Pregnant at uni

[Josiemac93]

Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.

YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it

Women who say they are desperate for a baby (rather than child) are often very disappointed and surprised when it turns into a disagreeable teenager!!!

@quizqueen

Women who say they are desperate for a baby (rather than child) are often very disappointed and surprised when it turns into a disagreeable teenager!!!

@quizqueen haha yes I bet. I am desperate for a family I should say, a baby, a child, a teenager. I have nieces and one is a chronically embarrassed preteen and I love them both more than words can say!

I wouldn't choose it. I had a baby during my A levels. Had a very very easy pregnancy so managed to get 4 As but dropped out of my fabulous course at a top 5 uni mid way through because it was too hard to juggle and it'll haunt me forever.

I've since been pregnant at 28 with number 2 and was so horrendously sick I could barely function at work.

I enjoy my career (luckily managed to build one without a degree!) and want more than just being a mum so if I were you I would wait just 6 more months. The baby won't affect your husband's earning potential nearly as much, that's the sad truth of the unequal world we live in. Make sure you protect yourself and your independence.

@Sleepisoverrated150

Oh my days, my final year of uni was rough and so hard. I had one day off a week due to work load and worked quite late every day. I don’t think you could pay me to redo my final year 😂

I also had horrible pregnancies suffered with awful sickness from 4/5 weeks and ended up in hospital.

I completely get being broody as I was a similar age when I had my first DC. It’s hard to put into words isn’t it but it’s just a drive / urge.

Have you looked at job prospects, if you graduate and have a job lined up then start ttc you would get maternity pay which would be great from a money pov.

Gut feel is to wait if possible, I know that’s hard! Graduate, get your first job and then crack in with babies. If you were 36 my opinion might be different but you do have time in your side. Good luck x

@sleepisoverrated150 thank you! Yes the bloody urge that just doesn't relent. But you are right, it is best to wait and i am lucky to still have time on my side!

You won’t perform nearly as well as you would without the exhaustion of having a newborn. On the flip side, I can see how being at uni gives flexibility that working would not so you can pick and choose when to study around parenting. As you wouldn’t qualify for a job’s maternity pay for quite some time it might not be a terrible thing to get on with it.

One of the key things about being an adult is not always acting on your feelings.

I feel like shagging that guy - oh no wait I’m in a committed relationship.

I feel like getting pissed until 3am - oh no wait I’m working tomorrow.

I feel like having a duvet day or telling my line manager to fuck off - but I’d be risking my job.

I feel like maxing out my credit card on designer gear - but I’m saving for a deposit on a flat.

I really want a cigarette - but I quit a month ago.

I feel like having a baby - but I have no job, no qualifications, no career, nowhere secure to stay and no way to support myself let alone a child for the next 20 years.

It’s called deferring gratification.

I became pregnant during my masters and was so knackered by my thesis it’s a miracle I finished it. I couldn’t concentrate and was so tired, prior to pregnancy I was so sharp and motivated I thought the difference wouldn’t be huge... it was. Just wait. Honestly a baby and a thesis, forget it! Having had two babies and written two thesis papers, I just don’t see how that would work at all.

I wouldn't, I'm pregnant now and it's been so much harder than I imagined, the sickness and exhaustion is real and I wouldn't have managed to finish uni like this. You might be lucky and have a dream pregnancy but most women don't. As well as sickness and exhaustion I also have pregnancy rhinitis and insomnia. It ain't fun.

When I was broody as hell but we weren't ready to try I convinced myself I was in a 'pre trying to conceive' stage and considered it part of the journey, like an essential first step.

I exercised daily, got really strict with my money, ate my 5 a day and started taking multi vitamins and folic acid. I also carefully tracked my cycle and periods using clue so it felt like I was 'doing something' towards getting pregnant and obviously I can't say it's linked but we did conceive first cycle trying

I am at uni now with a toddler and it is mega intense. I chose to do it now whilst she's too young to remember that mum has no time for her but the two other mums on my course dropped out pretty early on. It's really sad and I'll be glad when I finish. I have no regrets about starting uni with a young one but I would not choose to bring a child into this if it could wait. Also, you have debts and a house to save up for and moving in with your mum, none of this is screaming stable home (and I say this as someone who was homeless with an 18m old). You also have no idea how your body will react to pregnancy and no idea how exhausted you will be with a new born - what would happen if you ended up with hyperemisis or severe spd etc that stopped you from going to uni, so you had to postpone it?

