Pregnant at uni

[Josiemac93]

Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.

YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it

You don't sound nearly 28, I think you need to grow up a bit first.

Currently living this OP. I'm in my final year so will graduate in June with baby due in September. Even though I have had a really easy pregnancy so far, I wouldn't recommend because with the workload + fatigue + baby brain I am struggling a bit. It's manageable but it's tough, especially if you have to work as well.

@TooManyAnimals94

Currently living this OP. I'm in my final year so will graduate in June with baby due in September. Even though I have had a really easy pregnancy so far, I wouldn't recommend because with the workload + fatigue + baby brain I am struggling a bit. It's manageable but it's tough, especially if you have to work as well.

@toomanyanimals94 yes that's exactly what I think. The workload from uni is very intense. Massive good luck for you! I bet you're doing great

@Ellasmummyx1

If you’re really broody, maybe start trying during your third year so you can still graduate before the baby arrives But as other people have said, that is risky in itself because you might have a really straightforward pregnancy or you could have really awful pregnancy symptoms

Ultimately you know what’s best for you and we’re all responsible for our own futures. I think some people have been quite harsh

@ellasmummyx1 thank you!! We are of course responsible for our own futures. I think the uncertainty of how things could play out is obviously what stops me. Because of course, I could have a terrible pregnancy, or just an awful time in general. Thank you for your response!

I had my eldest in uni and it was really hard, I only got a 2.1 when I know I could have got a first and I missed so much - had to go back to uni when she was 4 months old so no maternity leave, and i used to sit in class with tears pouring down my face I missed her so much. Honestly I wouldn't recommend it one bit

@ineedaholidaynow

What secure home do you have?

@ineedaholidaynow the home I live in now?? With my husband? I've lived independently for the last 9 years, so that seems pretty fine to me. The pandemic hit us hard, and as I said we both lost our jobs, but as I said earlier, we are both again in employment. My husband will not be furloughed if there was another lockdown and he is in a secure job, I would be furloughed. We could however still like safely and securely in our home.

@iona hahaha okay. I do have a secure home and I am supporting myself. It would be beneficial for me to pay off my debt and get some savings behind me. Hence making the smart decision to live with my mother next year

Wow people on here are not supportive to poor working class people!

I’m glad you find it funny.

You don’t have a secure home - you say you are moving in with your mother to save for a deposit.

How are you supporting yourself - if you have a full time job you have forgotten to mention it? You also say you have debts.

Sponging off your mother might be smart for you but it’s not the actions and attitude of an adult, more like an entitled teenager.

And yes of course everyone here who has advised you against this is doing so because we all hate poor working class people. We are all the landed gentry here don’t you know. None of us know anything what it’s like to work, pay bills and bring up kids .

Comments like this just make you sound like a spoilt 12 year old. You asked for advice and now you are being rude because you don’t like it.

I am choosing to live with my mother in February. I do not have to. I'm choosing to so I can have better financial security.

[quote I0NA]**@iona hahaha okay. I do have a secure home and I am supporting myself. It would be beneficial for me to pay off my debt and get some savings behind me. Hence making the smart decision to live with my mother next year

Wow people on here are not supportive to poor working class people!

I’m glad you find it funny.

You don’t have a secure home - you say you are moving in with your mother to save for a deposit.

How are you supporting yourself - if you have a full time job you have forgotten to mention it? You also say you have debts.

Sponging off your mother might be smart for you but it’s not the actions and attitude of an adult, more like an entitled teenager.

And yes of course everyone here who has advised you against this is doing so because we all hate poor working class people. We are all the landed gentry here don’t you know. None of us know anything what it’s like to work, pay bills and bring up kids .

Comments like this just make you sound like a spoilt 12 year old. You asked for advice and now you are being rude because you don’t like it.[/quote]
I. Will. Not. Be. Sponging. I will be paying ALL of her rent when I live there. I don't have a full time job? I'm a full time student... I work part time alongside my degree.

A spoilt 12 year old? Never in my life have I ever been spoilt. I've never sponged anything, or been handed anything in life. Quite the opposite. I worked and studied 70 hours a week to get into university as an adult/mature student.

Yes. We have debt. Who doesn't? We lost our jobs due to a global pandemic. Have some compassion! I'm just a human. A woman yearning for a family and trying to figure out if there's a way I could do that sensibly. Yes I understand having a baby at university isn't a smart decision. And that's why I won't be doing it purposefully. I did however want the opinions of the strangers of mumsnet. I didn't however expect to be insulted and called immature by people who don't know me in real life.

I really really appreciate the constructive insightful comments from everyone who has been kind.

@Josiemac93 some people are being harsh. You do what you feel is right for you and the child.

@Sunshineandalltherainbows hats off to you. A first class degree then labour. Wow.

So if your home is secure now, why are you moving in with your mum? It doesn't sound very secure to me. If you are moving in with your mum to save money how is having a baby helping you to save money. If you have just got a new job will you get maternity pay/leave?

Why would you do it in the middle of second year?! At most, get pregnant I. The last couple of months of third year or right at the end you finish your last exams.

