Pregnant at uni

[Josiemac93]

Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.

YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it

YABU. Final year of uni is the hardest. Do you really want to come out of it with a 2.2, frazzled and regretting it massively? You're young enough to wait.

I must admit, I don't understand this broodiness to the point of impairing your logic so much. Is it the boredom of lockdown?

Finish uni. Save some money. Get a place and a job THEN have the baby. Or do it your way, if you're that desperate but you are condemning yourself to a lot of hard work and insecurity.

YABU - newborns are really tiring and time consuming, you could mess up your final year and potentially waste all the work you have already done if you have a baby before you finish. Wait until you have finished your course at least, and ideally get a job first.

So who will be looking after the baby, will you be self sufficient then? Who plans to have a baby when you are in debt, and still studying?

@IHateWinter88 I honestly wish I understood the broodyness myself. Its not lockdown, I've been like this for years and the more it goes on the broodier I get. I don't know what to say. It's just how I feel.

I also agree with people saying you should get a job first after graduation before you try to conceive. Unless how will you pay for all the expenses of the child. Presumably your husband has a good job if this isn’t worrying you?

I started TTC in my 5th year of medical school. Got pregnant 1st month trying and had it the same time as graduation. It was hard work doing long shifts while pregnant, especially with sickness, but I was delighted, soldiered on through, and it worked perfectly for us. Started my first doctor job a couple months late and part time. If I'd had her mid year I doubt I'd have managed to complete my final year, but then your course may not be as demanding.

Honestly I'd wait and start trying so that if you get pregnant the first try like I did, your due date is around graduation time and not during your finals! It's just a few months to wait. Give yourself the best chance of a good degree. It'll be hard enough doing your final year pregnant, let alone with a newborn. You are young. There's very little difference between 27, 28, and 29 in terms of fertility. It'd be different if you were 39/40.

Wait until you have done your final year or at least are into the very , very end of the last term. before trying. Pregnancy /having a baby around can be/is exhausting! Think weeks / months of having virtually no sleep. It will be very difficult /impossible to study. You may well not be able to manage it and still get a degree. Wouldn't it be better for your baby to have a mother who is qualified? Once you have interrupted your studying it will be very difficult to take it up again with children. You would have to give considerably less time to your baby than you might wish and less time to your studying than you might wish.

It would need an exceptional woman to manage. Had a friend who took her Medical Finals in a hospital bed having just given birth - passed first in year but her husband then took a year's sabbatical while she interned. Amazing! Would your husband do the same for you? If not , no, don't do it. You would not be doing the best for either yourself to the baby.

@RebelByLight

Wait 6 months. I had DC1 in my final year, they postponed my finals for organisational reasons and I had to kick up a huge fuss to insist they keep the date so i could finish before the baby arrived.

It depends also on what you’ll be doing? Will you have to present at conferences (not great with morning sickness)? Work in a lab? Can you stay home and skip lectures if you’ve morning sickness? Is your supervisor nice?

Tysm for this response. My supervisor is a dream. She's so lovely. I won't be in a lab or presenting at any conferences no. Its a pretty essay based academic degree. But I do agree waiting 6 months is a better idea.

Please don’t. A mum I know from school dropped out of uni to have her son and I think she’s really frustrated. It’s so much harder to do things once you’ve had a baby.

YABU (very)

The fact you're considering a baby during a final year at Uni, risking your education, need to live with your mam at the age of 28 and married to pay off debt and still think that's a suitable and appropriate time to have a baby?

All of that makes you sound incredibly immature and not very good at decision making. And therefore nowhere near ready to have a baby imo.

I had hyperemesis gravidarum with both of my pregnancies. It didn't stop until 30 weeks with my daughter and 33 weeks or so with my son. I was signed off work and could barely lift my head off the pillow some days and the only time I didn't feel sick was when I was asleep. Some women bloom during pregnancy but others have a rough time of it. I have two friends who had to use wheelchairs due to Pelvic Girdle Pain and were pretty much housebound from 5 months onwards. Thankfully none of us was trying to cope with major exams nor studying and had the benefit of decent sick pay from out jobs.

I agree with the financial concerns too. I had a guarunteed job that I could do part time, and DH is a high earner so my salary was largely irrelevant. If I'd had to work 48hours a week with 10 hours commuting time it'd be very different, so it's something to consider. Good that you have family support though- that will help.

