AIBU to be annoyed when being told everyone needs to self care?😡

[GloomyWaters]

Been asked today...'So, what do you do for selfcare?"........ha ha ha!!!!! I dont have the flipping time!!!! "Well you need to make the time, everyone needs to have some selfcare"
ANNOYED.......AIBU???

Byerley, but you have to question why this hadn't occurred to her before?
Her default is to instantly announce she has no time. To read a book.
It's just bullshit.
Some people are just emotionally dumb.

@longwayoff if she is so wealthy why does she qualify for CB? My husbands taxes would be raised if we took CB so we don’t bother getting it.

Self care definitely isn’t something you have to spend lots on or is all about pampering.
I ‘delegate’ some chores to my dcs so it frees up time. They can manage some laundry, cleaning, dishwasher chores, simple cooking so this frees up time for me.
Doing a job like meal planning and some prep over the weekend frees me from stress during the week.
Taking the dcs out for a walk and a picnic (which they help to prepare) or watching a film with them is relaxing as well as spending time with them.
Listening to an audiobook while I prepare meals or listening to music while I clean takes me away from the drudgery of the tasks.
Chatting to family or friends for a bit regularly gives me an outlet and makes me feel connected.

All these things are self care and help me from being overwhelmed.

I'm speaking of the time when CB was universal, all mothers received it - even the Queen - and it wasn't considered as taxable income. It was designed in this way to ensure any mother had a small amount of ready cash even if unfortunately espoused to someone who drank his wages as soon as he got his hands on them. So quite a long time ago.

I totally agree with you OP. I have a Tropic bot acquaintance on Facebook who constantly talks of "self care". Good for her- she doesn't work and her children are all in school all day. She has hours each day to "self care". It grates on me too after working a long day, coming home to my kids and the household chores etc etc to then see a reminder from her pop up that I should also be "taking time for me". Sod off. It's about all I can do to find time for a wee most days.

I have very little time for self care st the minute. But I think it can be a midset thing tome wise. Thinking of the odd hour I get at 9pm plonked infront of the tv watching below deck as my treat makes it much more enjoyable.

@boomwhacker

I totally agree with you OP. I have a Tropic bot acquaintance on Facebook who constantly talks of "self care". Good for her- she doesn't work and her children are all in school all day. She has hours each day to "self care". It grates on me too after working a long day, coming home to my kids and the household chores etc etc to then see a reminder from her pop up that I should also be "taking time for me". Sod off. It's about all I can do to find time for a wee most days.

Maybe self care for you is to stop reading her posts then, if they get you so riled up.

Has lockdown not taught us that everyone's lives are different, and stressful in different ways? You know not what this person really is facing on a daily basis, just the good bits that they put on SM?

Just a thought.

Self care for me is different to what others do. My situation is unique to me. Some of it is bloody hard. Some of it is easy due to certain privileges.

@GloomyWaters

I work in the NHS and have been busting my butt for years trying to get the best possible out of the least possible (for both supplies/ staff etc) day in and day out.................

Then along comes Covid, and I'm now trying to make the impossible, possible and to ''make silk purses out of sows ears'' with both waiting lists/ supplies/ staff and workable 'spaces' ...............

I seem to be some kind of bloody 'magician' as far as work is concerned..............and now, to add insult to injury, I have to 'lumber' some poor unsuspecting staff member (all of whom have been under incredible stress with work/ partners losing jobs/ childcare etc etc), with the responsibility of being the designated ''staff wellbeing/ wellness champion'' !!!! WTAF ????

It seems that someone simply must add to their own personal stresses, by becoming responsible for everyone else's mental and physical health at work

It's frankly ridiculous that as well as ''being responsible'' for our own physical/ mental health (which, by the way, is not actually 'supported' by the NHS, because we're still held to the same sickness policy standard, regardless if you're 'doing it to protect your mental/physical health', which you are responsible for doing under NMC standards of practice btw ), some poor soul now has even more work piled on them, because someone's got to do it so the NHS can say ''we take the health of our staff very seriously''

My bloody arse they do !!

It's the word that's annoying. People used to just say don't forget to build in some time to yourself. And we are all too busy to do so. The word also seems to have become an excuse for letting other people down, like saying you'll meet up and then cancelling for "self care"...

Once a week get a take away instead of cooking and do something during said previous cooking time.

