Y3 top performing child doing at leat an hour extra work set my parent after school Aibu to be surprised/pissed off?

[Starzinhereyes]

Dd has a nice little friend who by all accounts is away ahead of her classmates. This child is always chosen for play parts, was constantly praised on zoom 😬& is just known as the classes naturally talented kids.... However the child does numerous workbooks, twinkl worksheets & parents extend every bit of learning... The mum (V wealthy sahm) freely talks about extending the child... Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

For the posters who say they loved learning and took their own initiative to learn more, I am interested in knowing how that served you later in life. It's a very interesting question!

My own child is easily frustrated and does not want to do worksheets etc.

Personally, I loved reading but I was totally uninterested in learning about other things other than to get good marks (would even read books during my lessons at school). My current career is reasonably lucrative and relies heavily on my reading/writing/analytical skills.

I'm also sensing a tinge of this thing mothers do where they tear each other down for their life choices/circumstances. I take it you work and perhaps don't have the time to invest in extended learning. SAHM vs working mum? Both will always be looked down upon because of judgements like yours. Focus on your own child and your own parenting.

You're very unreasonable to think this has anything to do with you at all. What a spiteful and jealous-sounding post.

Aibu to think there is no need for the mother to spend an extra hour a day giving the child extension work?

You sound bitterly jealous of them. Why do you have a right to feel anything about this?

I didn't understand why the op was bothered about what another parent does with their child. If the child is happy about it, it seems fine.

Child must enjoy doing it, or it wouldn't get done. Parent obviously enjoys teaching them too, so what on earth is the issue? Education doesn't end at the school gates, as parents we should always be the most important teacher to our children. Would you complain that a child in your children's swim class was being taken swimming seperately on a weekend, so got her badges quicker than the others? Or the child in the football team spends an hour every evening kicking a ball about with his dad, so naturally has more practise and gets chosen for every match? No, you'd yeah your child that working hard and practicing obviously has a big impact on how well you do at something. Obviously this child enjoys this sort of sit down learning and the parent wants to make the most of that! Have no idea why that would make you annoyed. I would be more annoyed personally if there were children in my dd's class who weren't being taught anything at home, and in return being disruptive and holding the rest of the class back while they tried to catch up.

At that age I wanted to do more, learn more but my parents didn't know how to facilitate it. They asked for help from the school who were able to give me extension work regularly and my dad would take me to the library where I could indulge in my interests.

What is wrong in a parent wanting to help their child? An hour extra still means there are plenty of hours in the day for running, skipping, playing with friends.

If that's what the mum wants to do that's what she wants to do. What has it got to do with you?

Is it not a good thing she wants to do this with the child rather than not care about the child's education?

Stop being jealous.

Aside from the debate about whether it’s a good thing to do (imo it depends a lot on the child - not good if it’s forced), it’s definitely a good idea to let go of worrying about other kids’ academic achievements and levels.

I have one dyslexic DC and one who struggles a bit with school (possibly also slightly dyslexic). I learned early on with my first DC that they were not going to be top of the class and a bookish teacher’s pet, which is what I was at school. I had to learn a new way of looking at it and focus on my own DC, how to help them, and celebrating their breakthroughs and outside interests, instead of worrying about how much better other kids were doing - and I saw how other parents got competitive and compared reading levels etc. and frankly I was glad I couldn’t be part of it.

Also learning that things don’t always fall into your lap, and you may have to work hard and accept not coming first, is also a useful lesson and stands you in good stead. Let this child be who she is and help your DC to find their passions and best approaches.

It’s not unusual at all. Lots of parents invest time in their children’s education and don’t rely solely on the school.
It’s not your business. You make your own choices and they make theirs.

An extra hour a day to stretch an academic child seems not unreasonable. It is sad that you find reasons to pull the mother apart- the time she spends extending her kids, the fact she is a SAHM and the fact she is wealthy. It is also sad you begrudge her child getting positive reinforcement on zoom meetings. Perhaps more concentration on you and your own child is required?

