Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

I'm not sure why you think she should limit her child's potential in order to make you feel better

I'm confused even after your update. And the problem is? I was this child and the school gave me extra work too, and my parents sought out extra work for me and I used my own initiative as well. It really helped me. My parents wouldn't let me skip grades but they did help me learn more.

I also had nosey parents like you trying to meddle in my affairs. Why can't people just parent their own children the way they want and leave other parents to make their own decisions. FFS

If the child is ahead and getting bored with the current work there is absolutely no problem with them being given extra harder work. Why would you have a problem with this? As long as the child is happy and healthy what business is it of yours? You can give your child extra work if you think they will benefit.

I just don’t think it’s any of your business what someone else chooses to do with their child.

The worst thing you can do to yourself and your own child is draw comparisons.

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others...

I had that sort of thing at school, although it wasn't really very good extension work.
Regardless, what I loved was to do more and more workbooks and exercises at home - didn't matter if it wasn't hard, I loved doing the endless repetitive practice of things too. If you are good at something, it's very satisfying to do more of it, and to see yourself getting things right, or getting faster at them etc. I enjoyed all the maths books, problems, puzzles, times table games, whatever, hugely. And all the reading I could do - plus things like finding out about words and why they were spelled like that, and history of language and word roots, etc. The more worksheets, the better - it was something I liked doing. And yes, it meant that I found school easier and easier, and I'm sure other people didn't like that, or thought that it was somehow unfair that people thought I was a 'natural' when I did extra work. But actually it's a combination of things - if you are naturally academic, you often really enjoy doing more and more, and it then feeds on itself. A non-academic child probably wouldn't have felt the same about extra work; nor would it have had that kind of effect.

I wanted to be good at music, but wasn't as naturally musical as some children. I did practice, I did work, but it was always a effortful and not hugely enjoyable to practice. I liked the results, and wanted to get into orchestras etc, but I wasn't desperate to practice like the children who really were naturally good and then got better. I got to a decent level of competency that regular persistent work gets you to, but never outstanding or special. But academics were different - I enjoyed it all, would actively choose to do more, because I enjoyed it and it made me feel good to do things I enjoyed, and I can imagine musical children felt like that about music.

so maybe people who don't believe children can want to do academic work for pleasure are a bit like me with music - they appreciate the end goal, but see it was work to get there, rather than fun. But some children see it the other way.

Mind blown! It’s absolutely fuck all to do with you.

Why shouldn’t the school set the additional work?

I finished all the maths and reading scheme books at primary school by the age of 7. I tell you it’s pretty boring going to school every day when there’s no work to do, so I ended up making my own entertainment which involved being cheeky and a little naughty (nothing serious). The school complained to my mother about my behaviour and she pointed out the issue to them. They then had to find me some work and the problem was solved.

Leave them alone, it’s none of your business.

I'm not keen on set homework for primary school children at all, and I can see how formal worksheets on top of homework might scream pushy parent to you. But plenty of bright kids enjoy exploring learning on their own terms, and if this is what this child likes, I don't see the problem. My youngest obsessed over maths problems, and still does, and my eldest used to read books that most adults would swerve, but has other interests now. As long as it's child-led it's fine.

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others...

Surely this just shows that she's genuinely way ahead of her classmates?

I don't know what the issue is tbh, the school won't be giving her this work in order to artificially boost her ability? They are likely doing it because she's so far ahead that she's not being stretched in class.

Personally I’d respect the mum for clearly doing a very job. She’s open about it and knows how to help her daughter reach her full potential. Doesn’t sound like she’s wasting her time doing mismatched rubbish does it.

Good for the school extending her learning and differentiating for her needs.

If the child has finished before the others what would you rather her do? Sit around twiddling her thumbs? I’m a teacher, we have to challenge ALL pupils. Additional help isn’t just for pupils who struggle, we need to help every child be the best they can be - that includes bright children.

I despair that intelligence is frowned upon.

You seem to be really upset about this, almost as if your child is missing out. You can commit to providing extra help for your child. This Easter holiday my DD has been completing 11+ practice papers. She hasn’t a tutor but I’ve been sitting with her each day.

I have read OFSTED reports (10 year old, not even new) where they say that the school gives more sheets of the same work to able students instead of giving extension work and students get bored. So she does what she is meant to do.

