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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let him wear dresses

365 replies

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 07:38

One of my DS (4) wears all sorts of clothes including dresses, tights, leggings, as well as typical "boys" clothes. He just likes what he likes. All good. He starts school this year and wants to wear school dresses or skirts, I don't have a problem with this although I understand children can be cruel I don't think I should stop my son from being himself. However, my ex has said no. He doesn't want to give other kids to "ammo" to bully our ds with. I'm really not sure what to do, what would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 16/04/2021 12:58

Definitely not

Best case scenario - your son is very confident and can cope with people asking him if he's a boy or girl.

Worst case scenario 1- he changes his mind later but has 7 years of "Do you remember when X wore a dress in Reception?" Then he goes to secondary and his classmates will tell everyone about him wearing a dress in primary and he has years of more teasing.

Worst case scenario 2- well meaning adults put ideas in his head like he's not a boy if he likes dresses and over time starts to believe it. Some children in juniors will know what trans means and use it to describe him.

You are right about clothes being clothes and he should wear whatever out of school but I'd guess that the school website describes uniform for girls and boys rather than having a unisex uniform where everyone can wear whatever.

If you do decide to allow dresses then talk to the school so that you and your son aren't embarrassed on the first day. You risk being told to wear boys uniform from day 2 and having to battle with your son over this. It's easier to say boys have to wear uniform trousers.

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 13:06

Unfortunately, 'boys' and 'girls' (men and women) have dressed differently throughout history. In part, this is because people generally like to conform to what they perceive to be their 'group'. While I would love things to be different, and for everyone to wear what they like, this is engrained and not going to change overnight.

But it has changed for one sex? Girls/women are ‘allowed’ (as they should be) to wear whatever they want but boys aren’t?

Stellaris22 · 16/04/2021 13:09

I would stick to the uniform, but maybe try to work out which shorts/trousers he prefers for comfort?

I pretty much always buy clothes for DD from the boys section because the trousers are so much more practical (and less ridiculous) than the girls stuff. Personally I hate gendering of toys and clothes. I think it's great that you're letting your son explore and have the freedom to dress how he wants to.

BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 13:10

its easier for girls to wear trousers to protect modesty when running jumping skipping, helps knicker flashing etc, so they are allowed to wear trousers.

for boys to wear dresses, the modesty exposure is increased, when playing in a dress, but Mums seem happy to have their privates potentially exposed so let them crack on.

blowinahoolie · 16/04/2021 13:11

Dress up time at home. Lots of fun. I would say no to going to school with a dress on as it's impractical, nothing to do with bullying as such. Thinking of PE days.

StayingHere · 16/04/2021 13:12

I wouldn't let him, last thing he needs is a negative first experience in school. Just tell him that it's the uniform and he can wear his dress when he gets in from school.

wesowereonabreak · 16/04/2021 13:13

Boys wearing dresses look completely ridiculous.

Do you expect them to pull the whole thing up everytime they need a pee as well?

some parents are so cringey.

MeadowHay · 16/04/2021 13:14

@BlueDahlia69

its easier for girls to wear trousers to protect modesty when running jumping skipping, helps knicker flashing etc, so they are allowed to wear trousers.

for boys to wear dresses, the modesty exposure is increased, when playing in a dress, but Mums seem happy to have their privates potentially exposed so let them crack on.

I mean I kind of agree with you in the sense that I prefer trousers for all kids so nobody has to be worrying about their underwear when they play. However I can't see your logic that 'modesty' is more important for a little boy than a little girl and it would somehow be worse for a little boy to have his underwear on show in a dress than a girl. Why would that be? (Apologies if I've misunderstood you.)
YoComoManzanas · 16/04/2021 13:15

Even at our very liberal primary school the parents always comment on how quickly the boys and girls seperate into their groups and suddenly don't like pink or girls toys any more. The parents who commented on the WhatsApp group mentioned they had tried so hard to provide gender neutral stuff for their kids but it seeps in quite quickly at school. Kids want to conform and be part of the crowd.
The only way it will become acceptable for boys to wear dresses is for the celebrity idols to start wearing it and for it to become fashionable.

MeadowHay · 16/04/2021 13:15

@wesowereonabreak

Boys wearing dresses look completely ridiculous.

Do you expect them to pull the whole thing up everytime they need a pee as well?

some parents are so cringey.