This couldn’t be any further from being your business...

In what was does it affect you, other than obviously making you feel lesser?

Why would you be pissed off?
It doesn't affect you or your child and maybe this mum has grammar school or selective independent aspirations for her child ? It might be unusual to prefer a worksheet over playing Lego but some children would enjoy that more. Maybe that child will end up an adult who does crosswords or puzzles for fun? 🤷‍♀️

Have you considered that she's too performing rather than say too third of the class because of the extending?

Why would you be pissed off?! This is what separates high achievers from the rest of the pack. They’re the kids that are willing to go the extra mile for their education and take responsibility for their learning and progress. The more effort put in, the more chance of succeeding.

One of my children is in a classroom and has five classmates who has a parent who is a teacher (in different schools). Every single one of those children does additional work outside of school with their parents. These children are among the brightest in the class.
I presume they do this because they want to challenge their children or teach in more detail. I can't see what is wrong with it. My guess is when the children get older, they will either have a love of learning or refuse to do it. May as well try to encourage a love of learning when they are young!

Totally unreasonable.
None of your business.

My bet is that the child is very bright and wants to do the extra work.

What does it have to do with you?
If you have a child who likes to be engaged why wouldn’t you support them? I kind of feel you have to for their well being.

Asked reception teacher how to best support DC1 and she advised not to extend school topics ( school do that) but to broaden. So year 1 she started a language class, and we added music lessons in year 2. Very happy child still doing this on top of school in year 8. These extra interests really helped them in lock downtown, I think they might have gone crazy without it.

Absolutely none of your fucking business

Totally unreasonable, @Starzinhereyes And your attitude towards a child who loves to learn is really problematic.

I was that child - I loved to read & learn & I was clever - and the attitudes of the children around me, fuelled by their parents' prejudices and attitudes, led to years of physical & verbal bullying. So fucking back off.

@gelatodipistacchio

For the posters who say they loved learning and took their own initiative to learn more, I am interested in knowing how that served you later in life. It's a very interesting question!

My own child is easily frustrated and does not want to do worksheets etc.

Personally, I loved reading but I was totally uninterested in learning about other things other than to get good marks (would even read books during my lessons at school). My current career is reasonably lucrative and relies heavily on my reading/writing/analytical skills.

Well - without extension work I wouldn’t have made it as far as university. I was a forces kid and the final primary I was in was very very shit. It fed into a secondary with a massive drugs problem - the police came to talk to us in the final year of primary to get to us before the dealers did.

I arrived from my forces school overseas and discovered they were halfway through the maths book I’d been in the previous year. They had the book I‘d been using but wouldn’t let me have it as it would upset the other children. I got home from school and my Dad taught me maths for my final year of primary.

@Sh05

Why is it any of your business? If the school were setting her extended work then you'd have a leg to stand on but the parents can do what they like with their own child.

The school are giving her work, the mother said the teacher send her child lots of extra worksheets & my dd said the teacher has given the child folders with "much harder English & maths" that she does when she's finished before the others...

My youngest was this sort of child at primary - he found out about grammar schools at age 6 (including about the 11+) and decided that's where he wanted to go. He spent years doing every bit of extension work he could, extra research, downloaded exam papers etc... I supported him but he drove it.

He did get in but now has his sights set on Oxbridge. 🥴 some kids are driven, others (including my elder DS) just aren't - or find their interests later in life. Your DF shouldn't limit her child because they're further ahead though...

@buckleten

My younger daughter spends much of her spare time doing maths puzzles out of choice! Some children need extra stimulation and some don't.

Mine too. She hates writing in the context of English work with a vengeance - homeschooling was an ordeal but give her a maths book (above and beyond her age) and she will sit and do the work through choice for hours at a time. I'm not going to knock or stop that one bit.