YABU. I’m 33 and had a newborn at 32 and was on my arse!! I couldn’t do it whilst writing my dissertation! Newborns need a lot of attention and love! Please wait:)

I wouldn't advise. I was pregnant in my last year of uni at 21 (I had an implant in so was completely unexpected). I did graduate with first class honors on a Wednesday and gave birth on the Sunday in the same weekvas he came early!!! I was absolutely exhausted and made myself very unwell.
Everything has turned out fine but I wouldn't have planned it that way. It was so hard.

Wait. Do yourself a favour and wait. I had to defer my course after getting pregnant in the first semester. (Married, own home, comfortable, not my first third-level qualification so well used to studying etc)

I was so bad in my first trimester, extreme fatigue & Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I was hospitalized & fell way way behind. Second trimester was better but baby brain is actually very very real & has a huge effect on concentration. My third trimester - apart from the SPD - has been easier so far if you don't count the wildly random nausea & just general uncomfortableness.

Despite all the side issues, I love being pregnant and can't wait to meet DC ... But it is so much harder than I thought it would be, it's taken far more of a toll on my body than I thought it would

Have not read the full thread just your posts so not sure if anyone has mentioned this, I'm in my 3rd year of uni now and you will start your dissertation long before March.

I also did my masters part time while I was working full time. People can push themselves to the limit and get by. Some will pass with flying colours, others will just scrape by. The problem is that when you push yourself to the limits, which finishing your degree, getting a job and starting a family would, it leaves no time for life. So not only do you have zero free time, you don’t have capacity for when life goes wrong.

My masters used a teaching style of intensive week of teaching and the following week for assessments to be written up. I was working full time so had to take a week off at a time, I wasn’t sponsored through work so it was all my annual leave or flexi leave (so hours I’d built up on top of my normal working week). I had two modules that were back to back, so I had a week in work, a week in classes, a week back in work whilst trying to catch up from my missed week and do my assignment (I got a small extension due to part time but only an extra week). I then had another week off work, back in classes and finishing my assignment, followed by an exam the following week and as it was an exam, I had no extension. That last week, I also had a job interview because my contract was temporary and I only had a few months left on my contract. My best friend’s mum had also sadly died and I had to travel across country to support her at the funeral.

That week broke me. It was coming up to Christmas and I couldn’t take any time off as I’d used it all for my studies. I worked right through, didn’t have a break. I didn’t revise as I should for my final exam and I failed that exam in January. The only exam I’ve ever failed. After that my love for my masters went out the window. I lost interest in the subject matter. My modules became an uphill struggle. I dragged my thesis out and they had to threaten me with not completing. I was close to jacking it in several times. I was close to having a breakdown when I wrote my thesis. When I finally graduated, I cried like a baby because it was the hardest thing I have ever done, pushing myself to keep going through all of it.

It absolutely can be done, and there are people who have done it, but doing it might break you. It’s 6 years since I completed my masters and I still look back on it as a very dark time. I’m proud of what I accomplished, I know what my limit is but it was also a very hard lesson to learn and my pride is tinged with sadness and regret.

I don't mean this to sound as harsh as it may come across, but if you're contemplating having a child potentially mid way through your final year, with no job secured, whilst moving in with your MIL and saving for a deposit, you are probably no where near mature enough to have a child.

I can say, until I Am blue in the face that, wonderful as having a child is, it will severely limit your bank balance, time for yourself and ability to develop a career. Yes of course there are those who have done it (not so often by choice) but listen to the voices in this thread, non of them say this is an ideal route, when you have so much on your side (a partner, Uni degree, ability to save by living with your MIL). If you honestly can't see this and can only focus on how broody you feel, then I think you are way too immature to have a kid. The vast, and I mean vast, majority of your life with a young child is putting their needs so far ahead of yours that you often don't even get to your needs.

