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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let him wear dresses

365 replies

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 07:38

One of my DS (4) wears all sorts of clothes including dresses, tights, leggings, as well as typical "boys" clothes. He just likes what he likes. All good. He starts school this year and wants to wear school dresses or skirts, I don't have a problem with this although I understand children can be cruel I don't think I should stop my son from being himself. However, my ex has said no. He doesn't want to give other kids to "ammo" to bully our ds with. I'm really not sure what to do, what would you do? Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Beetlewing · 16/04/2021 10:24

My dds favourite classmate in y2 at her last school was a little boy who would wear school skirt and little t bar shoes and on no uniform data he'd wear a Disney Princess ball gown. It's fine, he's expressing himself. It didn't stop him from playing football

PegPeople · 16/04/2021 10:25

It is exactly because they are clothes he likes.

You said yourself it's because his big sister wears dresses to school. If she wore trousers which are much more practical all round he wouldn't have even thought to question wearing trousers.

You could also argue if he didn't have a big sister he wouldn't wear dresses or skirts at all as it probably wouldn't of occurred to him to want to wear them.

Flowers24 · 16/04/2021 10:26

Can I add how did he get into girls clothes so young? You've enabled it!

wesowereonabreak · 16/04/2021 10:30

what's so wrong with boy/girl clothes?

What's so wrong with each gender having their own identity? I am so fed up with girls having to hide that they are girls, and how it's fine for girls to wear "boys clothes" but not fine to wear pink sparkly tutu.

Boys in girls clothes look ridiculous, they are boys.

There are enough "gender neutral" clothes everywhere without being stupid. My girls do rugby and martial arts, I am all for equality within reason. Equality doesn't mean boys wearing dresses, and surely doesn't mean boys having access to girls toilets!

Iwantacookie · 16/04/2021 10:31

Personally ide be pushing more towards shorts/culottes? (Loose girls shorts) rather than a dress or skirt.

PatrickBatemann · 16/04/2021 10:32

@pheasantsinlove

It amazes me that a few weeks ago a poster got flamed for being upset that colleagues bought boys clothes for her girl baby because 'there are no such things as boys clothes', and yet quite clearly from this thread that argument doesn't sit when the other way round.

Speak to the school OP, if they're ok with it (which they should be or they should change their dress code to no dresses/skirts) then let him . If the other kids are mean he'll either decide to wear trousers to school in future or he won't care and will continue to wear what he wants 🤷‍♀️

My friends 4 year old is always in his older sisters fancy dress princess dresses just because he likes them. In every other way he is a very stereotypical rough and tumble boy. No one bats an eyelid when he's wandering around dressed as Cinderella as it's clearly just a kid choosing to put something on

That poster was annoyed because people had bought her green and orange colours for her newborn ...

Bit different.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/04/2021 10:34

And also babies arent usually in the business of bullying other babies.

Morgan12 · 16/04/2021 10:39

No. He's 4 ffs.

If he is still asking at 7/8 then reconsider.

My 4 year old wants to wear a pumpkin outfit to nursery. I say no.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 16/04/2021 10:40

I’m surprised that your DS has such strong feelings about everyday clothes that you are buying him dresses. My DS is same age and apart from fancy dress or pyjamas he doesn’t give a hoot about clothes and moreover he doesn’t get a say in what clothes I buy for him, I just buy him practical clothes that are seasonally appropriate. Does your 4 year old specially request you to buy him certain types of clothes?
None of my children requested certain types of clothes at this age they just wore what was in their wardrobe and then got on with playing and having fun. It was much later that they started seeing clothes as something they’d like to choose and have some fun with (and I still generally choose them).
Maybe try to steer him away from thinking so much about what to wear, it’s so unimportant, at this age, so much more fun to be had elsewhere!

Original poster

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 10:41

@wesowereonabreak

what's so wrong with boy/girl clothes?

Boys in girls clothes look ridiculous, they are boys.

What on earth have toilets got to do with anything? He knows he is a boy, he doesn't want to be a girl and he doesn't look ridiculous in any clothes he chooses to wear. I don't respond to every whim, I just don't have any good reason to say no to him wearing dresses (outside of school now!) I've already stated that I have decided he will be wearing trousers to school. Outside of school he can continue to choose.

