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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let him wear dresses

365 replies

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 07:38

One of my DS (4) wears all sorts of clothes including dresses, tights, leggings, as well as typical "boys" clothes. He just likes what he likes. All good. He starts school this year and wants to wear school dresses or skirts, I don't have a problem with this although I understand children can be cruel I don't think I should stop my son from being himself. However, my ex has said no. He doesn't want to give other kids to "ammo" to bully our ds with. I'm really not sure what to do, what would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Squirrelonwheels · 16/04/2021 11:26

There’s a boy in my child’s reception class who wears skirts sometimes. As far as I can tell nobody has said anything - my child has never mentioned it. Reception age children are too young to bully - they won’t care at this age unless their parents make a thing of it.

Original poster
AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 11:29

@emilyfrost

Your poor child. He is being brought up with woke fender bullshit and he is going to suffer awfully for your views.

How can you do that to him?

Are you female? Do you wear trousers?

Worry about your own children, can't be easy having a parent like you.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 16/04/2021 11:36

Are you female? Do you wear trousers?

Of course it is unfair that boys can't wear feminine clothing without being ridiculed. That's the way it is though and I wouldn't want my 4yo to be the social experiment frankly.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/04/2021 11:37

@BrownEyedGirl80

If he is living as a girl fair enough but if its just a clothes thing then I'd dress him in boys to save bullying as pp said
How the fuck does a 4 year old "live as a girl"?
Imissmoominmama · 16/04/2021 11:39

My son wanted to wear his Buzz Lightyear costume to school when he was 4. I’m afraid we had to say no to that. Of course, he was free to wear it anytime at home!

Original poster
AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 11:40

@shouldistop

Are you female? Do you wear trousers?

Of course it is unfair that boys can't wear feminine clothing without being ridiculed. That's the way it is though and I wouldn't want my 4yo to be the social experiment frankly.

I don't either, which is why he won't be wearing dresses to school. I'm shocked by some of the responses on here though.
OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 16/04/2021 11:40

But did he live as Buzz Lightyear at home, Imissmoominmama?

catlady3 · 16/04/2021 11:42

Maybe if more people just let their sons wear dresses, it wouldn't be a situation where bullying comes into play because it's just normal?

starrynight21 · 16/04/2021 11:42

@Sstrongtn

He’s 4, you wouldn’t let him go to school in his home clothes or a Spider-Man suit? I’d just say no, this is the uniform.
^^ This. It's a no from me.
derxa · 16/04/2021 11:47

Dresses shouldn't be part of school uniform full stop. Send him to a school like St Christopher's at Letchworth. Pupils wear exactly what they want there. However I didn't see any boys in dresses.

BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 11:49

if it's bothering this much OP, tell the school he will be attending in a dress.

Whatever his school experiences are from there, will be irrelevant, he wanted to wear the dress so wear the dress.

Wtfdoipick · 16/04/2021 11:50

OK I have a daughter so she can wear what ever she wants but she also attends a primary which has a generic uniform policy that doesn't differentiate between boys and girls so yes skirts and dresses are allowed for both boys and girls (never actually seen a boy wear them though).

A previous person is right until we change attitudes over boys wearing girls clothes or doing traditional girls things girls will continue to be seen as lesser

seashells11 · 16/04/2021 11:51

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

And also babies arent usually in the business of bullying other babies.
This just made me chuckle. 😂
emilyfrost · 16/04/2021 11:52

Are you female? Do you wear trousers?

I am female, but no, I don’t wear trousers. Your point is irrelevant though, because the majority of women do wear trousers. The majority of men do not wear skirts or dresses, and as such, your son will stand out for all the wrong reasons whether you think that’s wrong or not.

And in placing your son in this situation, you are deliberately putting him in the firing line for bullying and suffering simply to whine and make the point “but why can’t boys wear dresses?”

And of course all you’ll do then is blame everyone else and not take any personal responsibility for forcing this on your child and influencing him in this way. (And yes, you did force this on him because he didn’t buy those dresses himself.)