@I0NA

One of the key things about being an adult is not always acting on your feelings.

I feel like shagging that guy - oh no wait I’m in a committed relationship.

I feel like getting pissed until 3am - oh no wait I’m working tomorrow.

I feel like having a duvet day or telling my line manager to fuck off - but I’d be risking my job.

I feel like maxing out my credit card on designer gear - but I’m saving for a deposit on a flat.

I really want a cigarette - but I quit a month ago.

I feel like having a baby - but I have no job, no qualifications, no career, nowhere secure to stay and no way to support myself let alone a child for the next 20 years.

It’s called deferring gratification.

@iona hahaha okay. I do have a secure home and I am supporting myself. It would be beneficial for me to pay off my debt and get some savings behind me. Hence making the smart decision to live with my mother next year.

Wow people on here are not supportive to poor working class people!

Do not have a baby in your final year of university.

What secure home do you have?

Finish uni, get a job and have maternity leave. You’ll want your own space with a baby and as much as your mother says she’s happy to have you- it’s very inconsiderate when she’s being woken up every two hours due to a baby crying. She may not mind but it will stress you out trying to keep a crying baby quiet at 2am in the morning. You’re still young and a few months won’t make a difference. It’s exhausting having a baby- but you won’t believe how much until you experience it yourself. Trust what others have said.

OP I mean this really kindly but you would be absolutely mad to have a baby before you’ve finished uni.

I have a 9 month old who I love more than I can say but I count it as a productive day if I manage a shower and a load of washing around looking after her. Trying to do uni work at the same time would be absolutely impossible in my opinion (assuming you want to do it to a decent standard).

I also found pregnancy so much harder than I thought it would be. It’s not all glowy Instagram pics. I was a complete zombie for the first 18 weeks. I cannot begin to convey the level of exhaustion and there were no warning signs before pregnancy that I would struggle (healthy, fit, similar age to you) the number of times I would be sat at work just desperately trying to stay awake, never mind be hugely productive. It was awful. You might be lucky and have an “easy” I but you might not and I know I really underestimated how difficult early pregnancy would be because nobody I know has really talked about it.

Set yourself up for success and wait. The newborn days are precious and you shouldn’t waste them trying to cram in a load of work at the same time.

I got pregnant (planned) when I was doing an MPhil, which was part-funded, first step towards a PhD. Took a break to have DD1 and it was hanging over me, the going back to study. I contacted Graduate Studies to ask about deferring my return and they were not interested. The quality of my work has suffered during the (difficult) pregnancy and they were not willing to resume my funding. Be cautious in assuming your programme supervisor is supportive. Bird in the hand and all that.

I feel like I wouldn't really be getting to enjoy having a newborn?

This sentence alone tells me you need to grow up a bit more first.

[quote Josiemac93]@tickingthebox73 I'm so sorry you went through that, that sounds hard. I do think about how I would be and if my mental health may take a beating, especially with deadlines etc. I know it's best to wait. [/quote]
Do you know what, it's fine now (he's 15!!) but I think pregnancy is so different for different people it's hard to tell how it's going to hit you. If DS2 had arrived first I would have sailed through it. Easy pregnacy, easy birth, easy baby no PND.

SIL was very keen to be a mum and was pregnant about 12 weeks before the wedding, then with hypermesis....spoiled the wedding and honeymoon my brother had booked in India (she could eat nothing as she was scared and sick!!)

@TheCanyon

*I feel like I wouldn't really be getting to enjoy having a newborn?*

This sentence alone tells me you need to grow up a bit more first.

Ohhh if one more person tells me to grow up. You don't know me.

Thank you everyone else for your absolutely lovely, thoughtful responses.

If you’re really broody, maybe start trying during your third year so you can still graduate before the baby arrives
But as other people have said, that is risky in itself because you might have a really straightforward pregnancy or you could have really awful pregnancy symptoms

Ultimately you know what’s best for you and we’re all responsible for our own futures. I think some people have been quite harsh