@Allwokedup even if your dh has to pay the CB back in tax it is essential it is paid to you because if you aren't working it triangulated that period with what could potentially have been NI contributions and accumulates towards your pension. Every year a sahm does not work and does not have CB allocated to her is a year of pension entitlement up in smoke. It's really important it's claimed even if some of it is used towards the tax bill that arises. If a woman doesn't work for 16 years and doesn't claim cb that's potentially a significant amount of pension lost.

I wondered what prompted the remark, was it a hint? Most people don't comment on such things.

Self care means eating well and keeping yourself clean and relatively tidy. I'm sure you at least do that.

I find these kind of remarks, and the entire modern “mental health” industry, so incredibly pompous and patronising too op . For exactly the reasons you mention. Maybe if society was not deliberately structured so as to remove these capabilities from most of us on a regular basis then they would not be so desperately needed.

@RosesAndHellebores I’m not a sahm. I work.

That's alright then but many don't and aren't aware of this wrinkle.

Self care is not actually about going to a spa or waxing your legs.

It’s to do with mental health or even holding yourself accountable for your thoughts and actions IMHO.

But some of the rather plastic people on Instagram have reduced it to the former.

@SugarbabyMilly

Self care is not actually about going to a spa or waxing your legs.

It’s to do with mental health or even holding yourself accountable for your thoughts and actions IMHO.

But some of the rather plastic people on Instagram have reduced it to the former.

Agreed. A lot of things get hijacked in a similar way these days and lose some of the original intentions.

But if you're angry because someone has essentially advised you to look after yourself/slow down, you might want to have a think about that.

plastic people on Instagram . I’ve just been reminded, one way and another, that everyone thinking along our sort of lines needs to be aware of the ‘arts and crafts movement’, which grew out of the first industrial revolution for the same sorts of reasons. We need a new one.

socialistreview.org.uk/375/william-morriss-socialism

I once read on MN that self care is being your own mother - rather than just being the fluffy have you done some mediations and has a relaxing bath more of a have you flossed, eaten enough veg and booked your over due smear test?

Self care is looking after yourself in whatever way works for you personally and there are some great idea on this thread. I didn't do this for 15 years and always prioritised myself last and what a surprise there was never any time left to look after me. I just soldiered on for years. I had similar comments made to me which infuriated me that people didn't get how hard I was trying and working and how impossible it was to do 'self care.'

In the end my body stopped me, it literally stopped working overnight. I developed a serious illness that meant I haven't been able to do anything at all for a year. It turns out I'm not invincible and busting a gut for too long catches up on you.

I now think differently and 'self care' isn't selfish, it is essential to function. I learnt the very hard way. I hope this thread gives you cause to pause for thought so it's isn't such a painful journey for you as it was for me x

@Thatwentbadly

I once read on MN that self care is being your own mother - rather than just being the fluffy have you done some mediations and has a relaxing bath more of a have you flossed, eaten enough veg and booked your over due smear test?

That's exactly how I see it. Looking after yourself in that way when there's nobody else around to do it for you. I've tried telling my DH this. He needs to look after himself more.

This is really annoying coming from workplaces who send round company emails telling you to make time for self care, making you think 'you know what would help with my self care? You lot accepting that we can't get as much done, or that it takes longer, in a pandemic, and adjusting our work load accordingly'. Apparently online yoga or mindfulness sessions are the answer though

There's nothing wrong with the concept and it doesn't have to be time-consuming and expensive. It can be something as simple as putting boundaries in place and saying no to things you don't want to do.
If you don't take heed of your own wellbeing you can't look after others effectively.
I suspect that many who are outraged by the concept are most in need of assessing how their own needs are being met. It's not up to other people to enable it.

@Buzzinwithbez

The trouble with self care is that even if you find time to do something for yourself and manage to focus on it and put your problems on the back burner in that time. It's not actually improving anything. It's a sticking plaster that soon goes soggy and falls off.

I disagree. Self care can be solving problems. Doing your finances, sorting out that admin that keeps you up at night, cooking your meals for the week, doing meditation to help anxiety, making the decision to quit alcohol for a while. It doesn't always have to be an insta worthy event and actually can often be very boring. Although we have coined self care as a phrase recently its always existed and its always been important. We all have problems and self care doesn't stop the problems, it makes us better equipped to deal with life's curve balls.

My best friend didn't have any time for self care. She had a full blown nervous breakdown and was sectioned for 3 months. She now makes it a priority not surprisingly.