’t have it all at once” and I remind myself of this often. Just wait a bit then go for it, have a relaxed pregnancy, and enjoy being a mum fully. Good luck 
Pupster21 · 17/04/2021 20:34
YABU. You should finish uni, get a job, buy and move into your house then get pregnant. It’ll be harder to save for a house when paying for a baby and childcare and many grandparents don’t actually like having a crying baby around 24/7. You’re young enough to wait.
RebelByLight · 17/04/2021 20:34
Wait 6 months. I had DC1 in my final year, they postponed my finals for organisational reasons and I had to kick up a huge fuss to insist they keep the date so i could finish before the baby arrived.
It depends also on what you’ll be doing? Will you have to present at conferences (not great with morning sickness)? Work in a lab? Can you stay home and skip lectures if you’ve morning sickness? Is your supervisor nice?
Jiggyjigsaw · 17/04/2021 20:34
Just wait, it's not impossible to do the work pregnant but it will make it harder. I was a secondary school teacher when I was pregnant and getting the extra work any planning finished was a real struggle. And what if you have morning sickness or some other complication, it isn't rare. You've worked so hard at uni, give the last year your full concentration, get great results and then go on and lead the rest of your life.
Josiemac93 · 17/04/2021 20:35
My living costs would be super low as I'd be living with my mother and I'd have a big chunk of my student loan costs. Plus my husband would be earning. But money would be tight at first. I think the general consensus here is finish uni and wait to get pregnant. Which I fully understand. I think I needed to be told sense.
FluffMagnet · 17/04/2021 20:36
A friend accidentally got his gf pregnant in his last year of uni. The baby was born a few weeks before his finals. She dropped out of uni completely and he missed a number of exams and messed up the others. He retook and graduated but I know they both regretted the timing. Honestly, you are so close to the end, just wait a bit. You will either ruin your first months with your baby, or the course you've worked the past 2 years to complete. Neither is a good situation, is it?
sunshineandshowers21 · 17/04/2021 20:37
i wouldn’t. i fell pregnant with my youngest son in my final year at uni and i was struggling with still having to attend lectures when i was eight months pregnant and exhausted. and then i had to write my dissertation with a newborn baby. it was so bloody hard, and although i did graduate with a first i felt it put too much pressure on our family as a whole. i also wouldn’t have a baby if i was living at home. i just think you’re clearly not ready for a child if you’re still living with your parents. i get it’s to save for a deposit but i’d put that as a priority before having a child.
llamakoala · 17/04/2021 20:37
From experience - I say wait until you’re all done and dusted with Uni - dissertation and any final exams.
Consider not just how you’d cope with a newborn and Uni but also if something goes wrong with the pregnancy how you will cope with that as well as the pressures of your studies (I don’t want to be a “Debbie Downer” but that happened to me and it does happen. I had an MMC at 11 weeks during my 2nd year of Uni and in the end was so traumatised I abandoned Uni in my third year and never graduated).
Surely your Mum would help out either way? Good luck with Uni and whatever you decide to do
Josiemac93 · 17/04/2021 20:38
@ineedaholidaynow
Thanks for this... I will not be sponging. My husband and I will be covering her rent entirely whilst we are there, as well as paying for all of our own food (obviously), cooking our own meals. Being completely self sufficient. It's just cheaper than privately renting.
IHateWinter88 · 17/04/2021 20:38
YABU. Final year of uni is the hardest. Do you really want to come out of it with a 2.2, frazzled and regretting it massively? You're young enough to wait.
I must admit, I don't understand this broodiness to the point of impairing your logic so much. Is it the boredom of lockdown?
Finish uni. Save some money. Get a place and a job THEN have the baby. Or do it your way, if you're that desperate but you are condemning yourself to a lot of hard work and insecurity.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.