I do think it should be more common knowledge that actually it's the legal obligation of parents to provide their child with an education suitable to their age, ability, aptitude, and any special needs (Education Act 1996 s.7). Lots of parents delegate to schools, but it's your legal duty to know your own child and how they are doing and provide the rest of their education. Then maybe people wouldn't be snippy about parents doing "extra".

What Op means, is she doesn’t like someone else getting ahead, but doesn’t want to put the time and effort into giving her own child that opportunity.

Sometimes when this happens, people decide to blame the school for not doing more. Sometimes they blame other parents for putting in the time.

The reality is that parents who put in time with children at home, especially on things like reading when they are small, make massive difference. Not all parents have the ability or capacity or willingness to do this. Perhaps Op feels she lacks one or all 3 of these and resort the fact that other families have 1 or more of these going on.

Life’s not fair. Some children are born more clever and some are born into situations where their parents put more time and effort in and some. Get to go to better schools than others. Schools can do so much to level up the playing field or at least provide everyone with a minimum standard of provision. They cannot make it a level playing friend as it absolutely isn’t. Each family has to do their best and choose their own priorities. For lots, it isn’t ending an hour extending their child. Some don’t care that others are extending their child, but others who don’t want to do it, feel annoyed that others are.

If the school are providing materials I think that is great. I remember being bored at school because things moved too slowly, luckily there were a few of us on the "top table" who were given extra stuff. I spent the last year of primary working through a maths book on my own in class because I had covered all the standard ones.

Somebody asked what good loving learning had done me in the long run. I am an academic now, in Engineering. However, I think my kind of appetite for learning, where I am interested in almost anything (up to a point) is not so useful in that sphere as the type where you obsess over a narrow field. So I'm not a great researcher because my focus is poor, but students enjoy my teaching because I know quite a lot about a broad range of subjects and can contextualise things well. I'm pretty good at most things but not really, really expert in any.

Has your DD asked you to help her improve so she can get the “hard English and Maths” folders too? Is this what is annoying you, that the other child’s mother is creating work for you?

Good. I'm very pleased tne teacher has recognised this child's needs and is giving her harder work to meet her needs once she has finished her classwork early. It's called extention work and my son has always received this in certain subjects because otherwise school wouldn't be stretching him.or meeting his needs. The fact the school is giving kids extention work when they need it is a good thing.

Would the child be ahead of her classmates if she wasn't getting this extra tutoring ?

How is this your business? Your choice not to work with your child. Her choice to work with hers.

Jealousy is very unattractive OP.

I can remember begging my teacher for homework at a similar age. I was that child who read books whilst everyone else was playing with dolls or paints or riding their bikes.

Do you honestly believe that all children should follow the exact same interests and pursuits? That those who would enjoy doing an extra worksheet should be denied that opportunity?

Why?

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others

They are supposed to do this. It's called differentiation.
When I was teaching primary school children I had folders of extension work for those children who were way ahead of the rest.
What would you rather? The girl completes the normal class work in a few minutes and is bored out of her mind and becomes disruptive because that's what tends to happen.
I was that child when I was 6 and I was eventually moved into the year above where I was then working in the top group of that year and appropriately challenged. My behaviour problems disappeared the moment I set foot in the older class.

The same applies to those at the other end of the spectrum. They will be receiving support in school and suggestions for activities for home too.

If you feel that your child is not being sufficiently challenged then have a discussion with the teacher at some point but what is being provided for the other child is none of your business.

A. None of your business
B. Some kids NEED extra work to stay motivated. I know from a friend of mine who really had to work hard her son is Mensa level. He is now an older teen and has found his vocation and motivates himself. But she even went to Chinese classes with him as a child. He is a fluent Chinese speaker now.

@Starzinhereyes Jesus, you attitude stinks even more after your update. The school and the child's parents are doing exactly what they should be doing: giving her extra work to match and extend her capability. Why do you see this as wrong?

I swear I will never understand this peculiarly British attitude of everyone must all stay at the same level academically all the time and this hate toward learning or academic curiosity. No wonder people are always angry at immigrant and non-white children for exceeding beyond the norm in academic competitions.

You need to get used to extention work being set because this is even more important in secondary. In my son's secondary school extention work is set in 3 levels in each lesson to meet each child's needs. They complete classwork then complete the extention that the teacher has assigned to each individual. This really is the norm in schools and you do have to realise this now otherwise you will be stressing yourself out for years to come.