Worry about your own children, can't be easy having a parent like you.

A parent should always worry about their children. You should worry about the position you are placing your son in.

MeridasMum · 16/04/2021 11:54

My ds doesn't want to be a girl, he just wears whatever he wants to

That's fair when it's on his own time. Kids should have choices of course, up to a point. Sometimes, we can't do "whatever we want to".
School has a uniform and he needs to learn that there are some circumstances when we have no choice but to comply. He can decide which battles to fight when he is old enough.

I'd like I wear jeans and trainers to work but it's not acceptable in my industry. So I'll wear them on my own time.

That PLUS the bullying issue. Kids are cruel.

MeadowHay · 16/04/2021 11:56

I dunno what you should do OP but I agree with the few PP that said all school uniforms should just be trousers. So much more practical for everyone.

wesowereonabreak · 16/04/2021 12:11

AllHallowsEve

What on earth have toilets got to do with anything?

They show exactly what I mean by equality "within reason" and why I do not want girls to be treated exactly as boys, and vice-versa.

Original poster
AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 12:17

@wesowereonabreak

AllHallowsEve

What on earth have toilets got to do with anything?

They show exactly what I mean by equality "within reason" and why I do not want girls to be treated exactly as boys, and vice-versa.

My son doesn't want to be a girl or treated like he is, so I still don't get your point.
OP posts:
PrincessPopple · 16/04/2021 12:22

Personally, I wouldn’t. Starting down this path gets very, very difficult when they reach late primary/early secondary school, when children need to start making decisions about their gender around puberty, that they might not have needed to so quickly, had they just stuck to the status quo from the outset . I have seen this play out twice in real life. It has caused enormous distress to those involved that could so easily have been avoided. As an aside, children now wanting to transition fully in the U.K., are in a dreadful bind with all that’s going on with the GIDS services at the moment.

wesowereonabreak · 16/04/2021 12:27

@MeadowHay

I dunno what you should do OP but I agree with the few PP that said all school uniforms should just be trousers. So much more practical for everyone.
I disagree

Many girls prefer dresses anyway, and frankly it's easier to find dresses that fit (you just need the length) than trousers that have to fit in length AND waist.

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with girls wearing dress. Just look at the viral video of that amazing little girl on her skate board. In a dress.

randomer · 16/04/2021 12:29

No,the child wears the uniform.End of

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 12:51

Many girls prefer dresses anyway, and frankly it's easier to find dresses that fit (you just need the length) than trousers that have to fit in length AND waist.

Absolutely NOTHING wrong with girls wearing dress. Just look at the viral video of that amazing little girl on her skate board. In a dress.

Why is it ok for girls to have the choice of dress or trousers but not boys?

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 12:53

No,the child wears the uniform.End of

But dresses and skirts are part of the uniform?

Jaxhog · 16/04/2021 12:56

Unfortunately, 'boys' and 'girls' (men and women) have dressed differently throughout history. In part, this is because people generally like to conform to what they perceive to be their 'group'. While I would love things to be different, and for everyone to wear what they like, this is engrained and not going to change overnight.

My view is to let them wear what they like at home but to be more conforming in public and school. It is not fair to expose them to ridicule before they understand why or when it is really unnecessary.

Ijustreallywantacat · 16/04/2021 12:58

Frankly at this age I don't think the other kids will bat that much of an eyelid. Get the teacher behind you and she can nip any unkind remarks in the bud. I think there would be some that will say 'XX is a girl' or laugh a bit, but you can prepare yours to be resilient in the face of it.

I think the comparisons to 'but what I'd he wants to be Buzz Lightyear' or whatever are ridiculous. Buzz lightyear isn't part of the uniform. A dress can be.

This forum talks a big game when it comes to 'clothes don't have a gender' but won't walk the walk. Clothes DON'T have to have a gender. Look at Harry Styles, James Charles etc.