Is my friend neglecting her children?

[hapilyanon]

I'll try to avoid useless information.

I have a friend who is expecting her forth child but the children she already has are not properly taken care of. They are all about a year or so apart bar the first child.

She dumps at least one of her 3 children at a friend's house or her parents house at all times, she nearly never has all her children at once.
They are allowed to eat whatever they want, usually fast food every night, they have constant reoccurring lice, she will treat them once or twice every few months but they still always end up with lice - I suppose it could be their friends but at one point you could see them crawling all over, even on the BABIES head!

They are filthy by mid day as the house is pretty dirty and she never wipes them down.
They don't brush their teeth or hair usually and I can see black cavities in the children's teeth.

They are not taught manners or patience. My friend regularly screams and her children and calls them names.

The oldest misses school at least a few days every month because her mother just can't be bothered taking her to school.

Is this neglect worthy of calling some kind of child services about? The children are mostly healthy, clothed and fed so I feel as I might be over reacting but it just feels wrong, especially seeing as she is careless enough to be having another.
I wish there was a step in between child services but what's your opinions?

@bedtimeshoes

If their heads are crawling with lice, imagine how sore their bottoms must be as I assume their mother wouldn't bother much with cleaning them either ☹️ Please help them

They're not even vaguely similar. Getting rid of lice is hard work and I can understand to an extent why it's happening repeatedly.

@Muststopeating I don't think you're the only one who has considered the mum in question must be struggle, but social services can provide help and support to her if this is the case.

@forinborin

Well, I struggle to see how the children can simultaneously have a full mouth of fillings and having never been seen by a dentist in their lives, which is what various posters stated. And again, the OP has a level of daily insight into this family's life that I cannot claim to have with my closest and dearest friends (ie what they have for dinner every day). I would personally offer support to someone whose life seems to be so entwined with my own before reporting them to authorities and hope that some faceless official will come and provide "parenting classes" or clean their house. Because, presumably, I care for these children deeply and want them to live better - not just feel good myself for reporting someone and bringing justice to the situation.

If you read the OP correctly you would see the words black cavities, not fillings.

Can't believe you called a pregnant person lazy!

Like being pregnant and being lazy are mutually exclusive.

You don't have kids, while that absolutely doesn't mean you shouldn't intervene if you see an issue it also means you haven't got a clue how hard having kids is!

Oh, here we go. People who don't have children have no right to an opinion in any matter that concerns children. Bollocks. The OP is absolutely right to be concerned.

Oh, here we go. People who don't have children have no right to an opinion in any matter that concerns children. Bollocks. The OP is absolutely right to be concerned

You're right it is bollacks. It's also not what I said. I said you can't imagine how hard it is, and I 100% stand by that. I also believe that everyone in society has a responsibility to protect children and speak up if they are concerned. (I did say contact SS if necessary).

My post simply stated that people without kids need to adjust their perspective because they are generally the most judgemental of all (and I say this as someone who used to be one of those people).

To the PP who mentioned SS could help. I do absolutely agree with that. I am not entirely sure how OP could be so sure of all the things she has stated but as others have mentioned SS SHOULD be able to assess the accuracy of her claims for themselves.

I do think that the OP, or at the very least the OPs boyfriend, has a responsibility to step up here and help. If not for the SIL then for the kids!

So many people on this thread are rife with judgement and pre-conceived notions (like the person who presumed the SIL didn't work). None of us are perfect.

That being said, I did forget about the part where she screams at her kids and calls them names. 'Screaming' either suggests a level of stress or again an upbringing issue. Calling your kids names, however, is never okay (assuming we aren't saying rugrat or 'god he's a little fecker' to the grown ups after the child has left the room).

Shouldn’t it be about reporting the parents not just mum, seeing as dad is very much around and involved with them? Why is it all about how much of a shit parent she is, rather than the both of them? I find that weird.

It’s unlikely to meet threshold, and possibly just advice will be offered.

To enforce anything it would need to go to court and that’s unlikely on what we’ve been told.

A circle of support would probably help most.

How about you go and actually SUPPORT your friend????

@Buttercup54321

How about you go and actually SUPPORT your friend????

I'd say supporting her friend's children is the higher priority.

Some of the replies are utterly barmy. This is neglect. Please report or at least call the school and ask to talk it through with their safeguarding lead. Continued headlice AND school absence AND black teeth are absolutely indicators that something is not at all right and anyone who says that “being a good friend” somehow takes priority over the welfare of these children needs to give their head a wobble. You popping round to do a bit of cleaning for this woman isn’t going to make any difference to the overall picture of neglect here.