OP posts:

Original poster

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 10:48

@Lifeaintalwaysempty

I’m surprised that your DS has such strong feelings about everyday clothes that you are buying him dresses. My DS is same age and apart from fancy dress or pyjamas he doesn’t give a hoot about clothes and moreover he doesn’t get a say in what clothes I buy for him, I just buy him practical clothes that are seasonally appropriate. Does your 4 year old specially request you to buy him certain types of clothes? None of my children requested certain types of clothes at this age they just wore what was in their wardrobe and then got on with playing and having fun. It was much later that they started seeing clothes as something they’d like to choose and have some fun with (and I still generally choose them). Maybe try to steer him away from thinking so much about what to wear, it’s so unimportant, at this age, so much more fun to be had elsewhere!

Yes, he is quite interested in how he is dressed. I don't know why, his twin isn't at all! But yes, he has asked me to get him a certain dress that he has seen when we are out shopping or whatever. Also asked me a few days ago for some tights so I got him some. It's not a big deal, if I can, and have no reason not to, I will.

This isn't me saying he gets everything he wants before those comments come, these are examples of the times he has.

OP posts:

Woeismethischristmas · 16/04/2021 10:52

I’d echo what other people have said about setting him up to be bullied. I know his class will be 4 year olds but they can be surprisingly cruel.

LindaEllen · 16/04/2021 11:01

No, he can't wear it to school. 'Uniform' means everyone is the same, that's the point of it. I'm sure a lot of kids don't like their uniforms, but they have to wear them.

Outside of school is where all kids are allowed to express themselves. In school, they wear their assigned uniforms.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/04/2021 11:01

[quote HeeeeeyBogie]@Iminaglasscaseofemotion the alternative is to teach little boys and girls that they must adhere to sex based stereotypes or be forced down a medical pathway for the rest of their life. I know which I'd choose.[/quote]
Yeah that happens way more than bullying 🙄

Original poster

AllHallowsEve14 · 16/04/2021 11:03

@LindaEllen

No, he can't wear it to school. 'Uniform' means everyone is the same, that's the point of it. I'm sure a lot of kids don't like their uniforms, but they have to wear them.

Outside of school is where all kids are allowed to express themselves. In school, they wear their assigned uniforms.

I have never said he wouldn't be wearing 'uniform'

OP posts:

Jennylou88 · 16/04/2021 11:09

You've had some great advice on here! It would be a no from me too, on the basis that he is too young to understand the reactions/consequences from others. He can wear whatever he wants at home but at school he needs to wear the correct uniform like all the other children.

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 11:09

How are we still deeming masculine qualities as good and aspirational but feminine as bad?

Girls are encouraged (as they should be) to wear what they want, try any sport they want, wear their hair the way they want and go for any career they want. But any hint of a boy who wants to wear a dress or do something traditionally ‘feminine’ and most people throw a fit. This just reinforces to kids that boyish=good and girly=bad. Girls are still seen as the weaker sex because boys are still taught that they are superior and should never be ‘girly’.

Op I would worry about the bullying aspect, but I really wish people would address this by teaching their kids to be respectful and kind to all their peers no matter how they were dressed.

TiredSloth · 16/04/2021 11:11

No, he can't wear it to school. 'Uniform' means everyone is the same, that's the point of it. I'm sure a lot of kids don't like their uniforms, but they have to wear them.

But skirts and dresses are part of the uniform?

emilyfrost · 16/04/2021 11:16

Your poor child. He is being brought up with woke fender bullshit and he is going to suffer awfully for your views.

How can you do that to him?

emilyfrost · 16/04/2021 11:16

*gender

Livpool · 16/04/2021 11:18

I'd say no - purely because he will stand out and he is too young to understand the implications. And he will be known as the boy who wears dresses until year 6.

Let he wear what he wants at home.

My DS is in reception and all children have to wear jogging bottoms, polo shirt and sweatshirt. I think that is the best idea.

wouldukissafrog · 16/04/2021 11:21

Would be a no from me. It would be different if there were stronger feelings about this - but as you say he happily wears boys clothes too this seems like a want rather than a need.

The same as my daughter wanting to wear her Spider-Man consume time school, no. You can wear that at home at school you have to wear the correct uniform

If he starts expressing he wants to wear girls clothes all the time and this is a bigger issue then reflect on it then

seashells11 · 16/04/2021 11:21

At 4 kids shouldn't get to decide what to wear. Don't give in to whims. He won't have a clue how cruel kids can be. Why have his early years at school ruined by cruel remarks. I couldn't put my kids through that.

Allwokedup · 16/04/2021 11:23

Let him be who he is.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 16/04/2021 11:25

If he is living as a girl fair enough but if its just a clothes thing then I'd dress him in boys to save bullying as pp said

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