Pregnant at uni

[Josiemac93]

Okay so I posted a very similar thread a few months ago asking if it would be crazy of me to get pregnant whilst at uni intentionally and basically everyone rightfully told me to stop being so ridiculous and wait until times are a bit simpler. BUT my circumstances have changed a bit and basically I'd love to know your opinions. Here's some background info. Me and my husband have been married almost 3 years, together 10 1/2 years in total, we're both 27, I'm 28 at the start of June. And I'm horrifically broody, literally can't stop thinking about having a baby, all I ever think about, but I'm at the end of my 2nd year at uni. If I was to say get pregnant now and all went to plan I'd be having the baby at the end of January, right in the middle of my final year at uni (totally get it often takes a while to conceive). We are now however moving in with my mother in February next year to save some money, pay off some debt and save a deposit for a house. So my thoughts are I'd have her around to help out (which she'd bloody love, she has said). Would it be CRAZY to try and have a baby right now? We both feel so ready, but the timing seems awful.

YABU - don't have a baby in your final year of uni
YANBU - life is short, go for it

Still totally bonkers. You would put your degree at risk, and that would be such a shame after getting this far.

You are so close now you would honestly be mad not to just get your degree done first.

@MrsTulipTattsyrup

OP, you’re only replying to people with positive stories of having children during their degrees. If you’re not really looking for the opposite view, probably best to say now and we can all move on.

For instance, would you mind answering my question about why you’re doing your degree now and how you intend to get established in a new career?

Hello! There are soo many responses on here I can't keep up. I've responded to a lot of very critical comments as well as the positive ones. I am doing a degree now because I want a degree, and want a better career. I intend to become established in my career by working in a post graduate scheme, my intended employers have flexible working patterns for families and good starting wages. If I am successful it would be idea. My husband works 4 days on one week and 3 days on the next week so he will be very available for childcare when we do have children, and my parents are absolutely bloody desperate for us to have children and are super happy to help out with childcare, separately that is. But I've got a lot to consider really for when I want to have children and when logistically is the best time. I'm probably only 5% thinking about having a child now, and 95% thinking about having a child when I've been working in a post grad job for a few months.

@OolieMacdoolie

Still totally bonkers. You would put your degree at risk, and that would be such a shame after getting this far.

You are so close now you would honestly be mad not to just get your degree done first.

Yeah I do agree. Like a few people have said on here. Its my bloody hormones. My heart knows what it wants, but my brain knows what's best. It's just about listening to my brain haha.

Only you can decide what's best for you and I'm sure if it happened you'd make it work! I would just say it's not just about when the baby arrives - you might find yourself floored with nausea / sickness / exhaustion for the first 14 weeks of pregnancy for example which would make uni difficult (not read full thread so sorry if this has been mentioned already).

Anyway best of luck!

@rachelgreensroom

Only you can decide what's best for you and I'm sure if it happened you'd make it work! I would just say it's not just about when the baby arrives - you might find yourself floored with nausea / sickness / exhaustion for the first 14 weeks of pregnancy for example which would make uni difficult (not read full thread so sorry if this has been mentioned already).

Anyway best of luck!

Thank you!! No don't worry. Thank you for your kind response!!

I had my eldest when I was in my final year, whilst I was younger than you we were married and had a mortgage etc and my mum was in the same village so she was there to help with childcare.

On paper, perfect but if I had my time again I'd have waited. I was sick as a dog, and shattered through pregnancy and when dd arrived, but thats par for the course. I juggled it, mum helped and yes it was hard but ok....then 2 years later I had baby number 2 and it really hit home how much i'd missed out on the first time around.

Babies are precious, especially when they're tiny. When you're in that newborn bubble you don't want to be thinking about your dissertation. Mum helping is great, but bringing a new baby home, into your own house, and looking at them and your husband and thinking wow look what we've made....well it's just magical and something that you only get the opportunity to do a couple of times in your life.

Yes you'll be able to do it and you'll manage, but why just settle for that when it could be absolutely wonderful rather than just fine?

@Haveyoubrushedyourteeth

I had my eldest when I was in my final year, whilst I was younger than you we were married and had a mortgage etc and my mum was in the same village so she was there to help with childcare.

On paper, perfect but if I had my time again I'd have waited. I was sick as a dog, and shattered through pregnancy and when dd arrived, but thats par for the course. I juggled it, mum helped and yes it was hard but ok....then 2 years later I had baby number 2 and it really hit home how much i'd missed out on the first time around.

Babies are precious, especially when they're tiny. When you're in that newborn bubble you don't want to be thinking about your dissertation. Mum helping is great, but bringing a new baby home, into your own house, and looking at them and your husband and thinking wow look what we've made....well it's just magical and something that you only get the opportunity to do a couple of times in your life.

Yes you'll be able to do it and you'll manage, but why just settle for that when it could be absolutely wonderful rather than just fine?

Aww thank you for this. Yeah I know what you mean. I do really want to have as a positive experience as possible and doing that whilst writing a dissertation is just not it. Well done for making it through that!!

Perhaps a good way to tackle it is to start looking at your diet, taking the right supplements and have your husband do the same?
Not because you're unhealthy, but because then you'll feel as if (whist you're finishing off your degree) you're getting ready for having a baby. As far as saving goes get an idea of what pram you'd like then focus on saving for it, then the next thing etc. That way you feel as if you're starting the journey towards being a parent, if you see what I mean.

You are probably imagining studying while your baby sleeps calmly in a cot nearby. Get that image out of your head. It is reality for only a small number of parents. My reality was the other extreme, a baby who screamed every second she wasn’t touching me. A baby who refused to sleep. I love my dd with all my heart, but that first year was the hardest year of my life. I thought my darkest days would be when the cancer was so bad I had to crawl to the bathroom because I couldn’t find the energy to stand, but a high needs baby is so much harder.

Don’t gamble your entire future on an easy pregnancy and an easy baby.

I think it's interesting that you've never been given anything at all (and of course every one hates poor people ) but at the same time your mum is willing to house you and you have family lining up to look after your child?

It's all very well them saying it now - but you also say your mum is chronically ill. What if she physically can't? What if your in laws decide they don't want to commit to regular childcare?

I'm glad you're taking these things on board, but you don't seem to appreciate as a person who has some of these choices you are in a position that most people aren't.

It's interesting how much my mam has been brought into this. I was chatting to her about this on the phone the other day and I said, I can't have a baby whilst at uni or living with you that would be unfair on you and absolutely crazy. And she said, WHY NOT!!! I'd love to have my baby back at home and a grandchild

She might say that now, but what if the reality is different and she finds it very hard to have two additional adults plus a baby in her home when she is unwell?

I still really think you need to not be thinking about this until you have a home of your own.

OP can I just say any post grad job you do get examine the maternity policy! You may not be entitled to a reasonable maternity pay if you’ve only been in the position a few months!

I had 3 pregnancies during my part time Master's degree. First was a miscarriage and I took a couple of weeks off. Second I took about 4 months off (I think postdocs are more flexible). Third I was writing my thesis right up until baby was born and then took breastfeeding 2 month old to my viva (DH waited outside with baby in case he needed feeding). It can be done but is quite exhausting and my university was exceptionally supportive (not sure they all are).