Being pregnant is not easy. I was pregnant during my studies and it was HARD. Your tired, morning sicknes, appointment after appointment, arranging Midwifes, staying over some nights at the hospital. Then in your third year, you will have a newborn baby to look after, people can do it (I did it!) but it's not easy and I wouldn't advice it. Not only that! But what about childcare?Look- just Enjoy your moments of freedom and the opportunity to really get down and dirty with your studies, because when your baby arrives, it's a while other study and juggling.

@ineedaholidaynow because I know it's the right decision. My mother is chronically ill, lonely, and financially struggling. It will be a great help to her, myself, and my husband. We will all be benefiting from living together. Her living costs are very low, lower than what we currently pay. So if I live with her I will alleviate some of her financial struggles whilst also saving a lot of money myself. It is a win win situation. I could continue to rent, but it would cost so much more and just doesn't seem to make sense.

Also- a couple of people were pregnant on my course (Masters) but the two I known, deferred a year or are doing the course part time so are taking longer to complete the course. If you need excitement in your life currently- this is not it! Go on a mid-summer toad trip, go and plan an expensive excursion, plan to buy a house, plan to think about your goals. Planning to have a baby (not even an accident) in your mid year 2 of studies is stupid at best.

@ineedaholidaynow

So if your home is secure now, why are you moving in with your mum? It doesn't sound very secure to me. If you are moving in with your mum to save money how is having a baby helping you to save money. If you have just got a new job will you get maternity pay/leave?

No. This is tbh the main, major issue. I would be get state maternity pay. Which I know most people cope just fine on, but I'd rather have a bit more money to manage. My husband will be working full time but state maternity pay wouldn't be great. I would have the last 3k of my student loan as a boost though. But I have pretty much decided I won't be able to manage work load with university and a baby.

Financially we would manage. But work load wise I don't think I will.

@secular39

Also- a couple of people were pregnant on my course (Masters) but the two I known, deferred a year or are doing the course part time so are taking longer to complete the course. If you need excitement in your life currently- this is not it! Go on a mid-summer toad trip, go and plan an expensive excursion, plan to buy a house, plan to think about your goals. Planning to have a baby (not even an accident) in your mid year 2 of studies is stupid at best.

Yeah I think I wouldn't manage the work load very well.

If you want to have financial security and are saving for a deposit, don’t have a baby.
Certainly don’t have a baby in your final year. Being pregnant is exhausting and having a baby is even more exhausting. You won’t be able to give your studies the focus you need . Concentrate on doing well in your exams. Then save for a deposit. Then move out of your Mums and then perhaps think of having a baby.
I have been in your position and speak from experience. Don’t even think about it.
You sound like you need to do a lot of growing up.
I would also say think about establishing a career before you have children. Don’t rush into having kids the minute you graduate . It’s much harder to start a career with a baby .

I took a gap after my first year as fell pregnant with my 2nd.
Working 20hrs a week, on uni placement 15 hrs a week , attending uni and doing my dissertation with a 4.5yr old and 1yr old, was no fun at all!

My 1st born was born 3 months prem- You must think that there may be complications in pregnancy, which will deeply effect your studies.
Also, I moved back in with my parents when I had my children (age 10 &6 at the time) , I have a great relationship with my parenst BUT moving back in was awful!!!
Finish Uni, save money, get own house- have a baby!

Finish your education, get at least a good 2 years work experience under your belt - not what you did before Uni but positions that have opened up since Uni. I know three people who for religious reasons did what you suggested, all three would now say 10+ years later they should have waited. Also pay off all debt beforehand. You never know what motherhood will bring - PND, a baby with added needs. A 2nd year Uni students with debts is not ideal and greatly increases other risks.

I had 2 children against at university (took a year out) and I was younger than you so you’ll be fine!!!

whilst

I agree that it’s madness to deliberately plan a baby during university, but I think you’ve got that message now.

Are you studying in order to be able to move into a new career? I’m concerned that if you get pregnant before you are established in your new field that you’ll never be able to get the benefit of your degree. It’s really hard to get established in a new field on a part-time basis - it shouldn’t be, but it just is.

Much better to think of your baby’s future rather than your hormones, and plan to give them the best start you can by getting a job in your new field or at your new level for a couple of years - you’ll have the benefit of much better paid maternity leave, and a guaranteed job to go back to afterwards.

Not doing this runs the risk of you never being able to capitalise on your years of study.

Personally, I wouldn’t even have contemplated trying to get pregnant if we didn’t have a secure home of our own, either on a long term let, or better still, a mortgage. You’ll be able to afford a much better house for your new family, too, if you are in a higher paying role before you try to buy - and saving your deposit will be much easier and quicker, too.

There’s very little in your current plans which speaks of your having the future and security of your child at the forefront of your mind, and that shows, I think, that you’re not thinking clearly about the magnitude of what you’re contemplating.

You have just over a year left of uni and in a few months you’ll be back living with your Mother so yes, of course it’s crazy to deliberately plan a baby right now.

The sensible thing to do is finish uni, establish yourself within your chosen field, sort your debts and a house out during this time then try for a baby.

@TableFlowerss

I had 2 children against at university (took a year out) and I was younger than you so you’ll be fine!!!

You're amazing!

OP, you’re only replying to people with positive stories of having children during their degrees. If you’re not really looking for the opposite view, probably best to say now and we can all move on.

For instance, would you mind answering my question about why you’re doing your degree now and how you intend to get established in a new career?