Good luck OP :)

You're 27 you have tonnes of time
Focus on your final year you'll be done by May 2022 won't you? I wouldn't even start trying then as if you were pregnant before you completed and you sufferered awful morning sickness it could make it dreadful
Get you qualifications and preferably your career started before children it makes things a lot easier I can assure you of that x

Wait till you graduate, get a job and then you will get maternity pay. It's only one more year.
Also it's better to be independent of your mum. This is yours and your husband's adventure. You need to be financially independent and any help should be on your terms. Don't underestimate the friction that a baby can cause to parent or in law and child relationships. Not to mention the pressure it may place on your relationship with your husband.

I came off the pill last June, as I finished my second year at uni. I thought it would take me at least a year, if not more to conceive (I’m 37 though so I don’t have time to waste and I had doubts about my fertility). I’m now 8 weeks pregnant and my baby will be due smack bang in the middle of my final placement 🙈 i haven’t told my uni yet but as at least 6 other women in my class have had babies recently, a couple of them are now pregnant again, the uni seem to be considerate and flexible with regard to parents. I won’t be doing a dissertation, just a 6000 word literature review so that’s not as big of an issue for me. I don’t know how they’ll work placement though. It may be that I need to get my mum to look after the baby for the final 12 weeks of it.

You’ve got time to wait until you’re finished. I wish I had done my course a few years earlier tbh but it is what it is.

@MaryShelley1818

YABU (very)

The fact you're considering a baby during a final year at Uni, risking your education, need to live with your mam at the age of 28 and married to pay off debt and still think that's a suitable and appropriate time to have a baby?

All of that makes you sound incredibly immature and not very good at decision making. And therefore nowhere near ready to have a baby imo.

Oh wow thank you. You don't know my circumstances at all. People have to move in with their parents at lots of different ages. I grew up extremely poor, so had zero financial support, moved out at the age of 19 and have paid my own way since then. During the pandemic my husband and I both lost our jobs whilst living in a house with a high rental value for two unemployed people but we were not entitled to benefits due to me being a student and getting student loan therefore had to get into debt to survive. I'm not immature at all, but thanks for your rude response.

I missed the bit about moving in with your mum.

There is not a hope in hell you'll save enough for a deposit AND pay off debts if you have a baby, now or in six months. Even with staying with your mum. And it's really unfair to make an assumption that she'll be happy housing you and providing free childcare so you can work after the baby is born.

I think your priorities need to be:

1. graduate
2. pay off debts/move out (depends how much and how quickly)
3. have baby.

Otherwise I can almost guarantee that in ten years time you'll be living with your mum still with maybe 2 or 3 kids, you having never used your degree or your mum burnt out and resentful.

Sorry if that seems harsh. But I really think you need to hear it, because your mum and husband are only going to get caught up in the romance of it all.

@Nouveau2021

I came off the pill last June, as I finished my second year at uni. I thought it would take me at least a year, if not more to conceive (I’m 37 though so I don’t have time to waste and I had doubts about my fertility). I’m now 8 weeks pregnant and my baby will be due smack bang in the middle of my final placement 🙈 i haven’t told my uni yet but as at least 6 other women in my class have had babies recently, a couple of them are now pregnant again, the uni seem to be considerate and flexible with regard to parents. I won’t be doing a dissertation, just a 6000 word literature review so that’s not as big of an issue for me. I don’t know how they’ll work placement though. It may be that I need to get my mum to look after the baby for the final 12 weeks of it.

You’ve got time to wait until you’re finished. I wish I had done my course a few years earlier tbh but it is what it is.

Oh wow!!!! Good luck and congratulations. I'm sure you can do it!!

I knew someone who was pregnant during uni and she had a horrible time with it as there were a lot of complications and general bad morning sickness etc. So she had to quit a few months before finishing.

Honestly if you’ve nit got long left then wait until you’re closer to the finish line. You could plan it so you are due a couple months after you finish even but be prepared that being pregnant isn’t always fun.

@toocold54

I knew someone who was pregnant during uni and she had a horrible time with it as there were a lot of complications and general bad morning sickness etc. So she had to quit a few months before finishing.

Honestly if you’ve nit got long left then wait until you’re closer to the finish line. You could plan it so you are due a couple months after you finish even but be prepared that being pregnant isn’t always fun.

This seems like a better idea 💡. I will most likely wait for sure. I just wanted to hear people opinions.

I went to uni when I was 19 so it’s crazy how different our experiences are. I would have never considered becoming pregnant but you’re a mature student and in a different place in life. Personally I would focus on uni and put you’re all in as you won’t necessarily have a chance to redo it - you never know how you might react to being pregnant

So you both lost jobs in the pandemic and you think this is a good time to have a baby

Your

@ineedaholidaynow

So you both lost jobs in the pandemic and you think this is a good time to have a baby

We are now both employed.

As someone who had a baby during what should have been half way through my second year and was living with my parents, I’d say DO NOT have a baby until you’ve finished uni.