Pregnant at uni

[Josiemac93]

Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.

YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it

YABU.

I had DD at 28. She's amazing, I adore her. If I had her in my final year of uni there is no way I would have been able to enjoy her as much as I have. Final year of uni is rubbish, so stressful. And what about securing a graduate job and getting your career going? My first grad job only paid £22k, but I was on over £45k before I went on maternity leave. It means that I can (hopefully) go back to work part time without my career taking too much of a battering because I'm pretty well established already.

I was so broody earlier on. I even had a termination when I was at uni. Its hard but think of the 'long' game. The first year of a baby's life is a total blur. You'll be knee deep in toddler tantrums and school pick ups before you blink and if your marriage doesn't work out or your career doesn't take off post kids you may be really annoyed at yourself for not holding off.

I’m in my final year; two exams in June and my project is due 9th September.. I am due 12th September.

I already have one DC.
Wait. Just wait. The hormones have played havoc with my ability to stay on top of things and I’m behind. First time in the whole degree, tutors have understood thankfully but that doesn’t change much.

I need to catch up somewhere.

Time it for when you’ve graduated, the first three months are usually you feeling rank so I can’t imagine you’ll maintain the same standard as you have.

Finish university. Ideally get yourself a job, then start TTC. You’re still young. Waiting will just improve your finances and career chances. Don’t try at the end of your studies either. Graduate. Celebrate with a glass of champagne for 3 years hard bloody work.

I did the ungrad degree when I was 18, so writing my dissertation at 21, so had bags of energy. Even the most seasoned partiers all resorted to 10pm bedtimes, 8 hours sleep and 9 hours a day in the library when writing up their dissertations. Your dissertation will likely make up a large % of your final grade, this is not something you want to be doing with zero sleep.

On the waiting until you’re ideally in a job situation. I’m currently 8/9 weeks pregnant. I’ve been in my job for 5 years and it’s not challenging. I know who to talk to to get things done, I know how to play the game, I developed the systems so know them inside out. Still, I’m so exhausted that I’m forgetting really simple things. I used my lunch break the other day to have a 20 minute cat nap. Today we had a small walk round our town and after that and working all week, I’ve spent all afternoon napping. I could not do an exam or dissertation at the moment, I do not have the concentration and I don’t need that to worry about affecting what sleep I can get. For your graduation, hopefully you’ll get to have a ceremony and it’s a long, tiring day (in a good way) because it’s emotional feeling the pride for what you’ve accomplished. Feeling the love for everyone who has supported you. You should be able to enjoy that day without feeling nauseous or exhausted. Enjoy that day with your mum and your husband. Have a meal without worrying if it’s pregnancy safe or if you’ll have food aversions. Have a glass of champagne and toast your future. If you get a job on graduating, you’ll be in such a good position to start trying towards the end of next year. It feels like ages away but plan a post graduation and post covid holiday, somewhere that is adults only or somewhere it would be difficult to take kids. Get your finances in order, save for maternity leave. You’ll be trying before you’re 30, have your career starting, a holiday with your husband to look back fondly on and finances behind you.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing

As someone who had a baby during what should have been half way through my second year and was living with my parents, I’d say DO NOT have a baby until you’ve finished uni.

Thank you for this!! I hope you're doing okay now 💖

Posted on another thread I'm having a serving in final year, at 20

Really depends on the course. Mine is ok, but I'm lucky as I have the option to drop to another course if I choose.

Get grants from uni and sfe
85% off childcare

It's up to you, you will have to slave away depending on when baby is born. Only you know your circumstances. Baby may not even be born while you're studying, it may be after you graduate. Boy then you won't get subsidised childcare. Think it through carefully but go for out of you want

YABU. Wait a bit longer, get your course done - I would say get your debt paid off and deposit saved too. A baby is like a hand grenade into even the most stable of marriages/families/lives.

@EnglishRain

YABU.