Couldn't he use pee in a toilet cubicle? Not sure why that would be an issue, plenty of boys and men prefer to do that anyway than use urinals.
BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 13:16

However I can't see your logic that 'modesty' is more important for a little boy than a little girl and it would somehow be worse for a little boy to have his underwear on show in a dress than a girl. Why would that be? (Apologies if I've misunderstood you.)

yes you did misunderstand.

there is no difference, you don't want either childs modesty compromised, but if Mum wants Him in a dress, then so be it.

StayingHere · 16/04/2021 13:16

@emilyfrost I dont think the op is bringing her DS up with 'woke gender bullshit' 😆. When my DS was 3 or 4 he liked to wonder around in a sparkly princess dress at home. Nothing woke about it, he just liked it and I didn't really give a hoot. He is 6 now and wouldn't wear it if I paid him, and he has at no point expressed his gender as anything other than a boy. It isnt a gender issue that the op is describing here.

GoWalkabout · 16/04/2021 13:17

It's good to have boys in school who challenge stereotypes. As long as he knows what he's challenging and has the words to do it, it's fine, but I agree with 'start with this one and if you want to get the other one after a few months just tell me and we'll see how we can sort it.' And with being crystal clear that clothes are clothes and his preferences mean nothing about his sex or sexuality.

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 13:18

its easier for girls to wear trousers to protect modesty when running jumping skipping, helps knicker flashing etc, so they are allowed to wear trousers.

for boys to wear dresses, the modesty exposure is increased, when playing in a dress, but Mums seem happy to have their privates potentially exposed so let them crack on.

My dd just wears small black cycling shorts underneath her dresses? Boys could go the same?

GoWalkabout · 16/04/2021 13:18

Also might impact his sister I suppose so don't neglect preparing her.

bedtimeshoes · 16/04/2021 13:19

No because trousers are more practical.

BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 13:19

My dd just wears small black cycling shorts underneath her dresses? Boys could go the same?

yes this is a good idea

StayingHere · 16/04/2021 13:20

Also @emilyfrost she shouldn't have bought him a dress? I never bought my DS a sparkly dress, it was DDs and when she got to big for it he wanted to wear it so he could play dress up with her. It really isnt a big deal. Perhaps ops DS has a sister. Or perhaps she bought him a dress because he asked. Either way she is hardly damaging him long term.

Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum · 16/04/2021 13:21

It all depends on if the school insist on a uniform but for primary I wouldn't put a boy or a girl in a dress/skirt. Very impractical thing to wear. Gender neutral all the way until secondary for my kids. Then they can choose their own clothes.

JustDanceAddict · 16/04/2021 13:24

I wouldn’t because of bullying, etc.
Most girls wear trousers for school in primary , or a mix. Much more practical.
I’d blame the uniform rules, but he can wear what he likes at home.

Floralchickens · 16/04/2021 13:24

I’ve only known one male child wear dresses at school from the age of 4 (and in year 5 change their name to a very girly one), and the kids didn’t really notice, some giggled about it at first then got used to it.
The bigger worry we found (as parents and teachers), watching the mom at school time, if she saw the child doing something deemed as boyish (pretend sword fight/kicking a football/tiring like a dinosaur) he would get told off but if it was doing some ‘girlish’ (dancing like a ballerina/showing off painted nails on no uniform day) we would hear loads of loud gushing praise from her Hmm

He is the youngest boy of 4, and when pregnant she didn’t hide that she was desperate for a girl so if you do decide to allow your child to wear dresses, just watch how you interact with the child too to see if something you’ve kind of pushed on him without realising.

Floralchickens · 16/04/2021 13:25

Roaring like a dinosaur*

notacooldad · 16/04/2021 13:29

It would be a no from me.
I know someone has to fight the stereotypes but there would be no way it would be my child.
I was happy for my children to blend in with the others and not stand out.

ArabellaScott · 16/04/2021 13:30

@Truelymadlydeeplysomeonesmum

It all depends on if the school insist on a uniform but for primary I wouldn't put a boy or a girl in a dress/skirt. Very impractical thing to wear. Gender neutral all the way until secondary for my kids. Then they can choose their own clothes.
I kind of agree, but I think it's worth asking why trousers are considered 'gender neutral'. I would say it's because we tend to see male as the default.
randomer · 16/04/2021 13:31

How stupid,my son thought he was a lion at that age.