I had DD at 28. She's amazing, I adore her. If I had her in my final year of uni there is no way I would have been able to enjoy her as much as I have. Final year of uni is rubbish, so stressful. And what about securing a graduate job and getting your career going? My first grad job only paid £22k, but I was on over £45k before I went on maternity leave. It means that I can (hopefully) go back to work part time without my career taking too much of a battering because I'm pretty well established already.

I was so broody earlier on. I even had a termination when I was at uni. Its hard but think of the 'long' game. The first year of a baby's life is a total blur. You'll be knee deep in toddler tantrums and school pick ups before you blink and if your marriage doesn't work out or your career doesn't take off post kids you may be really annoyed at yourself for not holding off.

Thank you soo much for this response. I really resonate with giving myself at least the option to return to work part time.

@Josiemac93

DD1 is 7 now. I finished my degree a year later than originally planned but I did it. It was a teaching degree so really full on anyway and made a lot harder by having a young baby.

I wouldn’t change what happened at all but I wouldn’t recommend it either.

Definitely wait! It's only a few months.

@FTEngineerM

I’m in my final year; two exams in June and my project is due 9th September.. I am due 12th September.

I already have one DC.
Wait. Just wait. The hormones have played havoc with my ability to stay on top of things and I’m behind. First time in the whole degree, tutors have understood thankfully but that doesn’t change much.

I need to catch up somewhere.

Time it for when you’ve graduated, the first three months are usually you feeling rank so I can’t imagine you’ll maintain the same standard as you have.

Ohhh good luck. I really hope your final year goes okay!

It wouldn't be sensible in my opinion. The final year of uni is usually the hardest, you have got this far why risk ballsing it up now. Wait till you graduate and then go for it if that is what you want. Personally I would wait till you have a job in your field before trying to get pregnant otherwise you aren't exactly making the most of your degree. It is also easier in my experience working full time initially and then dropping hours,asking for more flexible working than asking from the get go especially if you are new to the field (you might be happy working full time with a baby, totally up to you).

Also whilst it is great that your mum is happy to house you would she really want to help you with the baby as much as you think? Would she want a newborn living in her home in a more permanent basis?

My take is this : From day one of pregnancy my outlook and focus changed. I started obsessing about the pregnancy, the baby, eating right. I had difficulty finding clothes. Once I had the baby I had a good 3 months recovery where I found life hard and PND. Baby hit me like a proverbial ton of bricks and it took me a good 18 months to feel comfortable with him.. As a baby he was very cross, and cried a LOT. There are NO circumstances I could have continued a degree after week 30 of the pregnancy I struggled.

My second baby, much easier, as I knew what was coming and took it easier.

As a counterpoint, my SIL had hypermesis so she was destroyed by the first 20 weeks and pretty much unable to function. After that she was fine, but took 6 months maternity. Baby very easy but she couldn't have studied.

People also do fine, and can sail through it although I do find they are the ones with fewest commitments.

Having seen lots of people pregnant I wouldn't even chance it until degree is over.

There is no way on earth you will be able to write a dissertation with a baby. No way. Even when they are 1 year old. Not a chance. Try and avoid the two colliding!
You cannot imagine how much time and energy they sap until you've had one. You'll be chuffed if you manage to shower before midday!

Don't let your hormones rule your head.

@InTheNightWeWillWish

Finish university. Ideally get yourself a job, then start TTC. You’re still young. Waiting will just improve your finances and career chances. Don’t try at the end of your studies either. Graduate. Celebrate with a glass of champagne for 3 years hard bloody work.

I did the ungrad degree when I was 18, so writing my dissertation at 21, so had bags of energy. Even the most seasoned partiers all resorted to 10pm bedtimes, 8 hours sleep and 9 hours a day in the library when writing up their dissertations. Your dissertation will likely make up a large % of your final grade, this is not something you want to be doing with zero sleep.

On the waiting until you’re ideally in a job situation. I’m currently 8/9 weeks pregnant. I’ve been in my job for 5 years and it’s not challenging. I know who to talk to to get things done, I know how to play the game, I developed the systems so know them inside out. Still, I’m so exhausted that I’m forgetting really simple things. I used my lunch break the other day to have a 20 minute cat nap. Today we had a small walk round our town and after that and working all week, I’ve spent all afternoon napping. I could not do an exam or dissertation at the moment, I do not have the concentration and I don’t need that to worry about affecting what sleep I can get. For your graduation, hopefully you’ll get to have a ceremony and it’s a long, tiring day (in a good way) because it’s emotional feeling the pride for what you’ve accomplished. Feeling the love for everyone who has supported you. You should be able to enjoy that day without feeling nauseous or exhausted. Enjoy that day with your mum and your husband. Have a meal without worrying if it’s pregnancy safe or if you’ll have food aversions. Have a glass of champagne and toast your future. If you get a job on graduating, you’ll be in such a good position to start trying towards the end of next year. It feels like ages away but plan a post graduation and post covid holiday, somewhere that is adults only or somewhere it would be difficult to take kids. Get your finances in order, save for maternity leave. You’ll be trying before you’re 30, have your career starting, a holiday with your husband to look back fondly on and finances behind you.

@inthenightwewillwish

Thank you so so much for this response seriously. I feel like this is what I needed to hear.

OP. I am an academic and have supported a few students who chose to start a family during their degree. Only one was able to return to complete their degree, they graduated over two years after their cohort and made it by the skin of their teeth. I had my baby half way through a PhD. I was also working full time and I am used to academia. It was very very hard. Please wait. As others have said you don't know what kind of pregnancy or baby you will have. Mine did not sleep very much at all for the first six months. The Covid pandemic has also changed working practices and the workplace widely. You may find it very difficult to get your first job if applying when well into pregnancy. University is very very expensive. Don't throw this away for the sake of one more academic year.

Dont take the piss out of your mum. Your moving in to save for a house deposit. How going to do that with a baby.

@belle40 thank you! Such a good insight. I really appreciate it.

@tickingthebox73 I'm so sorry you went through that, that sounds hard. I do think about how I would be and if my mental health may take a beating, especially with deadlines etc. I know it's best to wait.

Uni. Job. Then baby.

Trust me I had a baby part way through and haven’t used my degree subject to do what I trained for due to wanting to spend time with children. That break was also because I was burnt out. Now I’d struggle to get back into that area without doing a return course.

There is no guarantee everything will go smoothly. Looking on the black side - baby could be poorly and you need up six months in neo natal etc.

@Hankunamatata

Dont take the piss out of your mum. Your moving in to save for a house deposit. How going to do that with a baby.

It's interesting how much my mam has been brought into this. I was chatting to her about this on the phone the other day and I said, I can't have a baby whilst at uni or living with you that would be unfair on you and absolutely crazy. And she said, WHY NOT!!! I'd love to have my baby back at home and a grandchild. So she wouldn't be unhappy to say the least BUT I'd rather have some privacy and live with my husband only when we have a baby. But just thought I'd clear up my mother's perspective on this all.

Oh my days, my final year of uni was rough and so hard. I had one day off a week due to work load and worked quite late every day. I don’t think you could pay me to redo my final year 😂

I also had horrible pregnancies suffered with awful sickness from 4/5 weeks and ended up in hospital.

I completely get being broody as I was a similar age when I had my first DC. It’s hard to put into words isn’t it but it’s just a drive / urge.

Have you looked at job prospects, if you graduate and have a job lined up then start ttc you would get maternity pay which would be great from a money pov.

Gut feel is to wait if possible, I know that’s hard! Graduate, get your first job and then crack in with babies. If you were 36 my opinion might be different but you do have time in your side. Good luck x

@Hankunamatata

There is no guarantee everything will go smoothly. Looking on the black side - baby could be poorly and you need up six months in neo natal etc.

Yes this is absolutely true.

@hellolittlebaby

Don't let your hormones rule your head.

@hellolittlebaby yes definitely this is exactly what I need to do. Not let my hormones rule me!!!!